Parenting - Opportunities to Bless Your Family
Colossians 3:18-21
Proverbs 22:6
After raising four children and now have fourteen grandchildren I can give you three words for successful parenting, “It is Tough.”
For single people two words, “Get Ready.” No one with children says parenting is easy.
James Dobson came out with a book several years ago called, “Parenting is not for cowards.” I know this that as parents we need all of God’s help we can get in raising and blessing our family. “Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it.” (Psalm 127:1)
When I give a message on parenting I’m reminded of the titles of messages given by Charlie Shed—
Before he was married – he gave an expert lecture entitled: “How to successfully raise your children.”
When he became involved with families who had children he changed his lecture to “Some suggestions to parents.”
After he got married and their first child came along, he changed the lecture again and titled it, – “Feeble Hints to Fellow Strugglers.”
When the rest of his children were born, he stopped giving the lecture all together.
I want to encourage everyone today that regardless of your family background you can experience God’s blessing in your family. My life is a testimony that God’s grace can work in a dysfunctional family. I’m sure many of you can say the same thing.
Regardless of your family situation you have hope. And parents most of all, you have the opportunity to bless your family.
I. Parenting is a Partnership
Colossians 3:18-21 speaks of a partnership in marriage and family.
18 – “Wives submit to your husbands, as it is fitting in the Lord.”
19 -- “Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.”
20 - “Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.”
21 - “Fathers do not embitter (aggravate) your children, or they will be discouraged and (quit trying).
If you are a single parent you might ask, “Who is going to partner with me in my family?” You can ask God for wisdom and encourage others in the Church Family to partner with you in raising your children. If you are single without children you can partner with other single parents and married couples with children to give them your encouragement and support.
In applying Colossians 3:18-21 to the family we find twelve helpful applications of those verses:
1. Don’t argue about parenting or discipline decisions in front of the children.
2. Support the decisions your spouse makes. Back up your wife or husband and don’t give in to your children’s demands and whining.
3. Don’t allow your kids to play you against each other.
4. Communicate Daily (Carollyn and I ever so often have to get out “Day timer’s out and make sure we know each others schedule)
5. Define what your relationship is going to look like (I had to learn to see things from Carollyn’s perspective and she from mine)
6. Be patient with each other (When first married I had to begin thinking and making changes from “me” to “us” and “we.”
7. Develop the habit of “treasuring” your spouse. (Work at using encouraging words and building each other us)
8. Find the appropriate balance (It’s okay to give each other personal space from time to time)
9. Have a date at least once a week (Find creative ways to have a weekly date)
10. Pray for each other and with each other (Share your personal concerns and personal needs and ask your family to pray for you)
11. Take time to resolve personal issues (The Bible in effect says don’t go to bed with unresolved issues in your family. Work on solutions and take your issues to the Lord in prayer.”
12. Commit to each other for the long haul. The commitment in marriage is “For better or for worse.”
When Carollyn and I got married my mother-in-law gave us a plaque that read: “The best thing a father can give their children is to love their mother.” We could also say, “Wives the best thing you can give your children is to love their father.”
Parenting is a partnership.
II. Parenting Involves Tough Love
Parenting also involves tough love.
Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train up a child in the way he/she should go and when he is old he will not depart from it.” A paraphrase might be: “Train up a child according to his/her own bent or passion.” As a parent we recognize that God has created everyone with unique personalities and abilities. Our job is to recognize those unique abilities and guide our children to develop in their God-given way.
You bless your children when you help them see their potential and follow their God-given passions.
You bless your children when you offer them opportunities for growth. Don’t overwhelm them with too many opportunities. I agree with Dr. James Dobson that one primary activity or sport a week is adequate for most children. If you have four children in different activities having one activity at times seems overwhelming.
You bless you children when you help them set realistic goals. Can you imagine taking a flight in an airplane and the pilot comes on the intercom and says: “I have some good news and some bad news.” “The bad news is we have lost one engine, along with our direction finder. The good news is we have a tailwind, and wherever we are headed, we are getting there at 650 miles per hour.”
It would be nice to know where you are headed. Our children need goals to shoot for. You can give them educational goals to achieve. My mother encouraged both my sister and myself to set goals to attend college. She also helped us accomplish that goal.
Tough love sets boundaries. As our children grow boundaries change. Even though they change there are still boundaries. Boundaries are for the mental, emotional, physical and spiritual welfare of our children. Boundaries need to fit the age of our children. Too much control can thwart and limit the growth potential of our children. No boundaries results in lawlessness. Rules not tempered with grace can lead to rebellion.
Excessive boundaries undermine the work of the Holy Spirit in building a moral resolve in the heart and life of our children. Extreme boundaries results in legalism and an attitude like the secular Pharisee. As parents our task is to “train up our children in the way God would have them go.”
In our home we had a number of “givens” that were non-negotiable.
• On Sunday we went to church as a family.
• We wanted to know where the children were after school.
• When they got older they were expected to be home at a given time.
• They were not allowed to talk back or be rude or disrespectful to us as parents.
• Discipline would be applied for disobedience. We would back each other up on all disciplinary actions.
The Apostle Paul gives the goal for children in Philippians 2:14-16 (Message) “Do everything readily and cheerfully – no bickering, no second-guessing allowed! Go out into the world uncorrupted, a breath of fresh air in this squalid and polluted society. Provide people with a glimpse of good living and of the living God. Carry the light-giving Message into the night so I’ll have good cause to be proud of you on the day that Christ returns. You’ll be living proof that I didn’t go to all this work for nothing.”
When we see parenting as our God-given responsibility and opportunity. We will base our home upon Biblical truths and do our best to teach those truths by our example and our words. Then we will leave the results with God.
