“Let’s Not Fall out Over This”
GNLCC Numbers 32:1-34 Ephesians 4:25-32 Joshua 22
Have you ever made a decision, that was misunderstood or misread by someone else, and the person got upset with you. The next thing you know, there has been a falling out of some kind between you and the person. The hardest thing about having a good relationship with someone else, is to keep open and clear lines of communication. We forget that no one can really read our minds, and we mistakenly think that we can read the minds of others. Have you ever heard, “I know what you’re thinking” or “I know what she was thinking.” Do you realize you could be rich if you had such powers.
The ability to misunderstand another person has caused many of friends to fall out, many husbands and wives to argue and divorce, and many teens and parents to feel distant and alienated from each other. Well who is to blame in the situation? Well if we are truly honest, we probably both contribute to the problem in some way, though the level of blame may be very unequal.
In our Old Testament reading, Moses was leading 12 tribes of people. God had promised to give his people a wonderful section of land on the west bank side of the Jordan River. Now they were going to have to fight the people in the land to get it. Once they got the promised land on the west side, it would be divided into 12 parts. The 12 tribes would fight together until all the people in the land were defeated. However, there were a group of kingdoms on the east side of the Jordan River that insisted on attacking Moses and the 12 tribes before they got to the Jordan. So the 12 tribes went to war and defeated the kingdoms. All of a sudden as a result of winning the war, here is all this land on the east side of the river that was really good land.
The leaders of 2 tribes, Rebuen and Gad, and a leader of ½ the tribe of Manassah came up with a great idea. They said, “hey let’s ask Moses for this part of the land as our share of the land, we would get on the other side of the river. This land is perfect for us and our livestock. Not only that we can see in advance exactly what we’re going to get. Who knows what the land is going to be like on the other side of the river.” Now the Reubenites, Gadites, and ½ tribe of Manassahnites come up with a plan to make this thing work.
So they come to Moses, saying, “Look this land the Lord has taken over is good for goats and sheep and we have plenty of goats and sheep. If it’s alright to you, do us a favor and let us have this land. Do not make us cross the Jordan River.
Now if you were Moses, and they came to you with this request, what do you think you’d be thinking. Most of us would make the mistake of hearing something the other person did not say. What the 2 ½ tribes said was, let this land be given to us as our possession. Do not make us cross the Jordan. What the 2 ½ tribe leaders intended to say was, “we want this land as our inheritance, so don’t make us take our land on the other side of the Jordan.” What Moses heard was, “we got the land we want and don’t you try to make us leave it. We have no intention of going any further than we have already gone. Cross the Jordan without us. ”
How often have you said something, but you did not say exactly what you intended and the other person got upset with you? The other person even heard you say some things you are sure you never said.
How often have you heard somebody say something, but you added your own interpretation to it and it led to a falling out. This happens quite often in marriage. It happens with friends. It happens on the job. One of the things we can’t hear, is what attitude did the 2 ½ leaders speak in when they said, “do not make us cross the Jordan.” Was it a plea or was it a demand?
Moses took their request as a personal threat to his leadership and his authority over all the tribes.—Why are we so quick to take some things personally? How many of you know, this request is not at all about Moses or what kind of a leader he is? They haven’t even thought about attacking Moses. All they want is the land on the east side of the Jordan River.
Moses immediately starts thinking of all the things wrong with their plans. First, God has promised you land on the other side of the Jordan. Second, there were still armies to fight on the other side of the river. The other tribes have helped you and now you want to back out of the deal to help them. Third, what’s going to happen if others quit when they see some land they want. Fourth this is nothing but rebellion against God, and you all are a bunch of sinners trying to make God angry with all the rest of us.”
How many of you know that at this point, some of us would have then made this thing personal with Moses. Some of us would have said “Whatever”, I didn’t have to come to talk to you in this first place. I just did it out of respect. If you notice, all you’ve done is led us in the desert for 40 years. We would have been better off without you, if we’d gone our own way years ago. You probably then would have started listing all the mistakes Moses has made in the past 40 years.
Now the focus is no longer on the request, its verbal attack against each other. Have any of you ever found yourself in that circle, wondering how on earth did we get here from where this thing started. You need to remember, when you give the devil an entrance, he comes in like a flood.
What should we do we do when we feel that we are being attacked. Here comes that hard part about what Jesus told us to do. Matthew 5:38-45
"You have heard that it was said, ’Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’ 39But I tell you, Do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. 40And if someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. 41If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. 42Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you.
43"You have heard that it was said, ’Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ 44But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.
How willing are we to invite Jesus into our disagreements with each other? Was Jesus serious about doing this in our relationships with each other? Is there a “whatever” out of our mouths, or a door slamming, or a stream of words spewing out that we would never say in church. If Jesus is not welcome in our disagreements and arguments with each other, Jesus is probably at the outer circle of our lives. We truly have not given Him the opportunity to change us. You may say, but you don’t know the person I’m dealing with. You’re right. I don’t. But Jesus does. It was Jesus who told you what to do, I’m only delivering the message on His behalf.
