Divorce-Proof Your Marriage
Hosea 3
Feb. 3, 2002
Intro.: (Turn to Gen. 5:1-3) As most of you know, my wife’s parents separated last June and the divorce is now final. (Explain circumstances of sin that led to divorce). There are a lot of people, even in the church, who have their own opinions about divorce. Who should get divorced and when? There are well-meaning Christians who even suggests to struggling couples that divorce may be the answer to their problems. I’ve even been told of pastor’s who preached hard against the subject until it happened in their own family. But, I’m really not interested in all of those different opinions - what I am interested in is what God has to say about the subject. Upfront I want you to know that there is no marital problem so great that God can not solve it - it is the unwillingness of one or both partners that creates divorce. What’s so alarming is that in spite of tears, struggle, counseling, and prayer - divorce continues to rip apart Christian homes. The Bible says, there is nothing impossible with God and I have seen Him turn around what appeared to be hopeless marriages. It was never God’s original design that homes would be destroyed - that lives would be torn apart. In fact, God gets right to the point in Malachi 2:16 when he says, “I hate divorce!” Divorce was never in the original blueprint for the home. Marriage is a covenant, a sacred vow between one man and one woman and God, for a lifetime. Do you remember your wedding vows? “To have and to hold . . . this is my solemn vow.” Why are so many Christian people letting go instead of having and holding? Jesus apparently understood the reason when he said, “Because of your hardness of heart, Moses permitted you to divorce your wives; but from the beginning it has not been this way.” Husbands and wives are letting go and breaking their vows because biblical principles have either been unknown, ignored, or openly violated.
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God’s original plan for marriage was simple and clear - one man, one woman, joined together in a permanent union for a lifetime. [Read Gen. 5:1-3] Did you notice what happened? The father, Adam had originally been created in God’s likeness, but when the son Seth came along, he was in Adam’s likeness. Why? Because sin had invaded the home. The disease of sin impacted everything and everyone. Now - husbands and wives are selfish, demanding, brutal, unfaithful, angry, hateful, and competitive because of sin in the home. Isn’t it time to reclaim God’s original design for the home and divorce-proof our marriages?
Two passages of scripture in the NT give us the only reasons that divorce should ever occur in a marriage. The first is in Mt. 19 and the second is found in I Cor. 7. (Turn to Mt. 19) Let’s consider the situation in Mt. 19 first. Jesus has been confronted by a group of religious people and they have asked the question, “Is it ok to get a divorce for any and every reason?” What would some of those reasons be today? “We just don’t love each other anymore.” “We just can’t seem to get along.” “We argue all the time.” “We don’t have anything in common anymore.” “He’s insensitive.” “She’s selfish.” “He’s a Moma’s boy.” “She’s fat.” “He’s lazy.” “She’s too demanding.” The list goes on and on until finally every state in the country now has a “no contest” divorce. But what does Jesus say, [Read Mt. 19:4-9]
Now I want you to look at verse 10, the disciples have been listening to this conversation and they’re now standing there with their mouths open in disbelief. I’m convinced this one verse shows us that the disciples were married. Look at what they said - They said, “If that’s the case then it’s better not to marry at all.” I think they’re saying, “Jesus you’ve got to be kidding - apparently you haven’t met my wife. You mean the only time I can walk away from my marriage is if she’s been unfaithful. But you don’t know what she’s like sometimes, and you’re telling me I’m stuck with her for the rest of my life?” The answer from Jesus back then was “Yes” and its still “Yes” today. Marriages are not tied with slip knots. You have an obligation to love your spouse - to be faithful to your spouse - to do all in your power to keep Satan and sin from
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destroying your marriage. The “we just don’t get along anymore” excuse doesn’t cut it in God’s eyes.
