May 8, 2005
Pastor: Richard Pfeil
The Ministry of Mom
Psalm 103:2-4, John 13:31-35, 1 John 4:10-11
Good morning, again. For the last couple of weeks we have been shifting our focus from God’s interior work to God’s exterior work, focusing on missions and discovering our purpose for life. Why does God have us here? When you discover your purpose and why God puts you here, things happen in your life - life takes on a whole new meaning, our lives have focus. There is a greater sense of peace because you have the sense that you have found your place, like Michael W. Smith who sings the song My Place in This World. We were not created merely to consume, in fact if you live that way, after awhile you just get tired of it. And you ask the question in your mind, is that all there is? Is consumption all there is in life? Well, it’s not. There is more than that. God created us not merely to consume, but God created us to make a contribution, to make a difference in this world.
Since it is Mother’s Day, as we were planning this series on missions and focusing on and discovering our purpose in life, Kristine and I thought what greater calling is there than the calling of “Mom,” of being a Mom? That is our focus this morning. When you discover this is your mission there is great meaning and focus in your life. Saying that, I know being a Mom is not easy, not by my personal experience you know, but it’s not easy. If you want something easy you can join the roller derby, or be a golf pro or something, but you don’t become a Mom; there is nothing easy about being a good Mom. It’s back breaking, it’s heart wrenching, anxiety producing, and that’s just by breakfast time. I want to talk to Moms and Grandmoms, in particular, to ask this question throughout this morning - have you ever considered the Ministry of Mom as your ministry?
Every time I baptize a child I look at them and I wonder how their life will turn out. Children are like this unwritten book. There is so much potential in every child, and what we write makes a difference in what is produced in their life. As parents we have a lot to do with what is written in those early parts of the chapters and it sets up the rest of the story. I’ve seen parents who have crippled their children, and I have read stories and seen people’s lives where they became men and women of God, of impeccable integrity. It all has to do with how well we parent, in particular, today. How good we are at mothering. A mother is one of the most powerful and influential ministries in the world. We talk about hospitality being most effective in the church; being a mother, the ministry of Mom, is the most influential in the world. You can read countless stories on the internet and look up famous people - there are countless stories of famous men and women who made a difference in the world and credited their mother’s influence for their success. Some examples- Albert Einstein is one of them. The artist, Paul Cezanne, who was one of the masters of cubism, had this story. I don’t know if you would have reacted this way. One morning he gets all his paints out and he puts them in the living room. He sets up his paint shop in the living room as a child. He was painting away, and as a child he is not thinking about where the paint goes - and it goes all over him and his nice clothes. It goes on the floor; it goes on some of the furniture; gets on his sister. And now his Mom enters the room and just sees this mess. She walks up to him and kisses him and says, “That’s an excellent portrait my son.” Cezanne said, “That kiss made me an artist.” How would you have reacted at that moment? I’m not sure I would’ve …… Oh! the Carpet.
Isidor Rabi who was a Nobel Prize winner for physics in 1944, said his success was because of his mother because when the other kids came home, their mothers said, “What did you learn today? My mother asked me this question instead: she said, “What did you ask today? It made me inquisitive and as a result, a master in physics.” That’s just some evidence that the ministry of Mom is incredibly powerful, incredibly effective. Well, there is much more.
Another - Mother’s Day trounces Father’s Day in many ways. Hallmark says that today, for this holiday, we sent 150 million cards to Mom, compared to only 95 million to Father on Father’s Day. We will spend an average $105 for Mom on Mother’s Day and only $90 for Dad on Father’s Day. (Which reminds me, on Father’s Day I am going to count things up to see if I get the $90). There are more phone calls on Mother’s Day than there are on Father’s Day. In fact you will find all over the country today, men and women of high prestige with suits on, doctors and lawyers, CEO’s, senators, representatives, even presidents, respected people in the communities, will be talking on the phone saying things like, “Mom will you stop it already.” Of course what they are getting is a ‘momily.’ [like a brief homily given by Mom, rhymes with homily] Have you ever gotten a momily? There are famous momilies, showing the effectiveness of mothers. There are many momilies that have been passed down through the generations. I will give you a few. “Don’t make that face or it will freeze in that position.” “Be careful with that or you will put your eye out.” That’s a famous momily. “What if everyone jumped off the cliff, would you?” “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.” There’s a momily. The busiest day at car washes is the Saturday before Mother’s Day. Why?- because sons and daughters want to make sure the car looks good for Mom. It’s almost like this other momily, “Cleanliness is next to godliness.” It’s not in the Bible, but it’s a momily; you get these.
