(based on Southeast Christian Church’s “Living a Life of Integrity”)
SERIES: “WORDS OF WISDOM FOR KINGDOM LIVING”
TEXT: MATTHEW 5:17-26
TITLE: “PURSUE RECONCILIATION”
INTRODUCTION: A. A young insurance salesman had just completed a training seminar in which the
attendees were encouraged to strike up conversations with strangers. They were told
that it was a good way to introduce themselves to new people and thereby gain new
clients.
The young salesman stopped off at a fast-food restaurant for some supper and
while standing in line decided to try what he had learned. He started to say something
to the man in front of him in line but didn’t know what to say. Just at that time, he
saw a woman sitting at a table in the restaurant that was startlingly ugly.
He leaned over to the fellow in front of him and said, “Did you see that ugly lady
sitting over there?” The man replied with anger in his voice, “Sir, that is my wife!”
The young salesman panicked but tried to recover. He said, “No sir. Not that lady.
The one beside her!” The man gritted his teeth and said, “That is my daughter!”
1. The message this morning is about pursuing reconciliation.
--We all make mistakes and by that we hurt others. Jesus wants us to be mindful
that we need to be diligent to seek reconciliation in all our relationships.
2. Several weeks ago, we started a verse-by-verse study of Jesus’ Sermon on the
Mount.
a. Throughout the Sermon on the Mount there is a common theme: Christ wants
His followers to think and act differently from the world.
b. He wants us to understand that there should be a distinctiveness that sets us apart
from everyone else
B. One of these distinctions should be how we view the Scriptures
--The Bible is not just some antiquated book that teaches things that are irrelevant to
everyday life. Instead, it is vital and efficient for our needs.
1. Listen to what Jesus says in Mt. 5:17-18 – “Do not think that I have come to abolish
the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them. I tell
you the truth, until heaven and earth disappear, not the smallest letter, not the least
stroke of a pen, will by any means disappear from the Law until everything is
accomplished.”
--The Law and the Prophets is a reference to the whole Old Testament
2. Jesus tells us that He came not to do away with what God has already said and
done in the Old Testament
--Instead, He is the fulfillment of what God has already said and done.
a. Jesus didn’t come to fix things because things had gotten out of control. He
didn’t come to fix things because God’s plan had failed. He came to fulfill things
and to bring everything full circle.
1). He came to bring it to its intended purpose, to bring it to fruition.
2). Seth Wilson from Ozark Christian College explained it this way: “The apple
blossom is fulfilled when it matures into the fruit. When that takes place the
blossom falls off. It is not abolished, it is fulfilled.”
b. Jesus goes on to give a warning in Mt. 5:19 – “Anyone who breaks one of the
least of these commandments and teaches others to do the same will be called
least in the kingdom of heaven.”
--He follows that warning immediately with some advice and encouragement:
“But whoever practices and teaches these commands will be called great in
the kingdom of heaven.”
3. One of the problems in Jesus’ day was that a group of religious scholars referred to
as the Pharisees and the teachers of the law had corrupted God’s message from the
Old Testament.
a. In their own minds, they had not seen God’s Words as sufficient.
--In doing so, they sought to add to, define, and re-define the message God had
given to His people
b. They saw the scriptures as a complicated list of do’s and don’t that needed to be
followed explicitly.
--In many areas of the Old Testament Law, they tried to extract minute detail;
even if they had to define the detail themselves.
c. It’s referred to as Oral Torah or Oral Law.
--It became a vast system of rules and regulations that were intended to define
and apply the true law of God to every situation in life
4. Because the Pharisees made understanding God’s instructions so difficult, there
were many in Jesus’ day who thought it too difficult so they just went on with life
doing what they thought was best.
a. They let the Pharisees and the teachers of the Law be the experts and looked at
them as examples of righteous and godly behavior.
b. However, there are several times in the gospels where Jesus confronts the
Pharisees and teachers of the law as hypocrites
--they taught God’s law but didn’t live it.
c. Jesus gives His followers a higher standard
1). The crowd had to be shocked at His next statement in Mt. 5:20 – “For I tell
you that unless your righteousness surpasses that of the Pharisees and the
teachers of the law, you will certainly not enter the kingdom of heaven.”
2). They had to be perplexed at this statement because the Pharisees and teachers
of the law were the religious leaders of the time.
--Notice I didn’t say the spiritual leaders of the time. The Pharisees did
outward actions and they were consumed with looking right on the outside,
but their hearts were far away from God.