I mentioned a second reason that God permits divorce and it’s found in I Cor. 7. (Turn to I Cor. 7:12-15) Before we read this passage of scripture I want you to notice that the reason is very limited. It only applies to a Christian man or woman who is married to an unbeliever. That could have happened in one of two ways - either the couple got married when they were both unsaved and then later, after the marriage, either the husband or the wife accepted Christ, but the spouse didn’t. Or a believer disobeyed God’s word and married someone who wasn’t a Christian. The Bible clearly states that a Christian is not to be united in marriage to an non-Christian. But again, because of our sin God has made some concessions. [Read I Cor. 7:12-15] I mentioned that the condition was very limited. Only the unbeliever has the choice of leaving. If you are a Christian and your spouse is not, then you have an obligation to continue to remain true to your vows and continue to be a witness to that husband or wife, but if they want out of the relationship, then you are under no obligation to remain in it.
Biblically, these are the only two reasons for divorce. I’d like to offer a third reason for a period of separation and possibly divorce. If you are in an abusive situation - get out - leave - seek help. Maybe by leaving you will change the abusers heart. More than likely, they are not a Christian and your confrontation of their sin will cause them to simply let you go. God can change anyone, but you do not have to be hurt waiting for that change to occur.
So we are saying there are really only two biblical reasons for divorce and a third reason for temporarily and maybe permanently walking away from a marriage. That leaves the rest of us in sort of a difficult situation doesn’t it? Very few of us actually fall into one of those categories and even then your marriage can be salvaged. So what are we to do when we have trouble in our homes? And by the way, if you just said to yourself, “I’m not having trouble in my home” then thank God and consider how you may use these biblical instructions to help someone who may be struggling. (Turn to Hosea 3)
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God understands our need for a role model when it comes to having a good and healthy divorce-free marriage. As you study your Bible, you should realize that God didn’t just give us instructions about marriage: He provided something far more significant. He filled marriage with meaning by getting married Himself. In the Old Testament God insisted that He was a husband to Israel. In the New Testament, He considers the Church as His bride. God hates divorce because He is married, and He has been faithful to His spouse despite every conceivable obstacle.
In the book of Hosea, we find a prophet of God who is instructed to marry a woman with a sinful passion for promiscuity. It’s a vivid picture of God’s marriage to the nation of Israel and our own relationship with Him today. We claim to be united with Him, but our hearts are far from him. We say we love Him with our lips, but our actions in public and in secret reveal otherwise. In this biblical text, Hosea’s wife Gomer has an extra-marital affair, but rather than divorcing her, Hosea merely puts her out of the house. We are going to pick up the story is chapter 3 and look for some ways that we can divorce proof our homes.
[Read Hosea 3:1] God told Hosea to “go” to his unfaithful wife. Too many times when our spouse upsets us we sit back and wait for them to “come to their senses” or “come back on their hands and knees” wanting forgiveness. But God said to “go”. Why should Hosea be the one to give in? He didn’t do anything wrong. Why should Hosea be the one to try to restore the relationship? He didn’t rip the relationship apart. Yet, remember that our marriage relationship is much like our relationship with God and He always seeks to make restitution with us. He always openly loves us, in spite of our unfaithfulness. He is always ready to forgive if we will just respond to His pleadings. Can’t you hear Him at times speaking to you through the Holy Spirit and through your conscience, “Come back to me. Just say you’re sorry and I’ll forgive you. Just love me with all your heart - because you know I already love you. Can’t you see that my heart is breaking without you. Just come back to me.”
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It’s with that same type of love that we are to approach our husbands or our wives when they have hurt us. Don’t give them the silent treatment or the cold shoulder. Don’t make ‘em suffer. Don’t pretend you don’t love them - and don’t ever say the word divorce.
