A wedding is one thing; a marriage is another. When we think about weddings; images of soft music, rows of candles, beautiful attire and cake smashed all over the face of two newlyweds. However, every married couple realizes that the excitement of the wedding day cannot sustain a lifetime together. The honeymoon generally has a very short life span. After which the smooth ride becomes rough as the road of life becomes filled with potholes. Soon newlyweds discover that a marriage license is really just a learner’s permit and soon many scream is there life after marriage? Author Joe Aldrich puts it this way, “the essential difficulties of life do not end, but rather begin with marriage.” This all seems to be painting a pretty bleak portrait, doesn’t it? Fortunately, a letter written by Peter who was not only one of Jesus’ disciples; but a married man as well. As we read the words of this letter we discover new hope for the age-old struggle between two sinful people trying to coexist under the same roof. Earlier in his letter we learned about submission. We discovered that believers, as loyal citizens, should submit to governing authorities and that slaves should respond to their masters in a positive manner. We also took a brief look at the ultimate example of Christ’s submission. Now we were look at a true test of submission and love: relationships between husbands and wives.
I. Peter begins this chapter by offering some wise counsel to wives.
A. Peter’s new hope for marriages rested upon the example of Christ.
1. The Greek term meaning “in the same manner” or “likewise” connects the first six verses of chapter 3 with the passage that began in 2:13.
2. Just as Jesus submitted to His Father’s will, wives are called to willingly submit to their husbands in love.
3. Most wives would respond, “No problem Peter. I will willing submit, as long as my husband is attentive, takes out the trash, helps with the kids and helps with the house work.”
4. It is natural to have such a conditional response: “If my husband acts this way then I will honor, serve and love him faithfully.”
B. Peter’s directive is not just for the women who are married to the perfect man.
1. Peter implies that even the best of husbands are often insensitive, inattentive and yes even unpleasant to be around.
2. Peter addresses the wives of couch potatoes, slackers and the unsaved.
3. Today many wives feel trapped in marriages that have lost their spark.
4. Maybe the tenderness and kindness in your marriage has flown out the window.
5. Regardless of your situation Peter has a word of hope for you.
II. Peter offers three practical ways to find new hope for your marriage.
A. Peter prompts wives to carefully analyze their own actions.
1. Women who find themselves dealing on a daily basis with an unresponsive or even antagonistic husband may be tempted to respond by nagging, pouting or manipulating.
2. There are two major problems with such behavior.
a. Nagging wives assume a responsibility that is not theirs, trying to change their husbands.
b. She is spending her energies on the wrong person by focusing on her needs rather than the needs of her husband.
3. An obedient wife chooses to love her husband unconditionally and refuses to play the blame and shame game.
4. Ruth Graham the wife of Billy puts it this way, “It’s my job to love Billy. It’s God’s job to make him good.”
5. A wife’s loving unselfish actions penetrate deeper than any sharp rebuke.
6. Peter shows that the secret to changing a man’s heart is to let go and let God.
7. The quiet submission of a Godly wife will influence her husband more than any bitter badgering.
B. Peter exhorts wives to carefully examine their attitudes.
1. Before jumping to legalistic conclusions, realize the passage does not forbid a visit to the hair salon, the wearing of jewelry or the wearing of pants.
2. Peter is simply saying that woman should be recognized for strength of character.
3. Peter urges women to strive for eternal character that is precious in the sight of God.
4. The most important beauty is the inner beauty.
C. Peter urges wives to evaluate who receives their attention.
1. Peter undoubtedly reviewed in his mind the stories of holy women down through the centuries such as Ruth, Hannah and Esther. Women who their security in God rather than their husbands.
2. Peter shows that Sarah respected Abraham greatly even though he was far from perfect.
3. In this upside down world in which men want to be more like women and women more like men God reminds us that He made us vastly different.
4. It is amazing what can happen to a marriage when husbands and wives follow God’s lead.
D. You may think that Peter spent an undue amount of time writing to wives.
1. He penned six verses for wives compared to just one for husbands.
2. God knew that husbands needed simple, clear and concise directions.
3. He knew that if men could master this next verse, women would be better able to embrace the biblical model of submission.
III. Just as Christ sacrificed for the church the husband should sacrifice for his wife in some very specific ways.
A. Verse 7 is tied to the rest of Peter’s message on submission by the simple phrase “in the same way.”
1. The Bible is clear that husbands are the heads of the family just as Christ is the head of the church.
2. In the Greek head does not translate as dictator or tyrant.
3. While the wife’s role is to submit to the husband, a husband’s role is to love his wife tenderly and to care for her needs.
4. Just as Christ sacrificed for the church, the husband should sacrifice for his wife.
B. Peter urges husbands to live with their wives intimately.
1. Peter is talking about more than just sharing the same address, sharing the same bed, eating at the same table and paying off the same mortgage.
2. The Greek word used here for together is sunoikeo it reflects the bond and union of the marriage relationship.
3. God intends marriage to be an intimate union that illustrates the relationship of Christ and His Bride, the church.
4. Peter is urging husbands to love their wives and learn to search out the deepest needs and desires of their hearts.
C. Peter describes how a husband can foster intimacy with his wife.
1. The Greek literally says, “Live with your wife according to knowledge.”
2. This doesn’t mean that once you know your wife’s favorites colors, foods and movies you are done.
3. The husband is instructed here to carefully search out his wife’s dreams, discover her passions and share her most difficult struggles.
4. Paul writes that Husbands are to love, protect, honor, respect and cherish their wives as their own bodies. (Ephesians 5:27-29)
D. Peter finally urges husbands to honor their wives faithfully.
1. The Greek word for honor was used to translate many Hebrew words in the OT: valuables, precious, honor, glory and ransom.
2. Wives are valuable and Peter commanded husbands to grant them honor.
3. For marriage to truly work, both partners must submit to the roles that God had ordained for them since creation.
a. Wives be submissive to your husbands.
b. Husbands love your wives and strive to meet their needs.
4. If we start following the paths of “getting even” or “I’ll show her” or “He needs to know this”; you are doomed from the very beginning.
5. Peter shows that the key to a successful marriage is a simple plan but it demands patience.
6. It necessitates dying to self. It requires the Holy Spirit. And Peter summed it up in one word: “submission.”
"Ruth and I don’t have a perfect marriage, but we have a great one. How can I say two things that seem so contradictory? In a perfect marriage, everything is always the finest and best imaginable; like a Greek statue, the proportions are exact and the finish is unblemished. Who knows any human beings like that? For a married couple to expect perfection in each other is unrealistic. The unblemished ideal exists only in happily-ever-after fairy tales. Ruth likes to say, ’If two people agree on everything, one of them is unnecessary.’ The sooner we accept that as a fact of life, the better we will be able to adjust to each other and enjoy togetherness. ’Happily incompatible’ is a good adjustment." - Billy Graham
