THE THREE ‘R’s OF A GREAT MARRIAGE
INTRODUCTION:
Open with “Aisle, Altar, Hymn” Joke.
Tonight we are going to talk a little bit about marriage. Marriage can be a fun topic to preach on, but is almost always a tough topic to preach on. Tonight I am keeping it simple. As a matter of fact, you will probably hear nothing new. My hope is that you will be put in remembrance of a few things that will help you make your marriages better.
BARNA STATISTICS:
In 2000 – 21% of atheists and agnostics will or have experienced divorce.
29% of Baptists
34% of Non-Denominational
All of us who are married desire to have a great marriage. We want to find happiness and fulfillment in the marriage bond. None of us married to divorce.
Marriage like flies buzzing around a screen door in the summer. All those on the outside want to get in and all those on the inside want to get out.
1. The ideal 2. An ordeal 3. Looking for a New Deal!?
So, as you can see, we definitely need to return to the basic principles for marriage. Three design of this sermon is basic and fundamental. In school we have a phrase that describes the three basic areas of learning. Does anyone remember what we call them? THE THREE R’s (reading, writing, and arithmetic (not spelling since only one starts with an R))– well tonight I present to you the three R’s of a good marriage.
Before I begin let me offer up this disclaimer:
1. This list is basic and not comprehensive. There are many things we should do and can do to help our marriages. These are basics!
2. My preaching this message does not mean that I practice these points perfectly.
3. My preaching this message does not mean I am a great or even descent husband.
4. These principles are true regardless of your situation.
THE THREE R’s OF A GOOD MARRIAGE
Ephesians 5: 22 – 33
It’s God’s Plan and It Works!!
I. REPECT
A. Respect is what your husband needs and desires most.
B. We must respect each other.
C. The Husband must honor his wife and the wife her husband.
1. Never put him / her down
2. Refuse to join in at work with the guys / girls
D. For husbands:
1. Never belittle 2. Never be bitter
E. For wives:
1. This means Reverence
2. This means Responsiveness (no silent treatment / cold shoulders)
3. This means Respect
One woman said, “I will willingly submit to my husband as long as he doesn’t cross me”. But that is not submission. There is no “As long as” in submission. There is instead an “AS UNTO THE LORD”.
Illustr: A couple on their 50th wedding anniversary, summed up their long and happy marriage. The husband said, “I have tried never to be selfish. After all there is no I in marriage.” The wife responded, “ For my part, I have never corrected my husbands spelling.” – HEY IT WORKED!!!
II. ROMANCE
A. It is amazing how differently men and women define Romance.
B. Honestly – We guys don’t have a clue!!!
C. Guys think sensually when they thin of Romance.
D. Wives think about tenderness and shared time and dreams.
E. I’m just a guy and I’m terribly unromantic, but here are a few tips:
1. Do little things
2. Unexpected gestures.
3. Be thoughtful
4. Express your love in non-physical ways.
5. Show your appreciation for her.
6. Sacrifice and do without in order to provide her needs an desires.
7. PUT HER FIRST!!
F. A husband’s love must be:
1. Sacrificial
2. Selfless
3. Sanctifying
4. Sensitive
Most marriage problems are rooted in the fact that husbands do not love their wives as they ought.
G. Ladies: recognize his efforts and never belittle his attempts at romance.
H. If you short him down enough times, he quits trying!
I. Show him you love him in ways he can recognize. (He doesn’t want a Hallmark)
III. RESPONSIBILITY
A. Whose job is it anyway?
B. It’s not my fault. He / She started it. When she start submitting, I’ll start loving / When he starts loving I’ll start submitting.
C. Does this sound familiar? No progress will ever be made until we take responsibility for ourselves! In so many counseling sessions I have to stop one person from laying blame on the other and explain that all they can control is their own behavior. Be the best husband / wife you can be regardless of how good your spouse is. The Bible plainly tells us that the Husbands love can sanctify the wife and that the wife’s submission can sanctify her husband. Do you love your spouse enough o fulfill your own responsibilities?
D. Let me add to this point - HUSBANDS - BE MEN! Your wife needs a MAN, not a SISSY! Not a SENSITIVE mommas boy. Be sensitive to her needs, but please don’t just be sensitive. By the way ladies - you really don’t want a sensitive man so quit saying you do! A woman that wants a Sissy for a husband wants to be a man herself!
WIVES - BE WOMEN! Your husband needs a real woman. Enjoy the fact that God made you a woman. Enjoy your home, your children and your husband. Don’t fight to gain responsibilities you shouldn’t have, just so that you can experience a feeling of power and control that you are not equipped to have!
E.The Seven ‘C’s of Responsibilities
I. Commitment
1. Are you in it for Love?
2. Then how do you define love?
3. What about when you don’t feel strong affection?
4. Your spouse needs to be able to BANK on your commitment!
Does your spouse know that you are in it for good and bad, or do they question your commitment?
II. Communication
1. Talk to Each other
2. Speak their language (transmitter / receiver)
3. #1 Problem in relationships (home/ work / etc.)
4. What I hear you saying is …. ?
III. Compromise
1. It’s okay to be right and quiet!
2. It’s okay to give a little
3. It’s okay to meet the other on their terms
Marriage is when you agree to spend the rest of your life sleeping in a room that’s too warm, beside someone who’s sleeping in a room that’s too cold.
IV. Consideration
1. Submit Yourself to the Other
2. Yielding
3. What are their needs?
4. What are their desires?
5. You are their caregiver!
V. Consistency
1. Be predictable
2. Give them Stability
3. Give them Security
4. Give them one person on earth they can count on!!
VI. Cooperation
1. Know your Role
2. Purpose to Work Together
3. Share a Cause
4. Have all things common
VII. Compliments
1. Recognize Your Partner
2. Rejoice in their special qualities.
3. Build up their egos.
4. Dwell on the positives!!!
