Title: The Birds and The Bees
Text: Proverbs 5:3-14, 20-23; 6:23-24, 27-29, 32-34
Truth: Holding to biblical standards of sexual purity is spiritually, morally, and physically wise.
Aim: to encourage biblical sexual purity.
Life ?: How can we hold to biblical standards of sexual purity?
INTRODUCTION
On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules: “The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time.”
He continued: “Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will incur a hefty fine of $180. Are there any questions?”
At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired: “How much for a season pass?”
Sex is a powerful force. The advertisers harness it to sell everything from toothpaste to footwear. It has lead to war and peace between peoples. Sex has the power to build a nation into greatness when it is handled properly, or to lead a nation to destruction, when it is not. It’s the source of the big social debates in our day: abortion, homosexuality, same-sex marriages, and sexual abuse.
I’m not trying to impose a rigid, severe and passionless moral code. Nor am I promoting the freewheeling, irresponsibility of liberalism. What we need is a clear understanding of the biblical standards of sexual purity.
Frankly, as a father of four daughters I was uncomfortable talking to them about the birds and bees. I passed that responsibility off to James Dobson. I bought his book Preparing for Adolescents and had the girls read it. But we can no longer ignore this subject. We must talk about it.
Our universities cowardly hide behind the claim that a nineteen year old is now an adult, and they can’t impose on their freedoms. They will be held responsible for their negligence. Hollywood sneers at the idea of sexual purity and treats sex as normal as going to the bathroom. They have no respect or awe of this gift from God. Regardless of what they believe, holding to the biblical standards of sexual purity is physically, morally, and spiritually wise.
How can we hold to the biblical standards of sexual purity?
I. REMEMBER IMPURITY’S CRUEL DECEPTION (PROV. 5:3-6)
Solomon is honest about the desirability of impurity (v. 3), but he goes on to speak about it leading to disenchantment (v. 4) and ultimately sexual impurity ends in death (v. 5-6). It starts off delightful but ends up disgusting. Lust leads to loathing and the loss of life.
A. Desirability (v.3)
The “adulteress” is literally the “other woman,” e.g. someone other than a man’s wife. A man is to be intimate only with his wife.
How does she seduce her victim? She speaks words of flattery. She appeals to his ego. This is what we mean when we speak of “sweet talkers” or “smooth talkers.”
The theme song of this “sweet talker” is “If loving you is wrong then I don’t ever want to be right.” The “sweet talker,” whether found in magazines, movies, or in person, deceive victims into thinking that sexual indulgence is healthy, normal, youthful and produces happiness. It is a lie.
The “smooth talker” says, “If you love me you’ll sacrifice your purity on the altar of my lust.” “We’re soon to be married. What’s a piece of paper?” We should have a trial live in relationship to see if we are compatible.” It makes sense to superficial thinkers, but it hides the real motives. Those are not acts of real love. Sexual indulgence reveals we have been deceived by a lie.
B. Disenchantment (v. 4)
Solomon says to his son “in the end she’s as bitter as wormwood and as a sharp…” (v.4). One of the repeated admonishments of Proverbs is to look down the road and see where our decisions will take us. Is it good or bad? Nothing can be judged by its first stage. Many have thought they met the man of their dreams only to learn he was their worst nightmare. Sexual sin is a crime of the moment. It is not thinking about the future.
What begins as delicious ends disgusting. Even mild unchastity leaves a bitter aftertaste to the conscience; the sword shows there is more disenchantment to be faced. It reinforces the idea that grief is the end result of an immoral relationship. If impurity was so satisfying, then Hollywood would be the happiest place on earth instead of one of the most miserable.
