"You and I were created for joy, and if we miss it, we miss the reason for our existence.”
That’s what it said in the book I pulled from the bookstore shelf, You Gotta Keep Dancin’. The subtitle really intrigued me. It said, "In the midst of life’s hurts, you can choose joy!" Well I wasn’t very interested in pain, but I liked the idea of having joy in life, so I bought the book.
The book is written by Tim Hansel who tells how he fell when climbing a glacier in the Sierras. The fall left him with fractures in his vertebrae, crushed discs, and some fragments of bone in his neck. Ever since the fall, Hansel has lived with continued physical pain. Because of his pain, and his faith in God, the author came to a deep understanding of the dignity of what can happen in, through, and because of pain. The book is a wonderful compilation of journal entries and quotations on finding joy in pain. Tim Hansel has this to say about pain and joy:
Pain is inevitable, but misery is optional. We cannot avoid pain, but we can avoid joy. God has given us such immense freedom that he will allow us to be as miserable as we want to be.
I know some people who spend their entire lives practicing being unhappy, diligently pursuing joylessness. They get more mileage from having people feel sorry for them than from choosing to live out their lives in the context of joy. (p. 55)
Here is a proven strategy for increasing your happiness and satisfaction in life:
Step 1: Let go of any strategies that promise happiness but don’t deliver. Last Sunday, we saw how the Teacher, in Ecclesiastes, experienced most of the paths we take, searching for happiness: money, wealth, prestige, knowledge. The Teacher found that each path leads to emptiness; it’s all meaningless.
We need money and we need knowledge. But if you are counting on these things to make you happy, give up. These paths do not lead to happiness.
Step 2: Develop Gratitude.
Philippians 4:6-7
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
Researchers of "Positive Psychology" believe that much of our happiness comes from how we view our past. As we look back on our personal history – the way we were parented, our experiences in school, our family life... If we look back on these experiences with gratitude, we are very likely happy people. Those who look back with bitterness or anger are also unhappy people.
So these researchers suggest these practical activities:
1) Make a Gratitude Visit. Write a page on why you appreciate someone in your past. Then make an appointment with that person and read what you wrote to them. Leave them with a laminated copy of it. They will feel great - and so will you.
2) Keep a Gratitude Journal. Dr. Martin Seligman recommends stopping each night before bedtime and writing down three things that happended during your day for which you are thankful. Do this for six weeks. See if you are not significantly happier at the end of this time.
Step 3: Plan and perform acts of kindness.
Matthew 22:37-40
"Jesus replied: ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’a This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.’”
We show our love through acts of kindness.
Galatians 5:22
"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness..."
There’s a saying:
If you want to be happy…
…for an hour, take a nap.
…for a day, go fishing.
…for a month, get married.
…for a year, get an inheritance.
…for a lifetime, help someone.
Sonja Lyuborsky’s Exercise
Sonja and her colleagues asked students to perform five "random, intentional acts of kindness" per week, over the course of six weeks (35 total acts of kindness). Students were told to choose acts of kindness that met two criteria: (1) The act benefited another person and (2) The act required them to give something away (for example, their time, their energy, their food, or some other personal resource)
Step 4: Forgive somebody NOW.
Matthew 5:43-44
“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you…”
Negative feelings about life are tied directly to bitterness associated with past events that we can’t seem to let go of. Like gratitude, forgiveness enables us to think about the past in a new perspective.
Forgiveness sets you free – so that the people who hurt you in the past will not be allowed to keep on hurting you day in and day out.
Vengeance – even if you can fulfill every fantasy of vengeance you have entertained – vengeance does not set you free.
Even justice will not set you free from the one who hurt you.
Only forgiveness will free you.
Everett Worthington is one of those “forgiveness researchers,” and a Christian. He has written a defining book on forgiveness and its therapeutic effects on the victim who forgives the wrong-doer. All his research and teaching was challenged by a phone call he received from his brother, Mike, on New Year’s morning, 1996.
“Mama’s been murdered. There was blood on the carpet, on the walls, blood everywhere…”
Dr. Worthington arrived in Knoxville, he found that his aged mother had been beaten to death with a crowbar and a baseball bat. She was d with a wine bottle, and her house was trashed.
What Dr. W. wanted to do was pick up the baseball bat, find the men who killed his mother and hammer them to death.
Why would Dr. W. ever want to forgive?
