A CHRISTIANS’ GUIDE TO CONFLICT
MATTHEW 18:15-17
INTRODUCTION... The Town Sage, David Moore in Vital Speeches of the Day
Two men who lived in a small village got into a terrible dispute that they could not resolve. So they decided
to talk to the town sage. The first man went to the sage’s home and told his version of what happened. When he finished, the sage said, “You’re absolutely right.” The next night, the second man called on the sage and told his side of the story. The sage responded, “You’re absolutely right.” Afterward, the sage’s wife scolded her husband. “Those men told you two different stories and you told them they were absolutely right. That’s impossible—they can’t both be absolutely right.” The sage turned to his wife and said, “You’re absolutely right.”
If you ever come in contact with another person, there is a good chance that you will have a conflict. The church is a place that is filled with people and so there is a great chance that conflict will happen in the church as well. That is quite a true understatement: the church is full of people and so there will be conflict.
The Bible actually presents several times where there was conflict in the church:
* Acts 6:1-7 records for us that there was a conflict in the church between Grecian Jews and the Hebraic Jews over the treatment and provision of widows. The church dealt with the conflict and as a result the first deacons were installed to help provide for the physical needs of the church.
* Acts 15:1-41 and Galatians 2:1-10 together describe another conflict in the church over false teachings about Jewish customs and Gentile Christians. Verse 6 of chapter 15 tells us that the leaders of the church met to discuss the conflict and dealt with it and as a result a letter was sent to Gentile Christians affirming their standing in Christ and refuting the false teachings that had many people worried.
* Romans 14:1-7 also shares with us more conflict in the early church over pagan festivals and holy days. Some were participating and some were not. It caused great conflict. The Apostle Paul, in dealing with the conflict, commanded each of them to love one another and to guard the faith of others whether weak or strong.
* 1 Corinthians 1:10-17 records for us another conflict in the church. This conflict was so great that the Corinthian church was becoming divided and was in great peril. Paul instructed the Corinthians that they should be “perfectly united in mind and thought” (verse 10). The conflict centered around who was baptized by whom and the people sought to put themselves above others based on which person (Paul, Peter, Apollos) had baptized them. Paul sought to end the conflict by uniting them (3:1-23) all under Christ and His leadership.
What do these various passages tell us about conflict? It will happen. It will happen over theological issues. It will happen over practical issues. It will happen over political issues. It will happen over cultural issues. It will happen over personal issues. It will happen. When conflict comes to your door, what will you do? I would like us to review this morning what we are to do with conflict and how the Elders of our church have affirmed recently what we as a church body will do in dealing with conflict. We do not have to wonder in vain. Matthew 18 describes for us how to deal with conflict in our lives.
READ MATTHEW 18:15-17
Jesus teaches us in Matthew 18 a three step process for dealing with conflict. I would like you to quickly look over these three verses and see if any of the words used indicates that any of this is a suggestion. Are any of these things suggestions? Nothing in these three verses is a suggestion, but rather we find commands from the God who made us on how to deal with conflict with one another.
I. MATTHEW 18:15
Matthew 18:15 begins the process of dealing with conflict. Verse 15 also tells us that if your have a problem with someone or someone has sinned against you, this is what you are to do. The very first step in the process is to go to them one on one. Jesus, in His Divine WIsdom, instructs us to first attempt to work out our differences just between ourselves. Perhaps it was just a misunderstanding and can easily be cleared up. Perhaps the person is even unaware of the hurt that has taken place by way of a mis-spoken word or action.
Jesus instructs us to begin to solve conflict and disagreements among those involved first. Why does He do that? I think He does that to aid in the process of forgiveness and to squash any resentment or bitterness that may be growing inside us. He commands us this so that we can move on. Job 21:25 reflects a little on bitterness when that verse says, “Another man dies in bitterness of soul, never having enjoyed anything good.” Ephesians 4:31 commands us as well to “Get rid of all bitterness.” The first step in dealing with conflict is one that is simple and it allows us to deal quickly with our differences and to move on with our lives. It rids us of resentment and bitterness and allows no place for Satan to gain a foothold... and there is nothing Satan likes more than two Christians mad at each other.
ILLUSTRATION... E. Stanley Jones, Reader’s Digest, December 1981
A rattlesnake, if cornered, will sometimes become so angry it will bite itself. That is exactly what the harboring of hate and resentment against others is—a biting of oneself. We think that we are harming others in holding these spites and hates, but the deeper harm is to ourselves.
Jesus commands that you are to go and show them and explain to them the fault that you are having with them. Jesus realizes that this personal one on one meeting may not go well. The person may listen to you. They may not... and Jesus does not leave us alone in this situation. The next step is outlined for us in verse 16.
II. MATTHEW 18:16
Matthew 18:16 is the second step in dealing with conflict if it is needed. In an ideal world, all conflicts would be settled in the one-on-one situation that Jesus commands us to first. But that may not be the case. The person with whom you have a problem may not want to talk with you. They may close the door in your face. What then?
Jesus instructs us to continue to solve conflict and disagreements amongst ourselves, but this time with others with us as witnesses. Deuteronomy 19:15 comments that the opinion of one person’s guilt is not enough to convict someone. Deuteronomy is speaking of a criminal situation, but Jesus relates it directly to dealing with conflict in Matthew 18. I can understand how someone might need more than one person telling them of their fault. Some of us are hard-headed and we need more than one person showing us our fault. Perhaps were are not convinced something is wrong and the other person goes away unsatisfied. Jesus tells us the next step is to bring witnesses.
Why? Why would Jesus now instruct us to bring others into the conflict? What is His motivation for you asking others to go with you? More than anything, God wants us to work things out. He wants forgiveness to take place. He wants us to give Satan no place in our lives. What does Ephesians 4:25-27 say? It says, “Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body. In your
anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.” We are all members of one body and we must deal with each other and resolve those things that are disagreements and cause contention. Satan loves it when there is unresolved conflict in our lives. It allows him to plant seeds of sin, bitterness, and unforgiveness. If the person listens, then praise God that you and they have worked out your differences.
Jesus commands that you are to go and show them and explain to them the fault that you are having with them just between the two of you. That may fail. If it does, the second part of the process is to take two or three with you and confront the problem. The person may listen to you. They may not... and Jesus does not leave us alone in this situation. The next step is outlines for us in verse 17.
III. MATTHEW 18:17
Church discipline is never an easy thing. I want you to know, before we go into step 3, that God has commanded this of us. We say that we are Christians... now let us live like it as well. How we deal with conflict tells much about the faith that we proclaim to follow. This process in Matthew 18 is meant to be our rule book when dealing with conflict. It may have not gone well just between the two of you. It may not have gone well with witnesses there. What then?
Verse 17 is quite clear that the conflict is then to be told to the church. As the Elders of this church have discussed this, they see that the conflict is brought before the Elders of the church and they determine what broader steps are to be taken. I would hope and pray that none of our conflicts would reach this level. Why should we continue on and complete this third stage?
It seems to me that in His Divine Wisdom, Jesus is still instructing us to protect the church body. We cannot have unresolved conflicts among us. Jesus says to separate yourself from those that refuse to listen. It would be very harmful for the Body of Christ to keep including those that do not resolve conflict. It would introduce poison into the blood of the body that would make it sicker and weaker as time went on. God wants to protect the body and leave no foothold for Satan in our church. Jesus has given us the manner in which to deal with all conflict in the church.
CONCLUSION
