Can You Hear Me Now? Good! Week 6
“Rollover Minutes”
MATTHEW 5:44, 6:12b & 14-15
INTRODUCTION:
There are several jobs I can think of that would be uncomfortable and I wonder why anyone wants to do them. One is a traffic cop. In a lot of departments there is an officer(s) assigned to the traffic division. Their job is to run radar, write tickets & work accidents during their entire day of duty. One of my friends who worked that detail used to say that almost every person he stopped would be mad at him. He finally started saying to them.. “Listen, you think you’ve got it bad.. How would you like a job where you never made a friend all day?” Or how about being an IRS agent? I knew a man who did that job and he said he hated going to social gatherings because sooner or later the inevitable question would surface: “And what do you do?” As soon as he told them he became like a pirana at the party, no-one talked to him. But maybe one of the worst jobs is the one Max Lucado in The Great House of God mentions. The Collection agent. You know the person whose job it is to get people to pay their past due bills. Lucado writes: “What kind of person would enjoy such a job?..Don’t get me wrong, I understand why such an occupation is necessary. I wonder how comfortable you could be at a job that makes everyone else feel bad. Who wants to be a missionary of misery? An ambassador of agony? No one wants to take their calls. No one is happy to see them at their door. Can you imagine what their spouse says to them as they go to work? `Make ‘em squirm, honey.’ I mean, who is their hero? Godzilla? Their payday is in your paycheck, and they are out to get it. Can you imagine spending your days like that?”
But wait, perhaps you can, perhaps we all can. Don’t we all at one time or another demand payment from someone else? We deserve: an apology, an explanation? a thank-you? a childhood? a marriage? I mean, it probably wouldn’t take any of us very long to think of someone who owes us - possessive parents, unappreciative children, insensitive spouse, inattentive friend.
Jesus said, “Pray like this..” and in Mt. 6:12a said: “Forgive us our sins..” We like that. But then He adds, “..just as we have forgiven those who have sinned against us.” Just had to add that didn’t He? I mean, it’s great to discuss the encouraging message about God’s forgiveness. What a joy to have His “anytime minutes,” His forgiveness. We learned they are free and are ours, when we have Jesus as our Savior, just for the asking. But now we turn from encouragement to challenge. We move from His “anytime minutes” to our “rollover minutes.” Cingular claims to be the only wireless company to offer this perk. They say, “Rollover Minutes are unused, accumulated, anytime minutes that roll over from month to month.” Well, this morning I want us to say, “My rollover minutes are those that I’ve accumulated from God’s anytime minutes, His forgiveness, and now I am to roll those over to anyone who has wounded me.” So, let’s look at how we are to react when we’ve been injured or wounded by another, because dealing with this issue is at the heart of happiness and at the heart of the Lord’s prayer.
I. UNDERSTANDING THE PHRASE: “As we forgive our sins..”
First, as we have been doing let’s understand the phrase. It’s important to understand that Jesus uses identical words for forgiveness in both phrases in this verse. He basically is saying, “Now, our heavenly Father is willing to forgive you, so you should confidently ask for it. But you also need to be as willing to forgive others since He has forgiven you.” Eph. 4:32- “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other... just as in Christ God forgave you.”(NIV) Now, please don’t misunderstand. I don’t believe Jesus gives this phrase flippantly. He understands that what He is asking is very, very difficult because it is in our nature to strike back, to get even.
“To Kill A Mockingbird” is one of my favorite stories. The main character is Atticus Finch, a lawyer and father who defends a young black man of rape in 1932. As you can imagine, in that day that was not a popular decision. He’s called all kinds of names and even his children bear the brunt of his decision to defend Tom Robinson. An all white jury convicts Tom of the crime, even though they do it purely because he is black. Atticus tells Tom they will appeal. But now, an even greater injustice has happened and Atticus must tell Tom’s family some terrible news. The white man who framed Tom Robinson watches Atticus with Tom’s family and then with utter contempt demeans Atticus for even befriending the blacks. Watch how Atticus reacts.
{Video Clip - To Kill A Mockingbird - Chap. 32 - 1:47:45 - 1:51:05 - 3:10}
Ever been spit on? I have - twice. There is nothing more demeaning, more infuriating, and I wish I could tell you that I handled it with as much restraint as Atticus did. You see, it’s in our sinful nature to strike back. Someone injures us, someone spits on us, someone wrongs us and our nature screams at us to get back. What do we say? “I don’t get mad, I get... what?” Even.
