CenterPointe Christian Church – 7.10.05
Series: U-ology -- Message 1: U & Your Friends
Sophie and Shirley, two elderly widows in a Florida adult community, are curious about the latest arrival in their building -- a quiet, nice looking gentleman who keeps to himself. Shirley says, "Sophie, you know I’m shy. Why don’t you go over to him at the pool and find out a little about him. He looks so lonely." Sophie agrees, and later that day at the pool, she walks up to him and says, "Excuse me, mister. I hope I’m not prying, but my friend and I were wondering why you looked so lonely."
"Of course I’m lonely, he says, "I’ve spent the past 20 years in prison."
"You’re kidding! What for?"
"For killing my third wife. I strangled her."
"What happened to your second wife?"
"I shot her."
"And, if I may ask, your first wife?"
"We had a fight and she fell off a bridge."
"Oh my," says Sophie. Then turning to her friend on the other side of the pool, she yells "you’re never going to believe this, Shirley. He’s single."
• Who are your Friends?
• Who do you fellowship with?
• Hang out with?
• Develop community with?
Let me tell you about the Smith’s:
• To all appearances and by all standards the Smith’s have a wonderful life.
• They own a house in a nice suburb with 4 bedrooms, two baths, and a 2.5 car garage.
• Their house is surrounded by a six foot fence to provide privacy
• Their backyard is filled with a pool, sand box, barbecue grill, and beautiful patio furniture
• They have 2 children. A boy and a girl.
• They are both college graduates.
• Everyone in their family is in good health.
THEIR HEARTS
• They have dreams and fears no one else knows
• They have an increasing sense of isolation, distress, and powerlessness growing inside of them.
• They have done a find job of “keeping up with Joneses
• But inside they are not content
• They are unfulfilled
• They are not happy
• HOW COULD THIS BE? They are living the American Dream
This personal dilemma, which is quietly gnawing at the Smith’s, is actually a national epidemic.
Pollster, George Gallup Jr. concluded from his studies and polls that Americans are among the loneliest people in the world.
HOW CAN THIS BE?
• We have the availability of transportation to anywhere in the world
• Billions of dollars are spent on entertainment
• We Americans buy any activity we want
• More than three-fourths of American population lives in metropolitan areas and more than two-thirds of those live in suburbs.
• We are surrounded by more people than ever before in the history of our country.
• We can communicate with anybody at any time by house phone, cell phone, e-mail, two way paging, black berries, and palm pilots
HOW CAN THIS BE? LET’S LOOK CLOSER AT THE SMITH’S
• John & Jane Smith have been married for 10 years
• 8 years ago John took a job at an office located in a growing suburb.
• This job took them both further from their families but they are making more money now so it will be feasible to fly home when ever they want and the airport was close.
• John & Jane rise at 5:30 a.m.
• After getting ready for the day, eating a breakfast bar, skimming the newspaper, and running out the door at 6:30am with coffee in hand John heads to work.
• He leaves early to beat the traffic so it takes him 35 minutes instead of 55 minutes
• He gets in the car, opens the garage door, pull out and sees his neighbor taking out the trash. Gives a wave.
• He has the thought, “we’ve been neighbors for 2 years and I don’t even know his name.”
• That thought doesn’t last long and now he’s on to thinking about the projects for the day.
• Jane takes the children to school so she wakes them when John leaves.
• She rushes to get them ready to be out the door by 7:15 am
• After going through the same ritual of opening the garage door and scooting down the driveway she realizes she forgot a lunch.
• As she pulls back in the driveway she sees one of her retired neighbors beginning the yard work. Time is crucial so she runs in the garage with out looking at the neighbor so to avoid any conversation.
• She jumps back in the car and off she goes.
• After dropping the children off to school at 7:55 she’s on her way to work.
• Arriving at 8:30 a.m. as long as there is no traffic problems.
• John and Jane both put in 8 and half to 9 and half hours day. Really only being productive about 4-5 hrs of the day.
