Guidelines for Effective Prayer (Part 3)
Matthew 6:14-15
May 29, 2005
Introduction
We’ve spent the last few weeks looking at what Jesus had to say about prayer, as we’ve looked at his words in Matthew 6.
And from these words, we’ve found 8 principles or guidelines for effective prayer. In other words, what should we keep in mind if we wish to have God answer our prayers the way we would like.
But that’s not to say we can manipulate God into giving us what we want by following these guidelines. God will not be manipulated.
Remember, HE is the master, we are the servants. We come to him in humility, bringing our requests, knowing that he has the power to grant them, but that he is under no obligation to grant them.
So I hope you don’t feel that what I’ve talked about so far during these messages is how to make God do YOUR will. Because one of the purposes of prayer is to help us do GOD’S will.
The guidelines we’ve looked at so far are aimed at preparing US, not preparing God. Does that make sense?
Let’s very quickly review the guidelines we’ve looked at so far:
* Avoid praying for "looks."
* Don’t measure the prayer by the words.
* Trust that the Father knows your needs.
* Praise God’s name.
* Pray for God’s purposes.
* Pray for God’s provision.
* Pray for God’s pardon.
* Pray for God’s protection.
We find today’s guideline in verses 14-15 of Matthew 6. And I would like you to read this passage aloud with me.
"For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins."
This is connected to the passage describing Jesus’ model prayer by that little word, "for." Jesus gives the model prayer and then says, "For if you forgive men..."
Here is today’s guideline for effective prayer: Forgive as God has forgiven you.
Colossians 3:13 -
Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.
I love the way The Message has part of this verse:
Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you.
There’s a whole message right there. When you come to God for forgiveness, he forgives you instantly, and completely. And he expects us to do the same for others.
Withholding forgiveness from others is contrary to the way the Father acts toward us. And if we’re going to call ourselves followers of God, disciples of Jesus, then we need to demonstrate that forgiveness.
These two verses here in Matthew 6 are a reaffirmation of verse 12 of the model prayer, in which Jesus instructs us to pray,
Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.
Before we get into the heart of the message, though, let’s look at two inescapable facts about forgiveness:
1. Forgiveness is not optional.
It’s not a suggestion, it’s a command. Refusal to forgive is a sin itself. Have you ever thought that way before? It’s true. God commands it. If we don’t obey, we are disobedient, and disobedience is sin.
Secondly...
2. Unforgiveness hinders answered prayer.
Why is that? Because we are in sin. And when we are in sin, we cannot expect God to answer our prayers. That’s pretty simple, right? Right.
Well, let’s move into the main points of the message, as we investigate just what forgiveness is and is not.
I think we might be a little more inclined to offer forgiveness if we know what it’s really all about, and in doing that I think we need to destroy a couple myths about forgiveness, so let’s start by looking first at...
What forgiveness is not:
This won’t be an exhaustive list, but there are two main things I want us to see about what forgiveness is not. And I hope that even this part of the message will be helpful, and maybe even freeing for you, if you have been holding onto these myths.
Here we go. First of all...
1. Forgiveness is not pretending it’s okay.
You know what? People hurt you, and it’s NOT okay. Whether it’s intentional or not, it’s not okay. You are hurt. And too often we think that forgiveness means pretending you’re not hurt or that it’s okay that you got hurt.
Well, that’s just not the case. You need to be honest about your hurt. There’s nothing wrong with that.
Now sometimes (and here’s the hard part of this) our hurts are due more to our over-sensitivity about something. And while we’re examining the fact that we’re hurt, we also need to examine ourselves to see if the hurt is legitimate or just the result of our sensitivity to something.
And I’m not saying we shouldn’t be sensitive about some things. I am, and all of us are. But we need to make sure that we’re not OVERLY sensitive about something.
Let me use an extreme example. You might be a Ford person (and Lord help you if you are...) and so you might be hurt or offended by the fact that I drive a Chevy Lumina.
I didn’t get that vehicle to get you upset. I’ve had that vehicle for many years, now. If you’re upset about my choice of vehicles, then chances are really good that you’re just being oversensitive about it.
On the other hand, you might be a Chevy person, and you might be upset about the fact that my wife drives a Ford Windstar. And the answer to that isn’t that you necessarily need to forgive me, but rather that you just have to learn to deal with it.
You see, I’m an equal opportunity offender!
Back to the point here: you don’t need to pretend you’re not hurt. Be honest about it - with yourself and the other person. Just make sure that you have actually been harmed, okay?