5. Jesus makes the point that it is the spirit of the law that is important and not the
letter of the law
--The Old Testament principles of mercy, justice, and righteousness are still valid
6. David gives a right appreciation to God’s ordinances and commands in Ps. 19:7-
11 –
“The law of the LORD is perfect, reviving the soul. The statutes of the LORD
are trustworthy, making wise the simple. The precepts of the LORD are right,
giving joy to the heart. The commands of the LORD are radiant, giving light to the
eyes. The fear of the LORD is pure, enduring forever. The ordinances of the LORD
are sure and altogether righteous. They are more precious than gold, than much pure
gold; they are sweeter than honey, than honey from the comb.”
7. Deut. 6:4-6 – ““Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. Love the
LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your
strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your heart.”
a. The intention of the law in the beginning was to change people’s hearts.
--In thirteen centuries from the giving of the Law to the time of Jesus mankind
had reduced it down to just legalistic acts of behavior.
1). Righteousness begins with the heart, not with outward appearances
2). God says, “Love the lord your God with all your HEART” and “write these
things on your HEART.”
b. Like the Pharisees and the teachers of the law, our religious piety can turn people
off from Christ unless it is accompanied with a life that imitates Jesus Christ.
--We are called to an inward change in the heart that manifests itself in outward
behavior.
c. In this morning’s passage, Jesus addresses the problems we all have in
relationships.
--He teaches us what He expects His followers to do to pursue reconciliation
I. DIFFUSE THE ANGER
A. What makes you angry?
--Is it an insensitive coworker, an incompetent driver, unreasonable demands from a boss, neglect from a
spouse, ridicule from family members, or judgmental words from a preacher?
1. Mt. 5:21-22 – “You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, `Do not murder, and anyone
who murders will be subject to judgment.’ But I tell you that anyone who is angry with his brother will
be subject to judgment.”
a. Now lets understand that in the New Testament there are a couple of occasions where we see Jesus
get very angry.
1). But what was He angry about?
2). It was about the dishonoring of the temple, the misuse of a place of worship
b. Jesus is not teaching that we should never be angry
1). If that were the case, then God would be guilty of breaking His own command
2). The Bible clearly talks about the “wrath of God”
c. Eph. 4:26, Paul quotes from Ps. 4:4 – “In your anger do not sin.”
--So it is possible to get angry without sinning.
2. The word Jesus uses here in Mt. 5 is a word that means to be habitually angry.
a. It’s a mindset in which you harbor anger and you long to get even or do something to a person.
--It’s not an explosion where anger flares. It’s the constant mindset.
b. Jesus is talking about non-appropriate anger
3. Muhammad Ali tells that when he was a child his parents gave him a brand new bicycle. A few days
later someone stole it. He was very angry and went looking for the fellow who stole his bike. He ran
into a policeman and when Ali told him about the stolen bike, the policeman asked Ali what he was
going to do if he caught the boy who stole it. Ali said that he didn’t know. So the policeman took Ali to
the gym and began teaching him how to box. Ali said, "To this day I never found my bike, but every
time I got in the ring, I’d look across at my opponent and say to myself, “that’s the guy who stole my
bike!”
B. Anger is dangerous.
1. It can decimate relationships, frighten a battered wife, destroy a friendship, and negatively affect the
workplace.
2. An angry parent in the stands at a ball game can damage their witness for Christ.
a. When I was in high school I belonged to a youth organization called the Order of DeMolay. We
were comprised of young men from all over the county. My high school was playing our biggest
rival in an important basketball game. Several of the young men from that youth organization went
to that high school and one of those young men’s father was one of our organization’s adult leaders.
He made himself out to be a Christian man with high moral values.
It was a hotly contested ball game with my high school coming out on the winning side. I ran
into this adult leader after the game and politely said, “It was a hard fought game but we won this
time.” He was angry over the loss and made an obscene gesture to me. I never respected him after
that incident.
b. Christ’s followers are to think and act differently and distinctively than others
3. Maybe you’re angry today.
a. Maybe you were abused physically or sexually as a child.
b. Maybe your ex-spouse betrayed you and broke your heart.
c. Maybe you were let go from a job unfairly or passed over for a promotion you deserved.
d. Maybe you are scarred by a church feud in the past.
e. Maybe you are being persecuted for your beliefs.
f. Maybe you’ve been hurt by someone in your family. Any number of things can drive us to anger.
C. We need to work in our life at diffusing anger.
--Let’s look at several biblical steps in diffusing anger:
1. Step one: Deal with your anger quickly.
a. That doesn’t mean punch someone out as soon as possible
b. However, it’s harmful to suppress anger
c. Eph. 4:26-27 – “In your anger do not sin, Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry and
do not give the devil a foothold.”