Was Moses wrong in His response to the 2 ½ tribe leaders? Well he had good reason for behaving and responding in the way that he did. Yes, he did have good reasons, and he was trying to think of what was best for everybody including the 2 ½ tribes. But his response was wrong, because he immediately jumped to some wrong conclusions.
He figured because people had rebelled against his leadership in the past, these people must be doing the same thing of rebelling against him now. How many of you know, your past experiences can hurt you when you’re dealing with somebody new in the present? Parents can ruin relationships with their teens, based on how an older teen behaved. You can destroy your marriage, anticipating your new spouse is going to behave like the last one did.
Moses response was wrong because it attacked the leaders themselves as having bad motives for making the request. Moses assumed they were simply trying to get out of doing their part in helping with their fair share of the fighting. He accused them of being lazy, cowards, and bad role models for the rest of the people.
When you assign a motive to why people do certain things, say certain things or act in certain ways, you can come up with some pretty bad characters. When you get angry and upset with someone, the first thing you begin to do is to make their faults and failures look way bigger than they really are. We start with the “ you never” and “you always”.
I searched the gospels, and even though Jesus got angry and upset with people, he does not use the words, “you always” or “you never”. If we get rid of those words during our moments of disagreement, it will keep us from falling out with each other. Even when Jesus got upset with the Pharisees, he could still point out the good that they were doing. He said, “you guys are paying your tithes off the gross, but you neglect showing justice and the love of God. You should have been doing both.
Moses’ response was wrong, because he assumed they were being selfish and not thinking of anyone but themselves. Sometimes if we ask more questions before assuming we know it all, we might be able to get to see the other person’s viewpoint. When we look at a situation through the other person’s eyes, we recognize, there’s no need to fall out over this situation.
As I said earlier, after the attack from Moses, there would have been a “whatever” and a falling out of the friendship, the marriage, or whatever the situation. But the Bible gives us some advice on how to handle a verbal attack. It says in Proverbs 15:1 A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Is your goal going to be to get involved in an escalating argument, or is it to settle the matter before it starts? That’s one thing that God is going to lead to us to decide. We always have the option of overlooking the insult. We might even ask the question, did I play a part in this situation that I’m not aware of.
What about the leaders from Reuben, Gad, and the ½ tribe of Manassah. Were they wrong to make the request? The request was not wrong, but the way in which they presented it was wrong. They did not sit down and think through how the response was going to be heard. They did not share enough information about their request. They came forward with a request that only had benefits in it for them. It is possible they were hoping Moses would have just said okay, and they would not have made any commitment to help out in the future. They should have come forward first with a commitment on what they were willing to do in order to have their request granted.
Instead of beginning with, here’s what we want. They should have started with let me be willing to tell you what we’re willing to do. First and foremost, we pledge to stay and fight until everyone of the 12 tribes get the land they deserve. We won’t even think about leaving the army for any reason, because we are all in this thing together.
Now we like the land we are currently in and we do not want more than our fair share. Let us leave our children and families behind in this land, while we go on and fight with the rest of the army. When all the fighting is done, when you dismiss us and not a day before , then we will go back home to this land to be with our families. We won’t ask for any of the land on the west side of the Jordan, because we will have this as our portion.
Now if they had of approached the situation in this matter, do you think Moses would have went through all the changes he went through? Do you think he would have called them cowards, trying to back out of their responsibilities, and attempting to bring the whole nation under God’s judgment? Sometimes the way in which we ask for something is either going to get us what we desire or head us into a major conflict. It’s the sin of pride that says, “I do not have to tell you all my business.”
The good thing about the 2 ½ leaders is that they did not respond to Moses’ attack on them, with a personal attack in return. They did not return evil for evil. They attempted to address the issues which Moses raised in their response. They were not willing at this point to fall out with the other tribes over this issue. It turned out, they had the same long range goal in mind as Moses did, which was to conquer the nations on the other side of the river and turn the land over to the people. They both wanted to reach the same place, they simply had two different ways of getting there.
Sometimes we fall out over the method of how we can accomplish a task and lose sight of the task that needs to be accomplished. The 2 ½ leaders were willing to keep on talking when others would have gone into the rage treatment or the silent treatment. To his credit, when they responded to his misguided charges in the way they did, Moses humbled himself and listened to their response. Moses was like, “well if that’s what you meant, I wish you have of said it in the beginning. If you’re going to help us out with the fighting, I give you my blessing to build cities for your women and children, and pens for your flock, and then join us again for the battles yet to come.”
When the time came for the people to cross the Jordan River, the troops from Gad, Reuben, and the ½ tribe of Manassah were all armed and ready to fight. They marched right alongside the rest of the army. If you read a few years down the road in Joshua chapter 22, you will find Joshua telling the 2 ½ tribes army, “you guys did everything you said you would do as mighty warriors. Now that the fighting is over go back across the Jordan and enjoy your families.