The second thing I want to point out in this section is that...
2. Forgiveness is not forgetting it ever happened.
The phrase, "forgive and forget," at least as we think about it, is not a Scriptural idea.
The Bible says that God forgets our sins, but it’s not like God has some sort of divine mental lapse. He chooses to not bring them up any more. More on that in a bit.
But look - some of us, maybe all of us, have been hurt in ways that we will never be able to forget them.
And the Bible doesn’t say we should. So don’t think you have to, and don’t pretend you have, when you really haven’t.
I’m hoping that you have actually forgotten many of the sins that have been committed against you. That’s a good thing.
But you can’t pretend you’re not hurt, and you can’t just forget everything.
And that brings us to our next section of the message, where we take a look at...
What forgiveness is:
I just want to point out three things that I can find in Scripture that discuss what forgiveness involves. There may be more, but I think these three are incredibly important.
1. Refusing to seek revenge.
Romans 12:17, 19 -
Do not repay anyone evil for evil...Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord.
Bottom-line: we are supposed to let God take care of "making them pay" for their sins against you. Revenge is out of the question for the Christian. It’s that simple.
God uses all sorts of methods to do that, including the government, that he put into place to punish the wrong-doer.
What about restitution for damages? If some steals something or breaks something, can I not pursue restitution?
I think you can. The Bible talks about getting reasonable restitution. The problem comes in that our lawsuit-happy society, the phrase, "reasonable restitution" is almost unheard of.
If someone has damaged something, they should pay to have it repaired or replaced. If they have taken something, they should pay to have it replaced. Understand that restitution is not necessarily punishment. Restitution is a Biblical requirement. Revenge, however is prohibited.
So when seeking damages, make sure they’re reasonable, and then abide by the decision of the court or whomever.
But understand, revenge is not allowed.
The second fact about what forgiveness is that it’s...
2. Refusing to hold a grudge.
I’m going to camp here for a while, because I don’t think enough people understand this well.
Proverbs 17:9 -
He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends.
Most of us know what it’s like for someone to constantly bring up something from the past. You blew it sometime way back, but some people just can’t let it go.
Maybe you’re the one who’s always bringing stuff up. Well let me be totally frank here: that’s wrong.
As this verse shows, it does nothing but separate people. I know, I know. You want to make sure they learned their lesson. But is that really your concern? Let it go!
I mentioned a few moments ago that God forgets our sins. The Bible says that he throws our sins into the sea of forgetfulness. What’s that all about? It just basically means that God’s not going to be throwing it in your face. It’s gone, as far as he’s concerned.
And that’s how we need to treat others who hurt us.
We’ve all heard the phrase, "water under the bridge." I like that. There have been times when I’ve had to ask forgiveness of people, and they’ve said that it was water under the bridge.
And knowing them like I do, I know they meant it. They weren’t saying it was okay that I hurt them, and they weren’t pretending I hadn’t hurt them. They were simply saying that it was in the past, and weren’t going to dwell on it any more.
I think that’s a good, biblical attitude. But when say that, make sure you’re talking about a river, not a lake! Understand what I mean? A lake doesn’t really go anywhere, but the river keeps running.
At a convention with their wives, two businessmen who had been roommates in college crossed paths. They sat in the lobby all night talking. They knew they would be in trouble with their wives. The next day they happened to see each other. "What did your wife think?"
"I walked in the door and my wife got historical."
"Don’t you mean hysterical?"
"No, historical. She told me everything I ever did wrong." (SermonCentral.com)
What if they keep sinning against me and asking for forgiveness and doing it and asking for forgiveness?
Well, Jesus had something to say about that, and I’m sorry I didn’t get it in your note-taking guide. But in Matthew 18, we find Peter coming up to Jesus and saying -
"Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?"
22 Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.
Or as it says in some translations, "seventy times seven," which 490 times, so if you want to forgive only seventy times, you can choose the translation I’m using!
But hey - Jesus isn’t saying to keep a chart so you can track how often you forgive someone.
He’s saying you just keep doing it. And if you’re keeping track, you’re not really forgiving are you? The Bible says we’re not to keep account of the wrongs done against us.
And something else. I’ve mentioned this before, and it needs to be mentioned again here in the context of our message.
The question of, "What if they never repent and ask my forgiveness. Am I still supposed to forgive them?" comes up from time to time.