What makes Mom, or what has historically made Moms, so powerful, so effective, so influential in their children’s lives and so influential in our culture’s life? Is being a Mom simply biology and birth alone? No. Simply being a mother, simply birthing a child, does not make you automatically effective. There are many tell-it-all stories, tell-it-all movies, tell-it-all books which chronicle the stifling and harsh impact of mothers who weren’t very good at mothering. One of the great movies I remember is Mommie Dearest. For some, and maybe it’s you, Mother’s Day is not a good day. When you stand in front of Mother’s Day cards, you find if difficult picking out a card that accurately describes your relationship with your mother. I did a couple hours of research and I went to the card store and looked through Mother’s Day cards. The most common I found were very sentimental. They were, you would say, kind of sappy. One that was common is having the word M-O-T-H-E-R spelled out. Maybe you’ve heard this one.
M is for the million things you gave me
O means you are only growing old
T is for the tears you shed to save me
H is for your heart which is purest gold
E is for your eyes with loving light shining
R means right and you will always be right.
Put them together and it spells Mother a word that means the world to me.
That was written in 1915. In our day there are some who just can’t give that card to their Mom because it just doesn’t tell the truth.
Being a Mom is more than just simply giving birth. What does it take? Well there are a lot of things that parenting itself takes. Parenting takes knowledge; parenting takes wisdom; it takes patience; it takes intentionality; it takes discipline; it takes consistency, integrity; and it takes faith. But there is one quality that is essential to parenting, especially in particular, to motherhood. One that stuck out in the same research I was doing, it stuck out over and over again. This one quality is all through the writings and poems of famous people and people who aren’t famous that wrote anonymously. I’m afraid it might be that this quality is waning in our culture and maybe waning in our parents, waning in our mothers. The reason why I say that is because of the sense and difference of how we speak about mother. In the 19th and early 20th centuries sentimental sappy cards were just part of it. It was acceptable because it was a really sincere expression of how they felt about their moms. We see them as “sappy” or exaggerated because perhaps this quality is waning. It’s something for us to think about.
What’s that quality? It’s described in 1 Corinthians 13:13. “Now three things remain, faith, hope and love, but the greatest of these is love.” And not just love itself, there are a lot of passages that deal with love in scripture. One of the most famous is the Golden Rule. “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” There are a lot of these kinds of rules in our culture and in scripture. The first one I call the iron rule. It’s “do unto others before they do unto you.” That’s dysfunctional love. There is the silver rule, “do unto others as they do unto you.” That the eye for an eye, tit for tat kind of Old Testament teaching. There is the golden rule Jesus gave us and that is “do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” But there is also a platinum rule which is “do unto others as they would have you do to them.”
There is a titanium rule which we read about in John 13. If you will turn to John 13:31-35, it’s described this way: “When he was gone, Jesus said, ‘Now is the Son of Man glorified and God is glorified in him. If God is glorified in him, God will glorify the Son in himself, and will glorify him at once. My children I will be with you only a little longer. you will look for me, and just as I told the Jews, so I tell you now: where I am going, you cannot come. A new commandment (and this is our focus), a new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.’
Let pray. ( Prayer)
What I find interesting in the passage first, is that this phrase is a new command. What does Jesus mean this is a new command? He has said this many times over in scripture before this point. What’s so new about it? In fact, it’s written even in the Old Testament. “Love your neighbor as yourself” -Leviticus 19:18. What is new about it is that last phrase. What is new is the scope, the depth, of this love. Love one another, and the added phrase is, as I have loved you. Up to this point they didn’t understand it, but they will soon. In the context of this passage, referring of course to the love that is expressed on the cross, which they have not yet experienced, so it is new. It’s new in scope and new in its depth. The titanium rule then is “do unto others as Christ has done unto us.” That’s the titanium rule.
