"Godly Sexuality" – Part 1
Matthew 5:27-32
(Cognates: Matthew 19:3-12; 1 Corinthians 6:9-20; 7:1-17; Hebrews 10:26-31)
God’s stand on sexuality, marriage, divorce and remarriage is clear when we take the whole of Scripture, prayerfully read it and then trust the Holy Spirit to open our hearts and minds to the truth.
We have to be willing to receive and accept the message, however. We have to lay down our personal desires, our personal fears, and our personal prejudices and be completely open to what God has to say. Are we willing to do that? If not, then we will be unable to know and understand – let alone accept – God’s truth. I had a lot of preconceived ideas, a lot of fears and prejudices when I began delving into this section of the Scriptures. Sharing what I have been learning is an exciting prospect, and it is going to take a couple of sessions. Please, bare with me … it will be worth it.
First of all, let’s look at where Jesus is, whom He is talking to, and the flow of what He has been saying so far.
Jesus is sitting on a hillside, teaching the standards of the Kingdom of God to a group of people who are as common as anyone you might find in any society on earth. They are everyday people, like you and me, and they have the same needs, the same wants and desires, the same weaknesses, the same fears, the same strengths, and the same potential for good or ill.
Mixed in amongst them are the religious leaders and teachers of the Mosaic Law, the men who held huge power and influence over the lives of the Jewish people. And, Jesus is teaching in a way and with a power that none of either group had experienced before … and, they were listening.
Jesus has also been teaching in a way that completely contradicted the teaching of the Pharisees, the religious gurus of the day. They taught that the external act alone was what was regulated by the Law (7th Commandment in this case, Exodus 20:14, Deuteronomy 5:18) and what God judged. They regarded evil thoughts and a wanton imagination as of little consequence and so were not prevented by the Law. Jesus, on the other hand, has been teaching throughout this section that the heart of the Law deals specifically with the underlying attitudes of the heart. The Pharisees thought that their standards were high… They had no idea.
One of the things that awes me about Christ’s teaching is His ability to so readily select the ideal points and contrasts to teach to get His point across in the most penetrating way. Here is just one example. He begins this section selecting a commandment that His listeners were least likely to have broken – committing murder. He then demonstrates that the intentions of the heart, not just the outward action, are what really determine whether or not we are violating the Law of God. Jesus then chooses the commandment that His listeners are most likely to have broken – committing adultery. And, once again, He goes beneath the surface into the heart of the Law and exposes the heart of man.
The seventh commandment says, "Thou shall not commit adultery." Nevertheless, this sin has been committed throughout history. Under Mosaic Law, if a couple was caught in the act of adultery, both were to be killed (Deuteronomy 22:22).
Jesus is telling His listeners, and telling us as well, that lust is equivalent to adultery, just as anger is equivalent to murder. Pretty high standard, wouldn’t you say? But, can we really expect or accept anything less from The Most High God? Not at all. Remember, God’s standard is absolute perfection. Our failure to meet that standard is why Jesus had to come in the first place.
So, here sits Jesus … God in the flesh. And, He is clearly and simply stating that the standard for His followers is to be sexual purity before marriage, and dedicated fidelity afterwards … no exceptions.
Adultery plays havoc with personal, domestic and national happiness. David’s affair with Bathsheba (2 Samuel 11) led to a cover-up, the murder of Bathsheba’s husband, and the death of the infant that resulted from the adulterous union. Nathan the prophet later came to David and declared that, because of it, violence would be commonplace in David’s household (2 Samuel 12:10). One disaster after another struck his family, including incestuous rape, murder, and revolt (2 Samuel 12-15). It all started with David seeking to “lust after her” in his heart.
Today, adultery seems more rampant than ever. While tabloid stories report the affairs of politicians, millionaires, and movie stars, films like "The English Patient," "The Prince of Tides," or "The Bridges of Madison Country" feature and even promote adultery.
Let’s define it. Adultery: is the willful carnal (sensual, worldly, nonspiritual; relating to or given to crude desires and appetites of the flesh) connection of a married person with someone other than his or her spouse (this includes but is not limited to sexual intercourse). Jesus expands that definition to include the cultivation of lust (desire for what is forbidden; seeking to satisfy God-given desires in a manner or to a degree that is not godly).