1). If you simply say, “we will deal with this later,” and you just sweep the problem under the
carpet, it can ruin a relationship.
2). Anna and I have tried to follow this in our marriage but we haven’t always been successful
--One time, we stayed up for three whole weeks!
d. The apostle Paul gives some great advice that will help marriages and friendships.
--He says if you are going to deal with things, then get it out in the open.
1). If you sweep it under the carpet I can tell you what will happen.
--The next time that you do have an argument with that individual, everybody pulls up the carpet
and they pull their stuff out. They pull out all the stuff from the past.
2). It’s a lot easier if you deal with it as you go.
2. Step two: Release your anger properly.
a. Dave Stone says a great way to do that is to replace your anger with service to others.
--Solomon said, in Prov. 25: 21-22; “If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat; if he is thirsty,
give him water to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head, and the Lord will
reward you.”
b. Other ways to release your anger:
1). Count to ten
2). Talk to a close friend
--Don’t gossip and don’t talk to someone who will gossip about the situation
3). If you need to, seek counseling.
4). Write a letter to the person you’re angry with and then to tear it up.
--If you send the letter, it’ll be the best letter you never should have sent!
5). I saved the most important step for last: PRAY
a). We need to transfer our anger over to God and allow Him to help us deal with it. The Bible
says that The Fruit of the Spirit is self-control.
b). When you boil it all down to the core, the cause of most anger is wounded pride.
c). Not only should you pray about the situation and yourself, but also pray for the person you
are angry with.
--It’s really difficult to have an unhealthy anger at someone you’re praying for on a
consistent basis
d). A number of years ago in Christianity Today, Robert Coles told an story of a girl who had
learned to pray for those who were hostile to her. Coles was in New Orleans in 1960 when a
federal judge ruled that the city schools must be integrated.
A 6-year-old girl named Ruby Bridges was the only African-American child to attend the
William T. Frantz School. Every day for weeks as she entered and left the building, a mob
would stand outside to scream at her and threaten her. They shook their fists, shouted
obscenities, and threatened to kill her.
One day her teacher saw her lips moving as she walked through the crowd, flanked by
burly federal marshals. When the teacher told Coles about it, he asked Ruby if she was talking
to the people. “I wasn’t talking to them,” she replied. “I was just saying a prayer for them”
Coles asked her, “Why do you do that?” Bridges replied, “Because they need praying for.”
II. CONTROL YOUR TONGUE
--M5. 5:22 – “But I tell you that anyone who is angry with his brother will be subject to judgment. Again,
anyone who says to his brother, ‘Raca,’ is answerable to the Sanhedrin. But anyone who says, ‘You fool!’
will be in danger of the fire of hell.
A. Anger crescendos – it gets louder and more raucous
1. It starts off at the basic level: “anyone who is angry with his brother…”
2. It then moves to murderous statements and thoughts
--“anyone who says to his brother ‘Raca’…”
a. Raca is an Aramaic word that means “empty”
b. Often used with reference to “mental emptiness”
c. Modern synonyms: “airhead; nitwit; bonehead; numbskull; or blockhead”
d. It’s a term of insult and seeks to demean and injure the other person
--When you’ve done that, you’ve gone too far
3. Stage three: “But anyone who says, ‘You fool!…”
a. Original language: moros = moron
b. It was a term that was used most often to refer to those who lived morally wasted lives.
c. What you have done with this attitude and talk is set yourself up as that other person’s eternal judge
--You have decided that they are no longer worth any effort or attempt at reconciliation from
anybody forever.
d. Jesus warns us that it is not the other person who is in danger of the fires of hell.
--It’s those of us who have the wrong attitudes and actions
B. A s Christ-followers, we need to be willing to control our tongues
1. If we don’t deal with anger, it will come out in our speech.
2. Do you see how anger and speech go hand in hand?
--Anger can lead to words of pain and hurt.
3. James 3:5-6 – “Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider
what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the
parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set
on fire by hell.”
4. If you’re carrying a cup of coffee and someone bumps into you, what happens?
--The coffee spills out over the lip of the cup.
a. The same thing happens in our everyday life when we get jostled and bumped through the adversity
we face.
--If our anger is bubbling just below the surface, it spills out at the least little thing
b. Usually when we get bumped it spills out over our lips and we say things that we shouldn’t and we
say things we wish we could take back.
III. RECONCILE YOUR DIFFERENCES
--Mt. 5:23-24 – “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother
has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your
brother; then come and offer your gift.”