This is his answer:
(1) The Bible tells us that our receiving Divine forgiveness is contingent on our granting interpersonal decisional forgiveness.
(2) We want to forgive emotionally because it blesses the person who harmed them.
(3) There are some benefits that come along with the altruistic forgiveness I mentioned in (2). Forgiving sets them free. Research shows a reduction of health risks for habitual forgivers relative to those who hold grudges. Research also shows that people who hold grudges have more mental health problems. Spiritual benefits accrue to forgivers.
Step 5: Develop your network of friends.
If you do the previous steps, this step will come more naturally – but it will still take effort.
We have to give it time and energy.
Last Sunday, we looked at this passage: Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: 10 If they fall down, they can help each other up. But pity those who fall and have no one to help them up!
Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone?
Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
Step 6: Make God central in your life.
Ecclesiastes 2:24-26 - Here is the resolution of the matter for "The Teacher."
"People can do nothing better than to eat and drink and find satisfaction in their toil. This too, I see, is from the hand of God, for without him, who can eat or find enjoyment? To the person who pleases him, God gives wisdom, knowledge and happiness, but to the sinner he gives the task of gathering and storing up wealth to hand it over to the one who pleases God. This too is meaningless, a chasing after the wind.
"Postive Psychology" researcher Martin Seligman chimes in: “Survey data consistently show religious people as being somewhat happier and more satisfied with life than nonreligious people.” (Authentic Happiness, by M. Seligman, p. 59)
Why? The conventional wisdom said it was due to three reasons:
1. Most religions proscribe drugs, crime, infidelity and other self-defeating behaviors.
2. Most religions recommend and encourage charity, hard work, moderation and other happiness-building behaviors.
3. Most religions provide social support. – sympathetic community of friends.
Seligman insists there is another reason:
“There is, I believe, a more basic link: religions instill hope for the future and create meaning in life…the relation of hope for the future and religious faith is probably the cornerstone of why faith so effectively fights despair and increases happiness.” (Seligman, 60)
Our happiness comes from our perspective on the past and our perspective on the future. Our faith gives us hope for the future.
Our faith in Christ, transforms our perspective on the future.
The prophet Jeremiah realized this. As he thinks of the future, he is filled with hope.
Jeremiah 31:1-7
“At that time,” declares the LORD, “I will
be the God of all the families of Israel, and
they will be my people.”
This is what the LORD says:
“The people who survive the sword
will find favor in the wilderness;
I will come to give rest to Israel.”
The LORD appeared to us in the past, saying:
“I have loved you with an everlasting love;
I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.
I will build you up again,
and you, Virgin Israel, will be rebuilt.
Again you will take up your timbrels
and go out to dance with the joyful.
Again you will plant vineyards
on the hills of Samaria;
the farmers will plant them
and enjoy their fruit.
There will be a day when watchmen cry out
on the hills of Ephraim,
‘Come, let us go up to Zion,
to the LORD our God.’ ”
This is what the LORD says:
“Sing with joy for Jacob;
shout for the foremost of the nations.
Make your praises heard, and say,
‘LORD, save your people,
the remnant of Israel.’
You can be happy and you can do something about it. The question is will you?
You can look at it this way: "We are born , wet, and hungry. Then things get worse."
OR you can take the attitude of this person who wrote:
I woke up early today, excited over all I get to do before the clock strikes midnight. I have responsibilities to fulfill today. I am important.
My job is to choose what kind of day I am going to have.
• Today I can complain because the weather is rainy or ... I can be thankful that the grass is getting watered for free.
• Today I can feel sad that I don’t have more money or ... I can be glad that my finances encourage me to plan my purchases wisely and guide me away from waste.
• Today I can grumble about my health or ... I can rejoice that I am alive.
• Today I can lament over all that my parents didn’t give me when I was growing up or ... I can feel grateful that they allowed me to be born.
• Today I can cry because roses have thorns or ...I can celebrate that thorns have roses.
• Today I can mourn my lack of friends or ... I can excitedly embark upon a quest to discover new relationships.
• Today I can whine because I have to go to work or ... I can shout for joy because I have a job to do.
• Today I can murmur dejectedly because I have to do housework or I can appreciate that I have a place to call home.
Today stretches ahead of me, waiting to be shaped. And here I am, the sculptor who gets to do the shaping.
"You and I were created for joy, and if we miss it, we miss the reason for our existence.”
Don’t miss it.
