Forgiveness—It’s the Heart of the Matter
Sermon Series: Hope in a Hurting World
January 22/23, 2005
St. Stephen LC
Pastor Charles J. Miller II
Interspersed among all the very funny moments in the movie, “Home Alone” are some extraordinary touching and poignant scenes. One such scene has the 8-year-old Kevin, seeing his previously very scary neighbor in church during an afternoon children’s Christmas choir practice. Kevin decides to take the risk of talking to the older gentleman. In the conversation Kevin learns that old guy comes to the practice because it is the only time he gets to see his granddaughter. Being the curious kid that he is, Kevin asks why, and learns that his neighbor and son had a falling out 10 years ago and they haven’t talked since. Kevin innocently asks, ‘why don’t you call him?’
‘Because he won’t talk to me,’ painfully answers the gentleman.
‘How do you know,’ presses Kevin.
‘I don’t,’ comes the honest reply.
Kevin says a few words about his family and forgiveness, then he says, ‘you’ll never know until you try.’
That sums it up for many folks. So many people live with broken relationships because they are unwilling to try, they are afraid to take the risk. Behind the older neighbor’s response is a fear of rejection and the pain of opening up an old wound that has not, nor will ever fully heal. The only hope for healing is to indeed open that wound, but so many prefer to keep it closed and festering.
Of all the things that happen to us in life, one of the most painful is the estrangement of broken relationships. All of us, without exception have experienced this and know the pain! Chances are you are still estranged from someone! No doubt, every person here is dealing with a broken relationship with someone that they cared about or someone you love.
Now, no doubt, you have your reasons and they make sense to you! If you were to sit down over a cup of coffee and tell them to a friend it is likely that they would agree with you. BUT, imagine this. Imagine you sat down over a cup of coffee with Jesus and you told Jesus your reasons and you tried to justify to him the reasons for continuing with that broken relationship, what would your Lord say to you? Would Jesus commend you with, “Well done, good and faithful servant”? OR. Would Jesus say, “Your reasons don’t amount to a hill of beans.” “Get back in the game and work it out”?
I think 8-year-old Kevin’s question, “Why don’t you call them?” is Jesus’ question of us. Our Lord wants us to heal these relationships, and he makes it possible for us through his grace and forgiveness.
What can be done by Christians to reach that place of healing broken relationships?
First of all, we have to recognize broken relationships are nothing new. They didn’t start with the first time you got hurt. They go all the way back to the Garden of Eden. Remember that scene where God calls to Adam and Eve right after they have eaten the fruit from the tree of knowledge of good and evil. God wants to know what’s happened and good old Adam is quick to shift the blame. “The woman, whom you gave to be with me, made me do it!” The woman, not wanting to get left holding the bag, shifts the blame and says, “The serpent beguiled me”. Can you imagine the argument between Adam and Eve as they are kicked out of the Garden? Eve turning to Adam and saying, “Where do you get off blaming me?” and so it begins.
Secondly, everyone is hurt by the broken relationship. It doesn’t matter who is at fault. Like Adam and then Eve we worry to much about who is at fault. Notice in Scripture God doesn’t care. We are hurt whether we caused the hurt or the other person did.
Now if anyone ever had reason to hold a grudge, Joseph did. Moreover he had the power to exact revenge. Joseph, as the second most powerful person in Egypt could have had his brothers executed and nobody would have batted an eye. Yet Joseph knew the grace of God and refused to judge, asking, “Am I in the place of God?” Instead he was more like God when he forgave his brothers. Joseph’s pride and sense of fairness demanded retribution, but instead Joseph grasped the hope of God and restored his relationship with his brothers. He was better for it and experienced the healing God wants for all of us.
What can be done by Christians to reach that place of healing broken relationships?
The first thing we must do is to recognize that Adam and Eve are us. We must recognize that we are sinners! There are no exceptions to this. None of us are better than another. Not one of us holds the moral high ground. We are all down in the muck. Not one of us has grounds to judge another!
This is the reason Jesus tells the parable of the two slaves. The king is of course God and we owe God a debt we can never hope to repay! The sin of a brother or sister is miniscule by comparison, yet we would dare to hold that debt against them. I did a little math on this. A denarii is a day’s worth of wages for a common laborer. So the second slave owed the first one 100 days of wages. On the other hand, the first slave owed his master what amounts to nearly 183 million days worth of wages, and that’s if you don’t take any days off!
It is no wonder our unforgiving nature grieves God. But through Jesus Christ, God gives us a way out! God forgives us and helps us forgive others.
Frederick Buechner says of this,
“…God’s forgiveness is not conditional upon our forgiving others. In the first place, forgiveness that’s conditional isn’t really forgiveness at all, just Fair Warning, and in the second place our unforgivingness is among those things about us which we need to have God forgive us most. What Jesus apparently is saying is that the pride which keeps us from forgiving is the same pride which keeps us from accepting forgiveness, and will God please help us do something about it."(Frederick Buechner; Wishful Thinking, A Theological ABC; Page 29.)
How do we go about this? Kevin is right! Call them, contact them, sit down with them. Do whatever you have to, to work it out. More than that, say you are sorry for what you have done, because as much as we would like to think otherwise, we too are at fault for the broken relationship.
It is so gratifying to belong to Christian faith community—a group of people who talk about, teach and often practice forgiveness. Now it is easy to dwell on the few Christians that delight in holding a grudge. But I am optimistic, not because I’m an optimist by nature, but because of the hope the Gospel offers. Because I know that Christ is the source of Hope for a Hurting World.
Forgiving someone is no small matter, because forgiveness is difficult. It is hard to forgive someone who hurt you, who failed you, who let you down. As a pastor of such a faith community, I am so often humbled by forgiveness. Just as you are not perfect, neither am I. No pastor is. We say things like, no one is perfect so often that it can sound hollow and trite, BUT IT IS NOT! That statement is fundamental to our faith. Adam and Eve fell into sin. Even the great apostle Paul struggled with sin and we get a glimpse of that struggle when he writes,
“I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. For I know that nothing good dwells within me, that is, in my flesh. I can will what is right, but I cannot do it. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I do.” (Romans 7:15, 17-19).
We are sinners and we fail. As a result we hurt each other and relationships become estranged or broken, therefore we need forgiveness.
As a pastor I am no better than St. Paul, I fail in my calling. There are times when I have not been there for people. There are times when I have said or done the wrong thing; those times are not unique to me, and yet in this community called the church, I have experienced forgiveness. I have seen people lived out the grace of God and forgiven each other. More than that, I have seen the forgiveness of our God active in God’s church.
Within this FAITH COMMUNITY, THIS Church, people have practiced forgiveness. They have put away their hurts, disappointments and fears to live out our Lord Jesus’ call to forgive as we have been forgiven. Perhaps you have experienced that grace.
In Jesus Christ, forgiveness is a reality and our hope for life together and with our God.