C. Death (v. 5,6)
Verses 5 and 6 speak of the devastating and deadly consequences of sexual impurity. Of course, in our day sexual sin can result in a death sentence. The headline to an article in The Daily Oklahoman read “11 AIDS Cases Traced to 1 Man” (11/23/89). “Eleven women, most of them well-educated and middle-class, caught the AIDS virus from the same man, demonstrating the potential hazards of sexual relationships even for those at seemingly low risk of AIDS.” Women, did you know that sexual promiscuity takes a heavier toll on you than it does men? You are more susceptible to STD than men, for example. A woman is eight times more likely than a man to contract HIV from a single sexual encounter and four times more likely to get gonorrhea when exposed. Women are also more likely to suffer serious damage, such as sterility or cervical cancer, from STDs (Linda Chavez, Girls Behaving Badly).
But death in Proverbs can also mean she never experiences a full and meaningful life. She never comes alive. She keeps at bay thoughts about her lifestyle by not considering her life. What this woman wants is to be loved and accepted and secure. Her sexual impurity is actually taking her away from what she longs for.
Wendy Shalit, author of A Return to Modesty, tells about a sex education program in New Jersey that reveals how deceived we are today about this issue. This sex education program in N.J. gave instruction about birth control, abortion, puberty and other sexually related subjects. At first the teachers were shy about talking about sexual parts. In time she said they became comfortable with the topic and sexual parts were no different than an elbow.
It created a new problem. Shalit called it “sodomy-on-the-playground”—that is, of sexual assault among children. If sex acts are no different from talking about an elbow, then the children saw nothing wrong with certain kinds of sexual violence.
Oh, by the way, this class was not taught to high school students, nor was it taught to Jr. high students. It was not older elementary age children. This class was taught to kindergarten children. That’s who were being sexually violent on the playground! We’ve been deceived. In our desire to improve their lives, we’ve nearly destroyed the possibility of a full life.
Our society is rejecting a moral code that is 2,000 years old. Imagine the arrogance!
The physical way God has created us clearly teaches that we are made for monogamous, heterosexual relationships. We are not created to have more than one partner. That’s polygamy. We are created for the opposite sex. That dismisses homosexuality and other perversions. We are so blind and deceived today.
The farther we have gotten away from the Christian ethic the more we see the rise in sexual crimes, depravity and the diminishing of marriage. Women are as vulgar as men. The dress of the streetwalker has now gone mainstream in clothing, and modesty has gone down stream. This cruel deception has removed women from being the guardians of civility and decency in our day.
How can we hold to biblical standards of sexual purity?
Remember impurity’s cruel deception.
II. REMEMBER IMPURITY’S COMPLETE DESTRUCTION (PROV. 5:7-14)
A. Protection (7-8)
The basic advice this father has for his son in order to protect him from sexual temptation is to practice self-discipline. I want to say this again. I recommend you write this down. Self-discipline is one of the major keys to avoid sexual ruin.
Self-discipline is expressed by keeping away from and not going near temptation. If you are on a diet don’t go into a donut shop. Maybe the first time you saw a pornographic magazine it was by accident. Many of you could tell of the first time you saw such an image. That may have been accidental, but every time after that it has been a choice. The best offense to this temptation is a strong defense. Stay away from sexual temptation. Don’t go to alluring movies. Don’t go to the home of a friend who has smut. If you have to, remove the computer from your home. There are many ways to protect yourself from being exposed to this temptation. Quit your job. Get a transfer to another department. Do everything you can to protect yourself.
B. Personal loss (v.9-11)
Solomon tells his son what he will personally lose if he doesn’t practice self-discipline. He will experience deprivation (v. 9), debt (v. 10) and disease (v.11).
Loose living results in deprivation. He gives the best of his strength to people who don’t care about him or seek to ruin him. Another man raises his son or daughter. Much of the earning power he has built up goes to child support or alimony. He suffers the loss of relationship with his kids. He doesn’t see the ballgame or see the daughter off to the dance looking like a princess’.
Loose living results in debt (v.10). The next time you pass a school playground remember that in the U.S. one in four children live in poverty. In the U.S. that is defined as a family of four with an annual income of $13,359 (Kiwanis, Feb. 1992). It is the result of men who father children with no intention of supporting them. It is the result of women using the welfare system to get bigger checks. It is the result of divorce and many other factors.
