Holy Friendship!
Texts: Mark 14:32-34; John 15:12-17; Galatians 6:2
In Shakespeare’s Henry V the English and the French are on the verge of battle. The English are outnumber by the French five to one. They expect to be slaughtered. While preparing for the battle, Henry overhears one of his anxious soldiers speaking: “Oh that we now had one ten thousand of those men in England who do no work today.” Henry replied: “Who is he that wishes so? If we are marked to die we are enough to do our country loss and if to live then the fewer men the greater share of honor. God’s will I pray thee, wish not one man more. Brother, proclaim it through my host that he who hath no stomach for this fight let him depart…We would not die in that man’s company that fears his fellowship to die with us. This day is called the Feast of Crispin. He that outlives this day and comes safe home will stand at tip-toe when this day is named. He that shall see this day and live to old age will yearly on the vigil feast his neighbors and say tomorrow is St. Crispin’s day. Then will he strip his sleeves and show his scars and say these wounds I had on Crispin’s Day. Old men forget yet not all shall be forgot, but he will remember with advantages what feats he did that day. Then shall our names be familiar in their mouths as household words…This story shall a good man teach his son. And Crispin’s Day shall never go by from this day to the end of the world but we in it shall be remembered. We few, we happy few, we band of brothers. For he today that sheds his blood with me shall be my brother.”
Of course—despite the overwhelming odds—the English won the battle. Perhaps they would have lost if they had not discovered their common bond. They were in battle together, facing a common adversity. King Henry said they were in the process of becoming a brotherhood—a community of friends.
At Gethsemane Jesus asked his closest friends to understand his sorrow, to pray with him as he suffered, and to share in his struggles. What happened? The disciples fell asleep. They missed an opportunity to share in the hardships and help bear the burdens of Christ. As a result, they also missed an important opportunity to experience unity and friendship with Christ.
I. The Search for Friendship
Gethsemane was a remote place—far removed from the hustle and bustle of Jerusalem. It was a quite garden where Jesus and his disciples could find relief at the end of long and difficult day. The word Gethsemane means “olive press.” Tradition places it just east of Jerusalem, across the Kidron Valley, along the slopes of the Mount of Olives.
It had been a long and difficult day for Jesus and his company of disciples. It had been a day filled with passion and emotion. Hours earlier Jesus had celebrated the Passover with his disciples. During the celebration Jesus had declared that the disciples would betray him into the hands of his enemies. Then, following the Passover meal, Jesus took bread and wine, declared that it was his body and blood, and offered it to his disciples saying that he would not eat with them again until they had all entered the Kingdom of God. What this meant the disciples were not sure, but as you might imagine it sure added to the increasing tension level in the room.
After the meal, they all headed to Gethsemane. At the entrance to the garden, Jesus instructed all but three of his disciples to keep watch and pray. Then, taking with him his closest comrades—Peter, James, and John—Jesus went further into the garden. If there were any whom Jesus could trust to stay awake with him in prayer, it would have been these three. As they moved further into the garden the stress of the day began to take its toll on Jesus. He became distressed and troubled. “My soul is very sorrowful, even unto death,” he said. “Please remain here and watch.” In other words: “I am facing the most difficult moment in my life. It feels like the stress is going to kill me. I don’t want to be along. I need your presence. I need your support. I need your friendship.”
The small entourage stopped near a grove of olive trees. Assured of his disciples support, Jesus went a further into the garden. About a stones throw away from the three, Jesus collapsed to the ground in mournful tears. “Father, I know what’s coming,” he prayed. “I know what’s waiting for me. If it is possible let me be spared. Nevertheless, not my will, but yours.”
While Jesus was praying, the three disciples reclined to rest against the olive trees. It had been a long day. Within an hour they were asleep. Jesus returned. How do you think he felt when he saw his disciples asleep? He had only asked them to stay awake for a few hour to pray, but they were asleep. Jesus woke them. He renewed his plea for them to stay awake. Then, for a second time, he went into the garden to pray. This time his prayer was so intense—his anguish so deep—that the sweat began to run down his face and beard. After this period of prayer, Jesus again went back to his disciples. Again he found them asleep. Again he woke them. “Be careful,” he said. “Watch and pray so that you don’t fall into temptation.”
Jesus goes away to pray for a third time. In this period of prayer there is a final acceptance and surrender to the will of God. Once again Jesus returns to where he had left his disciples. Once again he finds them sound asleep. Three times he had asked them to watch and pray. Three times he had asked them to share in his struggles. Three times Jesus returned to find them asleep. They did not stand watch. They did not pray. When the soldiers arrived, they all ran away.
If they had waited, watch, and prayed, they might have found the strength to be true as the darkness of night overtook them. If they had forced themselves to stay awake and pray, sharing in Christ’s struggles, they would have also experienced the blessing of unity and friendship with Christ—but they missed out. In his time of need, while facing the greatest struggle in his life, Jesus had sought friendship with his disciples. There was so much Jesus wanted to share. There was so much he wanted to receive. Yet this opportunity was forever lost because the disciples decided to go to sleep.