• They both arrive home with bulging brief cases hoping to squeeze in another hour after the kids go to bed.
• At 3:30 the children go to their after-school program and wait for Mom or Dad to pick them up.
• It’s 5:00 and John must leave the office to pick up the kids if he’s going to be on time. He leaves at 5:15 and gets caught in a traffic jam.
• He finally picks up the children at 6:05 and gets home at 6:20.
• Jane arrives home at 6:30
• The discussion of “What’s for dinner?” takes place
• Warmed up frozen lasagna with a bread stick is the meal for the night
• The children are watching television while dinner is being prepared.
• After dinner the dishes are cleaned, home work papers checked, the mail is perused, and its 9:00pm.
• The children go to bed.
• At 9:20 mom and dad sit down and turn on the television.
• Flipping channels they catch the second half of some television drama and just zone out.
• After watching the 11:00 news and deciding the briefcase can wait until tomorrow they share a few words about tomorrow and turn out the lights at 11:30.
• This was an easy day.
• The rest of the week will be filled with sport practices, games, music lessons, and some evening meetings at the office.
• The next day the family arises again to engage in this normal way of life for 5 out of 7 days.
• Saturday and Sunday are used for house cleaning, laundry, yard work, children’s sports, and church. The weekend stays rather packed.
The problems the Smith’s have are so common to the typical American family.
• Their extended family lives in another city or state.
• They lead such busy lives they don’t think to make time with family or friends
• Neighbors lead the same busy lives so the only time they see each other is when lawn mowing takes place with headphones on.
• Everyone else is either away or safely sheltered in their homes with air conditioned or heated home, fully equipped with the latest technologies so they don’t need to get out.
TAKE A DEEP BREATH WITH ME! I FEEL OVERWHELMED FOR THEM.
The Smith’s are just a made up couple. But rather real.
You know what I am talking about. The Smith’s are you and ME!
We lead these kinds of busy lives and the result is just the same as the Smith’s:
• Dreams and fears no one else knows
• Increasing sense of isolation, distress, and powerlessness growing inside
• We keep up with Joneses
• But inside we are not content
• We are unfulfilled
• We are not happy
The society we live in has created more lonely, isolated, and unfulfilled people than any other time in history.
And we, the CHURCH, have the opportunity to offer just what people are missing.
COMMUNITY, CONNECTEDNESS, RELATIONSHIPS, FRIENDSHIPS
Over the next few weeks this is what I want to look at with you. How can we, the church, fill this gapping whole inside of people.
People are longing for community.
On the 4th of July we had a party on our street with our neighbors. We planned this with out neighbors Walter & Missy, and Scott & Lindsay. As went around telling our neighbors everyone was so excited. We had 35 people come to eat, and about 50 for the fireworks.
We have a great chance to minister by filling this great need. People have a inner longing to have this need fulfilled that’s why they try all kinds of ways to fill this need.
Charles Swindoll wrote,“ The neighborhood bar is possibly the best counterfeit that there is to the fellowship Christ wants us to give his church. It’s an imitation, dispensing liquor instead of grace, escape rather than reality – but it is a permissive, accepting and inclusive fellowship. It is unshockable. It is democratic. You can tell people secrets, and they usually don’t tell others or even want to. The bar flourishes not because most people are alcoholics, but because God has put into the human heart the desire to know and be known, to love and be loved, and so many seek a counterfeit at the price of a few beers.”
Perhaps there is no better example of this than the television Sitcom “Cheers.” The theme song says, “Sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your name, and they’re always glad you came; You want to be where you can see, Our troubles are all the same; You want to be where everybody knows your name!” Isn’t it sad that was written about a bar instead of the house of God.
Randy Frazee writes “isolation is the second major obstacle to connecting in true community.” He says this flows out of the first main obstacle which is “a culture of individualism” this breed the sickness of loneliness.
That’s who we are today. More family members work more hours and we live further away from activities so there is not a lot of time to build meaningful friendships.