We can say to our children, “Be assured of this, regardless of the choices you make we will continue to love you and pray for you. Ultimately the choices you make will be your responsibility.”
Our goal as parents is to help our children develop their own moral fiber so they will want to honor the Lord Jesus by their life and actions and the choices they make. In the end the choices all we all make are our responsibility. We can’t blame anyone else.
Bob Dylan, rock and roll singer, summed up in his song, “Slow Train Coming” the responsibility people have in making choices.
You may be an ambassador to England or France.
You might like to gamble; you might like to dance.
You might be the heavyweight champion of the world.
You might be a socialite with a long string of peals,
But you’re gonna have to serve somebody.
Yeah, you’re goon have to serve somebody.
It may be the d evil, or it may be the Lord,
But you’re gonna have to serve somebody.
The Bible makes it very clear that there are primarily two choices you have to make in life. You cannot serve two masters. You will either serve the Lord or Satan. We need to make the same commitment as Joshua, “As for me and my house we will serve the Lord.” (Joshua 24:15)
It is hard but tough love allows for our children to learn through experiencing natural consequences. You can tell your children not to touch that hot stove a hundred times. Still they touch the stove and get burned. If they are smart they’ll not touch it again. They learn through natural consequences. It grieves us to see our children make wrong choices and get burned time and time again. Our prayer is that like the prodigal son they will come to their senses and turn around and return home and to God.
The story is told of an old man who discovered a caterpillar. He decided to keep the small creature and watch its transformation into a butterfly. Sure enough, within days the fuzzy worm began spinning its cocoon. The man watched with fascination as the entire encasement was meticulously completed. Then he waited. and waited.
Finally, after several weeks, the old man noticed that the butterfly was beginning to emerge from its woven shell. His interest turned into concern, however, as he watched the little creature struggling hard to free itself. Felling compassion, he decided to help it. With a small butter knife he clipped away part of the cocoon. But the man’s initial delight turned to sorrow as he saw the beautiful creature now struggle to fly. You see, butterflies strengthen their wings through the process of pushing and struggling against the cocoon walls. As they emerge, fluid is pushed from their bodies into their wings, giving them the necessary elements to fly. In cutting away the cocoon, the man had denied the butterfly the opportunity it needed to preserve and grow strong on its own.
Sometimes we, as parents, treat our children like that old man treated the butterfly. We do everything we can to help them avoid struggle. We shield them from sadness, disappointment, and the challenges of life. No parent wants to see her child sad or disappointed, but the truth is, it is neither healthy nor beneficial to prevent our kids from going through challenges. How else will they grow strong? How else will they develop the faith they’ll need to survive the inevitable storms of life? How else will they learn to approach God as their “refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble” (Psalm 46:1)?
Erma Bombeck wrote about tough love when she wrote about her love for her children.
I loved you enough to bug you about where you were going, with whom, and what time you will get home.
I loved you enough to insist that you buy a bike with your own money that you could afford.
I loved you enough to be silent and to let you discover on your own, that your boy-friend was a creep.
I loved you enough to make you return a Milky Way with a bite out of it to a drugstore to confess you had stolen it.
I loved you enough to stand over you for two hours while you cleaned your room; a job that would have taken me fifteen minutes.
I loved you enough to let you see anger, disappointment, disgust and tears in my eyes.
I loved you enough not to make excuses for your lack of respect or bad manners.
I loved you enough to admit I as wrong and ask for your forgiveness.
I loved you enough to accept you for what you are, not what I wanted you to be.
But most of all, I loved you enough to say “no” when you hated me for it. That was the hardest part of all.
Parenting is a partnership, Parenting Involves tough love, and parenting seeks God’s blessing.
III. Parenting Seeks God’s Blessing
Before parents can bless our children they first of all need to accept God’s blessing on their own lives.
Parents give spiritual leadership in the home. Parents are the one that give leadership to developing a spiritual foundation in the home. A spiritual foundation doesn’t just happen. Like building a foundation for a home there is a lot of preparation to building a firm foundation. Jesus made it clear that only foundations built on the Word of God can withstand the attacks of the world to not conform to worldly standards.
A spiritual foundation is the cohesive force that holds the family together. When Jesus Christ is the center of your family He helps hold your family together. Just as the sun gives unity to our solar system, so Jesus is the one giving unity to the family. Take the sun out of our solar system and there would be chaos in our planetary system.
Titus 2:11-12 is the kind of Spiritual Commitment and the Grace of God we want to work in the lives of our children.
“For the grace of God has been revealed, bringing salvation to all people. And we are instructed to turn from godless living and sinful pleasures. We should live in this evil world with self control, right conduct and devotion to God.”
I pray that all our homes will have the spiritual vitality where every parent is an example to children teaching the children how to live in this evil world with self control, right conduct and devotion to God.
Your home is the best place for your children to learn about God. Psalm 127:3 says, “Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.” Our lives are the best sermon our children will ever see or hear.
Edgar Guest has a good word for all parents:
I’d rather see a sermon, than hear one any day.
I’d rather one would walk with me – than merely show the way.
The eye’s a better pupil – more willing than the ear,
Fine counsel is confusing, but example’s always clear.
And the best of all the people are the ones who live their creed, For to see the good in action is what everybody needs.
I can soon learn how to do it if you’ll let me see it done.
I can watch your hands in action, but your tongue too fast may run.
The lectures you deliver may be very wise and true—
But I’d rather get my lesson by observing what you do.
For I may misunderstand you, and the high advice you give,
But there’s no misunderstanding how you act and how you live.
Parenting gives you many opportunities to bless your family. You may be a single parent, have a blended family or single. There many ways to bless families. You can give your blessing by becoming a helpful partner, exercising tough love and giving spiritual leadership in your family.