It means for the child less medical coverage, less educational advantages, no Christmas gifts, no meat for dinner, no trip to the zoo and a much harder future. Yes, there is debt for everyone when people live lives of impurity.
Loose living results in disease (v.11). If this person reaches old age there will be remorse over their immoral lifestyle. A new infection strikes every 45 seconds in this nation. In its wake are pain, blindness, arthritis, infertility, brain damage, heart disease and death. Despite the drugs we have, STD are increasing rapidly. There is no cure for Herpes, which is the most common STD.
Someone has said that the house of the harlot is the vestibule of the funeral home. One investigator interviewed twenty prostitutes in a number of cities. They all had herpes. “Of course it wouldn’t be good for business to mention it,” one joked. Another boasted that she and her sister had probably given the disease to a thousand men. “We’re not running a convent,” she said (Phillips). I thought about the wives they took that disease back to and the embarrassment and pain they will live with.
C. Changed Perspective (v. 12-14)
This older man tells the younger man that now as he looks back he regrets his rebellion. He refused to be disciplined. He despised correction. Maybe that attitude is represented this morning. Maybe there are persons hearing this message and they are resisting its truth. They are deceived to think that it is different for them. Their conscience will one day strike them in the heart with conviction and prove them to be fools. These persons hate discipline and correction. One day they will change their minds.
This man says sexual impurity will bring a person to ruin. We’ve seen he is ruined financially, emotionally, mentally, domestically, and now socially.
December 26, 2004 a 9.0 earthquake in the Indian Ocean sent a wall of water traveling 500 miles/hour toward Sumatra, Indonesia and other countries. It struck with little warning. Over 150,000 people lost their lives. One Southern Baptist worker described the area he went to serve. For 200 miles along the beach there were no houses, no walls left standing. The wave had wiped all structures clean off their foundations. (Oklahoma is 231 miles tall from north to south.) They passed by a mass grave the size of a football field where they had buried 47,000 people.
The tsunami of sexual impurity that is sweeping our land is destroying and even killing, without exaggeration, millions. But the Word of God has sent forth a warning to those who do not despise discipline and correction.
How can we hold to biblical standards of sexual purity?
Remember impurity’s cruel deception. Remember impurity’s complete destruction.
III. REMEMBER PURITY’S CLEAR DIRECTION (PROV. 5:20-23; 6:23-24)
A. Watch your ways (5:20-23). –Habits
The word “captivated” is used to describe someone intoxicated or staggering. In v. 19 a man is “captivated” with his wife. It is a picture of the man having a passionate, ardent love for his wife. He intensely loves his wife.
The same word is used in v. 20 but love is replaced with lust. He is not bowled over with love but sensuality. He staggers in confusion and weakness. He is intoxicated with stupidity and is staggering toward destruction. The father asks a question to make a statement. “Son, you are not gaining anything.”
The argument of common sense is undergirded by an appeal to God’s judgment and the contradiction of sin (v. 21-23). God knows our “paths.” Literally, it means wagon tracks. Wagon tracks are made by constant use. It’s referring to our habits.
God examines our habits. We don’t get away with sin. It is as obvious to the Lord as wagon tracks. He knows our true habits whether anyone else does or not.
Why are we to examine our habits? Because actions have consequences (v. 22). When that 12-year old took his first drink, which is the average age of a first drink, they didn’t set out to be an alcoholic, but that’s the outcome for over 13 million Americans. According to the CDC the tobacco industry loses 5,000 customers a day; 3500 quit and 1200 die from tobacco every day. That teenager never intended to cut his life short with lung cancer, but that is the consequences of habits.
B. Walk in the Word (6:23-24). –Obedience
The “way of life” that Solomon refers to is a lifestyle of obedience to God. As we follow these commands we receive more insight into what is right and wrong and it leads us to a better, more satisfying life (v.23). Specifically, it will keep a man from the wayward woman. He will not be deceived by her flattery and not linger and listen to her lies.
Middle-aged King David was a Peeping Tom when he watched a beautiful woman bathe. He summoned her and took her to his bed. Her husband was off at war fighting his battles. When she became pregnant, David tried to hide his sin by calling her husband back from the front. It didn’t work. Then he conspired to have the man killed in battle. Eventually, his sin and criminal behavior were exposed to the whole nation.
