(adapted from Southeast Christian Church’s series Living a Life of Integrity)
SERIES: “WORDS OF WISDOM FOR KINGDOM LIVING”
TEXT: MATTHEW 7:1-12
TITLE: “BUILD STRONG RELATIONSHIPS”
INTRODUCTION: A. Graduates, we’re glad that you’re with us this morning
1. We share in your celebration of achievement
2. You’ve completed high school and your life lies ahead of you
3. Whatever you do, I encourage you to build strong relationships in this life
--Relationships that prepare you for the life to come
4. Whether you’re going on to college, entering the military, or joining the full-time
work force, relationships are the most important thing for you to build
B. Several weeks ago in our series through Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount we looked at
Jesus’ words concerning building our lives
1. He admonished us to invest in things that are eternal and not temporary
2. The relationships that we build here on earth will shape us for eternity
3. In the passage we’ll look at today we’ll learn that God wants us to build strong
relationships with others and with Him and to begin to see Him as a gracious,
loving Father.
4. This passage concludes with the Golden Rule, which you probably learned as a
child—“Do to others as you would have others do to you.”
--In a sense it is a backdrop from which to view all of the principles within the
Sermon on the Mount.
I. YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH OTHER CHRISTIANS
A. Avoid Judgmental words
--Mt. 7:1-2. – “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. 2For in the same way you judge others, you will
be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”
1. In his book, A Gentle Thunder, popular Christian author Max Lucado tells about a time he took his
family on vacation to a historical city. While they were touring an old house, Lucado said he noticed a
family behind them was from New York. And he said, “They didn’t have to tell me they were from
New York. I could tell. They wore New York City clothes. The teenage son had one half of his head
shaved and on the other half of his head, his hair hung down past his shoulders. The daughter wore
layered clothes and long beads. The mother looked like she’d raided her daughter’s closet, and the
dad’s hair was down the back of his neck.”
He said, “I had these people figured out. The boy was probably strung out on drugs. The parents
were going through midlife crisis. They were miserable people and in need of spiritual guidance. Good
thing I was nearby in case they needed some counseling.”
But Lucado was taken back when the family introduced themselves. After talking for a while,
Lucado said, “I was right—they were from New York City. But that’s about all I got right.” He said,
“When I told them my name, they were flabbergasted.”
“We can’t believe it!” they said. “We’ve read all of your books. We use them in our Sunday School
class at church. We tried to come hear you speak when you came to New York, but the night you were
here was our family night…” Lucado said he thought to himself, “Sunday School? Church? Family
night?” Then he says, “Oh boy, I’d made a mistake. A big mistake. I’d applied the label before
examining the contents.”
Reflecting back on that event, Lucado wrote, “We’ve all used labels. We stick them on jars and manila
folders so we’ll know what’s inside. We also stick them on people for the very same reason.”
2. There’s something enjoyable about sitting in a position of judgment.
--It makes us think better about ourselves and less of others
3. Years ago, the most familiar passage in all the Bible, the verse most often quoted was probably what
became known as the Golden Rule found a little later in our text this morning in vs. 12: “Do to others
what you would have them do to you.”
a. However, in recent years there’s been a transition.
b. The passage now most quoted is, “Do not judge.”
c. Mark Moore, a professor at Ozark Christian College, says this verse has been used as a wild-card
trump against meddling Christians who call a spade a spade. This verse has been quoted by people
who really mean, “Stay out of my business! Who are you to judge me?”
--Someone termed this verse “the backsliders’ favorite verse”
4. Don’t be confused about what Jesus is saying here
a. He is not condemning judgement of any kind
--In fact, Jesus says in Jn. 7:24: “judge with righteous judgment.”
b. What Jesus is warning us about is judgementalism
--It is the practice of being hypercritical all the time
c. He’s not talking about judgement in courts or judgements based on right methodology utilizing the
Spirit of truth and mercy.
