A PARENT’S WORK IS NEVER DONE (JUDGES 14:1-15:1)
Have you heard of the “Parent’s Dictionary of Meanings” and what they mean?
DUMBWAITER: one who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.
FEEDBACK: the inevitable result when the baby doesn’t appreciate the strained carrots.
FULL NAME: what you call your child when you’re mad at him.
GRANDPARENTS: the people who think your children are wonderful even though they’re sure you’re not raising them right.
HEARSAY: what toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.
INDEPENDENT: how we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.
OW: the first word spoken by children with older siblings
PUDDLE: a small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.
SHOW OFF: a child who is more talented than yours.
STERILIZE: what you do to your first baby’s pacifier by boiling it, and to your last baby’s pacifier by blowing on it and wiping it with saliva.
TOP BUNK: where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.
TWO-MINUTE WARNING: when the baby’s face turns red and she begins to make those familiar (bowel) grunting noises.
VERBAL: able to whine in words
WHODUNIT: none of the kids that live in your house.
One of the sweetest couples in the Bible is Manoah and his wife, but their child was more than an handful, more than any normal parent could handle. Their child was a special gift and a miracle child because the c0ouple was childless. From the very beginning, the couple knew that they were simply entrusted with the task of raising Samson and that God had other plans for him. The emerging adult Samson had superhuman strength, drew national attention, and was destined for great things. He was set apart to God from birth, and he will begin the deliverance of Israel from the hands of the Philistines (Judg 13:5).
How did Manoah and his wife prepare their hearts and their child to experience life’s success and setbacks, its twists and turns, and his friends and foes?
Parenting is a Privileged Responsibility
12 So Manoah asked him, "When your words are fulfilled, what is to be the rule for the boy’s life and work?" 13 The angel of the LORD answered, "Your wife must do all that I have told her. 14 She must not eat anything that comes from the grapevine, nor drink any wine or other fermented drink nor eat anything unclean. She must do everything I have commanded her." (Judg 13:12-14)
24 The woman gave birth to a boy and named him Samson. He grew and the LORD blessed him, 25 and the Spirit of the LORD began to stir him while he was in Mahaneh Dan, between Zorah and Eshtaol. (Judg 13:24)
USA Today released the results of a survey by Public Agenda, a non-profit research organization, on how 1,607 parents of kids age 5-17 feel and say about their success in raising kids, and the hurdles and hindrances of child-rearing. 91& of parents say honesty is essential, but only 55% say they have succeeded in teaching it. 84% of adults say courtesy is essential and 62% have succeeded in teaching it. 83% of parents say it is vital to teach kids self-control, but only 34% admitted they have succeeded. 82% believe it is essential to teach their children to do their best in school, but only 50% can say they have gotten their message across. 74% say independence is essential and 38% say they have conveyed it. 70% say good money habits are essential but only 28% say the message is gotten across.
About 90% of the same parents lament that say TV programs are getting worse every year because of bad language and adult themes in shows that air from 8 to 10 p.m. However, 93% say TV is all right as long as children watch the right shows in moderation. (USA Today 10/30/02 “Parents feel they’re failing to teach values.”)
Manoah and his wife were godly believers and parents, and they took the roles of marriage and parenting very seriously. In fear and trembling they sought God’s will and asked for advice on raising the child God gave them. Manoah already heard from his wife what the angel of God had told her (Judg 13:5), but he wanted to learn more. No one could blame him. God has promised his wife not a mere child, but a hero, a champion, a warrior, and a national treasure, deliverer, and leader (Judg 13:5). The weight of expectation was too much for one to carry alone. He couldn’t fathom or allow it. The verb describing Manoah’s praying in verse 8 is not the more general Hebrew word for praying (palal) that occurs 84 times in the Bible, but the more urgent word for prayer that occurs 20 times, 8 of them for Pharaoh’s pleading for Moses to intercede for him (Ex 8:8, 9, 28, 29, 30; 9:28; 10:17, 18). The KJV and NASB translate this word as “entreat.” Manoah’s prayer was urgent, uninterrupted, and unrelenting.
Another thing about Manoah was that he defied the role of a traditional father in child-rearing. The couple’s model of parenting was a two-parent family. He said “us” twice in verse 8. Manoah was implying, “What about me? Yes, you came to my wife, but now please come to us. Involve me in the process. Teach me your way. Let me help. Use me. ” The soon-to-be parent Manoah refused to be a an absentee father, a couch potato or a house loafer. He was the diaper-changing, milk-feeding and baby-cuddling father. Better, he needed no nagging, no crisis, and no incentives. He enjoyed it, not endured it; rejoiced in it, not resentful of it; and informed, and not ignorant of it. Note that Manoah was not giddy that a child was born to the childless couple; he was more concerned for instructions on how to raise the child (Judg 13:12), not if the promise was true. The interesting thing was that the angel left the day-by-day course of parenting to them. No more did the angel appear again to the couple (Judg 13:21). God told them enough but not everything. Doesn’t that describe a parent’s circumstances, challenge, and confusion?
