"THE WALK OF HARMONY PT 2"
HARMONY IN THE HOME
TEXT" EPHESIANS 5:21
INTRODUCTION
GOD CALLS US TO WALK IN A MANNER WORTHY OF THE LORD....
TO WALK IN A WAY (TO LIVE OUR LIVES IN A WAY THAT BRINGS HIM GLORY, HONOR AND PRAISE). IN OUR DISCUSSION THUS FAR OF THE 2ND HALF OF EPHESIANS WE HAVE DISCUSSED HOW:
WE ARE TO WALK IN UNITY
IN PURITY
AND IN HARMONY
LAST WEEK WE TALKED ABOUT HARMONY IN THE CHURCH, ABOUT WHAT WE ARE TO DO WHEN CHRISTIANS DISAGREE AND WHEN THERE ARE DISAGREEMENTS BETWEEN CHRISTIANS.
ARE YOU WALKING IN HARMONY IN THIS CHURCH....?
ARE YOU WALKING IN HARMONY WITH YOUR BROS AND SISTERS HERE...?
ARE YOU A SOURCE OF HARMONY IN THIS PLACE...?
ARE YOU PART OF THE ANSWER TO JESUS’ PRAYER OF UNITY?
TODAY WE WILL CONTINUE OUR DISCUSSION OF THE WALK OF HARMONY
Ever since Dan Qualye’s famous statement about Murphy Brown, Everyone is talking about it; the President, Congressman, Senators, Donahue, Ophrah, News programs... everywhere you turn it seems like someone is talking about the crisis in the American Family.
Is there a lack of harmony in the HOME? ARE THINGS NOT RUNNING SMOOTH OR WORKING THE WAY THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO..
Well I think the statistics speak for themselves:
1. The divorce rate is at 50%
2. The United states Center for disease control reports that 43 million of our citizens... 1 in 5 are infected with an incurable sexually transmitted virus.
3. And over 3 million more will contract a S.T.D. this year.
4. Over a million teenage girls will become pregnant this year..
30,000 of that million will be under 14 years of age.
Since the popular push for contraceptives for teens sexual activity for teens has increased by 400%.
5. Juvenile crime is now at epidemic proportions as are youth no longer have any concept of right and wrong.
6. Nearly 4 million children are abused in the home each year.
7. A survey in one town indicated that on average fathers spent only 37 seconds a day with their small children.
8. Not to mention the homes where the family just isn’t happy -- everyone is miserable and is just going through the motions of being a family -- they are living a facade.
WHY IS IT HAPPENING?" AND HOW CAN WE FIX IT?
WELL, THOUGH I AM NO ROCKET SCIENTIST, I DO KNOW WHY ARE FAMILIES ARE DYING (THOUGH THE MEDIA, PHIL, OPHRAH AND THEIR PALS, WILL LAUGH AT IT... I AM RIGHT AND THEY ARE WRONG!!-- AND OUR DISINTEGRATING FAMILY IS THE PROOF.)
THE ANSWER, IS REALLY NOT TOO DIFFICULT, UNLESS PEOPLE BECAUSE OF THEIR "SUPERIOR INTELLECT" OR "LOVE FOR SIN" -- CHOOSE TO REMAIN BLINDED BY THEIR IGNORANCE.
Now, I don’t want to overly simplify a very serious problem, BUT in reality the answer is really quite simple. Let me give an illustration from everyday life.
Now I know that this is something that most man have experienced. I know that I have. It’s called doing laundry. Though I do not do it now, I at one time used to try to wash my wife’s clothes. I figured I could do a better job and that I could do it cheaper, you know get more clothes cleaned for the same wash, you know save a little money on the water and electric bill.
And sometimes it didn’t turn out the way I intended. Often, as I reached into the drier, or worse yet, when Judy reached into the drier. Her clothes were not like she left them, sometimes they were smaller, sometimes they were a lot smaller, and sometimes they had different colors on them, and sometimes times they had completely changed colors.