--He wants us to be aware that we can tend to feel good about ourselves by having bad intentions
towards others
5. Jesus also wants us to understand that just as we are forgiven in the same measure we offer forgiveness
to others that we will also be judged along the same lines we use to judge others
B. Shun hypocritical actions
--Mt. 7:3-5 – “"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the
plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ’Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when
all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye,
and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.”
1. Dave Stone: “We can’t read minds and we sure can’t read hearts, but we get a kick out of trying.”
--Yet only God knows what’s truly going on in their mind and heart.
2. We have a tendency to judge others self-righteously.
--Why is it, from my perspective, that my dirt is never as dirty as your dirt and from your perspective,
your dirt is never as dirty as my dirt?
3. Jesus uses a humorous illustration comparing a small speck and a huge log
a. A blind doctor cannot perform surgery on someone else’s eye
b. We tend to see the little things in others’ lives but ignore the big things in our lives.
4. A good example of Jesus’ teaching is found in 2 Sam. 12. King David has had an adulterous affair
with Bathsheba and had her husband Uriah killed on the battlefield. The prophet Nathan confronts
David with this sin by telling him a story.
Nathan’s story is about two men: one rich, the other poor. The rich man has plenty of sheep. The
poor man only one. The rich man has a visitor and instead of killing one of his own sheep to feed his
visitor, he steals the poor man’s sheep and uses it to feed his visitor.
David is extremely angry at the rich man. 2 Sam. 12:5-6 says, “David burned with anger against the
man and said to Nathan, "As surely as the LORD lives, the man who did this deserves to die! He must
pay for that lamb four times over, because he did such a thing and had no pity."”
Nathan says to David, “You are the man!”
a. Jesus wants us to examine our lives before we begin to try to help others
--Socrates is credited with saying, “The unexamined life is not worth living.”
b. Peter Marshall wrote this little prayer:
--"Dear Lord,
When I am wrong, make me easy to change;
When I am right, make me easy to live with."
5. A critical, condemning spirit indicates that something is wrong with you spiritually.
a. Either you’ve lost sight of God’s grace toward you, a sinner, or you’ve never really received the
Lord’s forgiveness for yourself.
b. Maybe you just bought into a system of morality and never experienced a broken heart over your
own sin.
C. Sermon on the Mount is about how to live as a citizen of the kingdom of heaven
1. Jesus has already explained in earlier comments that kingdom citizens are merciful and forgiving
2. Recognizing that we have received divine mercy and forgiveness in our own lives, we should then
freely offer mercy and forgiveness to others
3. Jesus says that when we don’t do that, we are hypocrites
--stage actors pretending to be something that we’re not
a. Hypocrisy is one of the top excuses that the un-churched give for not coming to church.
--People want to be around people who love them, not constantly judge them.
b. William McDonald: “A habitual fault-finder is a poor advertisement for the Christian faith.”
II. YOUR RELATIONSHIP TOWARD THE HOSTILE
--Mt. 7:6 – “"Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample
them under their feet, and then turn and tear you to pieces.”
A. This is a confusing passage to our ears
--It sounds like it doesn’t belong in this passage at all
1. However, Jesus was making reference to some specific things
2. This is not a tip on animal husbandry.
a. Jesus was using these terms to refer to certain kinds of people
b. They’re not very flattering comparisons
3. Most people in Jesus’ day didn’t keep dogs for house pets
--Jesus is referring to basically wild dogs who roamed the streets and were vicious
4. Pigs were regarded as the most unclean of animals.
5. Jesus is talking about those people who are hostile to our faith
B. Jesus says you will come in contact with some unbelievers who are so hardened in their resistance to the
gospel that they make a mockery of you and your faith
1. The issue is here is the futility of forcing ourselves to those that reject our efforts to share kingdom
treasures.
a. Jesus is saying that if you try and you are met with intense resistance, then back off and re-
assess the situation.
b. He is not calling unbelievers dogs and pigs but using this analogy to teach us that like dogs and pigs
that have no use for pearls or things of value, these people have no use for the gospel.
c. Paul and Barnabas practiced that process
--Acts 13:49-52 – (Pisidian Antioch) “The word of the Lord spread through the whole region. But
the Jews incited the God-fearing women of high standing and the leading men of the city. They
stirred up persecution against Paul and Barnabas, and expelled them from their region. So they
shook the dust from their feet in protest against them and went to Iconium. And the disciples
were filled with joy and with the Holy Spirit.”