What kind of love is that? It is love that is sacrificial. It gives no thought to our own dreams, our own desires, our own hopes, and our own need for fulfillment. It defers our own personal wishes to the wishes of others, in particular the wishes of our children. It lives by the model instead of seeking to save my life I lose my life for the sake of Christ, and also for the sake of my children. Now the world looks at this type of love and sees in it only suffering and defeat and death. There are things said like, “You’ve got to think of yourself.” There is a sense of suffering, “Oh you poor dear. You have done so much.” A sense of defeat, a sense that being a mother is a cop-out on life. Or a sense of doubt for death of self, a death of personal self-fulfillment. But when God sees the cost, he doesn’t see suffering, defeat and death in the same way. He doesn’t see sacrificial love as suffering, defeat and death like the world does. The world saw the cross that way. But how did God see the cross? God saw the cross -God saw the cross as glory, as life, as light of salvation, redemption for his children. That’s what sacrificial love is. It is love for the other, in this case love for our children that sacrifices our own good for theirs. Does it pay off? Well yeah, Philippians 2:11 talking about Christ who gave in a sacrificial way: Every knee will bow, every tongue will confess, that Jesus Christ is Lord.
Still today when people hear and are reminded of the story of the cross they get choked up. When they see movies about the passion and realize Christ did it for them, they get choked up. When you sing the famous song The Old Rugged Cross it touches you. A lot of times, when taking communion, when you are reminded again what Christ has done for you in the sacrificial way, it does something on the inside. When they showed the movie The Passion of the Christ it was said that it was common that after the movie grown men, grown men, would go out to their car and weep realizing the type of love that Christ has for them. This sacrificial love.
The pay off for parenting is not much in the short run, but it does pay off in the long run. In the short run children will not always appreciate you for everything, for all the sacrifices you make. But in the long run Proverbs 31:28 says “Then her children will rise up and call her blessed.” Her husband praises her also. That’s the power of mother love or sacrificial love, and this type of mother love closely, really closely, approximates Divine love.
In fact one of the writings by an anonymous writer really caught on to what mothering love really is to be. It says, “A mother’s love, what can compare with it? Of all the things on earth it comes the nearest to Divine love in heaven. A mother’s love means a sacrificial love, a life of devotion and sometimes a life of sacrifice; but with one thought, one hope, one feeling that her children will grow up healthy and strong, free from evil habits and able to provide for themselves. Her sole wish is that they may do their part like men and women, and avoid the dangers and pitfalls of life. When dark times come they may trust in God to give them the strength and the patience and the courage to bear up bravely. Happy is the mother when her heart’s wish is answered, and happy are sons and daughters when they can feel that they have contributed to her noble purpose, and in some measure, repaid her unceasing, unwavering love and devotion.” If there is any concrete definition for sacrificial love or mother love that is it.
On the television the other day they had a commentary about the most famous or the most admired TV mothers, and real mothers. Do you know who the most admired TV mother is? Real mother most admired? Olivia Walton was number one on the list. Now oddity of oddities we just purchased the first season, because we just love that film. It has a lot of family values in it. But the one part that jumps out that the writer himself repeats before every show is the sense of sacrifice of his parents for the family. What touched and moored the children’s lives was this sacrificial love experience in their mom but also in the dad. You know this is really what I am talking about – it’s old fashioned parenting, and sacrificial love. How do we express that in our day? All of us have to follow our own conscience in this area. Everyone’s life is different; your circumstances are different. Your personality is different. It’s something you have to ask God personally, God how can I live this out in my life.
What is sacrificial love in my life in my family?
For some women, in praying about this issue, they have decided their calling is to stay at home. They will work at home. I avoid the terminology of the working women and the at-home women because will you agree with me that every woman works whether at home or outside the home? Every woman works. So I don’t want to say working mother and stay-at-home mother but the mother who works at home. The mother who works at home is a wonderful gift of the ministry of continual presence. For a lot of mothers, that is their desire and that is how they have seen themselves. They experienced it in their own life, they have seen themselves as wanting to get the kids up and off to school and wanting to see them as they come home and have fresh baked cookies and go to their games. That is a wonderful ministry. That is a ministry that some women choose.
