A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagonload of wheat on the road. The farmer who lived nearby came to investigate.
“Hey, Willis,” he called out, “forget your troubles for a while and come and have dinner with us. Then I’ll help you overturn the wagon.”
“That’s very nice of you,” Willis answered, “but I don’t think Dad would like me to.”
“Aw, come on, son!” the farmer insisted.
“Well, okay,” the boy finally agreed, “but Dad won’t like it.”
After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked the host. “I feel a lot better now, but I know Dad’s going to be real upset.”
“Don’t be silly!” said the neighbor. “By the way, where is he?”
“Under the wagon,” replied Willis.
Willis and the Good Samaritan farmer lived in a different era than we do today. While we all want to be good neighbors, the meaning of “neighborliness” has changed as the culture has changed from community to cocooning, from country to city, from slow food to fast food, from the dining room to the game room.
People don’t drop by or drop in like they used to — and, what’s more, we don’t want them to!
Navajo…
We all desperately need community.
Paul McCartney once wrote in a song about loneliness in a crowd of others, “All the lonely people, Where do they all come from? All the lonely people, Where do they belong?”
Our elders have identified seven marks of discipleship. These are seven characteristics that every Christian, every Presbyterian, ever member of Good Shepherd Church should exhibit.
One of these seven marks is Spiritual Friendship.
Which is another word for community.
Which is another word for church.
It is not God’s will for us to be alone and lonely. In fact, in the opening verses of Genesis, God makes that very observation – “It is not good for man to be alone.” (Genesis 2:18)
We need people who can show friendship to us, and we need people to whom we can be a friend.
But not just friendship, you need a spiritual friendship that can only be found in a church.
I want us to look at several passages of Scripture that can teach us about a different key to building successful Spiritual Friendships.
The first key is CONSISTENCY, and we find it reflected in Proverbs 17:17, which says, “A friend loves at all times.”
One of the reasons why many of us may feel lonely is that in what friendships we have, there is a lack of consistency.
We can’t depend on them, and they can’t depend on us.
But in building a true spiritual friendship, God would have us to be consistent. “A friend loves at all times.”
Not sometimes.
Not when it is convenient.
But at all times.
I heard about this incredible story several years ago.
In November of 1992, Donald DeGreve, age 65, suffered a fatal heart attack while playing golf in Winter Haven, Florida.
As his body lay on the 16th green, covered with a sheet, and while course officials tried to contact his wife and funeral home personnel, the three men who had been playing with DeGreve’s had called 911 to report his death, but then continued onto the 17th and finally the 18th tee to continue their game.
"Life goes on," said one man, "so we had to keep going."
How deep were those relationships? They were shallow because real friends put aside self-serving agenda and help where it’s needed.
“A friend loves at all times,” says Proverbs.
Several years ago, I had a parishioner who had been found guilty of homicide. Approaching the trial, in spite of overwhelming evidence, the man claimed to be innocent, but finally admitted that in a moment of passion and anger; he’d taken the life of another person.
He told me that one of the reasons he was most afraid of admitting his crime was not because of the punishment. He sincerely believed he needed to face up to whatever punishment the courts would dish out.
What he feared most, however, was the loss of all friends. He told me, “People will stand by you no matter what, until you admit you have done something unspeakable. Then they leave you behind.”
But Scripture teaches us, “A friend loves at ALL times.”
Are you ready to embrace the Mark of Spiritual Friendship? Then you have to be willing to be committed to your friends consistently, through all sorts of situations and experiences.
The second key to successful Spiritual Friendship is MUTUAL ENCOURAGEMENT AND SUPPORT.
Jackie Robinson was a baseball player from many years ago. He was a great player, but he is perhaps best known for having been the first African-American to play major league baseball. While breaking baseball’s "color barrier," he faced the boos and insults of crowds in every stadium.
While playing one day in his home stadium in Brooklyn, he committed an error.
His own fans began to ridicule him.
He stood at second base, humiliated, while the fans booed him.
That’s when shortstop "Pee Wee" Reese called for a time out and walked toward Robinson and stood next to him. This team mate from the South -- a white man who in that time and place would have been the last person expected to do anything for Robinson -- stood there and put his arm around Jackie Robinson and faced the crowd.
The fans grew quiet.
Robinson later said that arm around his shoulder saved his career.
How often do we need the friendship of another person? Someone who can simply be there for us. I’m not talking just about those nights when there is an ambulance in the driveway or the boss has fired you or your teenage son has been arrested. I’m also talking about those days when nothing tragic has happened, but you’ve just had a no-good lousy miserable day.