Frazee also writes “A group of people can be committed to the bible from its opening page to its concluding page and not be a community. By the same token a group can experience community and not be biblical in community” The key however is to find community that is biblical.
The first step in developing real community is developing deep friendships.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 – Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!
Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone?
Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
When we read these words of Solomon we tend to think in terms of marriage, and there certainly is that application. But I believe the author had a much wider application in mind.
• This is for people who are humans on this lonely earth who are wondering how to survive in our dog-eat-dog culture.
• The writer of Ecclesiastes wants us to understand that Friendship is a good investment.
• When the author says in verse nine, “Two are better than one, because they have good reward for their labor” the words “good reward” can also be translated “good return” for it means -dividends paid on a wise investment.
• The very best investment you will ever make in life will not be a financial one, but rather the investment made in relationships.
• We will get the best return on that investment over any other investment that we will ever make.
• As we go through life there are two kinds of things we can give our lives to.
o Some people try to accumulate possessions. They are constantly trying to get more or better stuff. It is attributed to the late Malcolm Forbes to have said, “He who dies with most toys wins.” However, since he has died, he knows that not to be true. If we spend all our lives trying to accumulate more and more possessions, we will never truly be happy and fulfilled.
o On the other hand we can decide to focus on building relationships, trying to make friends and to be a friend.
Today, as we begin this series we’re calling U-ology – the study of YOU – I want you to think about friendship.
Friendship is just what people need. And we need it in a biblical sense.
Proverbs 18:24 -- Friends come and friends go, but a true friend sticks by you like family. (MSG)
1. A Real Friend helps you when you’re down.
• v.10 “For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, For he has no one to help him up.”
• You may have a lot of people in your life you could call acquaintances. But you may only have a very few that you could term “real friends.”
• Some one has suggested that we have been successful in life if we have enough close friends to act as pall bearers at our funeral.
• You may wonder, “How can I tell the difference between acquaintances and friends.” That’s easy, just get in trouble, the people that are still around are your real friends, and there may not be as many left as you would have thought.
• A friend is the kind of person if you call them at 2:00 in the morning and tell them you need them. They don’t ask, “So what’s the problem” and then decide whether or not to come. They simply ask, “Where are you?” as they are getting dressed. That’s a friend. How many people do you have like that in your life?
• Proverbs 17:17 says, “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.”
• A true friend loves at all times, not just when the person is doing well in life.
• A true friend loves even when the chips are down or the person fails in some form or another.
• Jesus is called the friend of sinners in Matthew 11:19. I recall in John 8 when the woman was caught in the act of adultery. Jesus was a true friend to her.
• Instead of casting stones at her like everyone did or wanted to, Jesus demonstrated loving forgiveness.
• When people are down, they don’t need to be kicked. They need to be lifted up by a true friend who loves them.
• Someone said, “You can always tell a real friend: when you’ve made a fool of yourself he doesn’t feel you’ve done a permanent job.” A true friend loves you even when you fail.
• A real friend helps you when your down
2. A Real Friend Is Someone Who Provides Emotional Or Physical Warmth In A Cold, Cruel World.
• v. 11 -- “Again, if two lie down together, they will keep warm; But how can one be warm alone?”
• Some times we have a tendency to take a passage so literally that we miss point of the whole idea. This is more than just about keeping each other physically warm.
• We need help to face circumstances beyond our control, we need to be able to gain emotional strength when we do not have enough of our own.
• Sometimes it’s cold out there in the world. These are those circumstances where we are facing a battle of “How am I going to make it through this right now!” That is the time we need a friend to give us emotional strength.
• We all know that the reality of life is that we encounter a lot of people who when we spend time with them, they send our emotional gas gauge all the way over to empty. We leave their presence absolute drained.
• But there are other people, and these are our friends, that when we spend time with them, our emotion gas gauge goes all the way over to full.
• There are two kinds of people in the world encouragers and discouragers, which group characterizes you?
• Encouragers – fill up
• Discouragers – drain
• Encouragers – you look forward to seeing
• Discouragers – you avoid
• A real friend is someone who encourages and walks side by side through thick and thin.