A. Most people make the connection with our culture and understand this to mean that if you are coming to
worship and you are at odds with someone, try to address that issue before you worship.
1. If you are at odds with another Christian and you know it’s time for communion, maybe the best thing
you could do is to somehow make contact with that individual and even wait on taking communion
until you have that matter settled.
2. You see, your effort to reconcile may not need to be some elaborate time-consuming one-hour
appointment that is scheduled.
--It may be as simple as a gracious handshake or a one-line apology.
3. In other situations where the hurt has gone on for years, and the pain runs deeply, it may involve
sitting down and processing the situation together at great length.
a. The reconciliation effort should depend on the offense.
--There isn’t one pat formula to follow, so be wise, as it will be different in each circumstance.
b. The Bible warns us that we cannot be on good terms with God when we are on bad terms with
other people
--1 Jn. 4:20 – “If anyone says, “I love God,” yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who
does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen.”
B. The problem is, we tend to like retaliation more than reconciliation.
1. Paul says in Ephesians 4:3, “Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of
peace.”
2. When Jesus says, “Go, be reconciled”, it is literally a personal commandment to you.
a. It’s not a collective commandment to a group.
--He says it in a way where it is spoken just to you: You reconcile with that person.
b. Understand that you need to do it.
--The starting point for reconciliation is you!
c. Someone: “Resentment is me setting myself on fire in hopes that the smoke will bother you.”
1). You see what happens is that when we harbor anger and when we hold judgment over other
people it doesn’t hold them hostage.
--It hurts us!
2). Jesus said in Matthew 6:15; “But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive
your sins.”
C. Also understand that you can’t force reconciliation. It’s not something that you can cause to happen. It
takes two people for reconciliation to truly take place.
1. Romans 12:18: “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”
--There’s a disclaimer: “as far as it depends on you”
2. There will be some people that you cannot reconcile with, but your challenge and your
responsibility as a Christ follower who is distinctive and different is to make every effort you can
to reconcile.
--At that point it’s out of your hands.
D. Jesus also warns us to avoid lawsuits
--There’s a sense of urgency in Jesus’ statement: We might say, “Avoid lawsuits like the plague!”
1. Mt. 5:25 –26 – “Settle matters quickly with your adversary who is taking you to court. Do it while
you are still with him on the way, or he may hand you over to the judge, and the judge may hand you
over to the officer, and you may be thrown into prison. I tell you the truth, you will not get out until
you have paid the last penny.”
2. Jesus’ warning is that we shouldn’t be surprised at what might happen if we don’t reconcile before
the case goes to court.
3. He’s basically telling us that it’s better if we head it off at the pass.
a. We should swallow our pride, make some concessions and don’t go that route.
b. Here’s why. 1 Cor. 6:1-4 – “If any of you has a dispute with another, dare he take it before the
ungodly for judgment instead of before the saints? Therefore, if you have disputes about such
matters, appoint as judges even men of little account in the church!”
--It’s better to settle things with godly people overseeing these matters than with worldly people
overseeing them.
CONCLUSION: A. Self-control instead of anger doesn’t come very naturally for us.
--Kind words instead of belittling speech seem foreign to us. Even our efforts at
reconciliation are awkward at best.
1. Whether it’s your speech that has gotten you in trouble or your temper, mending fences
in your family, or staying out of court, we can try to do it on the outside.
--But we won’t be very successful
2. The only way it will truly take place is if we change on the inside.
--That only comes when Christ changes us and transforms us.
B. I know that 99.9% of the people here this morning don’t listen to heavy rock music.
So you probably won’t know anything about the band and the person I want to tell you
about. The rock band’s name is Korn and suffice it to say that their songs have been
about immorality and worldliness. However, one of their members by the name of Brian
Welch left the band in late February of this year. He was tired of the depression, drugs,
and depravity in their music and their lifestyle.
Something wonderful happened last night in Israel. A report from the AP relates the
following information: “Former Korn guitarist Brian "Head" Welch was baptized
Saturday in the Jordan River, just weeks after quitting his band, drug habits and rock-and-
roll lifestyle for religion.” It goes on to say “Welch, a founding member of the multi-
platinum band, and about 20 other white-robed Christian pilgrims from a Bakersfield,
Calif., church were immersed by their pastor, Ron Vietti.”
It tells about the change in Welch: “Welch said the ritual baptism had washed away his
anger. "You know when you get angry and it builds up? I felt like hurting someone before,
now I feel like hugging people," he said.”
--Do you need to reconcile with God or with someone else this morning?
