Philemon 1-7
It Takes a Big Man
Woodlawn Baptist Church
August 28, 2005
Introduction
I don’t know if you are familiar with whom Elizabeth Barrett Browning is. If you’ve been to any of the weddings I’ve conducted you have heard me use some of her poetry. Elizabeth was raised by a tyrannical father. It is said that when she married Robert Browning, their wedding was held in secret because of her father’s disapproval. After the wedding the Brownings sailed for Italy, where they lived for the rest of their lives. But even though her parents had disowned her, Elizabeth never gave up on the relationship. Almost weekly she wrote them letters. Not once did they reply. After 10 years, she received a large box in the mail. Inside, Elizabeth found all of her letters; not one had been opened!
It would be hard enough to live with a parent’s disapproval, but to receive that sort of blow would be extremely disheartening. As you look back over your life, even considering your present circumstances, what is the worst anyone has ever wronged or hurt you? It would be foolish to ask whether you have ever been hurt because none among us lives in a vacuum. To be alive and interact with other people is to subject ourselves to hurting and being hurt.
It may be that in your marriage your spouse has wounded you deeply. He or she may be taking great advantage of you, or perhaps has caused you some very deep wounds that you’re not sure you can ever forgive. Some of you carry the wounds of abusive parents: parents who through verbal or emotional, maybe even physical abuse inflicted wounds that to this day you carry around, adversely affecting all your relationships. Perhaps even to this day you’re still trying to live up to their expectations, striving to please them, hoping that one day you’ll be the favored child that you never could be growing up.
More and more people, even some of you, are expressing hurt from children or grandchildren who have rejected your upbringing. You have poured out your love as best you know how, given counsel, agonized in prayer and wept frequently, only to be rejected again and again. Maybe it is a child who turned away from your biblical values and is living a life of shame. Perhaps you made some mistakes, didn’t spend time with them or were too harsh on them and have tried and tried to make up for lost time, but now they are keeping you at arm’s distance and it hurts deeply.
Deep wounds come from many places. Some of you know what it is like to be wounded by a former pastor. Good years were spent working together in ministry, building lives together, building the Lord’s church together, but you feel betrayed. Some of you are carrying around deep wounds that you’ve never gotten over. All it takes is for a name to come up and you get all knotted up inside. It may be some other spiritual leader. A trusted youth pastor with loose lips breaks your confidence and you are hurt. A brother or sister in the church shoots off at the mouth something that you offered in confidence, and your trust is broken.
When I first began working as a youth pastor, a young girl and her boyfriend told me about their struggle with sexual activity. They had been sexually active, but knew that God wanted them to stop, but it was difficult. They wanted help. I didn’t know what to do or say, so that night I spoke with a man in our church and asked for help. He went to the girl’s home late that night and told her parents that she was going to burn in hell unless she married the young man. Needless to say those kids were extremely hurt over what I had done and have never returned to church.
The ways we can be hurt, the number of times we can be hurt, the depths of our hurt will vary, but the fact is that we all get hurt by those who are closest to us, for it is with those people that we have the most to lose.
A stranger cannot hurt you. He knows nothing about you, but your family and your church family can do much damage. The question in those times of hurting and woundedness is what will you do with that person? You see, it is not what you do with the wound that is so important as what you do with the individual or individuals involved.
That’s what I want to talk to you about tonight from this little book of Philemon. Really it is not a book at all. Instead it is a very personal letter written from one Christian brother to another, making a personal appeal for forgiveness and restitution. It is a test case if you will to determine whether Christianity, our faith in Christ really makes any difference in our personal relationships. If our faith in Christ cannot help us here, then it cannot help us anywhere.
Let’s read the first seven verses and then I’ll set the stage for you.
“Paul, a prisoner of Jesus Christ, and Timothy our brother, unto Philemon our dearly beloved, and fellow laborer, and to our beloved Apphia, and Archippus our fellow soldier, and to the church in thy house: grace to you; and peace, from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. I thank my God, making mention of thee always in my prayers, hearing of thy love and faith, which thou hast toward the Lord Jesus, and toward all saints; that the communication of thy faith may become effectual by the acknowledging of every god thing which is in you in Christ Jesus. For we have great joy and consolation in thy love, because the bowels of the saints are refreshed by thee, brother.”