2. In keeping with the flow of Jesus’ discussion, He moves from saying we should not only avoid the
extreme of hypercriticial judgementalism but we should also avoid the opposite end of the spectrum
--We can err on the side of being too liberal when we offer forgiveness and mercy
3. Jesus wants his followers to love each other enough to speak the truth.
a. His message is to be careful because there are some people, even church people, who no matter
how tenderly you confront them with their sin they will turn on you.
b. They won’t accept your efforts to help them find freedom because they believe themselves to be
without error.
--Rather than go to work on their sin they go to war with you.
c. Prov. 9:7-9 – “Whoever corrects a mocker invites insult; whoever rebukes a wicked man incurs
abuse. Do not rebuke a mocker or he will hate you; rebuke a wise man and he will love you.
Instruct a wise man and he will be wiser still; teach a righteous man and he will add to his
learning.”
C. We need to be very aware that as Christians, we are not the eternal judges of non-Christians
1. Paul wrote two letters to the church at Corinth
a. In his first letter, he confronts a particular situation there
b. A man in the church is having sexual relations with his step-mother
--A practice that was forbidden in both the Old Testament and in the church
c. Paul told the Corinthians that if this man refused to repent they would need to expel him.
--They were to put him out of the fellowship.
2. For our purposes this morning I want to focus on 1 Cor. 5:12-13
--“What business is it of mine to judge those outside the church? Are you not to judge those inside?
God will judge those outside. ‘Expel the immoral brother.’”
3. Paul saw a distinction between judging Christians and non-Christians.
a. Our mission is bring the lost to Christ and his church and once they’ve committed their lives to
Jesus to challenge them to live according to his teachings.
b. Where we sometimes go wrong is when we become frustrated when the world doesn’t embrace
Christian values when they’ve never come to accept Christ who made those values Christian.
4. Gene Appel is a preacher who tells about a time when he was watching a softball game, seated
next to a good friend. And he said as he sat in the bleachers watching the game, he was
eavesdropping in on the conversation of the people seated behind them.
And Gene said that the people behind him were basically talking about the previous week. And he
said basically, their weeks went like this: get up, go to work, go party after work, find somebody to
sleep with, go home and go to bed, get up, go to work, party after work, find somebody to sleep with,
go home and go to bed, get up, etc. He said that’s what they talked about doing that whole week.
He was appalled at this conversation. Rather than have sympathy over these lost people, Gene
turned to his friend seated next to him and recounted what he’d overheard behind him. And then he
whispered to his friend, “These people are a bunch of sleezeballs!”
Gene said his friend turned to him and said, “You know Gene, every time I’m around people like
that I think, ‘These are the kind of people Jesus would be hanging out with. These are the people he
would be trying to love and spend time with.’”
Gene said right then he just put his face in his hands and prayed, “God, what is wrong with me?
Sometimes I can be so unlike your Son.”
III. YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD
--Mt. 7:7-11 – “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened
to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be
opened. Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give
him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much
more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!”
A. ASK—Don’t Demand
1. Jesus says that prayer is the best way to begin building your relationship with God.
--It’s also a great way to overcome problems of hypocrisy, judgementalism, and lack of discernment
2. James 4:2-3 – “You do not have because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive,
because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.”
