THE SANCTITY OF SEX
(Exodus 20:14)
A pastor is always a little reluctant to address the subject of sex. Among his concerns is the choice of a closing hymn. One pastor preached on this subject and began to notice the congregational snickering in the middle of the sermon. It was then he realized that the closing hymn was the old invitation song, “Oh, Why Not Tonight.”
One man, then the head of a major telecasting empire, showed no reluctance to address the subject. Ted Turner, with his great moral wisdom, issued ten commandments for contemporary society several years ago. Proposing new commandments about the environment, population control, and other social issues, he criticized the original ten:
We’re living with outmoded rules. The rules we’re living under are the Ten Commandments, and I bet nobody here even pays much attention to ‘em because they’re too old. When Moses went up on the mountain there were no nuclear weapons, there was no poverty. Today the commandments wouldn’t go over. Nobody around likes to be commanded [Cited by Steve Zeisler, “Required of Humans: Determination to Give Thanks,” Discovery Paper # 4188 (Peninsula Bible Church, October 29, 1988)].
In the Roman Catholic Church a debate rages over the sexual issues of abortion, divorce, birth control, and homosexuality. Father Charles Curran, of Catholic University in Washington, DC became the darling of the press as he attacked traditional church teachings. The Vatican forbade him to expound his views in the name of the church. Curran called a press conference to proclaim, “[It’s] my church as much as anyone else’s … my church is a big church, … My God is a big God, yes She is.” The press accused the church of “digging itself into irrelevancy” by its “backward-looking orthodoxy.” One headline read, “Polls show most Catholics agree with Curran.” Another article complained, “Such sanctification … cripples mankind’s ability to face today’s dilemmas.”
Chuck Colson comments accurately, “The church … is not a democracy. It can never be subject to majority rule. Its authority comes not from the consent of the governed, but from Christ its Head, who rules through Scripture and the Holy Spirit.” [Colson, The God of Stones & Spiders (Wheaton: Crossway Books, 1990), 138]. He says, “a church run by the whims of transient majorities is a sorry sight” and quotes Joseph Sobran, “It can be exalting to belong to a church that is five hundred years behind the times and sublimely indifferent to fashion; it is mortifying to belong to a church that is five minutes behind the times, huffing and puffing to catch up” [Colson].
God’s Word speaks clearly of the grandeur of sex in marriage. It also warns of the grief of sex outside marriage.
I. AN ADULTEROUS GENERATION
A cartoon offered an insightful commentary on our times. Moses has returned from Sinai and meeting with God. He says to the people, “I’ve got good news and bad news. First, the good news. I talked Him down from 21 to 10. The bad news is He won’t budge on number 7.”
Some in the world of religion are still trying to budge Him. Denominational groups are embroiled in sexual controversy. A task force of the 2.9-million-member Presbyterian Church (USA) suggested the abandonment of traditional sanctions against sex outside marriage, including homosexuality. They wanted to replace rigid sexual taboos with a vaguely defined ethic of “justice-love.” The Episcopal Church considered a plan to permit the ordination of active gays and lesbians.
Declining membership drives the debate. Marvin Ellison, professor of Christian ethics at Bangor Theological Seminary and a member of the Presbyterian task force says, “Our pews are emptying and our outdated attitudes about sex have a great deal to do with it.” The Reverend Louis Evans Jr. spoke against this appalling approach: “What’s at stake is the very identity and character of the Presbyterian Church, which, from the beginning, has held the Scriptures as the sole authority of our faith and practice.” Evans identifies the shift from “biblical preeminence” to a more political and social agenda as the reason for the membership decline [“The Gospel on Sex,” U.S. News & World Report (June 10, 19910, 60].
The Bible teaches that human sexuality is dynamic, not depraved or dirty. God’s gift of sex enriches our lives. It is for procreation, but for recreation as well. God intends it to be fun. There is a marvelous freedom in the marriage relationship. Sex can be uninhibited rather than tentative, where there is a mutual commitment. Without that permanence, you can never be really free.