Needless to say this did not make Judy very happy. Today, I know longer wash Judy’s clothes. You may want to ask why? One reason is because I don’t want to mess up clothes that Judy likes. And the other reason and perhaps the main reason is because I can’t afford to do this, because almost every time I ruined something she’d replace it. So my great idea to save money didn’t work, it was not very cost effective.
The problem I had with washing clothes happened because I didn’t read that little label on the particular item of clothes. The designer of the clothes cared about his product and he wanted what was best for it, so he put instructions with his product, he even sowed them into the product, so dummies like me won’t lose them.
He did all he could do to protect his product from misuse, it was almost full proof. Almost! because the directions were of no use, unless the owner (or her husband) read and follow them.
I went through this long story confessing my inability at washing women’s clothes, to make this point. Why are families not working today? WHY, BECAUSE PEOPLE TODAY ARE NOT READING, AND THEY ARE NOT FOLLOWING, THE DESIGNERS INSTRUCTIONS.
And just as problems result, and things break down when we fail to wash in the correct temperature, or we fail to keep the proper level of oil. Problems will result and families will break down when we fail to follow God’s design.
IN EPHESIANS 5:18-6:9; PAUL TALKS ABOUT 3 RELATIONSHIPS:
HUSBAND - WIFE
PARENT - CHILD
MASTER -- SLAVE (EMPLOYER - EMPLOYEE)
THREE RELATIONSHIPS WHERE HARMONY IS NOT ALWAYS THE TUNE THAT IS BEING PLAYED...
RELATIONSHIPS THAT MOST OF US ARE EVEN NOW INVOLVED IN.......
RELATIONSHIPS THAT GOD DESIRES TO BE HARMONIOUS........
IT IS GOD’S WILL THAT WE WALK IN HARMONY IN THESE RELATIONSHIPS..... TODAY WE WILL BEGIN OUR DISCUSSION ON HARMONY IN THE HOME --- I DON’T THINK WE’LL FINISH IT TODAY......
WHO HERE WANTS TO HAVE HARMONY IN THEIR HOME?
WE WILL IF WE FOLLOW GOD’S DESIGN......
TODAY I WANT TO TALK ABOUT GOD’S DESIGN FOR MARRIAGE....
GOD’S DESIGN, GOD’S PLAN FOR HARMONY IN THE MARRIAGE....
THE REASON WE WILL START WITH THIS RELATIONSHIP IS THAT IN THE HOME AS WITH OTHER THINGS SUCCESS BEGINS AT THE TOP... AND WHEN MOM AND DAD HAVE THEIR ACT TOGETHER.. IT WILL MOST OF THE TIME, TRICKLE DOWN TO THEIR CHILDREN.. CALL IT IF YOU WILL, "THE TRICKLE DOWN THEORY" OF THE HOME.
LET’S TALK ABOUT GOD’S DESIGN FOR MARRIAGE, WILL WE USE THE EPHESIANS PASSAGE PLUS A FEW OTHERS AS YOUR OUTLINE INDICATES...
I. GOD DESIGNED MARRIAGE TO BE A PARTNERSHIP [GEN. 2:18-25, 3:16]
This is a passage of scripture we are all familiar with. It’s day 6 in God’s creation. God in the first 5 days created; light, the heavens, dry land, plants trees and vegetables, the moon sun and stars, birds and fish and all the land animals. And after each creative act God looked upon His creation and saw that it was good.
Then on day 6 God created man in His own image, man was the highest form of life created. He had the capacity to know right from wrong, to communicate and to think on a much higher level than any other creature.
So there stood Adam, the crown of God’s creation and for the first time God said , "It’s not so good". As God looked upon Adam God said "it is not good for man to be alone". God decided that He would make a suitable helper for Adam. So God caused Adam to fall into a deep sleep and God took one of Adam’s ribs from his side and he made a woman.
A 5 year old came home from Sunday school very excited. His teacher, he reported to his parents, had told the class the story of Adam and Eve and how Eve was created from Adam’s rib. A few days later he told his mother , " Mommy my side hurts. I think I’m having a wife".
