MELVIN M. NEWLAND, MINISTER
CENTRAL CHRISTIAN, BROWNSVILLE, TX
ILL. A Hollywood actor who was famous for his romantic roles was once asked the question, "What makes a great lover?"
I am sure that the listeners expected him to answer with a typical playboy-macho response. But he surprised almost everyone when he answered, "A great lover is a man who can satisfy one woman all of his life, & who can be satisfied by one woman all of his life. A great lover is not one who goes from woman to woman - any dog can do that."
However, many of our magazines, movies, & TV programs are proclaiming a very different message. They say that marriage is repressive & degrading for women & that we need alternatives that are in step with our modern age.
ILL. Universities even offer courses on "alternatives to marriage" that proclaim, "The concept of traditional marriage & traditional family ties are antiquated. So we must form relationships that are more in step with our times."
Is that really true? I suggest that we need to go back to the blueprint & read again the words of the architect who designed marriage in the first place, & find out what He has to say about it.
Turn with me to Genesis 4-5 as we consider 4 words that help us to see the guidelines which God has given for a successful marriage.
"For this reason a man will leave his father & mother & be united to his wife, & they will become one flesh. The man & his wife were both naked, & they felt no shame."
What is God telling us through Moses? Now realize that this passage of scripture was not written for Adam & Eve, but it was written after marriage had been tried & failed quite a few times. So God reveals to Moses these guidelines that apply to all marriages.
I. SEVERANCE
First of all, there must be a severance - "For this reason a man will leave his father & mother..." There must be a leaving of the father & the mother. There must be a leaving of the old home - the old family ties - the old securities - the old protection - the old financial dependence upon mother & father - & the beginning of a new home.
Of course, that doesn’t mean to ignore mom & dad - never call them up - never go home for a meal again.
In fact, it has been my observation that after marriage home often becomes more sacred than it was before - that the ties between parent & child are even more precious than they were before - but in a different way.
But there needs to be a severing that takes place.
A. I honestly believe that these words were given, not just for the benefit of the bride & groom, but probably more for the mother & father of the bride & groom. I am convinced that it is often a lot more difficult for the parents to sever the ties than it is for the bride & groom.
ILL. In most wedding services the father of the bride is asked, "Who gives this woman to be married to this man?" And he answers, "Her mother & I do."
However, I wonder if the parents of both the bride & the groom should be asked, "Do you give your daughter to be married to this man?" & "Do you give your son to be married to this woman?"
There needs to be a commitment by both sets of parents because they, too, must sever the ties. They must each realize that their child is leaving the nest - & they must prepare themselves to let go.
B. And, of course, it applies to the bride & groom. Many marital problems come when one or both are unable to sever their ties with mom & dad. They still depend upon them emotionally, psychologically, & maybe even financially, & it creates a very insecure feeling within the marriage bond itself. There must be a severing of that tie.
ILL. Do you remember the old American Folk Song, "Billy Boy, Billy Boy?" There is an interesting line in that song - it says "She’s a young thing & cannot leave her mother." Do you remember that? How old do you think she is? When you sang that song how old did you picture that girl? 16? 17?
But when you learn all the words to that song an interesting fact emerges. Here is how the song goes: "How old is she Billy boy, Billy boy? How old is she, charming Billy? Three times six & four times seven. Twenty-eight & eleven. She’s a young thing & cannot leave her mother."
Now, I may not be real keen on math - but I went through & multiplied & added all that up - & if my math is right, that "girl" was 85 years old! "A young thing & cannot leave her mother." It makes you wonder how old her mother must have been, doesn’t it?
Still, she was not old enough to sever the ties & to marry poor old Billy. As far as the song goes, Billy ended up with no wife because "She was a young thing & could not leave her mother."
I have seen a lot of problems in marriage arise simply because severance didn’t take place. Yet God says a severance must take place.
II. PERMANENCE
Secondly, there must be permanence. Look at the words "…and be united to his wife." Or, as the King James Version puts it, "…and shall cleave unto his wife."
The word "cleave" is an interesting word. It means to "glue one thing to another to form a permanent bond." It is a word used by Moses about disease clinging to the body. It is used by Job about flesh clinging to the bones. It means a permanent bond has taken place.
Most couples getting married say the words "Until death do us part" as part of the wedding ceremony, but I wonder if they really contemplate what they have just said & what they have just promised one to another?
They have said "As long as I live - as long as my heart beats - I will be your husband or your wife." That becomes not only a pledge to each other - it becomes a pledge to Almighty God in heaven.