B. SEEK—Don’t be Passive
1. If it’s important, it’s worth pursuing
2. God rewards those who diligently pursue the things of the kingdom
C. KNOCK—Don’t Give Up
1. Keep asking, keep seeking, and keep knocking. Persistence is a part of it.
2. God specializes in giving us more than we need and more than we deserve.
3. There are a couple of implications to Christ’s instructing us to be persistent.
a. One is that when we find ourselves wrestling with the sin of being self-righteous in our judgement
and being critical and harsh then we are to come to the Father seeking grace to not be so.
1). If we come to God and ask for the grace and yet we continue to be defeated we are not to just
stop asking and suppose that it is hopeless and that we are just destined to be judgmental
people.
2). We are to continue to ask, seek and knock—diligently seeking the grace that comes from the
goodness of the Father that will enable us to walk in victory and holiness.
.
b. The second implication of Jesus’ admonition to keep asking and keep seeking and keep knocking
is that we are to depend upon God’s grace for living each day.
--No matter what it is we face, each new day, we are to ask, seek and knock trusting in the
goodness of the Father to give us fresh grace for each day.
D. The relationship is a Father/child relationship
1. God will answer the requests of His children
--He is not the “genie in the lamp” nor the “vending machine” for anyone who asks, seeks, or knocks
2. He wants relationship with you and He is willing to lovingly meet the needs of those who seek that
relationship
3. Therefore, our prayers are answered with a big “yes” only under certain circumstances:
a. 1 Jn 3:22 – “Whatever we ask we receive from Him, because we keep His commandments and do
the things that are pleasing in His sight.”
b. 1 Jn. 5:14 – “This is the confidence which we have before Him, that, if we ask anything according
to His will, He hears us.”
IV. YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH ALL PEOPLE
--Mt. 7:12 – “So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the
Law and the Prophets.”
A. That is some pretty great advice.
--In this one sentence Jesus brilliantly communicated the secret of meaningful relationships.
1. Think of how different this world would be if people truly practiced this teaching.
2. Think of how few murders there would be.
3. Think how few robberies there would be.
4. Think of how little abuse would go on in this world.
5. Think of how many wars would be prevented.
6. Think of how many marriages would be salvaged
7. Think of how many church fights would never happen.
8. Think most of all of how many souls would be saved.
B. People like to quote this wonderful piece of wisdom but very few ever actually practice it
--British preacher D. Martin-Lloyd Jones: “People hear this golden rule and they praise it as marvelous
and wonderful, and as a perfect summary of a great and involved subject. But the tragedy is that,
having praised it, they do not implement it. And, after all, the law was not meant to be praised, it was
meant to be practiced. Our Lord did not teach the Sermon on the Mount in order that you and I might
comment upon it, but in order that we might carry it out.”
C. In Brooklyn, there is a school called Chush that caters to learning-disabled children. Some children
remain in Chush for their entire school career, while others can be mainstreamed into conventional
schools.
At a fundraising dinner for the school, the father of a Chush child delivered a speech that would
never be forgotten by all who attended. After extolling the school and its dedicated staff, he cried out,
“Where is the perfection in my son Shaya? Everything God does is done with perfection. But my child
cannot understand things as other children do. My child cannot remember facts and figures as other
children do. Where is God’s perfection?”
The audience was shocked by the question, pained by the father’s anguish and stilled by the piercing
query. "I believe," the father answered, "that when God brings a child like this into the world, the
perfection that he seeks is in the way people react to this child." He then told the following story about
his son Shaya:
One afternoon, Shaya and his father walked past a park where some boys Shaya knew were playing
baseball. Shaya asked, "Do you think they will let me play?" Shaya’s father knew that his son was not
at all athletic and that most boys would not want him on their team. But Shaya’s father understood that
if his son were chosen to play it would give him a comfortable sense of belonging. Shaya’s father
approached one of the boys in the field and asked if Shaya could play.
The boy looked around for guidance from his teammates. Getting none, he took matters into his
own hands and said, "We are losing by six runs and the game is in the eighth inning. I guess he can be
on our team and we’ll try to put him up to bat in the ninth inning." Shaya’s father was ecstatic as Shaya
smiled broadly. Shaya was told to put on a glove and go out to play short center field. In the bottom of
the eighth inning, Shaya’s team scored a few runs but was still behind by three.