How prevalent is adultery? Two of the most reliable studies come to similar conclusions. The Janus Report on Sexual Behavior estimates that "More than one-third of men and one-quarter of women admit having had at least one extramarital sexual experience." A survey by the National Opinion Research Center (University of Chicago) found lower percentages: 25 percent of men had been unfaithful and 17 percent of women had been. Even when these lower ratios are applied to the current adult population, that means that some 19 million husbands and 12 million wives have had an affair.
Whatever the actual numbers, the point to be made is that adultery is much more common than we would like to admit. Many family therapists and psychiatrists believe that there may be as many acts of infidelity in our society as there are traffic accidents. Many further argue that the fact that adultery has become commonplace has altered society’s perception of it. One family therapist says, "We won’t go back to the times when adulterers were put in the stocks and publicly humiliated, or become one of those societies and there are many in which adultery is punishable by death. Society in any case is unable to enforce a rule that the majority of people break, and infidelity is so common it is no longer deviant."
Perhaps you are thinking, "This is mostly a problem with the non-Christians in our society. It can’t be that much of a problem within the church. Certainly the moral standards of Christians are higher." Well, there is growing evidence that adultery is also a real and rapidly increasing problem in Christian circles, also. An article in a 1997 issue of Newsweek magazine noted that various surveys suggest that as many as 30 percent of male Protestant ministers have had sexual relationships with women other than their wives, many of those while they were actively involved in ministry.
The Journal of Pastoral Care in 1993 reported a survey of Southern Baptist pastors in which 14 percent acknowledged they had engaged in "sexual behavior inappropriate to a minister." It also reported that 70 percent had counseled at least one woman who had had intercourse with another minister.
A 1988 survey of nearly 1000 Protestant clergy by Leadership magazine found that 12 percent admitted to sexual intercourse outside of marriage, and that 23 percent had done something sexually inappropriate with someone other than their spouse. The researchers also interviewed nearly 1000 subscribers to Christianity Today who were not pastors. They found the numbers were nearly double: 45 percent indicated having done something sexually inappropriate, and 23 percent having extramarital intercourse.
Adultery is in society and is now in the church. Marital infidelity destroys marriages and families and often leads to divorce. Public sentiment against adultery is actually very strong as approximately eight out of ten of Americans disapprove of adultery.
Yet, even though most people consider adultery to be wrong and know that it can be devastating, our society still perpetuates a number of untruths about adultery through a popular mythology about extramarital affairs.
Movies are just one venue in which adultery has been promoted positively. "The English Patient" received twelve Oscar nominations including best picture of the year for its depiction of an adulterous relationship between a handsome count and the English-born wife of his colleague. "The Bridges of Madison County" relates the story of an Iowa farmer’s wife who has a brief extra-marital affair with a National Geographic photographer that supposedly helped re-energize her marriage. The Prince of Tides received seven Oscar nominations and shows a married therapist bedding down her also-married patient.
One writer for the television and movie industry said, “ Sex is the cornerstone of mass persuasion and the symbol par excel lance of the life of leisure and consumption.” Simply stated, “Sex sells.”
God’s view on adultery is clear – He hates it! God uses the analogy of the marriage covenant to describe His relationship with His people – first, Israel, and now the church. When Israel refused to obey Him or was guilty of idolatry, God accused them through His prophets of adultery. Adultery, in God’s view, is not just a physical action … it is an attitude of the heart. It is a heart that is unloving, disloyal, and disobedient to Him and His precepts and principles. God brought judgment upon Israel by having first the Assyrians and then the Babylonians take them into captivity and destroy their cities. He warns us through the apostle Paul just how seriously He views adultery and all areas of sexual sin. Paul catalogues a series of sins that exclude a person from the Kingdom of God in 1 Corinthians 6:9-10. Let’s look at that list for a moment. We will cover these in detail as we go, but let’s get a real good look at that Rejection List.
