Forming Family Values
Which way is your Deck Chair Facing?
There’s something about the cartoon strip, "Peanuts" that can evoke a chuckle while simultaneously piercing our conscience. That’s what happened to me when I discovered a profound message in one of Charles Schultz’s comic strips.
Charlie Brown was sitting in a deck chair near the front of a large boat when Lucy walked up. "Some people go through life with the deck chairs facing forward, gazing out where they are going," Lucy said philosophically. "Others go through life with their deck chair facing backwards, looking at where they’ve been."
She then paused and pondered her profound words. Looking directly into Charlie Brown’s sunglasses she asked him, "Charlie Brown, which way is your deck chair facing?"
Charlie Brown responded simply, "I really don’t know—I’ve never been able to get my deck chair unfolded!"
When it comes to figuring out your Family Values it can seem just about as confusing. Still, the direction the deck chair faces is very important – toward God or away from God? Your Family Values are being formed – Today I want to help you build values that reflect Godly influence. It isn’t going to be easy – but its not impossible if you understand what you face and what you must do.
Hanging By a Thread by David Boehl
We face a real challenge. About a generation ago the demographic group known as the Baby Boomers started an experiment in life. This experiment was based on new and different values. They broke from “traditional” values and they were based on new ideas and new freedoms which have been promoted, pushed, and hyped with unrelenting enthusiasm and energy.
Politicians, educators, lawyers, doctors, business executives, Hollywood filmmakers, book publishers, newspaper and magazine editors, perhaps even some key religious leaders, have all been engaged in selling us these new values.
David Boehl in an article called “Hanging by a Thread” enumerates these values in seven statements:
1. Personal happiness the main goal
Personal happiness, fulfillment, and independence are the highest goals for any person.
2. Marriage for life old-fashioned
The idea of marrying someone for life is old-fashioned.
Divorce is not harmful, but should be encouraged if couples are not compatible. We should not worry about how divorce affects children; they have a remarkable ability to adapt to hardship.
3. Traditional roles are confining and outdated
Women should be encouraged to pursue careers and personal fulfillment, and it is unfair to view men as leaders of their homes.
4. Teenagers should make their own choices
Parents should be encouraged to begin ’letting go’ of their children as they begin adolescence. Then these teenagers can began to make their own, independent choices.
5. There is no such thing as absolute morality
We encourage each individual to experience sexual freedom by setting aside biblical morals regarding premarital sex, extramarital sex, and homosexuality. We must embrace tolerance for any lifestyle an individual chooses.
6. Question all authority at every opportunity
7. The influence of Christianity should be eliminated from public life
Reaping the Whirlwind
7 “They sow the wind and reap the whirlwind.”
Hosea 8:7
There is nothing all that new with these values and ideas. Hosea preached about the same kind of problems in his day – and that was over 2500 years ago.
Over those 2500 years cultures have risen and fallen. Societies have been built and then decayed. Nations have been established and then ruined. The values of the people made all the difference. The further away from Godly values the more likely the society is to be wrecked like a ship on a rocky coast – it founders and sinks.
Yet these are the values that are being heavily promoted in our culture and society today… We are being bombarded with this message and if anyone stands up to say something other than what fits with this message they are hammered personally, attacked viciously, and figuratively stoned to death in the public square.
You may recall the debate Dan Quayle ignited in 1992 by talking about how the breakdown of the family is hurting our nation.
His serious, seven-page speech was trivialized by focusing on one sentence in which Quayle criticized the television character Murphy Brown. The real substance of Quayle’s speech went mostly unreported.
For example: When we were young, it was fashionable to declare war against traditional values. Indulgence and self-gratification seemed to have no consequences.
Many of our generation glamorized casual sex and drug use, evaded responsibility, and trashed authority."
Dan Quayle, 1992
For making this statement and taking this position he was marginalized and treated as a dunce, stupid, foolish, and a dunderhead.
In this message today I’d like to give you three steps to take that will help you unfold the deckchair and face it toward God!
Let us determine that we will build our families on values that are God directed and life giving.
1st Step: Remember My Words
18 Remember my words with your whole being. Write them down and tie them to your hands as a sign; tie them on your foreheads to remind you.
Deuteronomy 11:18-21
When Moses said this he spoke to a nation of people who had escaped from Egyptian slavery. They had lived there for 400 years. That’s a long time to build up cultural identity and to buy into societal values that were different than God’s values.
Many writers suppose that this is a reference to a superstitious custom borrowed from the Egyptians, who wore jewels and ornamental trinkets on the forehead and arm, inscribed with certain words and sentences, as amulets to protect them from danger.