In the bottom of the ninth inning, Shaya’s team scored again and now with two outs and the bases
loaded with the potential winning run on base. Shaya was scheduled to be up. Would the team
actually let Shaya? bat at this juncture and give away their chance to win the game? Surprisingly,
Shaya was given the bat. Everyone knew that it was all but impossible because Shaya didn’t even
know how to hold the bat properly, let alone hit with it. However, as Shaya stepped up to the plate,
the pitcher moved a few steps to lob the ball in softly so Shaya should at least be able to make contact.
The first pitch came and Shaya swung clumsily and missed. One of Shaya’s teammates came up to
Shaya and together they held the bat and faced the pitcher waiting for the next pitch. The pitcher
again took a few steps forward to toss the ball softly toward Shaya. As the pitch came in, Shaya and
his teammate swung at the ball and together they hit a slow ground ball to the pitcher.
The pitcher picked up the soft grounder and could easily have thrown the ball to the first baseman.
Shaya would have been out and that would have ended the game. Instead, the pitcher took the ball and
threw it on a high arc to right field, far beyond reach of the first baseman. Everyone started yelling,
"Shaya, run to first. Run to first. "Never in his life had Shaya run to first. He scampered down the
baseline wide-eyed and startled. By the time he reached first base, the right fielder had the ball. He
could have thrown the ball to the second baseman who would tag out Shaya, who was still running.
But, the right fielder understood what the pitcher’s intentions were, so he threw the ball high and far
over the third baseman’s head.
Everyone yelled, "Run to second, run to second." Shaya ran towards second base as the runners
ahead of him deliriously circled the bases towards home. As Shaya reached second base, the opposing
shortstop ran to him, turned him in the direction of third base and shouted, "Run to third." As Shaya
rounded third, the boys from both teams ran behind him screaming, "Shaya run home." Shaya ran
home, stepped on home plate and all 18 boys lifted him on their shoulders and made him the hero, as
he had just hit a "grand slam" and won the game for his team.
"That day," said the father softly with tears now rolling down his face, "those 18 boys reached
their level of God’s perfection."
CONCLUSION: A. If you want to build strong relationships hen follow Christ’s advice and do unto others as
you would have others do unto you.
--As Jesus said, everything else hangs on this principle. Using this Golden Rule you can:
1. Avoid hypercritical judgementalism
2. Balance love with discernment
3. Utilize your prayer relationship with God the Father
4. Live a life that fulfills you and honors Christ
B. Graduates, I encourage you to live that kind of life
-- In 1904 William Borden, heir to the Borden Dairy Estate, graduated from a Chicago
high school a millionaire. His parents gave him a trip around the world. Traveling
through Asia, the Middle East, and Europe gave Borden a burden for the world’s
hurting people. Writing home, he said, “I’m going to give my life to prepare for the
mission field.”
When he made this decision, he wrote in the back of his Bible two words: No
Reserves. Turning down high paying job offers after graduation from Yale University,
he entered two more words in his Bible: No Retreats. Completing studies at Princeton
Seminary, Borden sailed for China to work with Muslims, stopping first at Egypt for
some preparation. While there he was stricken with cerebral meningitis and died within
a month.
A waste, you say! Not in God’s plan. In his Bible underneath the words No Reserves
and No Retreats, he had written the words No Regrets.
C. We’re all called to live lives that honor Christ
1. We ought to be gracious to others because of the way the Father treated us graciously.
2. Some of you here this morning need to change the way you see your heavenly Father.
a. You need to see Him as a Father who runs beside you when He could leave you in
the dust; who could have obliterated you but chose to redeem you; who has been
given countless reasons to run from us, but instead He ran to us.
b. And for those who have put their trust in him He chooses to run beside us.