We can clearly see that all forms of sexual sin are seen as equal in the eyes of the Lord. We have no excuse by simply trying to split hairs over the differences between fornication (willful carnal connection outside the bonds of the marriage covenant between unmarried persons), adulterers, effeminate (those who make self-indulgence the all-inclusive objective of life), and homosexuals (those who engage in carnal knowledge of one or more persons of the same gender as themselves). We also see that God considers idolatry (the worship {reverent devotion and allegiance} of something created other than the Creator) on an equal footing with sexual sin – they will just as surely exclude someone from being counted as a child of God and a citizen of His Kingdom as the thief (the person whose life is devoted to stealing what God has given to others) those who are covetous (lust {desire for what is forbidden; seeking to satisfy God-given desires in a manner or to a degree that is not godly} after what God has given to others), drunkards (those that have made alcohol/drugs their God and the satisfier of their need for contentment), those who are revilers (people of harsh and bitter words, abusive of others in their attitude and speech, and who are given to character assassinating others who were created by God in His own image), and swindlers (those who use force or underhanded means to obtain what God has given to another).
The good news for any of us who have fallen in one or more of these areas, of course, is demonstrated by the record of the woman taken in adultery and brought before Jesus in John 8:3-11. She should have been stoned to death, under the Mosaic Law. Jesus’ response demonstrates His grace and His wisdom. He knew that her accusers were not without sin and that they were being self-righteous in their condemnation of her. When Jesus said, “Go and sin no more”, He did not excuse her sin; He forgave her of it and warned her to not continue in adultery. Jesus knew her heart, obviously. She was not just upset about getting caught. She was also broken because of the nature and character of her sin against God. That is true confession, and as such demonstrates the promise of 1 John 1:9. Remember that confession is the agreeing with God regarding the exact nature and character of our sin and the punishment that it deserves.
Let’s return to our main text (Matthew 5:27 ff). Jesus clearly spells out the standard of heaven, and then He goes on from there to stress just how critical it needs to be to us. He directs that, if our eye causes us to commit any aspect of the heinous sexual sins, we are to “pluck it out”. Strong language. Unfortunately, some have taken this so literally that they have either followed it to the letter and maimed themselves or others, or they say that a loving God would not demand this, or that Jesus didn’t really say it, or that it was a cultural thing and doesn’t apply, but that – in any case – this phrasing here and the one that follows about cutting off the hand that offends you proves that the Bible isn’t really to be believed or followed.
What is it that Jesus is saying, really? Remember that Jesus is speaking to Hebrews. The Hebrews, and many other cultures as well, were accustomed to representing certain aspects or affections of the mind and will with different parts of the body. The bowels denoted passion, the heart denoted affection or strong feeling, the right hand denoted the position of power and authority, and the right eye denoted understanding and secret purpose. The phrase “tear it out, and throw it from you” was designed was to teach that the dearest objects, if they cause us to sin, are to be abandoned; that by all sacrifices and self-denials we must overcome the evil propensities of our nature, and resist our sinful imaginations.
The right hand is selected for the same reason as the right eye, because it is one of the most important members of the human body. It represents strength and purity. The idea is that the dearest earthly objects are to be sacrificed rather than that we should commit sin; that the most rigid self-denial should be practiced, and that the most absolute self-government should be maintained at any sacrifice, rather than that we should allow our mind to be polluted by unholy thoughts and impure desires.
What is this teaching us about our choices? Remember that the greatest personal power that God has given to every human being is the power to choose. We get to choose between sacrificing what we consider as important on the one hand in our flesh, and choosing an eternal destiny in hell in order to keep it. That is the simplest summary of what Jesus is telling us about our fleshly desires and His desire for our purity. Is hell a real place? If not, why would Jesus use the term almost twenty times in His teachings? Let’s take a moment and see what the word means and where it comes from.
Gehenna, the word translated “hell” in most places is a word of ancient origins. The original of this is "the GEHENNAH of fire." The word GEHENNA, geenna, commonly translated "hell," is made up of two Hebrew words, and signifies the valley of Hinnom. This valley was formerly a pleasant area quite near and to the south of Jerusalem. A small brook ran through it that partly encompassed the city. It was this valley that the idolatrous Israelites (2 Kings 16:3; 2 Chronicles 28:3) had devoted to the revolting worship of Moloch. In that worship, the ancient Jewish writers inform us, the idol of Moloch was of brass, adorned with a royal crown, having the head of a calf, and his arms extended as if to embrace everyone. When they offered their children to him they heated the statue with a huge fire set in its belly, and when it was burning red-hot, they put the poor child into the arms of Moloch. The child was soon consumed by the heat; and, in order that the cries of the child might not be heard, they made a great noise with drums and other instruments about the idol. These drums were called toph and hence a common name of the place in many writings of the prophets was Tophet (Jeremiah 7:31-32). It is this practice of “allowing your sons and daughters to pass through the fire” that God condemns to the point of saying that this is one of a list of sins that put the person who commits it in a place where He abhors them, not just their sin (Deuteronomy 18:9-14).