In an affair you must play a game. You put on a front to make yourself as appealing as possible. The first sign of weakness or a mistake might bring rejection. Fear nags that you might not please this uncommitted partner. It may look exciting in the flicks, but it is far from liberating.
The very nature of extramarital sex is fickle and flighty. God gave good guidelines for the best sexual relationships. One of these is the seventh commandment: You shall not commit adultery.
Movies, novels, and advertising exploit sex. Some studies show that adultery is not as widespread as it appears; yet the media treats divorce, extramarital relationships, premarital relations, and other sexual aberrations as normal.
J. Allan Peterson tells of twelve women who met each week to study French and have lunch together, while their children attended nursery school. One day, one asked the others, “How many of you have been faithful to your husbands throughout your marriage?” Of the twelve, only one raised her hand. That evening, one of them told her husband the story and admitted that she had not raised her hand. “But,” she assured him, “I have been faithful.” “Then why didn’t you raise your hand?” She responded, “I was ashamed.” Chuck Swindoll repeats this story and exclaims, “That’s like being ashamed of good health during an epidemic” [Charles Swindoll, Come Before Winter (Portland, OR: Multnomah Press, 1985) 49]. Today, adultery is tolerated, accepted, defended, encouraged, and even prescribed for “therapeutic” reasons. Sadly, this view has even invaded the church.
II. THE CURSE OF ADULTERY
The sex drive is a phenomenal gift. Fire and water are also God-given gifts. Fire is beneficial, but it can also devastate a land. Richard Foster says, “Sex is like a great river that is rich and deep and good as long as it stays within its proper channel. The moment a river overflows its banks, it becomes destructive, and the moment sex overflows its God-given banks, it too becomes destructive [Richard Foster, Money, Sex and Power (San Francisco: Harper & Row, Publishers, 1985) 109].
God limits the gift of sex to marriage for our benefit. Our culture has difficulty with His limits. In Mere Christianity C. S. Lewis wrote, “We grow up surrounded by propaganda in favor of unchastity. There are people who want to keep our sex instinct inflamed in order to make money out of us. Because, of course, a man with an obsession is a man who has very little sales resistance [C. S. Lewis, Mere Christianity (New York: Macmillan Publishing Company, 1960), 92].”
Adultery is a curse because it defies God. After King David committed adultery with Bathsheba, he recognized his failure. Restored to his senses, he confessed to God, “Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight.” (Psalm 51:4). When Joseph refused to be seduced by Potiphar’s wife, he said, “How … could I do such a wicked thing and sin against God?” (Genesis 39:9).
Adultery also destroys families. God designed the family—He is committed to it. Adultery destroys the unique and sacred quality that is the basis for the family.
Adultery also defiles the marriage. God set the standard for marriage in Genesis 2:24: “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.” This obviously refers, at least, to the physical relationship in marriage. A man and a woman publicly covenant to join their lives. They consummate the marriage when they join their bodies in sexual union. That love relationship represents a oneness that is more than sexual. It is the physical expression of a spiritual and emotional union. Adultery defiles that union. Sex outside marriage can never be right or blessed by God.
The Bible says, “A man who commits adultery lacks judgment; whoever does so destroys himself. But blows and disgrace are his lot, and his shame will never be wiped away” (Proverbs 6:32-33)
Paul speaks of the destruction of oneness in 1 Corinthians 6:
Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, “The two will become one flesh.” But he who unites himself with the Lord is one with him in spirit. Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body (vv 16-18).
III. THE CURE FOR ADULTERY
Jesus suggests one cure when He speaks about the seventh commandment in the Sermon on the Mount:
You have heard that it was said, ‘Do not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell (Matthew 5:27-30).
Some Christians in the early centuries took those words so seriously that they mutilated themselves. Jesus used hyperbole, a form of exaggerated speech, to make a point. He emphasized the necessity of discipline. To avoid illicit sexual relationships you must discipline your life. You shouldn’t literally gouge out an eye, but you should cancel your subscription to Playboy and take certain cable channels off your television. Pornography is a multi-billion dollar business in America today because people live undisciplined life-styles. I was challenged when I read Gordon MacDonald’s story about an elderly gentlemen who was still very conscious of the need for purity:
We were having breakfast together a year or two before his death. He was in his early eighties. As we ate, he was telling me of a recent errand he’d pursued that made it necessary for him to drive into Boston.