A real friend
Helps when you are down
Provides emotional or physical support
3. A Real Friend Is Someone Who Will Fight To Protect You Or Your Reputation.
• v. 12 -- “Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him.”
• When these words were written based on the military strategy of the ancient world. Almost all combat, was hand to hand combat. Soldiers went into battle with a partner, someone that could be counted and trusted implicitly. The soldiers stood back to back of one another, and they always keep their backs in contact and fought whatever enemy came from any side.
• Friends not only never stab you in the back, they guard your back.
• A friend never puts up with gossip about their friends.
• Let me give you a definition of Gossip. I think you would write this down. Gossip is when someone says something negative or unkind about someone who is not present, whether it is true or not.
• Someone once defined a friend this way: “What is a friend? Friends are people with whom you dare to be yourself. Your soul can be naked with them. They ask you to put on nothing, only to be what you are. They do not want you to be better or worse. When you are with them, you feel as a prisoner feels that has been declared innocent. You do not have to be on your guard. You can say what you think, as long as it is genuinely you. Friends understand those contradictions in your nature that lead others to misjudge you. With them you breathe freely. They seek to understand you. You do not have to be careful. They like you. You can weep with them, sing with them, laugh with them, pray with them, etc.”
• This kind of friendship is what is needed in the church. When we demonstrate this kind of friendship toward one another we’ll see a church that connects with our community helping people center their lives on Jesus.
4. A Real Friend Is Committed To Helping You Grow Spiritually.
• Proverbs 27:17 -- “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.”
• The greatest gift you can give someone is the gift of an invitation, an invitation to a relationship with God.
• Some of you are here today because your friend invited you.
• You may even think that your friend is a little bit on the fanatical side when it comes to church and God, because they keep talking about it.
• Well I want to tell you that they are a true friend because they are letting you know of the greatest gift anyone could ever get and that is a personal relationship with God.
• The best friend you could possibly have to help you when you are down is Jesus.
• The best friend to provide emotional or physical support is found in Christ.
• Jesus is a friend who has already fought for your protection by going to the cross.
• Today if you are here because a friend brought you, they want you to know that forgiveness for your sin and a place in heaven is reserved for you if you allow Jesus to be your friend.
• If you have not accepted Christ personally into your life I want to invite you to do so in just a moment.
• True friends want to see us continue to grow. The writer of Proverbs has said, that friends help to sharpen us, to become sharp spiritually a little bit at a time.
• He compares this type of friendship to iron that is banged on by iron.
• Think of a blacksmith who makes swords. He takes a hammer and takes out a piece of iron and works on it slowly and continuously until it takes the shape and sharpness of a sword.
• Friends are always challenging us and even pushing us to be all that God wants for us to be.
• You may be saying to yourself, “I wish I had a friend like that!” Well I am so glad you asked!
• The second half of Proverbs 18:24 says, “… But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.”
• So let me close by inviting you to let Jesus be your Best Friend.
• There are some very important reasons to do so.
• First, Jesus deserves to be your best friend because He already knows you better than anyone else. One definition of a friend is, someone who knows all about us and likes us anyway. Well, no one better fulfills that qualification as Jesus.
• Secondly, Jesus deserves to be your best friend because He had done more for you than anyone else.
• John 15:13 -- "Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends.”
• Third, Jesus deserves to be your best friend because, He will always be there when you need Him.
• Ephesians 3:17-18 -- And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ
Conclusion
For those of you who cannot honestly say today that you have experienced a relationship with Jesus Christ I want to extend an invitation for you to do so today.
• I want to introduce you to someone who will be the greatest friend you have ever had.
• He is a friend who has already accepted you just and you are.
• He is a friend who has already paid your sin debt on the cross.
• He is a friend who is always accessible and who will never leave you.
• If you would like to accept him as your friend and your Savior I invite you to step out and come forward so the church can pray with you and help you know Jesus as your friend.