Someone has written : " God took a Rib from Adam’s side. He didn’t take a part of man’s head so the woman would be over him or a part of His foot that she would be inferior to Him. He took a rib from his side so that she would be companion to him, from under his arm that he would protect her, from near his heart that he would love her".
And when Adam a woke from his sleep there stood the most beautiful thing he had ever seen, and Adam expressed his excitement in verse 23 "THIS IS IT" (Hebrew means), When Adam saw Eve he immediately knew that this was what was missing from his life, This is it, This is what I’ve been looking for; and he looked at Eve and said you are bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh, we are one.
Eve became Adam’s helper, she was his partner/completer.
B. MARRIAGE IS TO BE A PARTNERSHIP
As I was thinking about the concept of partners and partnerships I looked in the dictionary. And the definitions really gave some interesting insights. Here are some of the definitions that I found :
1. Partner: one that shares, One of 2 persons who play together against an opposing team, One of the heavy timbers that strengthen a ships deck so it can support a Mast. (ONE OF THE ESSENTIAL REALTIES NEEDED TO SUPPORT A FAMILY).
2. Partnership: a relationship involving close cooperation between parties having specified and joint rights and responsibilities.
If a marriage is going to work it must be according to God’s design and God designed Marriage to be a partnership.
Let’s talk about several factors necessary in this partnership.
1. : FOR A PARTNERSHIP TO BE SUCCESSFUL EACH PARTY MUST KNOW AND DO PRESCRIBED PART.
We can easily see how this is important in sports and business. If a member of the partnership does not do their assigned job, the job does not get done and the team loses and the company goes out of business.
In a marriage God has given each party, the husband and the wife a specific responsibility within their union.
Paul in Ephesians 5:22-33 describes in beautiful words the role, the Mutual responsibly of the husband and the wife.
And due to several factors (which I won’t get into at this time), there is much confusion in our society today about these roles... And as a result many men don’t know how or what it means to be a man and many women don’t know how or what it means to be a woman..... And since families are made up of men and women -- many of whom are confused -- the family is in turmoil.
NOW, let’s talk about God’s design for the roles of men and women -- what are their mutual responsibilities. What are the responsibilities that God has given each, and designed into each so that things will work. First let’s talk about the wives responsibility in marriage:
EPHESIANS 5:22-24, 33
The Bible says the responsibility of the wife in the marriage relationship is to submit to the headship of her husband,..."WIVES SUBMIT TO YOUR HUSBANDS AS TO THE LORD.."
Though the concept of male headship is about as popular today as a wolf in a hen house, it has been God’s design right from the beginning. We see this design in Gen 1 and 2 where we read about the very beginning.
To say that the God has designed in His creation male headship, is in no way is saying that man are superior to women...
The First chapter of Genesis makes this abundantly clear by it’s teaching that man and women are ontologically equal. Now ontological is one of those big words you learn in college -- but it is a good word.... To be ontologically one means to be one in nature, in our being and to be one in essence-- to be made of the same stuff -- to have the same value in God’s eyes..
GEN 1 TEACHES THAT BOTH MALE AND FEMALE ARE DIFFERENT THAN ANY OTHER CREATURE, That THEY ARE ABOVE ANIMALS... AND HAVE BEEN GIVEN DOMINION OR RULE OVER THE EARTH.
GEN 1 ALSO TEACHES THAT BOTH MALE AND FEMALE ARE UNIQUELY LIKE GOD (CREATED IN HIS IMAGE) -- "SO GOD CREATED MAN IN HIS OWN IMAGE, IN THE IMAGE OF GOD HE CREATED HIM; MALE AND FEMALE HE CREATED THEM."
SO WE CAN SEE THAT BOTH MALE AND FEMALE HAVE THE SAME WORTH OR VALUE IN GOD’S EYES....THEY ARE OTOLOGICALLY EQUAL.
BUT IN GENESIS 2 WE SEE THAT THOUGH WE ARE OTOLOGICALLY EQUAL WE ARE FUNCTIONALLY DIFFERENT, WE HAVE BEEN GIVEN DIFFERENT ROLES.... MALE LEADERSHIP/FEMALE SUBMISSION. AND NOT ONLY IS THIS SEEN IN GENESIS BUT THROUGHOUT OT AND MANY NT PASSAGES AS WELL.
