The Home as God Intended
Part 6 – Love and Discipline
First Baptist Church of Tawas City Michigan
Rev. Bruce A. Shields
www.TawasBaptist.org
Welcome
Prayer
One of the toughest things we have to do as parents is discipline our children.
But it also one of the most important things we do for our children.
Today we will examine love and discipline, what it is and what some of the elements are that enable discipline to work.
Then we will look at Eli, a man who did not have the courage to discipline his children and the tragic results of this.
1. What is discipline?
Well before we look at what discipline is, let’s look at what it is not.
• Discipline is NOT punishment. Although punishment may be involved in discipline.
When we understand that punishment itself is not discipline, it will change the way that we discipline our children.
We will understand that discipline serves more of a purpose than getting our kids to mind or not embarrass us in public.
If discipline is not punishment, then what is it?
Discipline refers to the process by which one learns a way of life.
A discipline is like an apprentice who is learning a trade or craft from a master.
Such learning would require a relationship between the master who knew the way of life (or discipline) and a learner (a disciple).
Within this relationship, the master led the learner through a process (the discipline) until the learner could imitate or live like the master.
Ephesians 6:4
“Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.”
The NIV Bible translates the original Greek word here {Paideia – ‘pahee-di’-ah’} or discipline to mean training and instruction.
This passage tells us that we are to raise our children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
Discipline is training. If you use the example of craftsman and an apprentice, the craftsman teaches his craft to the apprentice.
Everything he does is for the purpose of making the apprentice a craftsman.
Discipline in a parent child relationship is the parent teaching the child the way of life.
Discipline is setting the boundaries for which a person will live.
TV is constantly giving us a picture that the children know more than the parents.
Whenever we allow our children to dictate what happens in the home, we are not only hurting ourselves, but we are hurting the development of our children.
Our children need us to teach them about life.
Remember that the purpose of the family is to glorify God and to teach the next generation about Jesus.
We are laying the foundation for our children to be successful adults who love Jesus.
• Purpose of discipline.
Hebrews 12:10-11
“Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. 11No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.”
The purpose of discipline is not to control the children like robots, instead, training them to be the person that God created them to be.
We want them to be God loving functioning adults, who in turn will produce the same.
1 Timothy 4:8
“For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come.”
DISCIPLINE IS AN ETERNAL LIFE PREPERATION.
Godliness which is learned here in this present life will also carry over to the life to come.
Discipline is to strengthen and restore, not to condemn or destroy.
Deuteronomy 5:33
“Walk in all the way that the LORD your God has commanded you, so that you may live and prosper and prolong your days in the land that you will possess.”
PROTECTION AND LONG LIFE.
2. What are some elements of discipline?
If discipline is going to fulfill its purpose, which is to instruct in a way of life, what needs to be present for it to work?
Here are a few common sense elements that need to exist for our discipline to work.
• The first thing that we need is love.
Parents do not discipline because they enjoy it, but they do it because they love their children.
A parent who will not discipline their children does not love them the way God wants them to.
Hebrews 12:6-8
“because the Lord disciplines those he loves,
and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son."[a]
7Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? 8If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons.”
GOD DISCIPLINES BECAUSE HE LOVES
Another element is consistency.
We must be consistent in what we say and how we live.
When we tell our children we are going to do something, we need to do it. Otherwise kids will push the limit. (The one more time syndrome)
The punishment must be consistent as well.
Our lives MUST be a reflection of what we want our children to model. It is very confusing to children to see mom or dad saying one thing and doing another.
Studies have shown;
If mom AND dad attend church, 72% remain faithful in attendance.
If only dad attends, 55% remain faithful.
If only mom attends, 15% remain faithful.
If neither attends, only 6% remain faithful.
Dads, do you see how being the spiritual head of the house affects the children in your home?
We can NOT be spineless and consider ourselves effective at parenting.
The expectations and the consequences must be clearly laid out and understandable.
When this happens, it allows parents not to discipline in anger. You and your child already know where the line is and what will happen when it is crossed.
The children know where the line is and that the consequences for crossing that line WILL be administered as promised.
You said it, do what you said. Be consistent.
There does not need to be 1000 rules, but a few that are well spelled out.
Remember, we are not trying to control our children, but we are trying to train them in the way they should go.
Proverbs 22:6
“Train [a] a child in the way he should go,
and when he is old he will not turn from it.”
It is easy to wait until you are boiling over in anger to do something.
If the rules are laid out and we are consistent in making our children pay the spelled out consequences for wrong actions, you will not have to yell and scream at the children, you can calmly discipline them in love.
We need to have courage.
It is tough as a parent especially as our children get older; to do what is good for them.
We all want our children to have fun and we want them to be able to do things, but we also have a responsibility to our children.
3. What happens when discipline is neglected?
1 Samuel 2:12 (Description of the sons)
“Eli’s sons were wicked men; they had no regard for the LORD.”
1 Samuel 2:22 (Description of their sin)
“Now Eli, who was very old, heard about everything his sons were doing to all Israel and how they slept with the women who served at the entrance to the Tent of Meeting.”
1 Samuel 3:11-13 (The reason for their demise)
“And the LORD said to Samuel: "See, I am about to do something in Israel that will make the ears of everyone who hears of it tingle. 12 At that time I will carry out against Eli everything I spoke against his family—from beginning to end. 13 For I told him that I would judge his family forever because of the sin he knew about; his sons made themselves contemptible, [b] and he failed to restrain them. 14 Therefore, I swore to the house of Eli, ’The guilt of Eli’s house will never be atoned for by sacrifice or offering.’ "
1 Samuel 4:10-11 (The demise of the sons)
“So the Philistines fought, and the Israelites were defeated and every man fled to his tent. The slaughter was very great; Israel lost thirty thousand foot soldiers. 11 The ark of God was captured, and Eli’s two sons, Hophni and Phinehas, died.”
CONCLUSION
Parenting is tough. It’s hard to look your kids in the eye and say “NO”.
But we must remember that we as parents are the craftsmen of life, and we are trying to lay out the path for our children to live their lives.
Proverbs 15:5
“A fool rejects his father’s discipline, but he who regards correction is sensible.”
Proverbs 15:32
“A wise son heeds his father’s instruction,
but a mocker does not listen to rebuke.”
Remember that the professional athlete is able to do what they do because of discipline.
A child will listen to and respect true discipline, they will scoff at being yelled at all the time or inconsistent discipline.
They will laugh at the “one more time” form of discipline.
Children want boundaries; in them they find safety and security.
Be loving and courageous enough to do that for them.
