A Happy and Successful Marriage
Part 1
(1 Peter 3:1-6)
Today we will begin a series on “God’s Design for a Happy and Successful Marriage.” I hope that you can be here next Sunday Morning for the conclusion to this message.
We will begin today by looking at when the Lord created man. God saw that man could not be all that he should be, alone. Therefore God created someone to be man’s helper and companion – He created woman. This was God’s design for the home, one man + one woman = forever.
However when a couple gets married, the mere saying of the wedding vows does not guarantee that the couple will live happily ever after. Nor does the addition of children into a family complete the home and make it successful. Really that is the furthers thing from the truth.
Today we see in our country; the disintegration of many marriages, even among “Christian couples”. According to Barna Research, “Overall, 33% of all born again individuals who have been married have gone through a divorce, which is statistically identical to the 34% incidence among non-born again adults. ” Homes with children are falling apart, and we wonder why they are miserable, unhappy and failing to make a success in whatever they do.
It makes you wonder if there is a cure for the breakdown of the home in America. Is there a guarantee for successful and happy marriages? Yes there is!
God’s word gives us a blueprint for such a marriage, a marriage that will be successful, happy and complete. The blue print is very simple: (1) The wife is to be a Christian helper, (2) the husband is to be a Christian lover and (3) both are to unite in Christian service to promote the kingdom of God. But for your marriage to be complete, successful and happy – ALL 3 of these requirements must be met. Without all 3 being met your marriage will only be 1/3 or 2/3 of what God has designed it to be.
In this section of scripture, Peter is giving exhortations and instructions on living a life that is becoming to the Christian name. After instructing them on their relation to their citizenship and servants to masters – he comes to deal with some problems in the home. Chiefly, the relation of Christian wives toward their Christian husbands and Christian husband toward their Christian wives.
Also in these verses, Peter deals with a very prevalent problem of that day, a problem that is even evident in the year 2005. Many Christian wives were married to unbelievers. We assume that these wives were converted AFTER their marriage and not before. NO CHRISTAIN HAS ANY BIBLICAL RIGHT TO MARRY A NON-CHRISTIAN!
The Old Testament is very plain in this regard and Paul puts it even planer in 2 Corinthians 6:14-15, “Stop forming inappropriate relationships with unbelievers. Can right and wrong be partners? Can light have anything in common with darkness? Can Christ agree with the devil? Can a believer share life with an unbeliever?” (GWT).
This is a sermon all its own. I will only say that there are a many miserable homes today, because God’s Word was not obeyed right here. A Christian woman married a non-Christian man or visa-versa. A lot of the time we think we can change them, more than likely you will not. Instead of you influencing them, they will influence you. Instead of you getting them involved in the church and the things of God, they will get you uninvolved in the Lord’s work.
The first thing you should do when dating someone is ask if they are a Christian. Then see if they follow that up by the way they live their lives. If they don’t – YOU DON’T MARRY THEM! You, as a Christian, should break it off right then and there. Once again Paul said (NLT), “Don’t team up with those who are unbelievers. How can goodness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness? What harmony can there be between Christ and the Devil? How can a believer be a partner with an unbeliever?”
Let’s move on to our topic for today, The Christian Wife.
I. The Christian wife is to be a Helper.
A. This was God’s purpose for woman from the very beginning.
1. “Then the LORD God said, ‘It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper as his partner.’” (Genesis 2:18 NRSV)
2. Man was not made for woman, but woman for man.
B. The wife is to help her husband by being diligent in her home making.
1. She is to keep everything in decent order and operating efficiently in the home.
a) She is NOT to waste her time in idleness.
b) Ladies, I can hear you. “Preacher you done gone to meddling.
(1) Let’s see what scripture says.
(2) “She watches over the activities of her household and is never idle” (Proverbs 31:27 HCSB)
C. The wife is to help her husband by being trustworthy and good.
1. This way the husband does not have to wonder if his wife is unfaithful.
a) Rather, he is strengthened by her goodness.
2. Again, listen to Proverbs 31
a) “Her husband trusts her completely. With her, he has everything he needs. She does him good and not harm for as long as she lives.” (11-12)
D. The wife is to help her husband by being kind.
1. “She opens her mouth with wisdom, and loving instruction is on her tongue” (Proverbs 31:26 HCSB).