I am afraid that some people getting married think, "I will be your husband or wife as long as we have mutual interests - or as long as other things don’t interfere - or as long as we get along with one another." But when problems arise much of the world says that the thing to do is to pack your bags & go your separate directions.
ILL. Back on a warm August evening, a number of years ago, I made that promise to my wife & she to me. While neither of us realized all that commitment would entail in the years to come, to the best of our understanding we meant what we said.
It hasn’t always been easy. We are individuals. There have been times when it might have been the easiest thing just to pack my bags & never come back - & she probably would have gladly helped me pack!
But many years ago we promised each other that through the good times & the bad times - through sickness & health - through riches & poverty - no matter what happens - we will be husband & wife until death does the parting.
There is a permanence there. We made that commitment & it is no longer just ours - it is God’s. It belongs to Him & we belong to Him. We made it not just to each other - we made it to God.
ILL. I agree with the psychologist in San Francisco who said, "There are two things which should never be started prematurely. One is divorce, & the other is embalming." I agree on both counts. Neither one should be started prematurely. There ought to be a permanence of the bond that exists there.
III. UNITY
Thirdly, there is the word "Unity." "...& they will become one flesh..."
A. Two people becoming one isn’t something that instantly happens when the minister says, "I pronounce you husband & wife" & the bride & groom kiss each other. It begins then, but unity isn’t instantly achieved by anyone.
It begins on the wedding day & the process continues as they live together - as they learn how to disagree - & how to argue - & how to pray - & how to love each other. Unity forms & deepens as they share the events of life - both good & bad - with each other. It doesn’t happen instantly.
B. I don’t think that unity & uniformity are the same. When God presented Eve to Adam, He didn’t expect Eve to become a female Adam. He expected Eve to be Eve & Adam to be Adam.
They are different psychologically & physically. They are different & God never expected them to become exactly like one another.
ILL. Uniformity is achieved in the donut factory where they make one donut after another - & the hole is always in the same place. It is achieved on the assembly lines where they produce one car just like another.
But uniformity is not achieved in marriage & God never intended it to be that way. God doesn’t expect two people to become exactly like each other. They are individuals.
ILL. Peter Marshall said, "Marriage is the federation of two sovereign states." I like that. The bringing together of two sovereign states to form a unity spiritually - a unity physically - a unity socially - a unity materially - as they share together the blessings that God gives to them.
That special unity begins on the wedding day & it grows as they share all of life together.
IV. INTIMACY
The last word is "intimacy." Vs. 25 says, "The man & his wife were both naked, & they felt no shame."
Now, I am not sure that we can really understand what is being said here. In our day whenever we hear the word "naked" we think of pornography - we think immoral things. But the word "naked" here simply means "one is laid bare - there are no secrets - all the warts & blemishes are revealed & everything is laid bare."
Then notice that it says, "…& they felt no shame." It means that they were not embarrassed - because there was a perfect relationship between Adam & Eve.
It is interesting to note in chapter 3 that when sin came into the Garden that they quickly covered their nakedness. And when God asked them why they covered themselves they said, "because we were afraid & we are ashamed."
I suggest that most of us have a basic need for that kind of intimacy with another human being. And when we seem to be unsuccessful in finding it within the bonds of marriage, we search for cheap substitutes. And Satan is more than ready to offer as many as you want.
ILL. I think that this is the reason why pornography is a multi-million dollar business today - because people are searching for substitute intimacy.
ILL. I think that this is why there are so many illicit affairs - intimacy without the responsibilities of marriage. It is a cheap substitute, but it doesn’t work.
Somehow, all of the substitutes that Satan offers only end up leaving us twisted morally & emotionally. We look at our world & it is crippled because the whole world is searching for the very thing we have in vs. 25 - & it has not been able to find it because substitutes never satisfy.
But God says that two people can become one & there can be a permanent relationship that exists between them & they can find that intimacy that only can be found as husband & wife become one in God.
Folks, I hope that you have been able to see throughout this that what is required for a successful marriage is also required for a successful relationship with Jesus Christ. There must first of all be a severance - a turning away from the sins of the world & the worldly life-style.
Secondly, there must be a permanent relationship with God as we accept His Son as our Savior & His Holy Spirit comes to live with us & comfort us.
Thirdly, a unity must develop between ourselves & the God who created us as we come to love & serve Him more.
Finally, there will be a closeness - an intimacy between ourself & our Creator as we walk with Him all of the days of our life & into all eternity.
INVITATION:
