RELEASING YOUR CHILD
Let me read to you some phrases that a parent says during the child rearing years. See if you have either heard these or maybe even said them …
• Oh, let me hold her!
• How’s my little angel?
• Hush, baby girl.
• Aren’t you sleepy yet?
• It’s okay. Don’t cry
• No, no. Don’t touch.
• Come to Mommy … or Daddy.
• Take that out of your mouth, Yucky!
• That’s not for you.
• You don’t need that anymore.
• You’re a big girl now.
• Tell Mommy or Daddy if you need to potty ... okay?
• Don’t get into your brother’s things.
• Go to your room.
• No, you may not.
• I just brought you a drink of water.
• Get back in bed.
• Pick up your toys.
• Don’t play inside the clothes rack.
• Can you draw a picture for Grandma?
• Hold still.
• Can you remember to bring it home tomorrow?
• I’m sure she still wants to be your friend.
• Did you practice?
• Try looking under your bed.
• Go wash your hands.
• You’re not old enough yet.
• You’ll have to ask your father.
• Where was it when you last saw it?
• Stop teasing your brother.
• Go clean your room. Come set the table.
• Don’t bite your nails.
• Did you do your homework?
• Get off the phone. Eat your vegetables.
• You’re responsible to keep track of your own things.
• Did you tell me it was this Saturday?
• Sure … if you want to use your own money.
• Tell her you’ll call her back.
• Try on a bigger size.
• There’s a boy on the phone for you.
• You may not wear that to school
• Be back by your curfew
• I did not say it was okay.
• Come straight home.
• No, I need the car this afternoon.
• Are you coming home this weekend? Next weekend?
• What do you know about him?
• Have you thought this through?
• I ordered them because I thought you would appreciate them.
• But pink used to be your favorite color.
• Whatever you want. It’s up to you.
• Don’t sit on your veil.
• Call us when you get there.
• Don’t slip on the rice.
• Good-bye, honey
Robin Jones Gunn, Mothering by Heart
Did those statements take some of you down memory lane? When I read these phrases by Robin Jones Gunn from her book "Mothering by Heart" I reminisced over the last 29 years of Vicki’s and my life … The child rearing years … beginning with the first news that we were pregnant with Amber … till the time that Brandon walked down the aisle of the church toward the backdoors with his beautiful bride’s arm tucked into his.
Those were great years … sure there were days filled with bumps, bruises, and scrapes. There were days when you wondered if had the slightest idea as to what parenting was about. But there were many more days when we were so proud we would get giddy because Amber or Brandon did some really neat things that showed they were indeed a person of godly character. Those were good days! And I must admit … it was tough letting them go!
This morning I want to talk to you about releasing your child! Raising them up and then taking our hands off and turning them completely back over to God!
John White put it his way in his book "Parents in Pain" …
To relinquish your children does not mean to abandon them … but to give them back to God and in so doing, to take your hands off them.
There comes a time in our children’s lives that we need to let go! It certainly is not an easy thing to do … but it is absolutely necessary if we expect our children to become healthy adults … to be people who can make it on their own! To be people who can make a contribution to society and even more importantly … to the kingdom of God!
The interesting thing about this is … releasing our child is not an event in which we say "today I have released my child" … it is a process! We start that releasing process the day the umbilical cord is cut ... and it progresses until the day the young man or woman … who used to be your little baby … packs their suitcases and moves out of the house.
We gradually release those children so they can become independent from us! We certainly don’t want our child to be sitting in the highchair and us feeding him or her when he or she is 17 years old! We progress from the days that they are totally dependent on us … to the day that they are totally independent from us! That is the job that God has given us as parents!
I want us to take a look this morning at a set of parents that display this process in the Scriptures. They are the most famous parents to ever live! They are Jesus’ mom and dad. I want us to notice three different events that take place in the life of Jesus how His parents progressively release Him.
1. THEY PROTECTED HIM
Turn with me to MATTHEW 2:13-15a (NIV) … 13When they had gone, an angel of the Lord appeared to Joseph in a dream. “Get up,” he said, “take the child and his mother and escape to Egypt. Stay there until I tell you, for Herod is going to search for the child to kill him.” 14So he got up, took the child and his mother during the night and left for Egypt, 15where he stayed until the death of Herod.
God gives us as parents the responsibility to protect our children when they need protected! Nothing infuriates you more than when you hear on the news that a little baby has been left abandoned in a dumpster. We want to get a hold of the mother and father of that child and beat them silly don’t we? How can anyone be so cold and so insensitive! God has built into us the desire to protect our little ones … and when someone does not do that … we are angry!
Mary and Joseph protected Jesus from certain death by fleeing to Egypt. They fulfilled the responsibility as parents when they protected their child!
2. THEY PREPARED HIM
Not only did Joseph and Mary protect their son, Jesus … they also prepared Him for His life’s mission!