After the return of the Jews from captivity, this place was held in such repugnance that, by the example of King Josiah (2 Kings 23:10), it was made the place where they were to throw all the dead carcasses and filth of the city, and it was quite frequently the place of public executions. It became, therefore, extremely offensive; the sight was ghastly; the air was polluted, reeked with an unbelievable foulness and was disease ridden. To maintain it in any way clean, it was necessary to keep fires continually burning there. The extreme loathsomeness of the place – the filth and putrefaction, the corruption of the atmosphere, and the garish fires blazing by day and night – these all made it one of the most appalling and disgusting objects with which a Jew was acquainted. It was called the GEHENNA of fire, and was the image that our Savior often employed to represent the future punishment of the wicked.
In the previous verses about anger and murder, Jesus uses it to denote a degree of suffering higher than the punishment inflicted by the "court of seventy," or the Sanhedrin, and that whole portion serves to say, "He that hates his brother without a cause is guilty of a violation of the sixth commandment to not murder, and shall be punished with a severity similar to that inflicted by the court of judgment. He that shall allow his passions to transport him still further, so that he makes his brother an object of derision and contempt, shall be exposed to even severer punishment, corresponding to that which the Sanhedrin (council) may inflict. But he who shall load his brother with hateful characterizations and abusive language shall incur the severest degree of punishment, represented by being burned alive in the horrid and awful valley of Hinnom.”
Remember, this section starts out with the, “You have heard that it was said”, followed by Jesus’, “but I say to you”. We have already learned that every time this occurs, Jesus is giving a detailed explanation of the heart of God’s Law from God’s personal perspective. We have learned that anger and murder are the same to Jesus, and that left alone and not treated as something to flee, both will just as equally destine a person to inherit hell instead of the Kingdom of God.
Now we have learned that – as far as God is concerned – sexual sin is on a par with anger and murder. The penalty for murder was death; the penalty for adultery was death. The same penalty is due those who practice sexual sin and those who practice hateful attitudes and speech toward others.
What are we to do?
I believe that we have to have a clear understanding and a clear goal. The goal should be easy to establish. “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind ... and you shall love your neighbor as yourself” (Matthew 22:37,39). What does it mean to love God that way? Jesus explains it quite simply in John 15:15, “If you love Me, you will keep my commandments.”
So, the goal is clear. Now as to our understanding.
First, we have to understand what it is that Jesus expects. In this instance, sexual purity, inside and outside of marriage.
Secondly, we have to understand what that really looks like. We have already seen that that means that we are only to engage in carnal connection with the person who is our spouse at the time they are our spouse, and not with any other person at any other time.
Thirdly, we have to understand how and why we do not do this. We will look at several reasons in a moment.
Finally, we have to understand what our solution is if we are not successful at this.
Okay, we have the first two things fairly well in hand. Let’s look at the third thing that we need to understand: the how and the why of our not living up to God’s standard.
The war cry of the new morality is, “If it feels good, do it!” This approach to morality is based on two premises. First, that morality and ethics are “relative” and individually determined – that there is no absolute, transcendent, authoritative truth or morality. The second premise is that the fundamental mandate of Christianity is love. Unfortunately, the English language has one word for “love”, and it has no similarity to any of the three distinct words of the Greek language that the mandates of the Christian faith were written in. Basically, anything that does not harm the other person is acceptable, and whether or not it will harm the other person is determined by the context of the situation at the present time.