II. The Loss of Friendship
Have you ever felt that somehow you’ve missed out on the divine blessing of honest-to-goodness friendship? Have you ever surveyed the landscape of your life, looking for a genuine friend, only to come up empty-handed? Oh, you have several dozen acquaintances, but very few (if any) true friends. There are none for whom you would sacrifice life or limb—and none whom you could count on to sacrifice themselves for you.
Why is it that so many of us feel a sense of loss when it comes to this search for true friendship? Could it be that we, like the disciples, sabotage the opportunities we are given to experience true friendship? Could it be that we don’t have many friends because we are asleep— indifferent, apathetic, detached, closed off—from the lives of those around us. We don’t share our lives with others. We don’t want others to share their lives with us. When difficult times come, we keep them buried deep inside our hearts. When others face trying and troublesome times, we keep our distance—not wanting to get involved.
Of course, there is a reason why we act this way. We’ve learned—sometimes the hard way—that when we let down our guard and offer ourselves in friendship to another it becomes much easier for them to exploit us or betray us. And so, not wanting to be hurt, we place a great big sign in the middle of our lives that says: “No trespassing!” We close ourselves off from others. We proclaim our independence. Song-writer Paul Simon described this prevailing attitudes toward community and friendship when he wrote:
Don’t talk of love, I’ve heard the word before;
It’s sleeping in my memory of feelings that have died.
I have no need of friendship, friendship causes pain.
If I never loved, I never would have cried.
I am a rock; I am an island…
Shielded in my armor,
Hiding in my room,
Deep within my womb,
I touch no one and no one touches me.
I am a rock; I am an island.
We have learned that it is much safer to be a rock than a friend, haven’t we? It is much safer to be an island that a part of a community. We are rugged individuals, we don’t need the village. It’s much safer to close ourselves off from others than to give ourselves away for another. It’s safer, much safer—its also lonelier.
This is true even in the church, isn’t it? Tell me: What’s the first thing that comes to our minds when we speak about the importance of sharing in relation to the church? Is it not the sharing of our possessions? Is it not the giving of money to help met the needs of other? Now certainly such sharing is important and absolutely necessary—but we’ve discovered over time that it is easier for us to share our possessions than to share ourselves. It’s easier to throw money at missions than to be a minister. It’s easier to write a check than to become personally involved. It’s easier to receive financial support than receive genuine friendship. Sharing our possessions is easy, but the sharing of ourselves—our struggles, our sorrows, our hardships, our failures and our frailties—that frightens us! As a result we clam-up and close ourselves off to others. That’s why we have so many acquaintances and so few friends. That’s why we feel a pervasive loss of friendship in our lives, even when we come to church.
A few days ago I heard a pastor speaking about the members of his church. He said that they were all polite and sociable individuals, but that their relationships were all surface deep. “Each week we come to the same sanctuary and sit in the same pews,” he said, “but we really do not know one another. Rarely do the members of my church speak with one another about their sorrows and struggles. They do talk—about the weather, the ball game, and the political debates—but they don’t talk about their hopes and dreams, their fears and faith. From time to time one of them will confide in me that they feel isolated, lonely, or afraid—and they wonder why.” Tell me: Could these words serve as a description for our church?
III. The Example of Friendship
Jesus knew about real friendship, didn’t he? Do you recall his parting words to the disciples? He called them his friends. Then he instructed them to love one another. And what was the standard for that love? Jesus said: “No one has greater love than this, to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” Of course you know what happened just a few days later. Jesus revealed the depth of his love. He laid down his life for his friends. On the cross Jesus revealed the fullness of his friendship for humankind. On the cross he shared all that he had and all that he was in order to make us all his friends.
The disciples slept! At a time when Jesus needed them the most, they slept. They remained detached from his struggles, impervious to his suffering, and unmoved by his sorrows. They slept. They slept. As a result they missed an opportunity to experience unity and friendship with Christ.
As a young teenage boy, I had a Sunday School teacher named Mr. Bollinger. He was also my seventh grade math teacher. One day I had a falling out with Glenn—one of my “best friends.” Glenn betrayed me! He told a girl I like that I liked her. “If he were really my friend, he wouldn’t have done that,” I told my teacher. “I will never speak to him again.” Mr. Bollinger thought for a moment, and then he spoke. “Now Billy (they called me Billy then. I don’t want to be called Billy anymore!), it’s doesn’t really matter whether Glenn has treated you like a friend. What really matters is whether you treat him like a friend.” He then told me that if I was to be a true friend, I would forgive Glenn and give him a second chance.
If this is a test of true friendship, then Jesus certainly passed with flying colors. Jesus came back from his time of prayer on three occasions. On each occasion the disciples had fallen asleep. What’s worse, when the soldiers came, they all ran away and deserted him. None acted the way a friend ought to act. How did Jesus respond? He forgave them. Jesus gave them a second chance.
