Repairing Your Family
This is going to be a hard lesson today. Everyone wants a perfect family – but they don’t exist. There is brokenness in every family. We are going to talk about repairing your family – and that implies that your family is first broken.
Broken families are the result of broken relationships. And broken relationships come from people who reject one another. In fact all brokenness comes through rebellion.
In the story Jesus told about two sons we see one who rebelled outwardly, Other Rebelled Inwardly - and the Father loved Them Both
Using the beloved story of the Prodigal Son as an outline let me give you a peek into a home that was touched by rebellion. There is more here than most people realize. This story is being played out in the lives of families in your community, county, and even church on a daily basis. You will be amazed at how relevant God’s Word is to your need.
Luke 15 is Understood in Six Concepts:
Before We Know It They’re Grown Up
Kindergarten The first day of school; the first time they stood in a little league batter’s box staring down a 50-mile an hour fastball from some wild pitcher; and who can forget that first date? Some young wolf shows up at the door and wants to take your daughter out – it’s enough to make you consider purchasing a 30-30 rifle with a sniper scope and following them across town – just in case. And what about driver’s education – who came up with the idea that 16 is old enough to start driving? I think growing up is harder on the parents than it is on the kids.
In Luke, we have a child that stands before his dad as a man. His deep voice says, “Dad, I have some inheritance coming and I’d like to start spending it now.”
The voice of impatience rings out that day as a young man counts down the minutes until he is free of the restrictions of the home. All parents know this day is coming but we’re never quite ready for it when it finally arrives. And when it comes, there will be no time to make changes.
Sometimes you’re left with the nagging questions:
• Did I spend enough time with them?
• Did I do all I could to help create a sense of significance?
• Did I give enough attention to the spiritual role that I play?
• Did I listen to the things that matter to them?
From the beginning our story drips with rebellion, from the tone of voice to the wild living that follows shortly after the son’s departure.
Look at how dad handled the request and departure. He graciously responded to his son’s request. No lecture. No prophetic warning of storm clouds of failure stirring on the horizon. It isn’t easy to do what he did.
We talked last week about dedicating your children to God and of releasing ownership. That’s the first step. The second step is even harder – really letting go. How you approach that when they are rebelling and fighting you is very important.
Have you ever considered the connection between how you release your child and how they return? In fact, sometimes how you let them go will determine if you ever get them back! Let that sink in for a moment.
It isn’t long before the young man is a speck on the horizon. The father’s heart was shredded as he wondered if he would ever see his son again. At times like this, a parent wonders if it’s worth it all. No job is tougher.
When a Child Rebels Is Often Prescribed By Their Personality
Why is it so hard to deal with rebellion?
Because this is our own flesh and blood - innocence run amuck.
And it’s not if – it’s when. Certainly there are degrees of rebellion as well as the time and method of rebellion. Some kids are “in your face”. Some are “behind your back”.
This boy can hardly get out of town fast enough. He sets out for a world that is cold, ugly, and anything but pain free. There is no, “and they lived happily ever after,” in a rebel’s life. In fact, most dread the coming of each day.
In his mind, he had grown up with too many restrictions, now he wanted the right to call the shots. Free at last! Free at last! With the sound of Dad’s good-bye ringing in his ears, the young man stretches his wings and flies off to a world of self-indulgence.
“… and there squandered his wealth in wild living.” (15:13)
The young man was on a mission. His mission statement was: Operation Personal Gratification
Soon he acquires a bunch of shallow friends and is off to live “high on the hog.” No indulgence is left untried. The web of experiential living has the boy in its grasp. It doesn’t take long before the best thing that ever happened to him is staring him in the face - the money ran out!
“…. After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in that whole country, and he began to be in need.” (15:14)
This verse shows us what it takes to turn a rebel’s heart to home. Panic and fear must replace boredom, self-indulgence and personal gratification. Notice the text:“…he began to be in need.”
Welcome to the real world on the street. No work. No help. No hope. Here is a great formula – no – here is the only formula for transforming a proud heart! Soon things in his heart are going to soften.
If You Are Going To Win Over Rebellion, You Must Allow Consequences To Win Over Your Child.
Without a doubt, the hardest part of parenting a rebel is realizing the type of pigsty these kids might have to sink into.
If you are the parent of a rebellious child, please be aware of this truth: It could take your child months and even years before they ever realize what they have back at home.
“When he came to his senses, he said, “How many of my father’s hired men have food to spare, and here I am starving to death!” Luke 15:17
As painful as this insight is, before Prodigals return they may fail high school, suffer abuse, or get pregnant. Some may spend time in prison; others may go through a drug recovery program.
It may take the loss of a friend, loss of their mind, loss of their virginity, and even the threat of the loss of their life before they come to their senses. Rebellion is a painful family issue to deal with. Over the years, one thing I have seen is that it may take a series of hard events before the runway is shaken to his senses.
How Will You Handle That Day When Your Child Returns?
“But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.
Tucked deep inside these verses is the recipe for the successful return of a rebellious child. Don’t minimize these two important issues; they will determine if the child closes the door once-and-for-all. The other option is a series of returns and departure. Unfortunately, this can be the formula for a nervous breakdown.
How To Welcome The Rebellious
First, realize they are not coming home to be given the same status they enjoyed before their departure. Rebels know they deserve nothing. They will be satisfied to live in a tent in the back yard. They will accept the leftovers from the nightly meal.
Second, they are not coming home for things and stuff. The rebellious child is coming home for relationships.
“… I will set out and go back to my father…”
Consider this, the prodigal is not interested in his room, his friends or his trophies. All he thinks is, “just give me dad.”
The deepest heartache of the rebellious is for relationship. And the deepest yearning is for that of their family. Just be patient; that child will come back. Your home offers something they can get no place else. One day your wayward son or daughter will long for you above everything. When that happens, the prodigal is on the way home. As one author says, “Parents, the most significant thing you have in your home is you!”
Let me give you a glimpse of the rebel’s thinking when he’s making a move toward home:
• I’ll go back to the one that was there when I was little and hurt myself.
• I’ll go back to the one that treated me fair when I was wrong!
• I’ll go back to the one that held my hand when I failed.
• I’ll go back to the one that stood on principle over person.
• I’ll go back to the one that loved me enough to let me go!
Rebellion That Results In Restoration Needs Celebration
When the short-lived fantasy of the fast lane is over, be ready to do your part in the return.
What do Prodigals need when they return? Love - and lots of it; the very thing you have been giving all your life. The original text in Greek suggests that when the son and dad finally made eye contact and came to together, that dad “repeatedly hugged and kissed him” (vs. 20).
When the child returns—be heavy on the celebration and light on the explanation. The last thing the kid needs is a lecture.
Don’t be Surprised If Rebellion Is Right Under Your Nose
A Word of Warning: Many parents are not even aware that their own subtle rebellion has sown seeds of rebellion in the heart of their children and now it’s germinating into a bumper crop of insurrection. The sad thing is many parents are not even aware this is going on.
The older brother became angry and refused to go in. So his father went out and pleaded with him. But he answered his father, “Look! All these years I’ve been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends. But when this son of yours who has squandered your property with prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him!” Luke 15:25
What Can I Take Home?
We can apply two overriding principles to our families today if we want to guard against our children becoming prodigals.
Parents Must Be Willing To Stand On Principle Over Person. The principles found in God’s Word are your source, strength, and safeguard for Building a Winning Family.
A Child’s Emotional Coaching Is The Greatest Insurance Against Rebellion. Know your child’s unique temperament and personality and build on it. Be his greatest cheerleader.
