Qualities for low conflict Christians (Part III)
John 15:12
Relationships are very important! (Repeat as much as you feel is necessary)
It is one of the desires of my heart to be in relationships that have very little or no conflict in them. Do you think this is a “do-able” situation? Is it really possible to have low conflict relationships when you think about all of the different personality types in our world, our nation, our state, our city, our church? Are there graces or gifts available to us to help us have relationships with very little conflict? Yes there are! They are…Humor, Humility, Empathy, Optimism, Flexibility, Self Control, Transparency.
These graces have helped many leaders and Christians across the centuries to experience low conflict relationships. This morning we will introduce four more graces that will equip us for the job of having relationships that are affirming and rewarding instead of disturbing and problematic.
How to turn a disagreement into a fight:
1. Be sure to develop and maintain a insatiable fear of conflict, letting your own feelings build up so you are in an explosive frame of mind quite frequently.
2. If you must state your concerns, be as vague and general as possible. Then the other person cannot do anything practical to change the situation.
3. Assume you know all the facts and you are totally right. The use of a clinching Bible verse is helpful. Speak prophetically for truth and justice; do all of the talking.
4. With a touch of defiance, announce your willingness to talk with anyone who wishes to discuss the problem with you.
5. Latch tenaciously onto whatever evidence you can find that shows the other person is merely jealous of you.
6. Judge the motivation of the other party on any previous experience that showed failure or unkindness. Keep track of any glaring faults of the opposing party.
7. Pass the buck! If you are about to get cornered into a solution, indicate you are without power to settle; you need your partner, spouse, bank, lawyer, pastor…whatever.
Ron Kraybill, Tell it to the Church, Lynn Buzzard, David C. Cook, 1982, p. 23.
1. The Grace of Communication
Webster’s dictionary says to communicate is…to talk, to impart information, convey information, advise clearly. As Christians, we of all people should communicate clearly in all things. Clearly understood communication is key-central to developing relationships without conflict.
Let’s look at a few verses where the writers of the Bible communicated clearly concerning what it was that God had asked them to write. Let’s go to the book of Ephesians. There are several good topics of discussion found in Ephesians.
a. Ephesians 1:7 READ
Paul is saying a whole lot here. He is saying that because of Christ we have redemption. He is saying because of the shed blood of Christ we have forgiveness of sin. He is saying Jesus was willing to shed His blood for our sin and this was all done according to the riches of His grace.
So, for Paul, here in verse seven communicates clearly what it is that Christ has done for us! We have redemption…we were bought with a price and the price was paid with the blood. Because of the shed blood we have forgiveness of sin. This was all accomplished because of grace!
As Christians, when we communicate we ought to be just as clear and easily understood as chapter 1:7 of Ephesians. There is a such thing as good timing. Timing is important. But more important than good timing is to be clearly understood when you communicate. Do you want to have relationships that have little or no conflict? Communicate clearly!
b. Ephesians 5:22
It is interesting that it takes Paul three verses to tell the wives to submit to the husbands but it takes him 9 verses to tell the husbands to love the wives. It is clear however, in these three verses that the wife is to be in submission to the husband, not because the husband is superior, but because he has a different role to fill. This role is exemplified in the comparison that is seen between Christ and the church. Paul clearly communicates.
c. Ephesians 5:25
Paul says here, “husbands love your wives.” Just as Christ loved the church (don’t stop reading here husbands) and gave Himself for her.” Do you know how much Christ gave Himself to the church? He gave His life! He loved the church not because of her beauty or her holiness but because He wanted to make her beautiful and holy!
d. Ephesians 6:1
Now I don’t want to leave out the children. This is another very clear bit of conversation by the apostle Paul. Children obey your parents…this is right
We have looked at three areas of communication that Paul was clear about. What are you communicating? Is it clearly understood? Do you have the grace of communication? Do you just go around mumbling under your breath or do you communicate clearly? It is a grace!
2. The Grace of Trustworthiness II Corinthians 1:12-14
One day, Zac and his dad were out in the high country, climbing around in some cliffs. Zac managed to get up above his father on a cliff and he yelled at his father and said, "Hey Dad! Catch me!" The father turned around to see his son joyfully jumping off a rock straight at him. He had jumped and then yelled "Hey Dad-Catch ME!" Of course the father was in an instant circus act, trying to catch Zac. They both fell to the ground.
The father finally gained his composure and in exasperation said: "Zac! Can you give me one good reason why you did that???"
He responded with remarkable calmness: "Sure I can! You are my Daddy." His whole assurance was based on the fact that his father was trustworthy. He could live life to the hilt because his father could be trusted. Tim Hansel, Holy Sweat, 1987, Word Books Publisher, pp. 46-47.
Can you really be trusted? Paul here in II Corinthians 1:12-14 is trying to make it clear to the congregation at Corinth that to be trusted is very important. In verse 12 Paul calls on the testimony of his conscience. He explained to them that he had lived in simplicity, and in godly sincerity, not with fleshly wisdom but with the grace of God. You know, that is a sermon in itself. Is there any better formula available to us than to live simple lives, and have godly sincerity, leave off worldly wisdom, all the while knowing that is possible because of the grace of God? Do you want to be trusted?
1. Live simple
2. Have godly sincerity
3. Skip fleshly (worldly wisdom)
4. Lean heavy on the grace of God.
3. The Grace of a Cold Tin Roof Philippians 1:19-26
What does it mean to have the grace of a cold tin roof? Anyone want to take a stab at it? What do you think?
The grace of a cold tin roof is the act of being impervious. Impervious means to be water tight. Now what in the world does this have to do with being a low conflict Christian? I am-so-glad-you-asked. Let’s READ Philippians 1:19-26 As we read, listen to the Apostle Paul as he understands the providence of God.
Tin roofs get hot. Tin roofs get wet. Tin roofs get snowed on. Tin roofs endure lightning, hail, wind and rain. Some tin roofs rust out and die.
Trials do come. Storms are messy. Children get sick. People die. Christians make mistakes.
Romans 8:28 More cold tin roof theology…all things do work together for good...for those that love God!
4. The Grace of Giving Credit II Corinthians 4:7-15
Several things -- that Paul points out here.
a. V.7 Treasure in earthen vessel—God gets the glory when we understand that WE are incapable of doing-performing. Any power that we may have comes straight from God.
b. V8-12 Paul says---because of all the affliction that has taken place (is taking place) it causes death to have worked (or work) in us. So death working in Paul causes life to be working on the behalf of the Corinthians. What does this mean? What does this look like? The end result is that Paul gave credit to the Lord for the life that he was able to live and the life that the Corinthian congregation was able to live. He gave credit to whom credit was due.
c. V.13-15 God raised up the Lord Jesus and He will raise us up as well. Who does the raising? Give Him praise! Give credit to who credit is due!
Do you try to get the credit for every good thing that happens in your home? Are you solely responsible for a job well done?
Or have you learned to give credit to those who make you the person of grace that you are?
1. Grace of Communication
2. Grace of Trustworthiness
3. Grace of Cold Tin Roof
4. Grace of Giving Credit
