INTRO.- Building fatherhood memories. How does a father do this? How does a father build good memories of him in his children?
First, let me tell you about my father. It’s natural for me to remember my father on Father’s Day. Why not? Isn’t this what Father’s Day all about? A time to remember and appreciate?
My father, Georgia Leo Shepherd, was born on July 13, 1910 and passed away on December 11, 1982, at the age of 72 years. Dad looked healthy on the outside, but wasn’t on the inside. A heart attack took his life suddenly. Dad had smoked all of his life and I think this contributed to his death.
Certainly, his smoking was not a good childhood memory for me. I just knew that smoking wasn’t the best thing in the world for him to do.
Dad also drank beer and sometimes, whiskey. This, of course, is not the best memory. Although when Dad drank beer it was generally just a few, because he apparently liked the taste and the refreshment. But when he drank hard liquor I didn’t like that. A few times, I saw the effects of that drinking. As a child I saw my father drunk a few times. Fortunately, for us, he was not a mean drunk. Thank God for that! I remember asking mom one time, “Mommy, what’s wrong with Daddy? He’s acting silly.” He was singing and dancing and I don’t remember what else.
Some other negative memories were when he disciplined me. I didn’t like that, but now I appreciate the fact that he loved me enough to discipline me. And if we love our children we will discipline them. Love cares enough to discipline.
Proverbs 13:24 “He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.”
I am sure there were many occasions when my dad disciplined me that I don’t even remember. But I was middle child and you know what that means, don’t you? Middle means meddle or else mean! Middle children meddle with things they shouldn’t or else they become the meanest child of the bunch. I WAS THE MIDDLE CHILD! The meanest! And the mouthiest!
ILL.- I remember coming home late from elementary school one day. I was supposed to come home directly after school was out. DID YOU EVER GET THAT COMMAND? Well, I didn’t obey. I went home after school with George Huffman. He was my buddy. He had a new bike and I rode on the back of it. We went to his house and played a little. What? I don’t remember. But later (maybe an hour went by), George took me home on his bike. When we got there, dad was standing in the front yard with a bad look on his face.
I don’t remember what dad said, but I remember very well what he did. He took off his belt and proceeded to whip or spank me with it. He wasn’t abusive by any means, but I certainly felt it on my backside. I knew that I had done wrong.
I know that both my dad and mom disciplined me in life, but I don’t remember much of that now. I guess that’s good. But I am sure that I deserved every form of punishment I got. MOST OF US DO. Most of us get far less than we deserve.
DAD AND LANGUAGE
Another negative thing that I remember about dad was his language. Sometimes he used bad language, which I had enough sense to know, wasn’t good. I especially didn’t like it when he used the Lord’s name in vain. But that wasn’t often. Obviously, smoking, drinking and bad language were not/are not good memories for me.
Building fatherhood memories. I do have some good memories of my father, not just negative memories.
DAD AND WORK
Dad was definitely a hard-working man. He drove a truck and hauled cattle most of his life. I respected dad for what he did. I saw him load cattle, herd cattle, drive his truck, unload cattle, clean the trailer out, which was not a pleasant job. Dad worked hard at whatever he did. His hard work was a good example.
Dad also taught us boys about maintaining our cars. When we became old enough to drive and buy a car, Dad showed us how to change the oil and filter, change spark plugs, etc. And this is good, because every father needs to teach his children how to do things in life.
Dad taught us how to drive, how to work, how to garden, how to mow the yard, etc. I thank God that my father was not a lazy man.
DAD AND THE CHIRSTIAN LIFE
My dad also taught me something about the Christian life even though he never claimed to be a Christian. I think he always believed in Christ but as far as I know, he was never baptized. And naturally, this has always bothered me. All I can do is trust him to our loving heavenly Father. OUR HEAVENLY FATHER KNOWS BEST AND DOES BEST. And I believe with all my heart, if anybody loved my father, it was and is my Heavenly Father!
I do wish, however, that my dad had been baptized into Christ (Acts 2:38) and that I had witnessed his baptism, as I did my mother’s. And I wish I had witnessed my dad reading the Bible, praying at the meal table and praying silently. But I didn’t. Blessed are you if you had a father like that.