It’s shocking how this man who loved God broke such clear directions from God. God said honor your parents. David shamed his family by his immorality. The Bible says we are not to murder. He killed an innocent man who was fighting for him. The Bible says do not commit adultery. The Bible says do not steal. He took another man’s wife. The Bible says do not lie. He lied for over a year. The Bible says do not covet your neighbor’s wife. He broke every one of the Ten Commandments that deal with relating to other people.
Watch your ways. Walk in the Word.
How can we hold to biblical standards of sexual purity?
IV. REMEMBER IMPURITY’S CALAMITOUS DISGRACE (PROV. 6:27-29, 32-34)
A. Destruction (v. 27-29)
These are physical analogies of spiritual cause and effect. You touch, you get burned both physically and spiritually. The adulterer destroys his reputation, family life and career. They will carry a burden of guilt for the rest of their life.
B. Disgrace (32-34)
The adulterer reveals stupidity. They honestly cannot justify their immorality. It’s a violation of logic and the Law of God.
This sin is a sin that is forever attached to a person. God can and does forgive the adulterer, but the person still lives with the consequences of their sin. The woman’s husband will forever be an enemy. No amount of money will appease him.
I was introduced to a man, and when he left the person said that he used to be a minister, but he ran off with the secretary. It had been years since that happened. He is no longer in the ministry, but he will go to his grave with that disgrace.
I was at Falls Creek and spoke to a friend about meeting a man in his association. He told me he had an affair with the secretary at the church. The church let him stay and he put things back together with his wife. When his name is mentioned, people will always attach that identification to all the kingdom work he has done.
The previous verses talk about a thief stealing food because he is hungry. They pity him but still require him to pay back what he stole 7X. He escapes with a fine. But the adulterer never escapes. He is sentenced to a lifetime of a disgraceful reputation.
Bruce Wilkinson, author of Prayer of Jabez, said:
Sexual immorality is a threshold sin. On one side of the threshold is immorality and on the other is purity. On one side are guilt, lying, deceit, addiction, and shame, an on the other side are freedom, honesty, transparency, liberty, and a clear conscience. Believers who are in bondage to immorality find that unless they experience victory in this area, they cannot grow in holiness or serve the Lord with passion and power…” (Victory Over Temptation).
CONCLUSION
I have sought to encourage you to hold to biblical standards of purity. I attempted to be direct and clear about what the Bible teaches on the issue of sexual purity. Let me close by painting a picture in your mind of what happens when we don’t hold to biblical standards of purity.
A junior high school in Oregon faced a unique problem in the girl’s bathroom. Each day, when the girls put their lipstick on in the bathroom, they’d press their lips onto the mirror in the bathroom, leaving dozens of little lip prints. Finally, the principal decided something had to be done, so he called the girls into the bathroom and met them there with the school custodian. He explained that the lip prints were a major problem for the custodian, who had to clean the mirrors every day. To demonstrate how difficult it was, he asked the custodian to clean one of the mirrors. He took out a long handled brush, dipped it in the toilet, and scrubbed the mirror. Since then there haven’t been any lip prints on the mirrors (Timothy Peck).
Solomon wants his son to see the outcome of not holding to biblical standards of sexual purity. Sexual impurity is like kissing a mirror cleaned with a toilet bowl brush. The Word of God says wise people hold to biblical standards of purity spiritually, morally and physically.
INVITATION
Every single adulterer in the Scriptures that repented and asked for God’s forgiveness received it. Every single sinner that has repented and yielded their life to Jesus Christ has also received forgiveness. You will not be the exception.
Christian look at that sentence in the sermon outline (see below). Put in any word that is your issue this morning—obedience (read), church membership, etc.
(Purity is always smart; impurity is always stupid. Not sometimes. Not usually. Always. You’re not an exception. I’m not an exception. There are no exceptions. –Randy Alcorn, The Purity Principle.)