Sometime during Paul’s ministry in Ephesus he met this man named Philemon. While we don’t know how he made his living, Philemon was a wealthy slave owner who had been converted by the apostle Paul. He didn’t live in Ephesus, but evidently frequented the city and now had a church meeting in his home.
Paul on the other hand had been away for some while and was now in prison in Rome. During his time in prison one of Philemon’s slaves by the name of Onesimus ran away for some unknown reason. He may have stolen something from Philemon, or perhaps he just wanted his freedom. Some have suggested that he was sent to Paul by Philemon but had failed to return. Whatever the case, Onesimus ended up in Rome in Paul’s company where he too came to a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ.
Onesimus served Paul for a while, but became convicted about his need to return to his master Philemon and put his past life in order. The letter then is Paul’s encouragement to Philemon to accept his Christian commitment to forgive Onesimus for how he had taken advantage of him, regardless of what the personal cost might be.
Now, there are some observations I want to make. Keep in mind that to be a slave was to be nothing more than a piece of property to those who owned them. Conditions for slaves were pretty good in Roman society, but it wasn’t so good that Onesimus couldn’t have been killed for what he had done. As his master, Philemon was under no obligation to forgive him. It could have easily been a matter of right and wrong. Philemon was right and Onesimus was wrong. Whether he stole from his master or not, he owed him for lost time if for nothing else. Some slaves were highly valued – many were educated, they ran the homes, took care of the money, trained the children and administered family business. Many in fact were considered part of the family.
The hurts and wounds you’ve experienced, or the way someone has taken advantage of you may look absolutely different from Philemon’s situation, but what is required of you is the same. As a Christian; as a child of God you are obligated to forgive them and love them. It cannot be said more plainly than that. Regardless of how badly you’ve been hurt, and regardless of who has inflicted that hurt, you have to forgive them and love them.
I love Paul’s approach here. There are some qualities about Philemon that are revealed that demonstrate why he is going to be able to receive Onesimus. I contend that these same qualities must be present in your life as well.
Love and Faith
First Philemon was a loving man. His love for all saints in specifically mentioned. He was a man who loved God and God’s people. He had a love for God’s preacher too. His love is evident by the fact that he is allowing a church body to meet in his own home.
Secondly Philemon was a man of faith. He was known for his faith in Christ. Certainly this means salvation – he was a Christian man. He had repented of his sin and placed his faith in Christ, but he was also a man of faith. He trusted Christ. He had faith in His word and in His will for his life.
An Ongoing Relationship with Christ
In verse 4 Paul says that whenever he thought about Philemon during his prayers he thanked God for him, citing these two reasons in verse 5. He said, “Hearing of your love and faith that you have toward the Lord Jesus and toward all saints.”
Notice the word “hearing.” Paul is over 800 miles away, which is like from here to Indianapolis, and he hasn’t heard about Philemon’s testimony; he hasn’t heard about his love and faith, he is hearing about it, and there is a difference. Hearing is present tense, which means number one that it is still happening and number two that people are still talking about it.
That’s amazing to me – there were no telephones or email. News got around by word of mouth and by foot and people were bringing news to Paul in prison about this fine Christian man 800 miles away.
Why did he have such a great testimony? Because he enjoyed an ongoing relationship with Christ! When we neglect that relationship we grow stale. We don’t love like we ought to. People begin to get on your nerves. Criticism becomes normal and people’s mistakes become magnified. When we neglect our relationship with Christ our faith is not what it ought to be and we begin to trust ourselves rather than what God has said in His Word.
Now, in pointing out these qualities Philemon possesses, he sets him up for the punch. Keep in mind Paul is telling Philemon how he prays. First, he prays because he is hearing something. Now he says in verse 6 that he is praying that something might happen.
“That the communication of thy faith may become effectual by the acknowledging of every good thing which is in you in Christ Jesus.”
