SPEECH PATTERNS
by Pastor Jim May
The ability to speak is a wonderful thing, but how we use that ability can often make a tremendous difference in both our own life and the lives of others. Everywhere you turn there are voices. Some are voices of encouragement, some are destructive, and some are words of love and compassion, while others are words of hate and disdain. Words are a powerful force and the influence that our words can have necessitate our careful use of words.
Words are used to reveal what is really in your heart. Words are a perfect indicator of your character. The words you speak, the things you talk about, and the manner in which you say them will ultimately create the image of who you are and what you are all about to everyone around you. When you think of it that way, what you say and how you say it are incredibly important.
Our problem is that we don’t always control our words. Our manner of speech often comes back to haunt us. How many times do we show symptoms of “hoof and mouth disease”? I can’t tell you the number of times that I have opened my mount and inserted my foot, and I know, from first hand experience, that some of you have done the same thing.
Proverbs 17:27-28, "He that hath knowledge spareth his words: and a man of understanding is of an excellent spirit. Even a fool, when he holdeth his peace, is counted wise: and he that shutteth his lips is esteemed a man of understanding."
Now that’s a switch from the way we normally thing isn’t it? This scripture is telling us that the more knowledge we have, the less we should try to let everyone know just how much we know. A wise man, knowledgeable in any specific subject, will learn that it’s just not wise to be a “know-it-all” even if he does know it all. Why is that so? It is so because most of the time, those who are carrying on a conversation don’t really care how much you know, and they aren’t interested in learning all of the facts. They just want to have a conversation and leave it at that. Within a few minutes of the conversation, most of what was said will be quickly forgotten anyway, and all of the wisdom that you could have given will have meant nothing in the end.
There’s an old poem that goes like this:
A wise old owl lived in an oak
The more he heard, the less he spoke.
The less he spoke, the more he heard,
Why can’t we all be like the wise old bird?
A wise man or woman will learn that the best thing to do in so many instances when they feel the urge to interrupt or butt in to a conversation is to say nothing. It is amazing how much more we learn by simply listening, but listening is a lost art. Most of the time all you see is talking. It doesn’t matter how many people are around, all of them are talking at the same time. Everyone is speaking, nobody is listening, and then we all walk away thinking that we made a difference but in reality we all walk away without having accomplished much of anything because we all heard only what we said to them.
How many of you know that there is a difference in the speech patterns of men and of women? I’m sure you have heard the difference many times but let me give you one example.
This conversation concerns a haircut: First I’ll give you the women’s version.
Woman2: Oh! You got a haircut! That’s so cute!
Woman1: Do you think so? I wasn’t sure when she gave me the mirror. I mean, you don’t think it’s too fluffy looking?
Woman2: Oh God no! No, it’s perfect. I’d love to get my hair cut like that, but I think my face is too wide. I’m pretty much stuck with this stuff I think.
Woman1: Are you serious? I think your face is adorable. And you could easily get one of those layer cuts - that would look so cute I think. I was actually going to do that except that I was afraid it would accent my long neck.
Woman2: Oh - that’s funny! I would love to have your neck! Anything to take attention away from this two-by-four I have for a shoulder line.
Woman1: Are you kidding? I know girls that would love to have your shoulders. Everything drapes so well on you. I mean, look at my arms - see how short they are? If I had your shoulders I could get clothes to fit me so much easier.
Now here is the Men’s version of that same conversation:
Man2: Haircut?
Man1: “Yep”
Now according to some scientific studies we have discovered that because a woman’s vocal cords are shorter than a man’s she can actually speak with less effort than he can. Shorter vocal cords not only cause a woman’s voice to be more highly pitched, but also require less air to work, making it possible for her to talk more with less energy expended.
That’s why the ladies have a daily allotment of 25,000 words and still have plenty of energy to use them no matter how late in the day it may get. They will use up only about 15,000 during the day and still have 10,000 to go at night. When the man gets home, he is worn out from using up his 5,000 allotted words. He only has enough energy and air to speak about 250 words and there’s where we find a real communication gap. Ladies, it isn’t that we don’t want to talk to you, it’s that we simply don’t have the ability to do so. Just ignore our silence and go ahead and talk, you’re not bothering us. Oh, but be aware that men also have a limit to how many words they can hear too, and by the end of the day we have just about reached that limit as well, so it isn’t that we don’t want to hear what you are saying, we just can’t hear you.