Paul said in one the first letter to the Thessalonians, “So encourage one another and build each other up...” (1 Thessalonians 5:11)
In an article in Focus on the Family magazine, author Stu Weber illustrates the need for a Christian "buddy" to help us survive the tough times.
The article looked back on the year 1967. The war in Vietnam was building to its peak, and one stop for young army officers was the U.S. Army Ranger School at Fort Benning.
A tough, battle tested sergeant stood before the young, anxious recruits.
The sergeant told them that the next nine weeks would be the toughest they had ever experienced.
The sergeant said many wouldn’t make the grade--it was just too tough.
The sergeant talked about the war that was going on in Vietnam and he talked about killing and death.
The sergeant talked about how training was tough because it was designed to save lives – the lives of the American soldiers. And he said he was going to do that by making them face their greatest fears, overcome their weaknesses and endure what they never dreamed possible.
Then the sergeant announced that they were about to start with step one.
There was a pause, and all the soldiers feared the worst about what step one might be. But they were surprised with its simplicity.
He told the soldiers to find a buddy.
"This is step one," the sergeant growled. "You need to find yourself a Ranger buddy. You will stick together. You will never leave each other. You will encourage each other, and, as necessary, you will carry each other. [Source Note: Stu Weber, "Some One to Lean On" Focus on the Family Magazine (June 1996).]
That sergeant could have been reading from St. Paul’s writings to the Galatians -- "Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ." (Galatians 6:2)
Or maybe he was reading from the New Testament letter to the Philippians, Paul said, "Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others." (Philippians 2:4)
Or perhaps the sergeant had read from the Old Testament book of Ecclesiastes, where Solomon in his wisdom made this observation: "Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12)
Are you ready to embrace the Mark of Spiritual Friendship? Then you have to be willing to carry one another’s burdens. You need to look after the interests of not only yourself, but of others. Mutual support and encouragement – no spiritual friendship will be successful without that key.
The third key is HONEST AUTHENTICITY.
Authenticity means that you’re real. You are honest about who you are and how you feel.
Most of us spend so much time and energy trying to be something we are not in the eyes of others. We deceive others about who we are. We pretend to be something we are not.
There is a story of a newly promoted colonel had moved into a makeshift office during the Iraqi War. He was just getting unpacked when out of the corner of his eye, he noticed a private with a toolbox coming his way.
Wanting to seem important, he grabbed the phone and pretended to be in the middle of a conversation: “Yes sir, Mr. President. I’ll be happy to do that Mr. President. Well that’s kind of the First Lady, you give her my regards as well.”
He hung up the phone on that none existent conversation and looked at the private. "And what can I do for you?" he asked the young soldier.
The private looked at the colonel sheepishly and said, “Well, sir, I’m just here to hook up your telephone."
We need to be honest with ourselves and others.
If we’re all about making good impressions and keeping up appearances we’ll never go deep in our Spiritual Friendships.
Why do we put up the fronts? Even Jesus Christ admitted to his closest friends when he was in need. The night before his crucifixion, knowing what was about to take place, Jesus revealed his true feelings to his friends. Looking at Peter, James and John, he told them, “My soul is crushed with grief to the point of death." (Matthew 26:37-38)
Jesus was real.
He never tried to pretend he was something he wasn’t. He was never dishonest with who he is, even when he was in deep despair.
In his New Testament letter, James said, “Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.” (James 5:16)
Are you ready to embrace the Mark of Spiritual Friendship? Then you have to be honest with one another.
The final and most important key to any strong Spiritual Friendship is THE PRESENCE OF CHRIST.
There are many kinds of communities. Fraternal Organizations abound. Groups like Kiwanis; Lions; Jaycee’s; and the Masons. Even Fred Flintstone was part of the “Water Buffaloes”. There are many Local Clubs and Youth Gangs - all of which have community. Even prisons become communities.
In a small town in Iowa, a lonely 76-year-old ex-convict demanded two $50 bills from a bank teller and then announced he would be outside in his car smoking a cigarette -- waiting to be returned to prison.
Bank employees were not sure he was serious, but they gave him the money. As Stewart left the bank, he said he would be in his car, smoking a cigarette, which is where police found him.
Stewart said he had no family and wanted to go back to federal prison.
Prison is a poor substitute for real community! Youth Gangs are a poor substitute for real community. And even positive groups like some of our social organizations fall short of the fellowship found in the church.
Are you ready to connect to community?
“It is not good for anyone to be alone,” so said God when he created us. And that is so true. Why, therefore, would we choose to be alone when God calls us to build Spiritual Friendships?
Copyright 2005, Dr. Maynard Pittendreigh
All rights reserved.
www.Pittendreigh.com