Moses is saying to the Israelites that they are to trust God and His words not the superstitions and foolishness of the past ways.
Now, not literally, even though the Jewish people actually took the words and put it in a leather box and wore it on their foreheads and forearms. The form was as follows: Four pieces of parchment, inscribed, the first with Ex 13:2–10; the second with Ex 13:11–16; the third with De 6:1–8; and the fourth with De 11:18–21, were enclosed in a square case or box of tough skin, on the side of which was placed the Hebrew letter (shin), and bound round the forehead with a thong or ribbon. When designed for the arms, those four texts were written on one slip of parchment, which, as well as the ink, was carefully prepared for the purpose.
They missed the point but understood the importance of God’s teaching!
Our primary source for God directed values is his word. He has given us two great foundational statements. The first is commonly referred to as the Ten Commandments.
1st Step: Remember My Words
The 10 Commandments with a promise of good and long life
No other gods before God
Create no image of another god
No abuse of God’s name
Work six days and rest one
Honor your Father and Mother
No murder
No adultery
No stealing
No lying about your neighbor
No coveting of anything your neighbor possesses
Most people look for a list of the 10 commandments in the Bible. Most often we look to two passages in the Old Testament. One is in Exodus 20 and the other in the second reading of the law – Deuteronomy 5.
But when you read Exodus and Deuteronomy you don’t get a nice little list that is easily chiseled on a set of stone tablets.
What exactly was chiseled on stone and carried by Moses from the mountain is uncertain. It obviously outlined a set of basic standards that formed the core values of the entire nation of Israel.
In the entire law you will find many promises from God of how living according to these standards will bring you both good and long life on the earth.
Here is the fundamental foundation of a way to live and in truth it is the cornerstone of western law.
But there is another foundational statement
1st Step: Remember My Words
Jesus answered, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’
This is the first and most important command.
And the second command is like the first: ‘Love your neighbor as you love yourself.’
All the law and the writings of the prophets depend on these two commands.”
Matthew 22:37
Jesus summed up all of the core values and teachings in two powerful statements. Here is all the law.
It’s simple. It’s powerful. It’s direct. It’s terribly important to live ourselves and to teach these values to our children.
2nd Step: Teach them well to your children
19 Teach them well to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.
Deuteronomy 11:18-21
It’s clear that God expects us as parents to teach our kids about His values and His ideas in every aspect of life.
Values are not taught in a classroom. Values are caught the same way you catch a virus, pick up the smell of smoke at a campfire, or an southern accent when you live in Tennessee for a while.
When I moved from the UP to Dayton, Ohio I had several people ask me if I was from Minnesota? Go figure?
You don’t teach values you inculcate values like you marinate a piece of meat. You soak it in the sauce until it picks up the flavor.
2nd Step: Teach them well to your children
God, limited television, responsibilities, chores, friendship, kindness, respectful speaking, education, church, encouragement, servanthood, obedience, discipline, sharing, giving, boundaries, commitment, keeping your word, home life, prayer, perseverance, doing what you’re supposed to do, love, dignity of kids, food and shelter, spending time with each other, resolving conflicts, forgiveness, physical affection, our siblings, laughter, having fun together, memorizing verses, wholesome speaking, reading, wise counsel.
Dennis Rainey’s Family Values List
Dennis Rainey is a Christian author and speaker who has done his best to marinate his kids in God’s Values for his family.
Sensing a lot of confusion about what "family values" are, local newspaper editor made a challenge: "
Send a 45-word statement about your thoughts on family values." So one night he, his wife, Barbara and his kids wrote out what they thought their family values were—what they as a family felt was important, The words starting popping like premium popcorn and Dennis’s son, Samuel acted as the scribe to wrote it all down. This is the list.
Another teacher and author came up with another list of his family’s core values. Actually he’s not nearly as famous or so important. But now that we are past the parenting age and into the grandparenting age – I can now speak with some authority without as much fear about my kids showing me up! And when the grandkids mess up – it’s not my fault!
Rick & Donna Stacy’s Family Values
We openly admire God
You don’t have to be weird and dopey to do this. Openly and honestly tuned in to God – Everywhere – All the Time – but especially when you think no one is looking!
Gabe and “Arrgh” Now where did he get that? We all know – but it took Rob a few days to figure it out! Eventually he went “arrgh” and then went – Oh!