The couple did the task entrusted to them faithfully. They stuck to the Nazirite vow, read every parenting book they could find and milked the neighbors dry for every last piece of advice. They did their part and their best, and pretty soon Samson’s build was a sight to behold and his potential was the talk of Israel. Manoah and his wife were proud parents. Secretly, they wished they could hold him back, keep him home, or chase admirers away, but they knew they could not lengthen his youth or delay his growth, control his thoughts or steps, or shelter him from pain or life.
Parenting is a Personal Restrain
14:1 Samson went down to Timnah and saw there a young Philistine woman. 2 When he returned, he said to his father and mother, "I have seen a Philistine woman in Timnah; now get her for me as my wife." 3 His father and mother replied, "Isn’t there an acceptable woman among your relatives or among all our people? Must you go to the uncircumcised Philistines to get a wife?" But Samson said to his father, "Get her for me. She’s the right one for me." 4(His parents did not know that this was from the LORD, who was seeking an occasion to confront the Philistines; for at that time they were ruling over Israel.)
A young boy had just got his driver’s permit and inquired of his father, an evangelist, if they could discuss the use of the car.
His father took him to the study and said to the boy, "I’ll make a deal with you, son. You bring your grades up from a C to a B-average, study your Bible a little, and get your hair cut and we’ll talk about the car."
Well, the boy thought about that for a moment and decided that he’d best settle for the offer, and they agreed. After about six weeks the boy came back and again asked his father about the car. Again they went to the study where his father said, "Son, I’ve been real proud of you. You’ve brought your grades up, and I’ve observed that you’ve been studying your Bible and participating a lot more in the Bible study class on Sunday morning. But I’m real disappointed since you haven’t got your hair cut."
The young man paused a moment and then said, "You know, Dad, I’ve been thinking about that, and I’ve noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, and there’s even strong argument that Jesus himself had long hair."
To which his father replied, "You’re right, son. Did you also notice that they all walked everywhere they went?"
Samson, Israel’s fiercest and most feared judge, was born with talents and parents others could only dream of, but he lived a life of total indifference and utter disregard for the opportunities and advantages he had received in life. The Spirit of the Lord had stirred in him, but Samson had other pursuits, priorities, and pleasures. Worse, he fell in love with a Philistine woman, with one from the people who ruled over Israel (Judg 14:4). Marrying an unbeliever was against God’s will. Deut 7:3-5 says, “Do not intermarry with them. Do not give your daughters to their sons or take their daughters for your sons, for they will turn your sons away from following me to serve other gods, and the LORD’s anger will burn against you and will quickly destroy you.” His bride-to-be was from the enemy camp, and she also was an unbeliever, an idol-worshipper.
Samson told his parents that he was willing to give up everything and chuck everything away for the love of a Philistine woman he saw from a distance. Worst, his tone had changed as if he was obsessed. He said, “Get her for me. She’s the right one for me” (Judg 14:3). He was at that omniscient and impenetrable by sword and spear age when he was so opinionated, vocal, dogmatic, sure about everything, about the difference between Israelite women and Philistine women, about how he could remain a judge and a mediator of the two people, about how he could worship Yahweh and stay faithful to God, eventually winning his wife over.
Nothing the parents could do or had done could prepare them for this day. Their question and challenge was rudely brushed aside and they could do little (Judg 14:3). Their objection was voiced but their hands were tied, so they bit their tongue. Already, their son’s words cut like a knife as he lashed out at them. They could bear with his rudeness but not his recklessness; his ignorance about idols, but not his indifference to God, and even his naive thinking, but not his neutral mindset. However, Manoah and wife did not blame God or themselves for their son’s strong will, simple-mindedness, and stubborn streak. They couldn’t understand why they had brought up a son who suddenly had become an extremely difficult, disrespectful, and disobedient child. Overnight, over a trip and over a girl, Samson had turned a blind eye to his God-given destiny, closed a deaf ear to his worried parents, and developed a razor tongue and a motor mouth and an emerging attitude. Manoah and his wife saw in Samson what every parent saw in their child: he was just a child - childish, immature, and reckless. True, he was big in size, brave in heart, and bankable in battle, but he let his heart ruled his head, his muscles do the talking, and his testosterone work overtime. The stubborn Samson did not listen and soon wrecked his marriage even though did not mean or intend to, he let his parents, friends and country down or bring others down with him.