But the 2 ½ tribes never did become good communicators. In chapter 22, when they got ready to cross the Jordan River, they built a large altar on the west bank before they crossed over. Now there was only suppose to be one altar for offering sacrifices in the country. There are always people who like to get stuff going between people. They saw the altar and told everybody who would listen, The Reubenites, Gadites, and ½ tribe of Manassah have forsake God, started worshipping at another altar, and it won’t be soon before God punishes everybody.
Before you know it the other 10 ½ tribes had amassed a large army ready to attack the same army that had helped them for the past few years to obtain their land and possession. That “he said, she said, they said stuff” has caused many of relationships to fall out. One of the things God hates in Proverbs chapter 6 is a person who just keeps mess going between people. The same mistakes in communication were made all over again with a misinterpretation of the facts. Again the 2 ½ tribes did not explain themselves thoroughly, the other tribes decided to read their minds, and this was followed by name calling, accusations, and threats.
Instead of getting an attitude, the 2 ½ tribes again humbled themselves and explained: “Contrary to what the haters and gossipers have said, we have never offered a sacrifice on this altar and never planned to. We built the altar as a witness that you and we are the same people. We know in a couple of generations some hater is going to tell our children, you have no right to worship God because you are not among us. See the Jordan River is the boundary God put between us. This may cause our children to stop serving God, so we built this altar as a witness that our children could point to. They can say, look there is the altar our parents built many years ago to prove that we are part of God’s people.
Once they heard this explanation they thanked God, and stopped talking about going to war against their brothers and sisters. We have an obligation to explain our actions to those around us. We can get attitudes so quickly and think we know it all. Our “I don’t have to explain myself”, is nothing more than putting a gun to the head of the relationship and pulling a trigger. We do have to explain ourselves, because no one else can accurately do it for us. We will be misunderstood throughout our relationships with each other. But once we know the truth, let’s accept it and move on and not bring it back up again. Repeating bad history is suicide for relationships.
Jesus said, “a new commandment I give to you. You are to love one another as I have loved you.” This means, “we don’t have to fall out over this thing, if we’re willing to submit it to God.” It means letting things in the past, stay in the past. How willing are we to listen to somebody else? How willing are we to quit slamming doors, using profanity, or going into silence to prove our point? How willing are we to get rid of the word “whatever” in our disagreements? How willing are we to let Jesus really live on the inside of us to make a change? God has given us the relationships around us for a reason. Let’s quit throwing them away so lightly and recognize, “we do not have to fall out over this.
Sermon Outline—Pastor Rick GNLCC
“Let’s Not Fall Out Over This”
Numbers 32:1-34 Ephesians 4:25-32 Joshua 22
A. We Just Don’t See Eye To Eye
1. Keeping Open The Lines
2. Can We Really Read Minds
3. The Gift Of Misunderstanding
4. Both Sides Contribute To Problem
B. Moses-The Leader Of God’s People
1. Promised Land Across The Jordan
2. 12 Tribes Make Up God’s People
3. Land On East Side Of Jordan River
C. Reuben, Gad, ½ Of Manassah
1. We Want This Land Here
2. Strategy For The Land
3. Request Of Moses
4. What You Say, What You Intend
5. What Is Actually Heard
6. How Did You Say It
7. Adding My Interpretation To Your
Words
D. Moses’ Response To The Request
1. Personal Threat To Leadership
2. Four Reasons This Is Wrong
3. Accusations And Name Calling
4. It Could Have Got Nasty
5. The Possible Attack On Moses
6. Look Out For The Enemy
7. Jesus Comes To The Rescue
Matthew 5:38-40 "You have heard that it was said, ’Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’ 39But I tell you, Do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. 40And if someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well.
E. Do We Really Want To Be Like Jesus
1. Whatevers, Door Slams, & Mouths
2. Jesus Stay Out For Now
3. Jesus Knows Who It Is
F. When Moses Takes A Wrong Turn
1. Assuming The Past Is The Present
2. Attacking Motives Without Facts
3. Anger Blows Up Failures
4. You Always, You Never
5. Jesus Controlled Both
6. Assumed Others Were Selfish
7. Handling Verbal Attacks
Proverbs 15:1 A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
8. Goal To Escalate Or Resolve
G. When The Leaders Went Wrong
1. Holding Back On Information
2. Not Stating Commitment First
3. Avoiding Misunderstanding
4. Moses A Little Different
5. Examine How You Ask
6. Addressed Issues-Not Attack
H. Recognize What The Real Goal Is
1. Same Goal Different Path
2. 2 ½ Keep Their Word
3. 2 ½ Poor Communicators
4. Doing It All Over Again
5. The Misunderstood Altar
6. Avoid Haters & Gossips 7. Proverbs 6
8. Communication Resolves It
I. Jesus A New Commandment I Give
1. John 13:34-35
2. Choosing To Submit To God
3. Choosing To Letting It Stay
In The Past
4. Choosing To Put Jesus In Charge