It’s not the big things – it’s the little things consistently displayed in your life. That’s why you don’t are not to curse God and you don’t give your worship to another idol…Apathy toward God and neglect of worship is the seed of sin
We focus our lives around Jesus’ church and His people
We bring our tithes. We give our time. The church is the center of our lives and we love it here with you!
If you come to church & then go home griping & complaining about what happened at church, chances are pretty good your child will grow up as a pagan.
You know, kids are pretty good at picking up on inconsistencies in our lives. If you come to church & pray, & then go home & cuss like a sailor; or if you come to church & you act pious, & then you go home & bless out other people, your children will know that.
You will tear down any testimony you have for the Lord Jesus Christ if you don’t respect the church, which is His body.
We draw our wisdom from God’s word and view the world’s propaganda through His eyes
We live in a dangerous world – be wise and watchful. Don’t make the mistake of thinking that everything out there aimed at your children is benign and safe.
Know the word of God and compare it with what we’re seeing around us.
Listen, if we don’t protect our kids today we’re exposing them to moral cyanide. There is a cultural war going on the likes of which are incredible. So monitor what they watch on television. Know what they’re being taught at school. Listen to their music and ban what you need to ban from your house. We banned a lot of music from our home and MTV was blocked from our TV – period and without apology.
We remember what we are to be about: People – not stuff; Giving – not consuming; and Serving – not demanding
That’s why we gave our kids allowances – sporatically – but that’s life. We also gave them chores. We expected them to participate in the family and to help out when there was a need.
When we “mess up” – we “fess up” and keep moving God’s way.
This week Donna and I had a conversation about who we are giving our best to. Somehow she thought that she should get my best.
I had come home tired and beat several days in a row and she was – appropriately – feeling like maybe I should save some of my best time for her.
I had to make a promise to do better.
There will be times you need to talk with your kids – that’s why we tried very hard to make supper time the gathering, sharing, telling, connecting time for our family. Everyone got a chance every supper time to tell about what’s been happening in their corner of the world.
Let me encourage you to sit down with your mate and your kids and talk about your family values. You might even want to make a list – at least think about what you want your family to be about!
3rd Step: Write them on your doors and gates
20 Write them on your doors and gates 21 so that both you and your children will live a long time in the land the LORD promised your ancestors, as long as the skies are above the earth.
Deuteronomy 11:18-21
The ancient Egyptians had the lintels and doorposts of their doors and gates inscribed with sentences indicative of a favorable omen and this is still the case, for in Egypt and other Mohammedan countries, the front doors of houses (in Cairo, for instance) are painted red, white, and green, bearing conspicuously inscribed upon them such sentences from the Koran, as “God is the Creator.”…Moses designed to turn this ancient and favorite custom to a better account and ordered that, instead of the former superstitious inscriptions, there should be written the words of God, persuading and enjoining the people to hold the laws in perpetual remembrance.
Again, I don’t believe you need to write on your houses the core values of your family. There is a house on Dobie Road that apparently disagrees with this view. I’m not sure what’s going on here!
Still we are to mark our lives with the Godly values. When you fill your minutes with core values surrounding God’s values and they become hours. The hours become days. The days become weeks. The weeks become months. The months become years. The years become a lifetime – good, rich, and without regret.
Forming Family Values
Malachi 2:15
God made husbands and wives to become one body and one spirit for his purpose—so they would have children who are true to God.
Michael W. Smith is a very popular contemporary Christian soloist. Here is what he said about his father. "WHEN MY DAD COMES UP missing at a dinner party, I always know where to find him: in the kitchen. He’ll be in there, apron around his waist, washing dishes. That’s just one example of his servant’s heart. Serving seems to come naturally and effortlessly for my father. I remember one time he was working in the garage and he saw an elderly lady carrying a bag of groceries by our house. He immediately went out to help her. Time and again, I’ve watched him drop whatever he was doing to help someone carry a bag of groceries, fix a car or repair a broken appliance. I hope someday I’ll be as good at serving others as he is. If that happens, I’ll have to say, ‘I learned it from my dad.’"
Your role as a parent is the highest, noblest calling you will ever have in your life. What’s more, I believe that you can and will rise to that challenge if given the proper knowledge and tools for this important task. I know that you already possess the most powerful and important ingredient to succeeding. That critical factor is an unconditional and heartfelt love and devotion you have for your child. But it takes much, much more than love and good intentions because you aren’t the only influence in your child’s life.
I like the story of a little boy who was asked if he believed in God. He answered, “Well, yes I do.” When asked why, he said, “Well, I guess it just runs in the family.”
I hope it runs in your family, too.
Close – prayer for families. Parents to come forward for prayer.
