A Word To The Wives
C.H. Spurgeon said: “Woman was not taken out of man’s head to be lord over him, or from his feet to be trampled on by him, but from his side to be equal with him, From under his arm to be protected by him, and from near his heart to be loved by him!”
What a beautiful picture this paints of God’s desire for husband and wives in the marriage relationship.
Unfortunately, we are living in an age, as you well know, when one out of three marriages ends in divorce in this country. That frightening statistic is making people take a different look at marriage. The very fact of the enormous breakdown of the home, which dismays us, and marks the deterioration of our society, is also driving us to understand that something else is wrong, that somehow we do not know what we ought to know about marriage. Men do not know how to act as men and women do not know how to act as women. Something is precipitating such an enormous breakdown that we are forced to look at this problem seriously and earnestly from a Christ centered perspective. This month offers a word to the wives and next month offers a word to husbands.
Wives do you trust the Lord? Are you submitted to His will for your marriage? Jesus said, “If anyone is willing to do His will, he will know of the teaching, whether it is of God or whether I speak from Myself.” An examination of Ephesians chapter 5 brings certain exhortations to mind concerning God’s word to wives as well as husbands. Paul starts off the chapter telling believers to be “imitators of God as beloved children” (vs. 1). Verse 2 exhorts them “to walk in love just as Christ also loved you and gave Himself up for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma.” Verse 8 instructs Christians to “walk as children of light trying to learn what is pleasing to the Lord” (vs. 10). Then, verse 15 admonishes Christians to be careful how you walk, “not as unwise men but as wise” and long to “understand what the will of the Lord is (vs. 17).” Finally, Christians are to be filled (or controlled) with the Spirit (vs. 18) “and be subject to one another in the fear of Christ (vs. 21).” These exhortations define a disciple’s heart and serve as an important preventive measure against “hardness of heart”, a disciple’s greatest enemy to the cause of Christ. Hardness of heart prevents you from seeing the Lord’s purpose and plan in defining the respective roles of husbands and wives in marriage.
There are many occurrences in Scripture of the phrase, “hardness of heart.” We are warned again and again against hardening our hearts. A hardened heart means that one determines to handle a situation his/her own way -- that one determines to respond to the natural inclination of the flesh, to do what one feels like doing in a situation, to handle it oneself, and to ignore God. This is hardening of the heart in the biblical sense. When you determine that you are going to handle something yourself, and not pay any attention to what God reveals about it, you are hardening your heart. You are telling God by your actions that your heart is no longer softened, mellowed, gentle, and open to what He has to say.
Therefore, with a heart soften toward God, listen to the Lord’s Word to wives in Ephesians 5:22-24 says, “Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.” To understand this passage of Scripture one must clearly understand Chapter five’s emphasis on discipleship and be personally committed to becoming a disciple of Jesus Christ. The stronger your commit to Christ, the more success you will have withstanding the lures of the enemy, the world’s culture and thinking and your own flesh with its passions and lusts.
It bears noting the word “subjection” in verse 21 is implied for each relationship that follows in this passage. Therefore, the word merits a review since it tends to be emotionally charged in today’s society and a catalyst to much misunderstanding among husbands and wives in Christian circles. Subjection goes against the logic and will of human nature. Mankind by nature is resistant to having another’s will impose upon it. At the mere thought of subjection, our carnal weapons of “flight or fight” are activated and ready to respond in strong resistance to any individual that encroaches upon our territory. So, let’s examine the truth and beauty of the word “subjection” as it is applied by the Lord to wives in the marriage relationship.
The poet John Keats said, "Beauty is Truth; Truth, Beauty. That is all ye know on Earth and all ye need to know." The truth is that subjection does not mean wives are to become a doormat for their husbands but a picture of beauty given as a wonderful gift to husbands by Christ. Subjection is not submitting meekly to domination or mistreatment by others. A wife is not to willingly submit to a husband who asks her to sin or violate God’s will under the guise it is biblical to do so. The Apostle Peter and the apostles made it clear in Acts 5:29, "We must obey God rather than men.” This same principle applies in the relationship between husbands and wives when a husband over steps his bounds.
The term subjection comes from a Greek military term "hupatasso" meaning "to arrange [troop divisions] in a military fashion under the command of a leader". In non-military use, subjection was "a voluntary attitude of giving in, cooperating, assuming responsibility, and carrying a burden". It is to voluntary submit to one’s control or to yield to one’s admonition or advice. Therefore, subjection in Ephesians 5 involves obedience to the One you are trying to please. As a disciple of Jesus Christ, whether husband or wife, you are to be in a state of “subjection” to one another in the fear of Christ. Christ is ultimately the One you are trying to please in every relationship, especially, marriage. This is the principle the Holy Spirit is teaching wives, husbands, parents, children, employers, employees, etc. But the choice is ours. God does not force you to become a disciple.