Jesus knew that. I believe it’s why he reminded us first of how much we owe God - our lives, our eternity - and then says, “Instead of getting even, I want you to take a different tact. I want you to act like God instead of reacting like you feel. I want you to remember how God has forgiven you and do the same.” This is the only portion of the Lord’s Prayer that Jesus enlarges on and He does so in verses 14-15. He says, “If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.” That is an incredibly hard statement. What exactly does Jesus mean? Just because we have figuratively spit on God and He has forgiven me, does that mean someone can spit on me and I’ve got to be willing to forgive them? Wait. Didn’t we say last week that God forgives instantly, completely and freely? Now is Jesus saying that God will only do that if I have forgiven everyone? This is a difficult passage, one that has been debated and had volumes written about it and I don’t pretend to understand all it’s ramifications. Let me share with you what I do know.
I know it does not mean we earn forgiveness from God by being forgiving. Jesus is not suggesting that our being merciful is a merit that saves us. At first reading it seems like we can somehow deserve God’s forgiveness by forgiving others. But such an interpretation is impossible for it would conflict with the rest of Scripture. After all, if we can obtain forgiveness by being forgiving, why do we need a Savior? If we can pay for our sins through our own mercy, why did Jesus have to die? If salvation is a result of our effort, then why do other Scriptures adamantly tell us that can’t be? Eph. 2:8-9 tells us that we are only saved by God’s grace, his favor that we don’t deserve. “God saved you by His special favor... You did not save yourselves.”(NCV) Titus 3:5 makes it very clear that our good acts, like having mercy on others, do not earn us God’s mercy. “He saved us, not because of the good things we did, but because of His mercy..”
So, what does it mean? Maybe the easiest answer, is to understand vss: 14-15 as a statement of relationship. I like the way R. Kent Hughes puts it, he writes: “There are religious people who can state all the answers, who attend church, who lead an outwardly moral life, but who hold a death grip on their grudges. The will not forgive their relatives for some infraction; they have no desire to pardon their friends, no matter what they do; they nourish hatred, revel in bitterness. Such people better take an honest inventory of their lives and see if they just know about Jesus, or really know and have a relationship with Jesus.” My experience is that as you grow deeper in your relationship with God you develop a spirit of forgiveness. Jesus is saying here: “Look, God wants to forgive you, and He will, but how is He supposed to do that if you willfully and stubbornly refuse to forgive others?” And don’t miss that point. This is a knowing, willful act. If you are humbly wondering if you have been forgiving enough, then you have nothing to be concerned about. Jesus is saying that in order for God to refuse to forgive you, you must actually have someone that you refuse to forgive. Vs:14 says you “refuse to forgive others” not, “you wonder if you’ve forgiven others.” I hope that helps clear those verses up a little.
II. RECOGNIZING OUR NEED: “Why should I forgive?”
Let’s get back to the basic petition in the prayer itself and recognize that God knows we need to forgive. He knows that applying forgiveness is as much a salve for our souls as it is an essential ingredient for the guilty. In fact, God had revealed in Scripture at least two reasons you ought to forgive. Why should you work at this?
(1) Because resentment doesn’t help. You think of that person who you may be holding anger and bitterness toward. They really hurt you. They really injured your family by their actions and you resent them. Let me ask you. How often do you think they think of your resentment? Hardly ever. While you’re stewing and being upset, the person you’re resentful of is totally oblivious to it. Your resentment always hurts you more than the other person. Job 5:2 - “Resentment destroys the fool, they die in helpless frustration.”(GW) Why? Because it can’t change anything. Resentment will never change what’s happened. It won’t correct the past. It’s not going to erase the hurt. And it just ends up making you miserable, upset. And research has shown that resentment can have tremendous consequences. Physical consequences, emotional consequences, spiritual consequences. Resentment can make you physically ill. S.I. McMillan wrote a book: None of These Diseases that talks about the effect of resentment and in one chapter he says, “It’s not what you eat that hurts you, as much as what’s eating you?”
