Even when I am old and gray, do not forsake me, O God, till I declare your power to the next generation, your might to all who are to come. Psalm 71:18
With increasing age comes the desire to have those you leave behind know who you are and whose you are. Many things have happened to cause me to realize that I have led a self centered life also referred to as a sinful life. This is my fault in all cases for succumbing to the evil one (Satan). I am sure that my parents and grandparents tried their best - maybe too hard to raise me. We are all human and do not intentionally make mistakes in child rearing. My earliest recollection of pure self centeredness was at about the age of four. My parents and I, my maternal grandparents and my mother’s brother and his family all lived in the same house. My grandparents were going on a train trip to Tennessee. I threw a tantrum because I wanted to go with them. I still remember
their looks and body language showing that they really wanted to go alone. The brat won the battle and I think set the tone for the rest of my childhood. I grew up thinking that I was the center of the universe -- self sufficient and self centered.
We went to church and Sunday School. I went to confirmation instructions and was confirmed. I knew liturgy, church history and ritual. I was an acolyte and proud of my performance. But I didn’t know Jesus. I knew the historical facts but I didn’t know that I
was the sinner that He died for, I didn’t know that I nailed Him to the cross. I thought that I was good enough and I didn’t need Him. When as a young adult and father, I realized I wasn’t good enough, I turned away from Him instead of to Him. Pride pushed me away. I was embarrassed to admit that I could believe such "foolishness" when questioned by a liberal-agnostic mentor in my profession. I remember the conversation vividly and I remember how I shut the door on Jesus in my mid twenties.
For years I devoted far to much time to my profession and things that interested me. I paid far too little attention to my wife and young children, I seldom sensed that this was unfair for I was concerned only with self. I didn’t put money first but I did put pride and security first. I wanted others in my profession to know who I was and I wanted economic security so that at any time I was positioned to not work if I didn’t want to continue at a particular job. At no time did I even remotely think that I had a personal savior much less a need for one. I am certain that the Holy Spirit was working on me these years (1 Cor. 12:3)-- I wasn’t paying attention.
The path back to Jesus, as far as I can determine, started when I was 38 years old and it took well over a decade to produce any visible results. This process called sanctification is still occurring on a daily basis and I pray that it will continue forever. The day before Easter in 1983, during an attempted robbery, I vented horrendous anger. I focused it on the
perpetrator of an invasion of my space. This left me with a thankfulness for the lives of myself -always first - my teenage daughter, my employees and my customers. When I woke the next morning - we were staying at a rented vacation home for the weekend - I started walking through the woods. I didn’t know where I would come out for sure since it was new territory. It was a bright and warm morning - it was Resurrection day (Easter). I seemed to be so relaxed - it almost was a mental fog - when I emerged from the woods and walked down a road. In the distance there was a stone church where the people were leaving. As they were leaving they were shaking hands with a pharmacist that I knew who had become an ordained Deacon. The warmth of the day, the dream like state in my head, the white vestment blowing in the wind all seemed to be calling me back. The scene stayed in my mind and I started to feel called.
We had our youngest daughter, born a few months later, baptized at Christ Lutheran. For me, at that time, it was something I did to get along. I was pleased that Pastor Held would baptize her without pressuring us to
attend. He was a man who knew his job and trusted in the Holy Spirit to do His work in the world. Pastor Held made us feel welcome when we were ready. The work of the Holy Spirit in me for the next decade was more subtle. I felt our daughter needed exposure to a moral
code so we took her to Sunday School and we attended church on rare occasions. Faith comes from hearing the word of God and we did hear it clearly preached by Pastor Held. Eventually the Holy Spirit allowed me to say with absolute certainly that Jesus is Lord. I started to read the Bible and again Jesus was present.
Have I stopped sinning? Have I stopped living for myself? No I haven’t. Obedience is now a journey that I am trying to take and will not do it to perfection because I am human. The Holy Spirit makes me aware of my failures and causes me to confess and to get back on the path. This process causes me to be increasingly aware of how I am to live and act. This obedience is not so that God loves me - He always did -- it is to reflect that love and to live in community with family, society and myself.
I use the term “back to Jesus” correctly. As an infant, through baptism, in the Name of the Father, The Son and the Holy Spirit, I was by God’s unconditional, undeserved love (called Grace) made His child. You too were made His child when you were baptized even if you or your parents failed to acknowledge or in any way nurture this faith. A more honest statement on my part would say that I actually ridiculed faith. I now know that Jesus on the cross redeemed me and that I have been forgiven all of my sins but often the consequences of sin remain.
People expect Christians to be different - they notice our every failure and use these failures as a condemnation of the faith. We are different but in this world only Jesus lived a life totally free from sin. We all sin but we are clothed in the righteousness of Jesus because we are baptized into him. His life, death on the cross, and resurrection
were for our salvation. Our good works are of no benefit to our salvation. He saved us while we were sinners. The thief on the cross, that Jesus promised would be in paradise, didn’t have time to do any good works. We strive to act like Jesus because He changed us and we are acting out of grateful response to this. The power is His not ours. We actually deserve the punishment that He received.
I often make an analogy to a bus trip. There is the Jesus bus that goes to the Father and eternal life with Him. There is the Satan bus that goes to death. By God’s Grace we are put on the Jesus bus when we are baptized or come to faith as an adult. The bus makes
many stops - we get off to see the sights. Many do good works, many sin - but we keep riding the Jesus bus because we trust Him as our only way to the Father and eternal life. As we continue in His word and sacrament (Bible reading and Communion), we become
more and more like Him. We are moved by the Holy Spirit to this obedience, service and good works not so that He will love us but because He loves us.
The Satan bus is on a one way trip to death. Yes there are people on this bus that do good things and are good people. Sadly the bus is on the wrong road. They can however switch buses and ride with Jesus if they stop to listen to the Holy Spirit and confess that they are powerless without Jesus. Faith in the Living Word - Jesus - comes from hearing the word of God - the Bible - preached through the power of the Holy Spirit dwelling in our hearts. This faith is nurtured by word and sacrament, belonging to a community of believers and by having a Godly wife. There are only two buses -- choose life.
In The Name of Jesus