The whole family went to Jerusalem for the Passover and when it was time to leave … Jesus was left behind … by accident! Mary thought He was with Joseph … and Joseph thought He was with Mary. When they returned and finally found Him … they were upset … Why did you do this to us Jesus?
Notice Jesus’ reply in LUKE 2:49 (NIV) … 49“Why were you searching for me?” he asked. “Didn’t you know I had to be in my Father’s house?”
How in the world could Joseph and Mary possibly know that was what He would be doing? Because they prepared Him for that life mission! Joseph and Mary had taught Jesus the importance of God and God’s Kingdom. They had taught Him that He had a special mission in that Kingdom! They had done a better job of preparing Him than they even realized!
We are to prepare our children for their life mission! We are to teach them and prepare them so that when they leave home and set on that mission journey … they are prepared!
3. SHE PROPELLED HIM
By the time that we get to this event in Christ’s life … tradition tells us that Joseph has already died. Mary is left to be Jesus’ parent in his later years of being at home. It was left for her to propel Jesus out of the house and into His own life independent from her.
Turn to JOHN 2:1-5 (NIV) … -1On the third day a wedding took place at Cana in Galilee. Jesus’ mother was there, 2and Jesus and his disciples had also been invited to the wedding. 3When the wine was gone, Jesus’ mother said to him, “They have no more wine.” 4“Dear woman, why do you involve me?” Jesus replied. “My time has not yet come.” 5His mother said to the servants, “Do whatever he tells you.”
This is the first miracle that Jesus performs. It is at the beginning of His ministry. Notice who initiates it! It is Mary. We get the indication that Jesus is not necessarily wanting to start His mission yet … He tells His mother that His time has not yet come … but she tells the servants to do what He says to do. And He does what she asks.
I think one of the toughest parts of parenting is the propelling part! It is tough to see your child leave your home … and know that they will never be back as a child again. They are now an adult … they are on their own! It is tough to do that! In fact … psychiatry has a term for it if you don’t … it is called "codependency." But for us to fulfill our job as parents … we have to send them out on their own! Some kids gladly go! Some kids go kicking and screaming … but they have to go or they will never be all that God wants them to be!
It is our job as parents to move to the point that we propel our kids into a life independent from us! There comes a time when we need to pack their suitcases and send them off! In fact … the truth is … we need to start packing that suitcase on the day they first come home from the hospital. Let me tell you SEVEN THINGS that you need to pack to be sure that your children will be the kind of good moral, godly people that God expects them to be when they finally leave your home …
1. Pack a Bible … Faith
Hebrews 11:6 (NIV) … “And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.”
One of the worst things we can do for our children is to send them into the world without a strong faith! It is a jungle out there! Our kids cannot rely on our faith anymore … once they have left the home! I apron string faith will not get it! They need to own their own faith! One that was tested while they were still under our care … one that has been tried and proven … so when that professor at college tries to destroy it … it stands firm!
2. Pack a Cell Phone … Prayer
Philippians 4:6-7 (NIV) “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
Another valuable item to send off with your child is a good prayer life! Teach them that God is listening and cares about their concerns! Teach them that they are never alone … they always have someone to talk to … not just you as their parents … but God as their Father! He will listen … and He will come to their rescue!
Bill Hybels writes in his book, Too Busy Not To Pray:
“It is hard for God to release His power in your life when you put your hands in your pockets and say, ‘I can handle it on my own.’ If you do that don’t be surprised if one day you get the nagging feeling that the tide of battle has shifted against you and that you’re fairly powerless to do anything about it.
Prayerless people cut themselves off from God’s prevailing power, and the frequent result is the familiar feeling of being overwhelmed, overrun, beaten down, pushed around, and defeated. Surprising numbers of people are willing to settle for lives like that. Don’t be one of them. Nobody has to live like that. Prayer is the key to unlocking God’s prevailing power in your life.”
3. Pack a Credit Card … Trust
Psalm 20:7 (NIV) … “Some trust in chariots and some in horses,
but we trust in the name of the LORD our God.”
Sometimes it is very difficult to teach our kids to trust! And there is a good reason for that … there are a lot of things in this world that is not trustworthy! Things … that is you put your trust in them … you are going to get burnt … or you are going to fall!
Have you ever played the trust game? We used to do that all the time at church camp. You have someone stand on the end of a picnic table with their backs to you … then you have them fall backwards off the table and you catch them! If you have never tried this … you should! It is tough to fall backwards! What if they don’t catch you?
But there are a few things that your child ought to be able to trust in! They should be able to trust in you as parents … although there may be times that you fail. AND … they need to put their trust in God! He will never fail them!
Hebrews 13:5-6 (NIV) … “…God has said, ‘Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.’ So we say with confidence, the Lord I my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?
Putting our trust in chariots and horses … worldly things … just is not going to get it! They are not trustworthy! But putting our trust in God is a safe thing to do! We need to send our kids away from home with a trust in God!