Dad went to church with us occasionally, that is, on special occasions such as Christmas, Easter, VBS programs and perhaps at other times. We attended the First Baptist Church of Webb City, MO, where my mother was a member. I went to SS, morning worship service, youth meetings and VBS. SS and VBS were my favorite times at church. And I did learn some things. THANK GOD!
I remember dad saying one time that some Christian people would “high hat” a person, as he called it. What he meant was this. He said that some Christian people were quick to greet a person in church but on the street they wouldn’t recognize you or speak to you. That bothered dad, because I’m sure he thought that was being hypocritical.
And this is a bad trait that some people have. We should be the same person in the church and outside the church.
Another thing that I will never forget about Dad and the Christian life is this. I remember visiting mom and dad in their home one time after I had been preaching for many years, probably 15 years. Mom, dad and I were in their living room and suddenly, out of the blue, mother said, “I need to bring daddy up there (meaning where I preached) and have him baptized.” I WAS SHOCKED AND SILENT.
And just as quickly as she said those words, dad responded by saying, “You have to get the head right first.” And dad was exactly right! If a person’s head or thinking isn’t right first, then being baptized isn’t going to do them any good. I guess my dad was essentially saying, “I’m not ready yet.”
And what does this teach us about the Christian life? It teaches that you can’t force or coerce people into becoming Christians or being baptized. THEY MUST COME TO THIS POINT ON THEIR OWN. We can encourage, but we can’t coerce. We can encourage, pray and love, but we can’t get pushy. It won’t work and even if it did, it wouldn’t accomplish any good, because they might well go down a wet sinner and come up a wet sinner.
We all have memories of our fathers. Some good, some negative. The important thing for fathers who are still living is how do we build some good, fatherhood memories in our children?
PROP.- Let me share a few thoughts, which hopefully, will help us all. We all build memories in the lives of others and especially, our children.
1- Lavish time
2- Love strongly
3- Live decently
I. LAVISH TIME
Eph. 5:15-17 “Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is.”
One thing the Lord’s will is: use your time wisely. Give time to people. Give time to your children. Lavish them with your time. Time spent with your children will always pay off.
ILL.- Charles Francis Adams, 19th century political figure and diplomat, kept a diary. One day he wrote: "Went fishing with my son today--a day wasted." His son, Brook Adams, also kept a diary. On that same day, Brook Adams made this entry: "Went fishing with my father--the most wonderful day of my life!" The father thought he was wasting his time while fishing with his son, but his son saw it as an investment of time.
ILL.- Christian writer, Max Lucado, wrote an interesting article entitled WHAT I WOULD HAVE MISSED. “I could have been out of town that week. I had an invitation to be in the Midwest at a church. I turned it down. What if I hadn’t? If I had gone, I would have had the attention of a thousand people for an hour.
“I would have had the opportunity to speak about Jesus to some people who don’t know him. Is a Tuesday evening at home with three children and a spouse more important than preaching to an audience?
“Read my list of what I would have missed. Then you decide.
“I would have missed a trip to the swimming pool in which I saw Jenna climb onto her inner tube for the first time.
“I would have missed fifteen minutes of bouncing up and down in the shallow end of the pool, with Andrea clinging to my neck singing the theme from “Sleeping Beauty.”
“I would have missed seeing Denalyn get sentimental as she unpacked a box of baby clothes.
“I wouldn’t have gone on a walk with the girls during which Jenna found ten “special” rocks.
“I wouldn’t have been there to hold Andrea when her finger got slammed in the door.
“I wouldn’t have been there to answer Jenna’s question: “Daddy, what is a handicapped person?”
“What do you think? I know my vote. There are a hundred speakers who could have addressed that crowd, but my girls just have one daddy.
“After I made my list, just for the fun of it I picked up the phone and called the church that had asked me to come and speak that week. The minister wasn’t in, but his secretary was. “Isn’t this the week of your seminar?” I asked.
“’Oh, yes! It has been a wonderful success!’ They didn’t even miss me,” Max said.
