SE101704
STOP THE WORLD
3. Gay Marriage
There was a sexual revolution after the 1960’s and these days, we’re in the midst of another. Time Magazine has called it the “Homosexual Revolution.” They say this revolution is changing the way we see our most basic institutions: church, schools, military, marriage, even culture itself.
As a result of this revolution, everywhere one looks there are signs of gay acceptability.
In the 1970’s you had one homosexual character on TV, we now have several dozen.
Many pop stars and many athletes are coming out of the closet.
Even Disneyland - that icon of conventional Family Life - annually welcomes 20,000 gay men and women to Gay Day.
In our public policy there is increasing validation of homosexuality as a perfectly acceptable alternative model for sexuality and family life.
And of course in February 2004 the Massachusetts Supreme Court opened the way for legally marrying gays which pressed the issue onto the national scene.
1. SCRIPTURE
When someone who follows Jesus Christ thinks about the homosexual revolution, and the ways it’s reshaping our ideas of marriage and sexuality, the first place they turn is the Bible. Why? Because the Christ Follower doesn’t come to any issue and think that their understanding, or perspective, or wisdom is all-sufficient.
They’ve learned to rely on God’s wisdom for complex moral issues. And they see God has given that wisdom in the Bible. Now, I’ll cut to the chase: the Bible is very unambiguous about this: homosexuality in general is not in keeping with God’s design for human sexuality. If you wanted to do an in-depth study of the relevant verses: we have a position paper to check out*.
Now, I’m not going to get into these verses, because they’re straight forward and they primarily make a negative case against something. I thought it would be more enlightening to approach this from the opposite standpoint of making a positive case for Christian sexuality. I figure once we understand positively what sex was made for, then it will make more sense why any deviation from that is unhealthy.
Sexuality is first addressed in Genesis 2 where we see the creation model invented by God Himself. In Matthew 19 Jesus reaffirms and validates that creation design. What is it? Same formula is stated in both places:
It is not good for man to be alone. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.
Why not good for man to be alone? Because God created people special:
“God said, let us make people in our own image, to be like ourselves. So God created people in his own image; God patterned them after himself; male and female he created them.”
So what does it mean to be made in the image of God? Well, certainly it means we can appreciate spiritual and moral reality, but it means something much more. It means that we were created to share with God this special kind of community called oneness. Pull out a coin in your wallet or purse*. What’s the Latin phrase on that?
E PLURIBUS UNUM.
Which means, “of the many, one”. Well, the Bible reveals, God is an E PLURIBUS UNUM, God. He’s not a simple unity like Islam believes, God is a complex unity. A THREE IN ONE, God is a TRI-Personal God, one Being, three persons: Father, Son and Holy Spirit. And these three persons share in one nature, intimacy, love, unity, oneness.
So, when we were made in the image of God, guess what? We were made with this capacity for E PLURIBUS UNUM. God made a man, then, he brought woman out of man. He made humanity two, a duality. But then, God says,
this is not good that they should be separate, the woman and man must join again, as one. God says, ’You were one. She came from your body. Now you’re separate; now you’re two. But what you’re to do is: become one again.’
This mysterious, beautiful symmetry and completion in the first marriage of Adam and Eve is how Christ followers look at sexuality. It’s beautiful, and difficult, because it sees sex as spiritual, it sees men and women as equal but different, each bringing a different aspect of the image of God to their one flesh relationship.
Therefore, what sex is physically, it was also meant to be spiritually. To divorce sex from the fact that men and women were made for spiritual oneness is a violation of it’s design.
So having a male and a male is not really pluribus, therefore not eligible for Unum – spiritual oneness – even if you have them living under the same roof, having sex and raising children. Having two females likewise cannot reflect the mystical union of one flesh either – it’s like having two left feet. There is something of the divine nature that a man and woman each bring. And neither can ever bring what the other brings.
See, in the church, we don’t accept the popular myth that men and women are these interchangeable, androgynous souls that happen to have different physical equipment. We’re not plug and play. The Bible says when we are made male and female, it means not physically only, but SPIRITUALLY.
- There IS feminine mystique
- There IS masculine mystique
- And when joined in a permanent bond, uniquely reflects the very nature of God.
Now, as you can see, there’s a lot of sex that doesn’t fit under that design.
- Divorce doesn’t fit.
- Premarital sex doesn’t fit.
- Prostitution doesn’t fit.
- Extra marital sex doesn’t fit.
- Pornography, IE the enflaming of sexual lust outside of ONENESS, doesn’t fit.
- AND relevant to our discussion today, homosexual sex also doesn’t fit. Homosexual sex is no special violation of God’s design, it’s just one of many.
So the Christ Follower should not be opposed to homosexual practices because they’re homophobic, or intolerant or insensitive or paranoid or unloving. It’s because they’ve learned to submit their life to Scripture. They’ve found God’s ways are higher than our ways, and God’s plans ennoble our existence and dignify our personhood and strengthen our society.
When they find themselves outside that model as WE ALL DO at times in our lives, they confess freely, not defensively, and they accept forgiveness and they change their behavior to prove their desire for God’s grace.