(2) But the second reason we need to forgive is a common sense one. And that is, because you’ll need forgiveness in the future. Unless you’re planning to be perfect, there will come a time when you will want someone to forgive your error. It makes sense. If you want to be forgiven for the times you mess up, you need to demonstrate forgiveness to others. One day a man came to the late, preacher, John Wesley and confessed his resentment toward him. Wesley said, “You need to forgive him.” This man replied, "I could never forgive him! Never!" To which Wesley simply said, "Then, sir, I hope you never sin." If you refuse to forgive, you are burning the very bridge you’ve got to cross in order to be forgiven.
Why should I forgive? Because resentment doesn’t settle anything but just wastes time and energy and makes me upset. And because surely some day I’m going to need more forgiveness and it will help if I’m known as a forgiving person. So, since it is to our benefit to forgive let’s spend our remaining time, looking at some practical suggestions for how to let go of a hurt.
III. APPLYING THIS PRINCIPLE: How to get over a hurt
First, let’s define forgiveness. According to Vines Greek Word Study this word means to “cancel the debt” or to “relinquish the right to punish.” In other words, forgiveness means you no longer hold what has been done over the person who did it.
But some of you might say, “Ok, I no longer want to punish, I’ve cancelled my right to get even but I don’t want them over for dinner. Is that unforgiving?” Well, it might be great, in some cases, if you could, in time, reestablish that relationship. But that depends on the kind of hurt you’ve experienced, what you’ve seen in the person over time, and the situation. You see, there is a difference between forgiveness and trust. If a serial killer asks for forgiveness, you can release your right to punish, it doesn’t mean we buy him a gun for his next birthday! If your repeatedly unfaithful spouse asks you to forgive them, you can, but that doesn’t mean you have to remarry them! In fact, it may mean after numerous attempts at reconciliation that you must end the partnership or break the relationship but does that man you continue to hold a grudge or bear resentment toward them? No. In fact this is the gauge by which we can know if we have forgiven. You have forgiven when you no longer carry a grudge. Someone asked me last week, “How do I know I’ve forgiven someone?” Ask yourself: “Are you holding a grudge? Are you looking for a way to get even?” If you can answer that with “No” and can honestly say that you have relinquished your right to punish that person for their wrong, when you’re not trying to figure out how to hurt them back, then you’ve done it.
But how do we accomplish that? Some of our hurts are deep, some of them are barely scarred over, some of them are still very raw. Well, here’s a three step process that I believe will help us forgive:
(1) Let God settle the score. You see, you have a choice. You can either try to get even for the hurt or you can let God even the score. It is a matter of trust. Prov. 20:22- "Don’t take it on yourself to repay a wrong. Trust the Lord and he will make it right."(GN) Please understand that revenge is a boomerang. It always hurts you more than the other person. Do you trust the Lord to make it right?
It’s not only a matter of trusting God it’s also a matter of patience. So often we can’t wait to be exonerated, we can’t wait to make it right. But the Bible teaches us to be patient and let God settle the score. That’s what Jesus said. 1 Peter 2:23- “He did not retaliate when he was insulted. When he suffered, he did not threaten to get even.” Jesus didn’t lash out, returning insult for insult. He didn’t get all defensive, yelling, “Not true! Not True!” What did He do? “He left his case in the hands of God, who always judges fairly.” He understood what we need to understand when we’ve been hurt. One day God is going to have the last word. One day God will hold them accountable. You can try, God will let you do it. But you’ll never do it as perfectly as He and you’ll only hurt yourself in the process. Trust Him to do the right thing at the right time. Let God settle the score.
(2) Deal with the hurt immediately. Eph. 4:26- “Don’t sin by nursing your grudge. Don’t let the sun go down.. get over it quickly."(LB) If you hold on to anger it turns into resentment. If you hold on to hurt, it turns into hate. That’s much worse to deal with. Does that verse mean you should stay up all night for every little thing? No. Sometimes our anger is unjustified and over something real little and a good nights sleep changes our whole perspective and we’re glad we never mentioned it. But sometimes we let anger go on and on. You see, when you are hurt, you have three options, three things you can do with a hurt. You can nurse it, rehearse it or you can disperse it. When you’re hurt you can nurse it: "poor me" and have a pity party. You can rehearse it: go over and over it in your mind, making it bigger and bigger. The key is to disperse it: let it go, deal with it immediately, get it out of your life.