2. Ladies, your men need to here things they do right a lot more then the things they do wrong.
a) We know when we mess up.
b) Proverbs 27:15-16 (NLT) says, “A nagging wife is as annoying as the constant dripping on a rainy day. Trying to stop her complaints is like trying to stop the wind or hold something with greased hands”.
3. Start telling him about the good things he does and you will see a difference in the way he treats you and the children.
a) I don’t know of a man alive that doesn’t like to hear the good things he does, instead of always hearing complaining.
b) Women – praise your men.
E. The wife is to help her husband by leading him to the Lord if he doesn’t already know Him.
1. 1 Peter 3:1-2 states, “Wives, in the same way, submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, even if some disobey the [Christian] message, they may be won over without a message by the way their wives live, when they observe your pure, reverent lives.” (HCSB)
2. Notice:
a) This is NOT done by nagging.
(1) So often; preaching in the home is preaching AT someone.
(a) This will more likely then not turn him away rather then turn him towards Jesus.
(b) This is especially true when the one doing the preaching does not live consistently with the Word she is preaching.
(2) The believing wife, just by her conduct alone, can win her lost husband.
(a) He will soon observe that she posses something that he doesn’t have.
(b) God will then work on his heart.
3. Paul mentions three ways a wife can help her unbelieving husband to know the Lord.
a) First, by respecting them.
(1) Wives, in the same way, submit yourselves to your own husbands.
(a) Submit is a military term which means to obey, to honor and respect.
(b) So many times I am asked not to say “obey” in marriage vows.
(i) This is NOT God’s way.
(ii) Genesis 3:16 tells us, “Your desire will be for your husband, yet he will dominate you.”(HCSB)
(c) This relation between husband and wife has not changed no mater what society says.
(i) Peter wrote about it here in our text today.
(ii) Paul wrote about it on more than one occasion.
(a) Now I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God. (1 Corinthians 11:3 NIV)
(b) 22You wives will submit to your husbands as you do to the Lord. 23For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of his body, the church; he gave his life to be her Savior. 24As the church submits to Christ, so you wives must submit to your husbands in everything. (Ephesians 5:22-24 NLT)
(2) There have been a many a wife, in their proper place, living the Christian life above reproach who have won over a hard sinner husband.
b) Second; by living a genuine and worshipful life.
(1) “When they observe your pure, reverent lives.”
(2) The Godly wife of an ungodly husband is exposed to great temptations for wickedness.
(a) I have heard wives say things like, “I know that I shouldn’t do this or that, but I thought if I did what he wanted to that he would come to church with me.
(i) You are just as wrong as you can be.
(b) If you go with him and indulge in the very things you want him to remove from his life – he looses all respect for you and your religion.
(i) I know of many of men who are saying, “If her religion means no more to her than that, I just won’t be a hypocrite about it.”
(3) Peter says that if you live pure, reverent lives they will observe it.
c) Third; by being spiritual minded.
(1) Your beauty should not consist of outward things [like] elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold ornaments or fine clothes; instead [it should consist of] the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable quality of a gentile and quiet spirit, which is very valuable in God’s eyes. (1 Peter 3:3-4 HCSB)
(a) Peter is NOT condemning the making of oneself attractive.
(i) I think the Lord meant for women to keep themselves attractive.
(ii) I think that if more women would do that very thing, more men would stay around the house more often.
(b) Peter is saying that this should not be a major emphasis.
(i) Dress neat, make yourself attractive and keep yourself that way.
(ii) But don’t obsess over the way you look.
(c) The major thing is not the outward, but rather the inward appearance.
(i) Your attitude.
(a) This is more appealing than the physical.
(ii) Beautify your spiritual self with gentleness, submissiveness.
(a) Remember that in the eyes of God this is more precious than the outward.
Conclusion:
In verse 5 & 6 Peter sites examples of the Godly women of the past. They subjected themselves to their husbands. They made themselves beautiful, first on the inside, with God. The purpose today is not a plea for hoop dresses with dozens and dozens of petticoats, long hair, and the absence of lipstick, rouge and fingernail polish like the women of the past.
The plea is for spiritual minded wives, who will be loyal to their husbands, love and respect them and will love Christ’s church. Women of Evergreen, if you want a better marriage, quit looking at your husband and look at yourself. Quit looking TO your husband and look TO God.