- Were they seeking a divorce? They seek reconciliation
- Were they sleeping with their girlfriend? They sleep at home.
- Were they living together unwed? They move apart.
- Were they wanting sex without commitment? They commit.
- Were they seeking sex with someone of the same sex? They abstain.
So, that’s the foundation… but it’s more complex than that, I know. It boils down to two things.
- The first is, what about the complexity of the homosexual urge. Why would God forbid homosexual sex and then make people homosexuals?
- The second complexity is current political debate, what about homosexual marriage?
It’s all terribly complicated. So let’s grapple first with the complex causes of the homosexual urge.
2. SCIENCE
Some people have been working around the clock for years to try to figure out what creates the homosexual orientation. The truth is no one knows for sure. But in all the research, three things come up every time:
A. Genetic Causes
There’s been some very interesting study done here. Dr Simon LeVay has found some connecting links in the hypothalamus glands of homosexual cadavers. And there’s been some study done with identical twins to see a genetic connection there. The best way to sum this up is to say that the cause/effect link is still pretty murky. LeVay says,
“at this moment, it is still a very big mystery, what makes someone gay or straight.”
B. Early Sexualization
Sexual development is a very delicate thing. And early sexualization of a child by a same sex adult can throw a monkey wrench into the whole thing. An amazing number of people who struggle with their sexual identity have an experience in their past, when they were vulnerable kids, and Cousin Eddie or the neighbor violated them.
Friends, when a vulnerable boy or girl participates in a powerful sexual activity with a trusted friend or family member, imagine the confusion! You can’t just shake off an experience like that, it tends to affect how you look at yourself long term. That’s the nature of sex, remember? It’s spiritual, therefore it tends to touch your soul not just your body. So kids with early homosexual experiences will often identify themselves with their molestation.
C. Environmental Causes
Third reason for the homosexual urge is dysfunctional environmental causes. I personally have never seen in any of my homosexual friends, or those I’ve known struggling with their sexual identity, a situation where environmental factors weren’t a huge factor...
EVERY TIME I see clear evidence of
a distant, absent, raging, abusive or disapproving father, or a shaming, smothering, controlling or emotionally crippled mother, and quite often both!
Psychologists notice an observable pattern, a child feels rejection by a same sex parent, they tend to reject their gender. And rejecting your own gender, you have a really hard time relating to the opposite sex as objects of desire. Or the opposite sex parent hurts you or abandons you in a way which creates a pathological fear of the opposite sex.
Many of you in this room who have struggled with sexual identity and maybe no one knows. You’ve never told anyone. Friend, I want to tell you God sees what happened to you, he sees the unseen factors involved in your struggle. Now what should our reaction be?
1. Well, response one is compassion. Why? Because by any measure, the inclination to homosexuality, is always connected to some kind of tragedy! Be it genetic, social, or emotional. So our first response shouldn’t be scorn but concern.
2. Second response, be wary of the logic that says, inborn equals good or God given. What about birth defects? Hormone imbalances? Inherited cancer? Is everything in the genes, or glands good? The truth is, friends, we live in a fallen world. Rom 8:22 says,
a. We know that the whole creation groans... and we ourselves groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies!
3. Third reaction is that we must distinguish between homosexual desires and homosexual acts, just like we distinguish between temptation and sin. I may FEEL inclined to steal, I may have a psychosexual predisposition toward stealing. I might have this predisposition because of a host of environmental and genetic causes and the doctors will label me: a kleptomaniac. But it’s not a sin to be a kleptomaniac. It’s a sin to steal.
4. Fourth conclusion, our focus should be on behavior, not orientation. In fact, we need to confront another myth, the myth of “orientation”. Phil Busbee, a pastor in San Francisco says:
a. It’s a form of bondage to redefine activity into identity and say “This is WHO YOU ARE. You can’t escape it.” We love to label people: I’m compulsive. I’m an addictive personality. I’m co-dependant. That’s not who you are… you are not your inclinations… you make your life, by your choices!
But then, what to DO with homosexual feelings? I’d like to tell you Ken’s story. I met Ken in Bible college. Early on Ken was saddled with parental disapproval, and molestation. I mean, he had all the factors playing into his homosexual feelings. So he followed those feelings into a lifestyle that should be described as anything but “gay”.
One day, desperate and seeking, Ken walked into a church. After some soul searching he turned his life over to Jesus for forgiveness and leadership and healing. The forgiveness took an instant. Obedience to his leadership took a little longer. And healing of the feelings is still in progress years later.
Initially Ken still tended to sexualize relationships, he longed for male approval and it made him hard to be around, clingy and needy and insecure. Yet – through God’s power inside, and God’s Word, and prayer, and through the accountability of his new church family, and through loving counsel – Ken was slowly transformed from one stage to another!
Did he jump into heterosexual marriage? No! That would have been so premature. God does not call us to be instantly healed, or heterosexually oriented or even happy! He calls us to sexual purity. For none of us do temptations ever fully go away, but, Christian disciplines in open community reinforce obedience which leads to freedom.