AND THOSE WHO THINK LEADERSHIP-SUBMISSION MEANS BETTER OR WORSE... MISS THE BOAT -- THE QUESTION IS NOT REALLY ABOUT BETTER OR WORSE AT ALL, BUT RATHER WHO HAS GOD DESIGNED FOR WHAT (IS AN EYE BETTER THAN AN EAR -- NO, BOTH ARE IMPORTANT BUT THEY HAVE DIFFERENT FUNCTIONS)
WE NEED TO UNDERSTAND THAT SUBMISSION DOES NOT MEAN INFERIOR... A DIFFERENT ROLE DOES NOT MEAN LESS WORTH...
LET ME ILLUSTRATE THIS WITH THE ROLE OF THE GODHEAD (FATHER, SON AND SPIRIT) IN THE REDEMPTION OF MANKIND... ALL ONE OTOLOGICALLY, ONE IN ESSENCE, WORTH, NATURE (MADE OF THE SAME STUFF) BUT FUNCTIONALLY DIVERSE... THE BIBLE SAYS THAT THE FATHER IS THE HEAD OF CHRIST, THAT CHRIST WAS OBEDIENT TO THE FATHER... DOES THIS MEAN THAT SOMEHOW CHRIST IS INFERIOR TO GOD THE FATHER -- NO! NOT AT ALL IT JUST MEANS THAT THEY HAVE DIFFERENT FUNCTIONS/ROLES IN MANKIND;S REDEMPTION.
THE RESPONSIBILITY OF THE WIFE IN THE MARRIAGE IS TO RESPECT AND SUBMIT TO THE HEADSHIP/LEADERSHIP OF HER HUSBAND MAN.
NOW LET’S TALK ABOUT THE Responsibility OF THE HUSBAND IN A MARRIAGE.....
MEN, IT IS TIME FOR US TO BE MEN AND ACCEPT THE RESPONSIBILITY THAT GOD HAS GIVEN US IN REGARDS TO LEADERSHIP IN THE HOME AND THE CHURCH.....
IN BOTH OF THESE FAMILIES -- THE WORDS OF HARRY TRUMAN -- RING TRUE AND STRONG.... MEN THE BUCK STOPS WITH US. IF THERE IS A PROBLEM IN THE CHURCH OR IN OUR HOME --- WE NEED TO BE MEN AND DEAL WITH IT AND FIX IT.....THAT’S ARE JOB!!
LET’S READ WHAT GOD SAYS ABOUT THE HUSBANDS RESPONSIBILITY IN THE MARRIAGE.....
“HUSBANDS LOVE YOUR WIVES, JUST AS CHRIST LOVED THE CHURCH AND GAVE HIMSELF UP FOR HER..."
Guys I know we have heard this before -- but do we realize the full impact of that statement.....
"LOVE OUR WIVES AS CHRIST LOVED THE CHURCH....."
Christ died for the church -- he was willing to do anything, sacrifice anything for her... She came first.... Her needs far outweighed His.... Her needs, nailed Him to the cross... Her needs pierced His side... Her needs separated Him from the father.... Her needs put Him in the tomb....
Men are you willing to go to the cross for your wife... To love her like Christ loved the Church... To put her needs above yours.... Christian men have no option here their God has spoken -- they must obey....
Let’s see if we can move THAT statement "HUSBANDS LOVE YOUR WIVES AS CHRIST LOVED THE CHURCH INTO Practical THINGS WE CAN DO
1. Tell her you love her..... Did Christ tell the church that he loved her? That’s what the Bible is about, it’s a love letter from Christ to His BRIDE.....
We need to let our wives know that we love them... let them know that they are special to us.... that besides the Lord nothing on this earth is of greater value to us then they are. (notes, cards, words..etc)
2. Men we need to build our wives up -- compliment her in private and in public... let them know we are proud of them.
3. We need to sacrifice for our wives... Give up something we like for them.... Not grudgingly and with a bad attitude but with a cheerful one, wives love a cheerful giver too..