We all joke a lot about the speech pattern differences between men and women, but let me get serious for a moment and say that the words we say and how we say them can really make a difference in the lives of those who are listening to us. We must be ever so careful, not only in what we say, but how we say it.
Let me give you a few points about speech patterns:
First, you have to be careful about how you are received by other people. Too many times our speech pattern is so abrasive that it’s like taking rough sand paper and rubbing it across bare skin.
Our words may be blunt and to the point, but they often have a very sharp edge. We need to learn to keep our words soft and sweet because we never know when we may have to eat them.
Secondly, we must be so very careful not to get caught up in gossip. Gossip is a very powerful force for destruction of churches, homes, families and relationships, even in the work place. Never forget that Gossip is like soap -- mostly lye! And a Gossiper is just a fool with a keen sense of rumor.
Winston Churchill exemplified integrity and respect in the face of opposition. During his last year in office, he attended an official ceremony. Several rows behind him two gentlemen began whispering. "That’s Winston Churchill." "They say he is getting senile." "They say he should step aside and leave the running of the nation to more dynamic and capable men." When the ceremony was over, Churchill turned to the men and said, "Gentlemen, they also say he is deaf!"
Next, let us not be found using any kind of profanity. Profanity isn’t just using curse words, or four letter words. Profanity is using any type of speech that is unbecoming to a Child of God. Profanity is a public announcement of stupidity and Swearing is a lazy man’s way of trying to be emphatic because he doesn’t know how to really express himself.
There are a lot of people in the church who do their best to be an example of what a Christian should be, but there is one thing that is lacking. They haven’t learned to clean up their speech patterns. They still talk the same trash that they did before they were saved. That might be excusable for a little while, but there must come a time quickly when our speech patterns get more sanctified and there’s less profanity coming from our lips. Continued profanity in our speech patterns is unbecoming to a Christian and will destroy your testimony. People will begin to see you as nothing more than a hypocrite.
The fact is that we have to repent of using profanity and it should not be a part of the life of a Christian.
One of Aesop’s Fables goes like this.
Once upon a time, a donkey found a lion’s skin. He tried it on, strutted around, and frightened many animals. Soon a fox came along, and the donkey tried to scare him, too. But the fox, hearing the donkey’s voice, said, "If you want to terrify me, you’ll have to disguise your bray." Aesop’s moral: Clothes may disguise a fool, but his words will give him away.
Matthew 5:37, "But let your communication be, Yea, yea; Nay, nay: for whatsoever is more than these cometh of evil."
If there is one speech pattern that should always be the hallmark of a Christian, it that we should always be speaking the Truth. The 9th Commandment in God’s list of Ten Commandments in Exodus 20:16 says, "Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor." We tend to “stretch the truth” – that means we are lying. We tend to exaggerate – that means we are lying. We tend to skim over the unpleasant details – that means we are lying. How many times do we find our speech patterns falling into a gray area between the whole truth and nothing but the truth, and half-truths? Half-truths are lies and nothing less. Lying is a coward’s way of getting out of trouble, a cop-out if you will.
The Truth is always as clear as a bell, but we often refuse to ring it.
One store manager heard his clerk tell a customer, "No, ma’am, we haven’t had any for a while, and it doesn’t look as if we’ll be getting any soon."
Horrified, the manager came running over to the customer and said, "Of course we’ll have some soon. We placed an order last week."
Then the manager drew the clerk aside and scolded him. "Never, never, never say we’re out of anything--say we’ve got it on order and it’s coming in. Now, what was it she wanted?"
"Rain," said the clerk.
Sooner or later the truth will come out, and when it does, you will either be glad you told the truth, or embarrassed because you didn’t.
And what about bragging, is this also a part of speech patterns sometimes? I like what I heard one speaker say once about bragging. He said, “When you sing your own praise, you always get the tune too high.” We are like a train traveling in the night. The part that makes the most noise is the whistle but it isn’t the whistle that pulls the train.
Christians make some of the greatest boasters in the world. Some of the best “whoppers” aren’t eaten at Burger King; they are consumed in the pews.