But some women, also prayerfully, aren’t able to do that. Some women, whether it’s just for personality’s sake or just the situation of their life, decide that sacrificial love for them is being a mom who works outside the home. That too is a wonderful ministry. When you choose that ministry you can become for your children wonderful role models of what hard work is like- working hard at your job, working hard at your church, working hard with your family. Keeping a balance - you can be wonderful examples of keeping balance between God, family and your workplace. You can be a wonderful example of a mother who gave it all.
Then there are some mothers, by the circumstance of their lives, their ministry really is the ministry of stability or normalcy. This is particularly so of a single mom, who has experienced divorce or separation and not of their own fault, but just where they find themselves. Theirs is a wonderful ministry of the voice of calm, of control, of creating an atmosphere for the children that all is well when it is not. It’s a wonderful ministry of helping your kids to adjust to a new home, a new school, new lifestyle, new income level, new challenges. Sacrificial love and how it is expressed in our lives is different for everyone. It’s different because our lives are totally different. You can live sacrificially, as a mom who works at home, as a mom who works outside the home, or a mom who is a single mom. You can live selfishly in all those roles, can’t you? You can be a single mom and live selfishly, can’t you? You can be a mom who works outside the home and live selfishly, can’t you? You can be a mom who stays at home and live selfishly, can’t you? The issue isn’t at home or outside in the workplace; the issue is what we do. What we do is an expression of sacrificial love. You know who knows? Our children. Our children know. They have this antennae, this natural ability, to know if what you do is done out of sacrificial love or if what you do is done out of selfishness. That’s something we all have to wrestle with and ask God.
Now this whole lesson applies to men equally. Men are called to the same calling -of sacrificial love. This is the same calling to all women. You may be sitting there saying, “Pastor you didn’t address me because I’m not a mom.” I know that, but it also addresses you in that there is, no doubt, some little girl in your life that looks to you like a mom. There are a lot of open families today and a lot of dysfunctional families today. Families in many ways are in trouble in many homes. Children who live in that setting always, always, if they don’t have a healthy role model for a mom or a healthy role model for a dad they always go looking for one. Sometimes it’s a grandmother; sometimes it’s their aunt; sometimes it’s their neighbor; sometimes it’s their coach or their teacher. So just because you are not a mom, it doesn’t mean you don’t have the ministry of a mom. There just may be some little girl who looks up to you as a role model. I am encouraging you, if you have discovered, you know, in life this is a ministry you would like to take up, I encourage you to find some little girl. Be praying about it, find some little girl or child who could really use an active mom in their life, and there are plenty of them.
If you are young saying, “ I’m too young to be married and have a child.” If you are a young guy sitting there saying this is really boring, my encouragement is this: when you grow up and decide to get married, look for a woman who lives unselfishly. Look for a woman who will be that kind of mom. If you are a young woman develop this quality in your life because life is not about us. Life is about God and his purposes.
Let me enter this one last fact. Do you know what the busiest day at Victoria’s Secret is? You can guess it already. What’s the busiest day at Victoria’s Secret? It’s today – Mother’s Day. There was this story about this little boy who decided to go into Victoria’s Secret, (bless his heart I would have never done it as a child), to buy his mom a slip for Mother’s Day. The clerk asked the little boy, “What is her size?” The kid shrugged his shoulders and the clerk asked him, “Is she tall, is she short, is she big, is she little? The little boy said, “She’s perfect.” So the clerk gave him a size 34 and sent him on his way. The next day a confused and maybe disheveled mom came to the clerk and inquired why a 34 was perfect, and asked for a 54, and exchanged it. Now what is the moral for this story? The moral is this: as parents a lot of us have a problem with our body image, and our bodies are that way because we have lived sacrificially for our children. You know what, if you live sacrificially for your children it doesn’t matter what size you are because in the eyes of your children you are perfect.
Let’s Pray. Heavenly Father, teach us to love this way. It is a calling for every Christian not just for moms. We are not leaving the heavier burden upon mom and no one else. It’s a burden or it’s a calling or a joy for us all, men and women, young and old, as believers to demonstrate the type of love you showed us on the cross. A love that sacrifices for the good of others. Teach us - teach us Lord to love this way. Lord if we have had a mother or a mother figure in our lives who was just the right role model for us, this is the day for us to get on the phone, to go wildly in our spending and honor her appropriately. Help us to do that. We pray in Jesus’ name. Amen.