Turn off the football game, skip softball, fishing ..etc and spend time with her...
If you’re both tired and worn out and someone has to deal with the kids or clean up the kitchen you do it!
Rearrange our schedule for hers...(I learned this the hard way)
We need to sacrifice for our wives like Christ sacrificed for the Church.
4. Does Christ forgive the Church? Paul says in our text that we should not be harsh with our wives, or a better translation is to not be bitter towards our wife... Let’s not hold a grudge against them for a wrong down years ago.
5. We need to protect and defend our wives from anyone -- your children, family ANYONE --
MEN WHEN WE TREAT OUR WIVES (AND WE ALL CAN DO BETTER) WHEN WE TREAT HER:
LIKE A PRECIOUS AND RARE JEWEL
LIKE A ROYAL QUEEN
LIKE A GIFT FORM GOD
LIKE THE BRIDE OF CHRIST
WHEN WE ARE THE KIND OF LEADER IN THE HOME LIKE CHRIST IS IN THE CHURCH. OUR WIVES WILL NOT HAVE ANY PROBLEMS AT ALL WITH OUR HEADSHIP....
Wives and husbands those are our mutual responsibilities in our marriage. Submission and respect -- love as Christ loved the church.
A recent survey noted that the chief complaints among women surveyed about their husbands is that they do not show them and tell them they love them... And among men the chief complaint was that their wives are bossy and demanding and do not respect them... No wonder families are trouble many husband and wives they’ve got everything backwards....
2. FOR A PARTNERSHIP TO WORK IT IS ESSENTIAL THAT THERE ALSO BE Communication.
A backwoods woman from Kentucky came into a fancy lawyers office. She sat down in the plush surroundings on the lawyers couch and told the lawyer she was going to get a divorce. The lawyer asked, "do you have any grounds?" She said, "Yes, we have about 2 acres.’ He said maybe I’m not communicating too well. Let me try again. Do you have a grudge?" The woman said, no but we have a carport" The lawyer said let me try this one more time does you husband beat you up?" She answered, "No I usually get up earlier than he does?" At this point the lawyer became frustrated. He said, "Are you sure you really want a divorce?" She said "NO, I don’t want one my husband does he says we can’t communicate".
Communication is vital to any relationship. Lack of, or poor communication has been the cause of many problems.
If a marriage is going to work there must be communication. And not just talking about the weather or the football game. We need to be able to talk and tell each other how we really feel. And men, I know from experience that communication is a problem for men. Early in my marriage I felt if something didn’t really bother me then there was no need to talk about it. BUT THAT KIND OF THINKING IS FLAT OUT GARBAGE. Men we need to talk to our wives about things that bother her. Because she is important to us and if it bothers her, it must be of concern for us. I’m no expert, but here are some guidelines for communication:
1. Sit close together
2. look at each other when you talk, say + things
3. If you feel angry wait at least 5 seconds before responding
4. Remember there is no such thing as a stupid feeling.
5. No hitting below the belt.
6. Pray together before you begin a serious talk.
7. Don’t use the words "always" and "never".
8. Remember the 12 words that Cliff Barrows says hold a marriage together: I was wrong, I am sorry, Please forgive me, I love you.
IF A PARTNERSHIP IS TO WORK THERE MUST BE A Common goal.
If partners are going in different direction, if they have different goals they will not have a successful partnership.
Paul in the 4th chapter of the book of Ephesians writes HOW as Christians we are to view our relationships with others. Verse 29 is a great verse that certainly applies to the marriage relationship. "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up ACCORDING TO THEIR NEEDS, that it may benefit those who listen".
The goal in marriage is that of ministry. We are to see our partner as a ministry. We are to put aside our own needs and seek to build him or her up according to their needs. Needs that we can uncover through real communication.
Larry Crabb in his book THE MARRIAGE BUILDER WRITES the following: "Husbands and wives are to regard marriage as an opportunity to minister in a unique way to another human being, to be used of God to bring their spouse into a more satisfying appreciation of their worth as persons who are secure and significant in Jesus Christ".