On the way down the turnpike, I stopped at a rest stop for a time of prayer,” he said.
“What did you have to pray about?” I asked.
“Well, I was driving along and realized that I was going to have to walk through the Combat Zone [Boston’s then infamous red-light district]. I knew that I’d have to pass some of those pornographic magazine stores and massage parlors, and I’d need the Lord’s help to avoid the temptation to look in.”
“Now, wait a minute …,” I said, a bit bluntly. “I don’t want to offend you, but you’re a man in his eighties. Are you telling me that you are still facing sexual temptations in your thought life and that you have to pray in order to control them?” I thought that when I was ——”
“Young man,” my friend interrupted me, “just because I’m eighty-two doesn’t mean the red blood has stopped running. And if you don’t learn how to pray more fervently, these things will bother you, too, when you’re old” [Gordon MacDonald, The Life God Uses (Nashville: Thomas Nelson Publishers, 1994) 109].
Sexually attractive things bombard us every day. We can’t keep it from our eyes, ears and minds. We should remember Martin Luther’s comment: “You can’t stop the birds from flying over your head, but you can sure stop them from nesting in your hair.”
We must stoke the fires of love in our marriage relationship. Every day we are enticed, and it is easy to slip into a routine of marital malaise. We must keep romance alive in marriage. Some wit said:
The glances over cocktails
That seemed to be so sweet,
Don’t seem quite so amorous,
Over shredded wheat.
Some men think a romantic dinner is a can of Spam and a six-pack in front of the tube. Apathy is a step toward adultery.
What about the person who has already committed adultery? Is there any hope for him? Is there hope for her?
One day the Pharisees tested Jesus by dragging an adulterous woman before Him. They said, “In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?” (John 8:5). His example offers hope for the one who has fallen. He shamed the super-pious into leaving Him alone with the woman. Then He asked her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?” “No one, sir,” she said. “Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin” (vv. 10-11). Jesus offers forgiveness to any who will repent, confess, and turn from their sin. That forgiveness is expensive. It cost Christ His life on the cross. The cure for adultery is a repentant attitude and a loving Savior.
Another element in the cure is a loving fellowship of believers. The church is a community of forgiven sinners. It is made up of those who have sinned sexually or in other ways. Paul said,
Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God (1 Corinthians 6:9-10).
The church cannot condone sin, but we must not reject sinners. We are capable of these very sins. So we must warmly embrace all who repent, seek God’s forgiveness, and live rightly before Him.
God calls us to be people of integrity in all relationships. If we fail in the fundamental relationship of marriage, we may be questioned in all other relationships.
Years ago Lewis and Clark set out across the western wilderness to blaze a trail over the Rockies. They took with them a French guide who took along his Indian wife. Life was rough and harsh for these men in the untamed wilderness. Each night the French guide would offer his squaw to one of the men for a price. Each night the men refused. Finally, these men crossed their last river east of the mountains. They needed horses to carry their luggage, their boats, and supplies. They asked the chief of a nearby Indian tribe for help. The Indian replied, “No help white man. White man cheat.” The men begged for help but to no avail. “White man lie!” the chief roared. The Indian wife of the French guide stepped out of the party and said to the chief, “These men are different. They keep their promises to their squaws back home.” Then she told the story of nights by the campfire and the refusal of these men to commit adultery. She was able to persuade the Indian chief, and he loaned Lewis and Clark horses. They crossed the Great Divide, put their boats in the headwaters of the Columbia River, traveled to the Pacific, and claimed the Northwest for their government. Their greatest achievement was moral [T. Cecil Myers, Thunder on the Mountain (Nashville: Abingdon Press, 1965), 118].
May we guard our hearts, preserving the sanctity of sex for God’s clear plan. Protect your honor by obedience to the Scripture, which says, “Flee from sexual immorality” (1 Corinthians 6:18); and “among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity” (Ephesians 5:3).
Eighth Message in a Series on the Ten Commandments