Jesus said in Matt. 5:23-24- “If you enter your place of worship and, about to make an offering, you suddenly remember a grudge a friend has against you, 24 abandon your offering, leave immediately, go to this friend and make things right. Then and only then, come back and work things out with God.”(MSG) The thing Jesus is emphasizing here is that we are to make a priority of dealing with our hurt. In fact, He’s as much as saying, you can’t worship correctly if you know you are focusing on the wrong done to you by another. You can’t have two focuses at the same time -- holding a grudge against another and loving God at the same time.
So, make it a priority and then verbalize it. That’s the only way you can complete the transaction of reconciliation. You’ve got to get into the active mode.. “go to your friend and make things right.” Some of you need to write a letter, make a phone call, call a family conference. Don’t get hung up on all the easy excuses: "They haven’t asked me to forgive them." “They’ll do it again!" "They aren’t really sorry." Don’t let another day go by without trying your best to make this right! Now, if they don’t accept it, then it’s their problem, you’re accountable for trying.
(3) Take the high road.. Do good to those who hurt you. Now, this really gets tough! Not only are we to trust God to settle the score, deal with the problem immediately but if they don’t want to reconcile and thus become our enemies, by their own doing.. We’re to choose to act with good rather than react with evil. Listen to Romans 12:21- “Don’t let evil get the best of you, get the best of evil by doing good.”(MSG) Jesus in Matt. 5:43-47 that we are to demonstrate that we are children of our heavenly Father by doing good to those who hurt us. In fact in vs:44 He gave an equation for exactly what we are to do.“But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for those which despitefully use you, and persecute you..”(NKJV) Jesus is saying, “Take the high road, choose to act in a positive way, stop resenting the hurt.” Jesus gives the secret to stop resenting. He says, “Don’t resist the feeling, replace it.” You see, whatever you resist, persists. You keep saying, "I’m not going to do this," and you keep on doing it because you’re focusing on it. Jesus gave four positive actions to replace your resentment with.
(1) “Love your enemies. Love is giving a person what he needs, not what he deserves. God loves you. God gives you what you need, not what you deserve. If we got what we deserved we wouldn’t even be here. We are to love our enemies, not enable their destructive behavior, but we are to be committed to their best good.
(2) “Bless them that curse you..” Speak positive, affirming words. When somebody criticizes you, don’t criticize back, bless them. Don’t get caught in a trap- negative for negative. Say something positive. Remember, hurting people hurt people.
(3) “Do good to them that hate you..”Rather than returning evil for evil, return good for evil. Rick Warren suggests that one of the quickest ways to change your attitude toward somebody is to give them a gift. He says, “Buy them a book, buy them some candy, send them some flowers, do something nice for them. And you will be surprised just how good you will feel and how it will change your attitude!”
(4) “Pray for those who despitefully use you..” It’s really hard to pray for someone and hate them at the same time. Lifting that person up to the Heavenly Father helps you keep the person in proper perspective. Praying helps us concentrate on the person rather than on the problem.
Now some of you might be saying, “Preacher, I know you mean well, and I know you’re quoting scripture but why should I treat so and so with goodness, you don’t know how evil they are or how badly they hurt me.” You’re probably right. I don’t know what they’ve done. But I’ll tell you what I do know. I know that as long as you hate somebody, they control you. Some of you are allowing people who hurt you 5, 10, 15, 20 years ago to still hurt you. Does that make sense? What does make sense is to break the cycle and forgive them. That’s why Jesus said, Pray, Do good, Bless, Affirm, Help, Love. Replace those negative feelings of resentment, revenge and bitterness with positive attitudes. And besides, you get the extra bonus of pleasing the One that forgave you and becoming more like Him. Aren’t you glad He’s forgiving? You become more like Him when you forgive. And yet your heart cries out: "I’m not Jesus. I can’t forgive." Maybe in your flesh you can’t, but Jesus can. Phil. 4:13- "I can do everything God asks me to with the help of Christ who gives me the strength."(LB) Let’s ask Him to help us right now. Will you bow your heads...
Who do you need to forgive? A parent? A mate? A former mate? A teacher who said something that embarrassed you? A boss? A friend who betrayed you? Let it go! Would you say these words silently: "Jesus, replace the pain in my life with Your peace. Jesus replace the hurt in my life with Your healing. And, Jesus, replace the bitterness in my life with Your love. Give me the power to forgive, regardless of whether I feel like it or not."
{All Scripture taken from the New Living Translation unless otherwise noted.}