Can we do that? Can we give others a second chance? It’s hard, isn’t it? What about that whole issue of trust? If somebody has betrayed us, how can we ever trust them again? How can we give them a second chance? I would like to suggest that these are the wrong question. The issue is not whether we can trust the other person, but whether we can trust God. In his book Living in Christian Community, Art Gish writes:
The Bible does not call us primarily to trust each other, but to trust God. People are not always trustworthy. But we can trust God who will enable us to love people even when we cannot trust them…Because of this faith we can make ourselves vulnerable. If our faith in God is secure, we can act in a trusting way to those who are untrustworthy just as God loves us even though we are often untrustworthy.
On the cross, Jesus loved his disciples even though they had proved themselves untrustworthy by falling asleep and later forsaking him. On the cross Jesus expressed loved toward us all, even though we are often unfaithful, untrue, and untrustworthy. When Jesus calls us to take up the cross and follow him, he is calling us to this kind of life, this kind of love, this kind of loving friendship for the world.
The cross serves as our supreme example of what Jesus meant when he talked about a loving, sacrificial, self-giving friendship. Because of the cross and resurrection, the disciples of Jesus were willing to travel to the ends of the earth, facing all sorts of trials, troubles, and tribulations, in order to follow his loving example and extend his and their friendship to others. In the process, many of them would become martyrs—they would discover the kind of love that is willing to die for a friend. Thanks to Jesus’ example on the cross, the disciples were willing to accept all of the risks associated with true friendship.
IV. The Church as a Community of Holy Friendship
In his parting words to his followers, Jesus called his disciples his friends and then commissioned them to love one another the way he had loved them. He called them to be united in love and mutual affection—to become an assembly of believers, who, following the example of Jesus , would become a loving, giving, sharing community of holy friendship.
When the New Testament writers describe the early they used descriptive terms like family, unity, and fellowship. They declared that the church was together and had all things common. For the early church the acts of sharing of one’s joys and sorrows were central to who they were as a community of faith. They not only shared their material blessings, they shared themselves, just as Jesus had shared himself. Can the same thing be said of our church? Is this church more like a unified family or a simple association? Are we more like a spiritual fellowship or a human organization? Are we a community of holy friendship?
We are capable of this type of loving friendship. We are capable because Jesus Christ is the Lord of his church and his Holy Spirit is the life force of our fellowship. Because of Christ’s love, we are capable of being the kind of friends who do not forsake one another. Because of Christ’s love, we can be there for each other in hard times. Because of Christ’s love, we can stay up the night with a brother or sister, waiting, watching, and praying. Because of Christ’s love, we can share one anothers difficulties—bear each others burdens, and in so doing fulfill the commands of Christ.
The best friendships are the ones that share the difficulties. Often, in the sharing our sorrows, we find real friendship. This type of friendship was depicted in the relationship between Gale Sayers and Brian Piccolo—two of the greatest athletes in the history of professional football.
During the 1969 season, Piccolo was cut down with cancer. He did his best to play out the season, but he found himself in hospitals more than he was in the games. Gale Sayers flew to be beside him as often as possible.
The two friends had planned, with their wives, to sit together at the Professional Football Writers annual dinner in New York. Sayers was to be given the George S. Halas Award as the most courageous player in pro football. Piccolo was unable to attend. He was at home confined to his bed. As he stood to receive the award, tears sprang to Sayer’s eyes. The ordinarily reserved athlete had this to say as he took the trophy:
“You flatter me by giving me this award, but I tell you here and now that I accept it for Brian Piccolo. Brian Piccolo is the man of courage who should receive the George S. Halas Award. I love Brian Piccolo and I’d like you to love him. Tonight, when you hit your knees, please ask God to love him too.”
"I love Brian Piccolo." That was real friendship—the type that develops when both laughter and tears are shared. “Weep with those who weep,” the scriptures say. “Rejoice with those who rejoice.” “Bear one another’s burdens—and so fulfill the commands of Christ.” “You are my friends. Love one another as I have love you!” That’s what is supposed to happen in the church. In church we are brought together by the love of God to share our joys and sorrows, our hope and heartaches, our faith and fears. The church should be more than a group of acquaintances. We are a community of Holy Friendship.
Like the disciples we must stay awake. We cannot be indifferent, apathetic, detached, or closed off to the needs of those around us. Their needs are moments of grace that God sews into the fabric of our lives so that we might have the opportunity to be a friend and experience friendship. They provide up an opportunity to do something creative, something helpful, something a friend would do. The disciples slept and missed an opportunity to experience unity and friendship with Christ. Let’s not let that happen in our relationships. Stay awake, watch and pray—for these moments of grace pass by quickly.
When you come to this place and gather with this community of believers, open yourselves to their loving and holy friendship. Try being a little more honest than you are used to being. Offer a little more of yourself than you are used to offering. Share your burdens. Express your fears. Proclaim your joy. Share with us the blessings you’ve received by the gracious hand of God. Until we are willing to share in this way, we can never be the kind of friends God would like for us to be. Our Lord Jesus Christ calls us to share our joys and sorrows—to share our very lives in holy friendship.