3. SOCIETY
Now, let’s say in this room, we agree to God’s sexual designs, and living them out in a world of sexual brokenness, confusion, pain and temptation. Let’s say we agree to be a church that opens its doors to those struggling with sexual confusion. And let’s say we hold out the message of God’s forgiving love and God’s life giving leadership.
Well
- in this kind of community, if a same-sex couple asks me to perform their wedding, I will say, based on Jesus teaching in Matthew 19 I don’t think you qualify.
- In this kind of community I’ve had to also tell some heterosexual couples I won’t marry them… because they haven’t brought their sexuality in line with their commitment to Christ.
You see, we just do marriage different around here no matter who you are.
But what about the society at large? Now that the Massachusetts Supreme Court has ruled that marriage be open to gays and lesbians, how should we deal with that politically? It’s one thing to say, this is what we’ll do in here, it’s another to say, this is what I support “OUT THERE”.
Some Christians think that we should support civil unions. Why? Because in love for all people, including people practicing homosexual sex, we should seek to protect some basic rights.
- The ability to pass on their inheritance to whomever they want to,
- or be eligible for insurance coverage,
- or give paternal rights to, or be visited in the hospital by whomever they want.
Christian sociologist Tony Campolo says:
I think we need to follow a European model, where there are two ceremonies. A couple goes to the courthouse for the civil union and then if they’re Christians they go to the church for the marriage.
On the other hand, how might the legalization of homosexual marriage affect marriage overall? In 1996, in the Michigan Law Review, David Chambers, said
People who want to abolish the concept of marriage ought to support gay marriage. Why? Rather than reinforcing a two-person definition of marriage, gay marriage would make society more accepting of further legal changes. By ceasing to conceive of marriage as a partnership composed of one person of each sex, the state may become more receptive to units of three or more."
This is not a scare scenario. Even now, closet polygamists in Utah and Polyamorists – those that advocate for unions of three or more of any sex – are anxiously awaiting the result of this debate, because they know that gay marriage means, no legal or rational argument is left to restrict marriage to two people.
Once we say gay couples can get married, it becomes illogical to deny that same right to polygamists, polyamorists, or even cohabiting relatives and friends (Canada). And once everyone’s relationship is recognized, marriage is gone, and only a system of relationship contracts is left.
It will come to this: does the state have a compelling, non-religious interest in protecting and encouraging monogamous, heterosexual marriages? That’s the question friends.
- If the answer is yes, it will have prove it’s compelling interest and there’s a historical case to be made.
- If the answer is no, then the state will have to get out of the marriage business altogether…
Some of us are torn. We don’t want our homosexual friends not to be able to visit their partners in hospitals. We don’t want them denied fair housing, or the chance to be in a will or inheritance. We ought to stand up for them and support them this way.
At the same time, we know inherently that monogamous, faithful, heterosexual marriage is a plan that will dignify our personhood and strengthen our society.
So, what will we do? First thing we’ll do, if we’re devout followers of Christ is repent. There is a sense in which homosexuals have not created this wave of controversy… Christians have. How? By taking marriage lightly and by getting out on the slippery slope of sexual license. Statistics show that 50 years ago, the homosexual community did NOT say, they were “born that way”.
They knew they were making a deliberate choice and content to let the majority define marriage… But when people who preached the one flesh ideal started behaving without sexual bonds, without faithfulness, the world started to say,
“hey what gives? If they can do that, and get government kickbacks, then why can’t anyone? Clearly, sex isn’t sacred to them, marriage isn’t the powerful bond they say it is…”
So let’s recommit ourselves no matter what our past, to Christ, and his leadership, so we’re not the hypocrites we’ve become known as regarding sex and marriage.
Then, let’s vote our conscious as God directs us to value people of every type and background and value God’s designs for a healthy society.
Lastly, let’s join together and say,
No matter what happens in society, we’re going to honor God in this sub-society. We’re going to reach out in love to people no matter what their sexual habits, and we’re going to train and counsel and learn together the wisdom of God’s ways.
We can see his design as the ideal we all strive for, while accepting that not a single one of us succeeds. We can accept each other, fellow strugglers all on the journey because of the loving kindness of God our Savior. All we ask is for a heart of transparency, and faith, an authentic eagerness to hear and to speak the truth in love.
Maybe you will join God and join us in saying, as I said to one homosexual couple who emailed asking about AC3:
We will accept you just as you are. We look to ALL seekers who come to AC3, like us, with brokenness... and we say to them what Jesus has said to us:
John 8:10-11 Jesus: "...Has no one condemned you?" "No one, sir," she said. "Then neither do I condemn you," Jesus declared. "Go now and leave your life of sin."
So regardless of your sexual past, we believe this is how EVERYONE must finally come to God. As a broken sinner, in need of grace and help and forgiveness and hope. Now the question remains, are homosexual practices specifically one of the things that must be left behind? Yes.
But we walk together! To become a harbor of sexual sanity in a sexually confused world, consistent in our stands, seeing the blessing of doing things God’s way, and yet understanding of the huge amounts of mercy and acceptance and grace required for any one of us, to live a life pleasing to God.