Oswald Chambers says, “Our Lord never insists on our obedience. He stresses very definitely what we ought to do, but He never forces us to do it. We have to obey Him out of a oneness of spirit with Him. That is why whenever our Lord talked about discipleship, He prefaced it with an "If," meaning, "You do not need to do this unless you desire to do so." "If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself . . ." (Luke 9:23). In other words, "To be My disciple, let him give up his right to himself to Me." Our Lord is not talking about our eternal position, but about our being of value to Him in this life here and now. That is why He sounds so stern (see Luke 14:26). Never try to make sense from these words by separating them from the One who spoke them. The Lord does not give me rules, but He makes His standard very clear. If my relationship to Him is that of love, I will do what He says without hesitation. If I hesitate, it is because I love someone I have placed in competition with Him, namely, myself. Jesus Christ will not force me to obey Him, but I must. And as soon as I obey Him, I fulfill my spiritual destiny.
My personal life may be crowded with small, petty happenings, altogether insignificant. But if I obey Jesus Christ in the seemingly random circumstances of life, they become pinholes through which I see the face of God. Then, when I stand face to face with God, I will discover that through my obedience thousands were blessed. When God’s redemption brings a human soul to the point of obedience, it always produces. If I obey Jesus Christ, the redemption of God will flow through me to the lives of others, because behind the deed of obedience is the reality of Almighty God.”
These words from Oswald Chambers are especially true when applied to the marriage relationship. However, in our hearts there is often resistance; the battle with the old nature. We want to promote ourselves, but The Holy Spirit wants to enable us to submit ourselves. Scripture makes clear you are to “Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves;” (Philippians 2:3). Wives desiring to be disciples are to be motivated by the fact it is God’s will for them to be subject to their own husbands. Indeed, Scripture indicates a submissive wife can even win over an unbelieving husband (1 Peter 3:1).
But submission in the home begins with mutual submission to Jesus. WIVES HAVE TO TRUST IN GOD AND THAT HE REALLY LOVES THEM, CARES FOR THEM AND KNOWS WHAT IS BEST FOR THEM. That is why this article asks the question: “Wives do you trust the Lord?” Wives have to trust that God will defend them and show them great and mighty things they know not of (Jeremiah 33:3).
To summarize, biblical submission is voluntary and does not mean subservient. It does not mean inequality but rather a respect of roles. All the parts have equal value but they do not share the same roles. For a wife to be submissive to her husband does not mean she is his slave, but she is to respect the role that God has given to the man as the head of the home. Likewise, a biblically submissive wife is not second rate or unequal to the man; it is that she serves in a different role. A wife’s submission to her husband is to be a reflection and outworking of her submission to Christ. THE DEGREE TO WHICH A WIFE IS SUBMISSIVE TO CHRIST DETERMINES THE DEGREE TO WHICH SHE WILL BE SUBMISSIVE TO HER HUSBAND.
Submission is an ongoing commitment. It has to be understood as a process under the instruction of The Holy Spirit. THE WORD “EVERYTHING” IN VERSE 24 MEANS THAT A WIFE SHOULD DEVELOP THE GODLY DISCIPLINE OF TRUSTING THE LORD TO WORK THROUGH HER HUSBAND IN EVERY AREA. Remember wives, if God can speak through a donkey; He can speak through your husband. The Lord can also use your counsel to your husband and your prayers for him to turn his heart in the direction you both should go (Proverbs 3:5,6). Therefore, keep your heart soft and remember nothing is too difficult for the Lord!
I use to think God must have a great sense of humor. He often matches up husbands and wives who are so very different from one another. But Jesus made it clear, that marriage is the crucible where husband and wife become “one flesh”. The Lord desires to do a great work in us if we avoid Satan’s attempts to harden our heart. Two people, who are disparate, distinct, and different individuals, with different personalities, different gifts, blending their lives together that through the process of the years they become one flesh -- that is what marriage is. Now, it is not something that happens instantaneously when you get married. The wedding service does not make you one. The first act of sex after marriage does not make you one. It begins the process, but it does not finish it. It takes the whole marriage to accomplish this. Marriage is the process of two people becoming one.
Jesus said in John 13:17, “If you know these things, you are blessed if you do them.” Wives, God will give you the victory He has already won for you at the Cross and you will discover a love that abounds more and more if you will follow the Lord’s teaching. Jesus said, “If you love Me, keep My commandments.” (John 14:15) Submission to Christ and his order of things unleashes the love that escapes so many Christian wives today and allows them to see their husbands in a different light. Spouses need to learn how to serve one another. OUR MOST BASIC RESPONSIBILITY IN CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE IS TO BECOME REINFORCES OF THE SECURITY AND SIGNIFICANCE THAT COME FROM GOD – THERE IS WHERE OUR TRUE IDENTITY RESTS.
Think about it! God’s love for us is put in terms of the love a man has for his wife – for Christ to call us his Bride is truly an awesome thought. God created marriage to show us intimacy, the oneness that a man and a woman can have for one another, so that we might seek a spiritual intimacy, a spiritual oneness with him and to teach us the reality of faithfulness and the reality of submission to Christ our bridegroom.