And in my opinion, I think you should. That’s the model of Jesus on the cross. And I think that if you aren’t willing to forgive those who don’t repent, then you open yourself up to a life of bitterness.
And is that what you want? I hope not. Unfortunately, that’s how many Christians live. And it’s a major cause of the loss of joy that many face in spite of the fact that they know Christ and are on their way to heaven.
Here’s the third fact about what forgiveness is all about, and that is that forgiveness means...
3. Restoring the relationship, as far as possible.
Galatians 6:1 -
Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted.
This is just how God acts toward us. He forgives, and he brings us back into fellowship with him.
This isn’t always easy, and it doesn’t mean that everything is just hunky-dory after forgiveness.
It means that you work with the person to help bring them back to a level of normalcy and trust.
This verse is also a reminder that we aren’t immune from sinning and hurting someone ourselves.
How can you trust that person to not hurt you again? Well, it’s not automatic, that’s for sure.
Trust is like respect. It needs to be earned. If you are the one who’s been forgiven by someone, you need to work to regain the trust they once had in you.
But they forgave me! Why can’t they trust me anymore? Because forgiveness is their part - rebuilding trust is your part.
What do I mean? Well just because they forgive you, it doesn’t automatically mean your character has been changed.
You need to work with God on that. And as you display behavior that’s more consistent with what they need to see in you, the trust will build.
Sometimes it’s quick, sometimes it’s not. Because sometimes the sin is huge and can’t just be passed off.
For instance, if a spouse has committed adultery, the other spouse is going to have a hard time trusting that person to not do it again.
And so the other person is going to have to work hard and long, probably for a number of years to regain the trust of the spouse.
That’s not unforgiveness; that’s just a consequence of the sinful behavior.
You see, forgiveness doesn’t mean there aren’t consequences. You might break into my house and steal something from me.
I can forgive you, but the state will still probably bring charges, especially if someone was hurt. Because you didn’t only sin against me, you broke the law, and the state has the right and the duty to punish that. That’s just a natural consequence.
If you have been untrustworthy with someone else’s money, don’t plan on them trusting you with more any time soon. Maybe someday, but not for a while.
And you know what? It may never happen. You may never be able to regain the trust of someone in that area.
Again, that’s not necessarily unforgiveness - it’s just a consequence.
Conclusion
Well, let’s start bringing this in for a landing, okay?
Folks, if you want to be effective in prayer, you need to forgive as God has forgiven you. It’s that simple. It’s right here in black in white (unless you’re using a red-letter edition of the Bible, that is...)
I want to give you my one-word definition of forgiveness. Ready? Here it is: release.
Release of your claim to vengeance. Release of your "right" to hold a grudge. Releasing the person to work on restoring that relationship, whenever possible. Release of the chains of unforgiveness that wrap themselves around you and choke the life right out of you, robbing you of the joy and abundant life Jesus wants for you.
Release. When you can let go of the bitterness and hurt, forgiveness happens at the deepest level. Forgiveness is letting go.
And listen. I know that some of you have been hurt tremendously. As badly as I have been hurt in my life, it wouldn’t compare to what others have done to you.
Some of you might be thinking, "So what do you know, PB? You haven’t gone through what I’ve gone through."
And I recognize that. And I’m not talking as someone who pretends to relate to everything you’ve gone through.
All I can do is tell you that while I may not know what you’re going through, God does. He knows what you’re going through because he’s been there.
He was lied to, betrayed, abandoned, laughed at and scorned, and finally killed by the people he loved. He can relate to everything you’re going through, believe me.
And on top of that, you need to remember one thing. God forgave you, even though you deserved death and eternal torment in hell.
You have been taken off death row and given eternal life in spite of the fact that the Bible says that if you’ve broken one of God’s laws, you’ve broken them all.
And God forgave you. And not only that, he adopted you into his family, knowing full well who you were, what your sins were and how you would sin against him in the future.
In view of that, do you really feel you have the right to withhold forgiveness from someone else?
I don’t think so.
God has forgiven you. He commands you to forgive. And here’s something else, that we didn’t cover today, and that is that God doesn’t just command us to do something that he won’t help us to do.
Listen to Philippians 2:13 from the Living Bible -
For God is at work within you, helping you want to obey him, and then helping you do what he wants.
I like that.
Before we go, I want us to take just a moment for some silent reflection.
I want us to just ask the Holy Spirit to show us individually if there is someone we need to forgive. And if someone comes to mind, ask the Holy Spirit to help you forgive that person right now.
Then I’ll close in prayer.