Communication is from the Greek word koinonia, which means fellowship, participate or share. In other words, Paul says that Philemon’s faith is to be shared. Effectual means active, and when he says “by the acknowledging…” he intends that this faith be actively shared because of what he understands to be true both intellectually and experientially in Christ.
Let me put it this way: Paul says to Philemon, “Philemon, you are a fine example of what a Christian ought to be. In fact, whenever I think about you in my prayers I thank God for you. All the time I am hearing about your great love for God’s people and about your great faith in Christ. You are what a Christian ought to be. I am praying that what you have and what you know will be shared with others. I’m not talking about the gospel so much as your love and faith. I want you to share God’s love and grace with others.”
Look how Paul builds him up a little higher in verse 7. Philemon’s love for God’s people was a source of joy and encouragement to Paul, because so many believers were finding a source of encouragement in him.
Now of course Philemon has no idea that Paul is setting him up, but you and I can see it. This prayer sounds so general, but Paul really only has one man in mind – the man who had taken advantage of him. I want to show you how masterfully Paul puts Philemon on the spot here. Keep in mind this is a personal letter to one individual asking a personal favor, but to whom is it addressed in verses 1-2? Paul’s letter had four different recipients: Philemon, Apphia, Archippus and to the entire church.
Why would he do this? Because now that Philemon’s closest friends and the entire church knew about it he was at a crisis point. He has been built up so high – what would everyone think if he refused? Now that everyone knew, how could escape his Christian responsibility to this slave? He couldn’t – and that’s the point.
Conclusion
Now, let’s talk about you for a moment. Who is it that hurt you? Who did you think about a while ago? Was it a spouse? A close friend? A church leader? A son or daughter? Mom or dad?
Have you ever really forgiven that person? I’m not asking you if you’ve tried to put it behind you. I’m not asking you if you’ve tried to get over it. I’m asking you if you have ever released that person from what they have done to you. Have you ever taken that person to God in prayer and given them genuine forgiveness?
Listen to me: If you have never been able to forgive that person or if even today you cannot forgive him or her – then something is wrong in your life. It may be that one of these qualities is missing in your life. If you cannot forgive then you do not love like Christ would have you love other people, even your enemies. If you cannot forgive, then you lack faith in Christ and His Word. If you are lacking either faith or love, then your relationship with Christ is not what it can be.
You might look at your life right now and you would say to me tonight that you do love God’s people and you do have faith in Christ. If that is true, then according to verse 6 what is wrong is that you are refusing to share God’s love and grace. You are being disobedient because what you know about Christ, both from your study of His Word and from what He has done in your own life have not been put into practice. You are not sharing what you have been given.
If I might be very candid with you, I want to say that so long as you are unwilling to forgive that person or those people; there will always be something this is never quite right in your life. God will never be able to bless you like He wants to bless you until you forgive that person. I know that some of you have been hurt deeply. Trust was broken. You have been walked on. Someone took advantage of you. You have carried those wounds for years and years. It is time to forgive.
I’m not suggesting that it is easy. It takes a big man to forgive someone, or perhaps I should say it takes a big person to forgive someone. Little people carry grudges. Little people allow themselves to be eaten away with bitterness, but the true giants in God’s eyes are those who can follow the example of Christ who was able to say even on Calvary’s cross, “Father forgive them, for they don’t know what they’re doing.” I submit to you that Jesus was a big man, and I believe that you are too. I believe that out of your faith in Christ and love for others you too will be willing to forgive tonight.
We’re going to talk more about forgiveness and what it looks like in weeks to come, but let me make this suggestion to you tonight if you are struggling with how to go about forgiving the person in your life. It may begin with a prayer like this: “Father, you alone know how deeply this person has hurt me. You alone know the pain I have carried all this time. I confess to you that I have never forgiven this person for hurting me, and I repent of that. I want to forgive them. I want to be free from this hurt, from this offense. I want to forgive them like you forgave me. Help me now to do that. Give me the freedom that only comes in Christ so I might demonstrate love and grace for him or her.”
I really believe that if you’ll begin there, Christ will lead you along the way. Won’t you take the first step tonight?