If that wasn’t enough God told Hosea to “go again”. There are two possibilities and I believe both actually happened. The book of Hosea uses the broken relationship of a husband and wife to show the broken relationship between God and his chosen bride Israel. In the context of chapter two God explains that because of Israel’s unfaithfulness, He has rebuked them. [Read Hosea 2:1-6]
The next seven verses gone on to explain that God will take away Israel’s grain and wine, He will take away their celebrations, and He will punish them for their unfaithfulness. But then in verse fourteen, God begins to speak of restoring His wayward wife. The remaining part of chapter two shows that God “went again” to Israel and gave them another chance. I believe that Hosea is being asked to do the same thing with Gomer. The text never states that Hosea divorced his wife, but I believe he did put Gomer out of the house for her unfaithfulness. I believe he did this to show her the ugliness and the wickedness of her sin, but now he will go again to his wife and take her back if she will just promise to be faithful. So God told Hosea to “go again” or “go and take back your wife a second time”. But “go again” could also mean that Hosea had gone before and been rejected. It could mean that this wasn’t the first time this had happened. Both of these possibilities bring us to the same conclusion: God wants you to keep on loving your spouse even when they’ve disappointed you. Do you remember the question Jesus was asked about forgiving one’s neighbor and he told his disciples that they should forgive seventy times seven? If that’s how many times we are to forgive just our neighbor, then don’t you think that the number should be even higher with our spouse? Maybe we should consider how many times God has forgiven us and use an equal measure when it comes to our husband or our wife.
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Make no mistake about it - sin in your marriage will cost both you and your spouse a great deal. [Read Hosea 3:2] Apparently, we find this unfaithful wife at the bottom of the barrel. She is now a slave to her sin. Imagine the degraded state Hosea found his wife in when he located her. Sin no matter how small or insignificant always carries a big price. So your sin isn’t unfaithfulness - atleast not physically. Perhaps its a lustful thought or a peek at the porn on the Internet. Ladies, maybe its a fantasy of you being the one in bed with the man on the soap opera instead of Susan Lucci or Kelli Rippa. Maybe it’s a sin of selfishness - of being quick tempered - of having a beer too many - of dishonesty - a spirit of uncooperation. Don’t be deceived - Sin in your marriage of any kind will collect its dues from you, from your spouse, and from your kids. Hosea paid 15 shekels of silver and an equal amount in grain for a total of 30 shekels.
According to other stories from the same period of time 15 shekels of silver was a years wages. Hosea had to take all he had to restore his wife. He didn’t even have enough cash on hand to buy back his own wife so he had to sell some of the farm too. Not only did it cost the one who sinned, but it cost the innocent spouse. Please understand that sin has its consequences and sin always affects more than just the sinner. If you are doing anything in your marriage that is wrong in God’s eyes your whole family will pay for it! Yet amazingly enough wives who have been hurt are told to take back their husbands when they say they are sorry. Men we are to forgive our wives when they admit they were wrong.
But there is a condition to forgiveness and acceptance. It’s found in verse 3 [Read Hosea 3:3] Gomer had to agree to remain faithful to her husband. She had to repent of her unfaithfulness and remain true to her husband. Never forget this one truth - forgiveness should always be available, but it should never be given until there is repentance. But also remember that Hosea issued the offer of forgiveness before Gomer repented. He was under no obligation to Gomer in any way. In fact the law stated that he could divorce her and have her stoned to death. But Hosea has been called the prophet of love. His love for Gomer is much like God’s love for us.
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Let me show you a quick parallel: Because of God’s great love for you, He sent Jesus to die on the cross so that you could have your sins forgiven and you could be in Heaven with Him some day in the future. In fact the Bible says in Rom. 5:8, “God demonstrated His love for us in this way; even though we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” But forgiveness is not automatic. Jesus said, “Unless you repent, you will perish.” Only those who come in repentance and seek His forgiveness will be given eternal life. Do you see the connection? If you have a spouse who has been unfaithful or who has just been difficult to live with - you should always seek to make restitution, but if they refuse to repent and refuse to change then you are under no obligation to forgive them. Forgiveness only comes when there is repentance.
True repentance is always expressed by faithfulness. Look at verse four [Read Hosea 3:4] Hosea said, you will live with me and I will live with you.” The translation loses a little of the entire meaning of those words - the full expression is - you will live “for me” and I will live “for you”. A truly successful marriage will follow that standard of commitment. Men we are not to live for ourselves we are to live for our wives, and women you are not to live for yourself, you are to live for your husband. We are to live a life of devotion to the one we exchanged vows with - “I will be true to you or faithful to you as long as we both shall live.” We have an obligation to keep our vows with our spouse and we have an obligation to keep our vows with God.
Do you need to renew your vows today?