Now, aside from the fact that this stands in direct opposition to what God has declared for several thousand years in His Word, to believe that any and all potential for harm can be determined in a single moment in time by grossly fallible and inherently wicked people. This last flies in the face of another lie proclaimed that, “All people are basically good.” God has declared that, “there are none righteous; not one” (Romans 3:10; Psalm 14:1-3; 53:1-3). Also, that “the heart is more deceitful than all else and is desperately wicked; who can understand it?”
Add to this the fact that “we know in part” (1 Corinthians 13:9) only, and that only God knows all things – including what the end of all things will be since before the beginning (Isaiah 46:10), and we have to see that the young couple in the back seat of that car parked under the trees late at night may decide in that moment in time that for them, sex outside of marriage will not harm either of them, and that no one else needs to know.
They have no way at all of knowing what, in fact, the result of that particular union will really be. They have no way at all of knowing for certain what the consequences to them or their children or their future mates or to anyone else will be. They may in fact escape immediate consequences. But, there is no escaping the result to the heart and soul of anyone who violates the Law of God.
We all love the promises of God – except those that go like this one in Numbers 32:23, where, after making a promise to serve God and His people faithfully until the mission God has given them is completed, Moses warns the sons of Reuben and the sons of Gad, “But if you will not do so, behold, you have sinned against the Lord, and be sure your sin will find you out.” This “promise” applies to anyone who has committed their life to Jesus Christ and then refuses to be obedient to Him when they know what He requires of them. (See Jesus’ very strong warning in Luke 9:62, then look at Hebrews 10:26-31.)
This is not about eternal damnation, at least not in the moment. This has to do with the immediate damage done to the relationship between the individual and their Creator. This has to do with the personal damage inflicted on their own soul, in their own heart, and (quite possibly in today’s world) to their own body. That and, let alone the emotional and spiritual damage to the other person that may not display itself for years to come.
Feeding the desires of the flesh in a manner and for a purpose that is contrary to the Word of God – the place where He has clearly and succinctly stated His standards and expectations – will have consequences (Genesis 2:16-17; Romans 6:23). In fact, for any child of God to do so is to invite strong discipline from God and testify that they do not really have the love of the Father in them (1 John 2:15-16).
So, what do we do when we do not live up to this? What do we do when we have chosen a path that God has demanded that we stay away from?
First, we have to repent of our sin. We looked at this concept quite seriously when we studied Matthew 3:1-12 (the ministry and message of John the Baptist) and Matthew 4:12-17 (the initial ministry and message of Jesus Christ). Repentance is a turning away from sin, disobedience and rebellion and a turning back to God. True repentance is a godly sorrow over our sin, a broken and remorseful heart, and it is an act of turning around and going in the opposite direction – it is not just a slight alteration of our plans or our activities. True repentance leads to a fundamental change in a person’s attitude toward what they are doing and in their relationship with God. We have to purpose in our hearts to not continue in or even foster the conditions that will allow us to continue in our sin.
Second, we have to confess our sin. To confess means to be in deep, humble and sincere agreement with God about the exact nature and character of our sin and that we are deserving of the penalty that God has ordained for that sin. Just saying, “I’m sorry,” is not confession, nor is it repentance. Only when we have humbled ourselves under the mighty hand of God are we at the place where the cleansing work of the Blood of Jesus’ sacrifice can be credited to our account. 1 John 1:9 proclaims, “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” Some restrictions apply… The text goes on to warn that if we deny the fact that what we have done isn’t really a sin when we know that it is, then we “make Him a liar, and His word is not in us.”
Third, we must accept the fact that our sin has truly been paid for and forgiven and that we are no longer compelled to engage in it or to pursue it, nor are we going to have to pay any eternal consequence for it. The price required was paid in full by Jesus Christ Himself.
And, this is our hope ... that we, along with the woman caught in adultery and brought to Jesus for condemnation and the passing of a death sentence, that we will be seen as truly broken over our sin, accepting of the truth of the wicked nature of our sin, willfully and purposefully turning our back on that path in our life, and that Jesus lovingly, happily gives us the cleansing forgiveness and restoration we so desperately need.
Where are you in this? What do you need to say to God – right now, right here, tonight? What is it that you need to lay before the Lord in honest, humble and abject poverty of spirit and seek His cleansing and restoration for? What is it that you need to confess, repent of and replace in your life? He is listening in love – tell Him your heart…He will receive you.