God designed marriage to be a partnership.
II. GOD ALSO DESIGNED MARRIAGE TO BE Permanent. [Matt. 19:3-8]
Jesus in these verses teaches that God intended for marriage to be permanent. The Pharisees were referring to a law back in the 24th chapter of Deuteronomy. Jesus said It was only because of the hardness of man’s heart that Moses permitted them do get a certificate of divorce. "But it was not this way from the beginning". God’s design for marriage from the very beginning was for it to be permanent. In fact in Malachi 2:16 God says "I hate divorce".
Now I know that divorce happens, and you may be here today and have had a divorce. There are many situations where divorce is both unavoidable (I of the parties will have it no other way) and scripturally valid. Let me also say this divorce is not the unforgivable sin. If your here and have had a divorce, that is past history you can’t undo it, you can’t go back in time and change history, but you can learn from it. And do not forget that God can forgive you. What I want you to do now however, is not think about your past relationship, but about your present or your future marriage.
Many today go into marriage with the thought in the back of their mind that if things don’t work out if the road gets too bumpy, If their is to much turbulence, no big deal, I’ll just bail out.
THIS IS NOT A CHRISTIAN ATTITUDE....
Jesus said in Matthew 19:6 that husband and wife are joined together By God. And what God has joined together no man or woman is to separate. It is God’s design and plan for marriage to be permanent.
HERE ARE 4 things we can do to make our marriage permanent:
1) Acknowledge going in to marriage and throughout marriage, that marriage is a life long commitment.
2) Make sure your marriage is a partnership (WE TALKED ABOUT THAT TODAY).
3) DON’T MAKE FEELINGS THE ROOT OF YOUR MARRIAGE
4) Maintain a strong relationship with God. (the triangle philosophy of marriage).
Too many times people bail out of a marriage not realizing that calm, peace and the relationship they desire, was only a little ways downstream.
All of us have seen 2 rivers flowing smoothly and quietly along until they meet to form one river. When this happens they clash and hurl themselves at one another. However, as the newly formed river flows downstream, it gradually quiets down and flows smoothly again. And now it is broader and more majestic and has more power. So it is in a marriage: the forming of the new union may be tumultuous--but, when achieved, the result is far greater than either alone.
III. GOD DESIGNED MARRIAGE TO BE PURE [Lev. 18:6-30; 20:1-5,10-21]
In Leviticus chapters 18 and 20, God made it perfectly clear that the marriage union is to be pure. That the sexual relationship between a husband and wife is to be pure and undefiled. That nothing was to come between the relationship of the husband and the wife. And those who broke this command of God and committed acts of sexual immorality against God and their spouse were to be dealt with severely, many times they were commanded to be stoned to death.
I am confident that most of us here understand and agree with God’s command to keep the sexual union between man and wife pure. Few if any would disagree or challenge God in this area.
Therefore, in regards to marital purity I would like us to consider briefly something perhaps a little different, perhaps something we never considered before. We all agree that a marriage is to be pure, that nothing is to come between a husband and a wife. Obviously sexual immorality would violate this.
BUT based on the principle of purity could something other then adultery come between a Husband and a wife. Could a job, a business, family, a hobby or friends come in between the relationship of husband and wife and effect it’s purity. Could these things demand more of our time and effort than our relationship to our spouse, could they become more important to us, than maintaining our marriage, which is a union designed by God , a union that makes us one flesh. Could these things enter into our life and relationship, and contaminate the purity of the marriage bond, as they cause division in our "one flesh".
God has designed Marriage to be pure (nothing is to contaminate the purity of marriage, nothing!!)
God has designed Marriage to be permanent (it is a life long commitment)
God has designed Marriage to a partnership. (each must do their part, each must communicate and each must embrace a common goal)
IF THERE IS EVER TO BE HARMONY IN THE HOME...
IT MUST BEGIN WITH HUSBAND AND WIFE...
LUKE 6:46-49