Many things won’t be missed in life when we give our time to our children. But if we don’t give them time and especially, when they’re young, many things could be missed, by them and us. Special memories and opportunities to bless them.
II. LOVE STRONGLY
Eph. 6:4 “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.”
This text doesn’t say anything about loving our children, but it seems only reasonable that we would love them since we are advised to train them in the Lord. In fact, it may well be that to train them in the Lord and in the ways of the Lord, the best thing would be to demonstrate all the love we can!
If God is love (and He is) and He loves us strongly (and He does) then it only makes sense for fathers to love their children strongly.
ILL.- One morning, a grade school teacher asked her class how many points there are on the compass. She was surprised when one little boy raised his hand and said: “Five.” One being questioned, the boy counted: “North, south, east, west, and where I am.”
The compass of our lives should point to our children. Precious they are. Nothing like them will ever come into lives. Nothing can compare to them. Not any material thing and not anything else.
ILL.- A mother asked her six-year-old boy what loving-kindness meant. “Well,” he said, “when I ask you for a piece of bread and butter, and you give it to me, that’s kindness. But when you put jam on it, that’s loving-kindness.”
How can a father love his children strongly? He can give his children lots of loving kindness. He can hug them. He can kiss them and tell them he loves them. (I don’t ever remember my dad telling me that he loved me, but I want to believe he did), etc. A father can do things with his children. He can play with them and show them how to do things in life. He can let them be children when they are children. He can forgive them. He can be patient with them, knowing that it takes time for them to learn. He can be there for them. As much as possible. That’s what a father does. That’s how a father loves.
III. LIVE DECENTLY
Eph. 6:4 “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.”
If we are going to train our children in the ways of the Lord then we must consider our example and live decently. Just as I watched my father and learned from his ways, so all children watch their parents and learn from them.
ILL.- Mark Twain once said, “Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.” I would say it’s certainly better than the annoyance of a bad example.
ILL.- I’ll never forget something that my dad did one time. Our family was riding along in the old 55 Chevy at night. A car came up behind us with its bright lights shining in the car. But that wasn’t all they were doing. THEY WERE ANNOYING MY DAD GREATLY. In fact, it made dad angry. He cussed and slowed down so the car behind would pass us. And as soon as that car passed us, dad speeded up behind that car and flipped on his high beams.
That was not a good example and I’ll never forget it. It was a negative example of anger and impatience.
I know that I, too, have given my children a bad example at times. I am humbled and embarrassed. And all I can do is to ask for their forgiveness and pray they won’t hold anything against me.
I’m not confessing, just admitting failure in my life. I think it’s good for a father to do this. We must never give the impression to our children that we think we are always right and never do anything wrong. But when we do wrong, we must be big enough to admit error and humble enough to ask for forgiveness.
Our example deals with how we live, how we work and how we deal with people. Our children will remember. But what will they remember? I can only hope that when I’m gone my children will some good memories.
If a child lives with criticism,
He learns to condemn.
If a child lives with hostility,
He learns to fight.
If a child lives with ridicule,
He learns to be shy.
If a child lives with tolerance,
He learns to be patient.
If a child lives with encouragement,
He learns confidence.
If a child lives with praise,
He learns to appreciate.
If a child lives with fairness,
He learns justice.
If a child lives with security,
He learns to have faith.
If a child lives with approval,
He learns to like himself.
If a child lives with acceptance and friendship,
He learns to find love.
CONCLUSION--------------------------------------
We hear about a mother’s love
In story and in song,
How staunch it is through trial and storm,
How tender and strong,
How sweet and pure and beautiful;
And every word is true.
But what about a father’s love?
That claims some notice, too.
A father delves the darksome mine
And climbs the girders high
And swings upon the scaffolding
Between the earth and sky.
It’s father who bends his aching back
And bows his graying head
To bear the burdens of the day
And earn the children’s bread.
For both must work and both must plant
And do an equal share
To rear the little ones the Lord
Has trusted to their care.
All honor to the mother’s love;
The universe it fills.
But when you praise it, don’t forget
That father pays the bills.