Parenting is a Permanent Relationship
19 Then the Spirit of the LORD came upon him in power. He went down to Ashkelon, struck down thirty of their men, stripped them of their belongings and gave their clothes to those who had explained the riddle. Burning with anger, he went up to his father’s house. 20 And Samson’s wife was given to the friend who had attended him at his wedding.
The transition of young people to responsible adults is the last stage of parenthood, Terri Apter calls the 18-25 age group the “thresholders,” saying, “Legally they are adults, but they’re on the threshold, the doorway to adulthood, and they’re not going to go through it.” The National Opinion Research Center found that most people believe that the transition to adulthood should be completed by the age of 26, on average, but today’s emerging adults are spenders, slackers, and super-seniors.
One way society defines an adult is as a person who is financially independent with a family and a home. Timothy Smeeding, professor of economics at Syracuse University, found that only half of Americans in their mid-20s earn enough to support a family, and in a TIME poll only half of those ages 18 to 29 consider themselves financially independent. Michigan’s Robert Schoeni says that Americans ages 25 and 26 get an average of $2,323 a year in financial support from their parents.
A TIME poll of 601 people ages 18 to 29 suggests that only 32% of those who attended college left school by age 21. The average college student takes five years to finish (Grow Up? Not So Fast” TIME 1/24/2005).
TIME poll asked the question: “What is the main reason that you do not consider yourself an adult?” 35% admitted “just enjoying life the way it is;” 33% said “not financially independent;” and 13% answered “not out of school.” 32% disclosed they spend more than most people “eating out,” 26% spend more than others on clothes, 17% more than others on going to or renting movies, and 12% more than others on computers and software.
What did Samson do after a whole week or the wedding ceremony and honeymoon, after a bitter row had erupted and ended (v 19)? After Samson found out that his wife had given away the answer to her people, he felt that she had sided with her people rather than with him. The newly married Samson seethed in anger, stormed off the house, and left without a word. If storming off and going out wasn’t bad enough, he did not return to his wife for quite a while - until harvest day. Where did he go when things did not go right, smooth or as planned? Back to Mama’s place. Poor Manoah and wife. His son was taller, stronger, and fiercer than them. Further, Samson was too old to scold and too big to beat. The parents were too discouraged and bewildered, and it was too late to do anything. When they said “no,” he said “yes.” When they said “yes,” he said “No.” In the end both parties said, “I don’t know.”
How Manoah and wife wished their son would grow up as an adult, owe up to his mistakes and wise up to life, but Samson was like a Peter Pan who refused to grow up. Samson was nothing like his parents who were faithful to each other. He left his wife and her house without a note or a trace. He didn’t even bother to find out how she was doing. If he did, he would have found out that she had remarried. Samson’s relationship with his wife got off to the worst start possible. Making your wife cry one day is inevitable. Making her cry on the wedding day and the honeymoon was inexcusable and inappropriate. Making her cry the whole seven days (v 17), with her tears in her food, was insane and impossible.
Samson blamed her wife but he put her in the awkward and impossible situation. She was not the same as Delilah, the only other woman Samson loved (Judg 14:16, 16:4, 15) besides the wife he married. His wife did not press or nag him for the sake of 1,100 pieces of silver, like Delilah did (Judg 16:5); she was fighting for his life, her life and her family’s life. She attempted to make the troubles Samson started go away, hoping to put an end to the crisis and get the Philistines off her back.
Conclusion: Parents are the unsung heroes today. Parenting is increasingly an endless task, a lifetime responsibility, and a tiring chore. It is sweet, sour, bitter, and spicy job - anything but mild, and not a job for the meek, the arrogant, or the clueless. It humbles the proud, stumps the learned, and disheartens the brave. Parents will have to stick to their children through thick and thin, and through their ups and downs. Traditional parents who raise their kids to take care of them in their old age have come to the realization that they may have to take care of their kids longer than they thought and eventually may have to discard the idea of them being caretakers. The wise parent is one who is thankful that the child has the ability to take care of himself, his wife, and his kids. Finally, parents who think they can teach kids a thing or two will also realize the lesson is for and on you as well, if not more. The best thing you can do for your child is to pray with them, not for them; help them know God, not about God; and not to impart your values, but model the values. In the end, no one welcomes a child back like home!
Victor Yap
http://expositorypreaching.blogspot.com/
www.riversidecma.org
www.preachchrist.com (Chinese sermons)