Jerry Clower, the Southern Humorist from Yazoo City, Mississippi, once told a story that went like this:
One young man in the local church was terrible about bragging all the time. His was always the biggest fish, the fastest car, the best deal in town, or the funniest story. No matter what anyone else said, he always had something to top them.
One day the parents of the young man came to the pastor and asked him to try to help cure their son of the bragging. They decided to make up the biggest lie they could and concoct a story that just couldn’t be topped.
The preacher went to the young man and started telling him the story:
Son, we were in church the other day and right in the middle of the worship, the back door flew open and in walked the meanest and biggest grizzly bear I have ever seen. He was snarling and growling. People were screaming and running and dodging the swipe of his paws and it looked like we were in for a bad time.
Then suddenly, a little, tiny dog came running in the door. He started barking, growling, biting and jumped on the back of that bear and started chewing on that bears hide. The bear finally gave up and ran out the door with that little dog hot on his trail.
Son, do you believe that story I just told you to be the God’s honest truth?
The young man answered, “Yes I do. In fact, that was my dog.”
I’ve heard people in the church sit and brag about being “all that” when I knew for a fact that they weren’t really “all that” at all. God help us all, we just love to brag. Bragging is only the building up of self! We should build up others and build up Jesus Christ most of all.
We need to have the attitude of Paul that he presented to us in Philippians 3:8, "Yea doubtless, and I count all things but loss for the excellency of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord: for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and do count them but dung, that I may win Christ…"
The only thing I have to brag about is that I’m saved by the Blood of Jesus and I’m a Child of the King!
Colossians 4:6, "Let your speech be alway with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man."
The speech patterns of a Child of God should always be filled with grace to those who hear us. We should watch every word we say, and every way in which we say them, so that whatever we say can only be helpful and encouraging to everyone around us. We should season them with salt so that those who hear us can better taste the love of Jesus Christ in us and better “swallow” what Jesus would have them to hear.
2 Timothy 1:13, "Hold fast the form of sound words, which thou hast heard of me, in faith and love which is in Christ Jesus."
If we are filled with the love of God through Jesus Christ, we can’t help but have love for other people. That love that we have for others will constrain us from speaking harshly or in ways that will harm them.
How many times have I heard Christians speak in such a manner that they came across as angry, or bossy, or abrasive? When our words come out of our mouth they should be as sweet as honey, not as bitter as lemons.
Have you ever been around someone whose every word seemed to grate on your nerves? Could it be that the one who grates on your nerves really needs more of the love of God in their heart and life to help them season their words? Could it be that you, or I, are the ones who are grating on someone else’s nerves? We could all stand to exhibit a little more love and grace in our speech patterns!
Titus 2:8, "Sound speech, that cannot be condemned; that he that is of the contrary part may be ashamed, having no evil thing to say of you."
When your speech patterns are filled with the Love of God and your manner of speaking to other people is seasoned with grace, then the words that you have to say will be much easier to receive.
Too many times we think that we have all the answers, and that it’s our duty to tell everyone everything that we know. That’s bad enough, but then we also decide that we have to cram it down their throat and force them to hear us. How many of you know that kind of attitude only drives you away from those who are giving the advice?
But if we approach someone with the right attitude, and speak those same words in love and humility, and then leave the hearer to make up his own mind, then they are more likely to hear and heed what you have to say.
At the very lease they won’t go around condemning you for trying to help them.
In closing let me say that the tongue is the hardest part of your body to control. The tongue can be an instrument of blessing or an instrument of cursing. Let’s learn to bridle it and use it for the Glory of God, not the cursing of men.
James 3:5-6, "Even so the tongue is a little member, and boasteth great things. Behold, how great a matter a little fire kindleth! And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity: so is the tongue among our members, that it defileth the whole body, and setteth on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire of hell."
James 3:2, "For in many things we offend all. If any man offend not in word, the same is a perfect man, and able also to bridle the whole body."
Have you learned to control your speech patterns? Are you confession only the good things of God and blessing all around you with words of encouragement? If we can learn to control our speech patterns, we will be about as close to being a perfect man as we can be in this life. Your speech patterns will reveal to us all, just how much of Christ is in you.