4. Pack a Towel … Service
Matthew 20:25-27 (NIV) … 25 Jesus called them together and said, "You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them. 26 Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, 27 and whoever wants to be first must be your slave-“
We need to teach our children that the greatest thing in this world is not to … win … to come in first … to be number one … to have everyone serve you! The world tries to tell us that is the most important thing … but it isn’t! Christ tells us that being first is to serve other people! It is not all about us! If we can send our kids out with that kind of attitude … with a service attitude … then they will enjoy life and enjoy people … not compete with them … trying to come out on top!
It’s been said: “At the close of life, the question will be not, how much have you got? But how much have you given? Not how much have you won? But how much have you done? Not how much have you saved? But how much have you sacrificed? It will be how much have you loved and served? Not how much were you honored? Nathan C. Schaeffer
Release your child so that they spell service—S-E-R-V-I-C-E rather
than S-E-R-V-E U-S.
5. Pack a Compass … Morals & Values
Proverbs 6:16-19 (NIV) … “There are six things the Lord hates, seven that are detestable to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked schemes, feet that are quick to rush into evil, a false witness who pours out lies and a man who stirs up dissension among brothers.”
At a Golf Club in Stuttgard, Germany 4 men walked up to elevated green. The first man anticipated that his shot was too long, but he could not find the ball on the back of the green nor the slope near the green. While his 3 friends searched in the tall grass behind the green, the man cleverly slipped a ball from his pocket and dropped it onto the fringe and announced to his friends—Here it is…I found it.
But just a few moments later as they were about to putt out, the pin was removed from the cup and there this man’s original ball in the cup. The guy had made a hole in one, but his lie had ruined his accomplishment. According to Paul Harvey—that man is no longer a member of the Stuttgard Country Club. He has been dismissed for lying, even though he was president of the club. Gold is a game of honor and lying is not acceptable.
There is nothing that destroys good morals and values more than a lying or deceitful person! We want to release our children with morals, values and honor. We want them to be men and women of their word.
6. Pack a Pair of Work Gloves … Work Ethic
Colossians 3:23 (NIV) … “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men”
When our kids are busy working … and they have the mindset that everything they do … they are doing it for the Lord … then they will never think a job is too menial for them! They won’t think they are too good to do that job … they will understand that if they are the C.E.O of a big company or riding on the back of a garbage truck … if they are doing it for the Lord … then it is important!
When we work for the Lord … there are always two ingredients … Excellence & Enthusiasm. Excellence means I give it my best shot—I do the best I can because I’m not doing it for just anybody—I’m doing it for the Lord. And I do it with enthusiasm. Because I’m not doing it for my boss—I’m doing it for God—so I do with a cheerful attitude.
7. Pack a Picture of the Parents … Encouragement
Colossians 3:21 (NIV) … “Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.”
We need to put a picture of us … the parents in the suitcase! They need to be able to see that picture everyday … and when they see it … they see their biggest fans! W
We need to encourage our children as they grow to independence … not discourage them! They need to hear cheers from us … not jeers! Parents who only mention the wrong things a child does only beats him or her down! None of us want to hear only the bad things do we?
Have you ever stopped to think why some kids end up doing a lot of bad things … it’s the only way they get any attention. The only time anyone ever notices them is when they do something they shouldn’t do.
Friends … we should walk around the house trying to catch people doing good things instead of walking around and trying to catch them doing bad things. When you find them doing something good … tell them about it! Tell them you appreciate them. Do it as often as you can!
We need to find ways to encourage our kids.
Rich DeVoss who founded Amway was once asked in an interview what was the most important management skill he had learned in the process of building the Amway company. You know what he said? The most important management skill I learned was how to be a cheerleader.
When I used to play basketball for JBC … I thrived on cheers from the crowd! If I made a good play and the student body cheered (which did not happen very often) I played even harder. When I made a bad play and they booed … I had a tendency to loose my confidence and play even worse!
Our kids are the same way! They need cheerleaders! They need to know we are on their team and we are proud of them!
Parents … you should be your child’s biggest cheerleader? How are you doing with that? Do they know you are on their team?
You would be surprised how much harder they will try to be the godly people that makes you proud when you are their cheer block!
CONCLUSION
There comes a day when your kids will walk out of your house … and begin their lives on their own as adults! You need to let them go! But you need to be sure that you have prepared them to go as well! You need to be sure that you have packed the suitcase well!
I want to go back for a moment to the three things that Jesus’ parents did for Him as He was growing up and leaving home. THERE WAS A FOURTH EVENT … it took place approximately 3 years after the First Miracle where Mary propelled Jesus. It was the most difficult thing that I think any parent could do! It was Mary releasing Christ to the cross! I am not sure I could do that … but I sure am glad she did! Our salvation comes through that release!
As parents … releasing our children from our control is hard … but when you release them into the nail-pierced hands of Jesus … then you have completed your job as a parent!
