When you talk about marriage, you go back to the very beginning where it all started in the book of Genesis.
In Genesis chapter two we read. “The Lord said, it is not good for the the man to be alone.
I will make a helper suitable for him.” (V. 18)
Once that is done we are told in verse 24 that for this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and they will become one flesh.
You remember the story.
Adam was alone and God said that it was not good.
To make Adam fully conscious of this, there was the complete parade of the animal world that passed in front of him.
It was a vivid picture that there was no counterpart found for him.
Adam needed someone to share his life with.
He was created to be in relationship with others, not alone.
So God created Eve and suddenly all the pieces were in place for a magnificent marriage.
With that said, you would expect that they lived happily ever after.
A flawless beginning in an ideal situation.
They were created in the image of God and were placed in a garden where they had challenging work without fatigue or stress.
What could possibly go wrong?
You know, of course, what happened next.
It had to do with a piece of fruit, a command from God and a choice.
Out of that choice flowed alienation.
Alienation from God, from nature, which now would exhaust them and eventually absorb them.
And please do not miss the alienation from one another
as blame replaced trust and hierarchy replaced equality.
They were now flawed people living in a fallen world.
Death had invaded their world.
Coming to grips with the fact that we are fallen people living in a fallen world is tough business.
We don’t want to give up on our dreams and acknowledge that sin has also affected our relationships. BUT IT HAS!
Within just six generations from Adam and Eve, the perfect relationship between one man and one woman, came the rise of polygamy.
In Genesis 4:19 we learn that Lamech married two women, Adah and Zillah.
The oneness that was not only physical, but also mental, emotional, and spiritual is no longer possible for a man who acquires wives like he acquires sheep and cattle. God’s design in the marriage is for the two to become one.
By the time we get to Genesis chapter 29 we are introduced to co-rival wives locked in a polygamous relationship.
Rachel, the younger one, is the apple of her husbands eye.
Leah, we are told was unloved.
How do you live with a man who doesn’t love you?
Leah can help us evaluate our relationships more realistically.
In fact, there is a three step process at work as she copes without the love of her husband.
STEP ONE: DECEPTION (Genesis 29:16-30)
We first meet Leah as a pawn in someone else’s deception.
Jacob had cheated his brother, Esau out of his birthright and fled back to Paddan Aram, the land of his ancestors.
He came to the household of his uncle Laban, his mothers brother.
Laban invited him to stay with him and work for him.
The two men discussed the wages Laban would pay Jacob.
And in the course of their negotiations Jacob agreed to work seven years for the hand of Rachel.
After working seven years he fully expected to receive the hand of Rachel in marriage.
But as you see, Laban tricked him and he ended up with the older daughter, Leah.
Your first sympathy probably goes out to Jacob.
After all, a bargain is a bargain.
He bargained for Rachel, not Leah.
His crafty uncle had pulled a fast one and stuck him with Leah.
But don’t forget, Jacob had been pretty crafty himself.
First he deceived his brother Esau and then his father Isaac.
So he wasn’t exactly without blame in this story.
But we do feel sorry for Jacob.
He went through seven years of hard labor and all the traditional ceremonies to celebrate his wedding to Rachel.
He waited in the darkened tent for his bride to be delivered to him, and he assumed she was Rachel.
I know this sounds strange, but it is the way weddings took place back in those days.
What a shock to awake the next morning and find that plain-vanilla Leah had been substituted for the gorgeous Rachel.
It is easy to get caught up feeling sorry for Jacob.
But can you imagine what it must have been like to have been Leah that next morning.
If Leah had ever hoped for Jacob’s love and dared to think she could compete with her beautiful sister, all illusions were dashed when Jacob hit the tent roof in the morning.
She was unloved, undesired and unsought.
And just one week later she was the displaced wife of Jacob as he took Rachel to himself.
I doubt there are many women in America who were married under those circumstances.
But deception of one sort or another has been a part of many courtships.
If you are married and you think back to your wedding, did you get what you bargained for?
Or did you feel cheated by your partner in some way?
Our whole dating relationships in our culture foster deception: pretending to be something you are not.
Life can seem bleak when the most important relationship in your experience turns out to be marred by deception and disappointment.
We live in a sinful world and build relationships with sinful people.
We bring our own sinfulness to those relationships.
Is it any wonder that deception and disappointment creeps in.
STEP TWO: UNLOVED (Genesis 29:31)
One of the loveliest scenes in this sad story of Leah the unloved one comes in verse 31. “READ”.
God was not blind to Leah’s plight.
He saw the ache in her heart. And God does something about her situation by enabling her to give Jacob a son.
The sovereign God saw her need and then moved to meet it.
And in the process, he was working out his plan for Israel and ultimately for his way in which he would send Jesus Christ the redeemer and Savior.
Part of Leah’s handicap was that she was no candidate for Miss Mesopotamia and she had a sister who was.
Rachel was beautiful.
Besides that, when she first appears in verse 6-12, she dances off the pages, full of vitality and energy.
In short, she simply had it all.
It is no surprise that Jacob flipped when he saw her.
No wonder the Bible tells us that working for her for seven years seemed like only a few days because of his love for her.
Then there was Leah.
The only thing we know about her was that she had weak eyes.
Commentators have not exactly agreed as to what his means.
Some suggest she had sore eyes.
That perhaps she on the verge of going blind and her father Laban wanted to get rid of her before she did.
The King James translation however, says she had tender eyes and the Living Bible translates it lovely eyes.
Perhaps Leah had only one good feature, her eyes.
Or maybe, her eyes were so disfigured that everything else paled by comparison.
All of these are possibilities. But beyond her eyes, Leah was probably very ordinary.
The important thing to remember is that whatever she looked like, she grew up in the shadow of her beautiful sister.
Could God have created Leah as beautiful as her sister?
Absolutely!
So if he really cared about her, why didn’t he?
It would have saved her a great amount of grief.
Why did he wait until she was unloved until he did something for her?
Have you ever found yourself asking those questions or a least some that are similar?
The prophet Isaiah reminds us, as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are God’s way higher than yours, and his thoughts your thoughts. (Isaiah 55)
When we look more closely at Leah, we see that had God made her equal in beauty with Rachel, then the chances are good she never would have been pawned off on Jacob.
If that had happened, Jacob never would have had the sons through whom God would work for Israel and for the fallen world.
Please hear me, God often works in our lives, not by giving us a perfect situation, but by showing his power and his love in a very imperfect situation.
He works for our ultimate good by allowing us to struggle in less than perfect situations.
STEP THREE: A GREAT CHANGE (Genesis 29:31-35)
Leah was unloved.
But God saw that and opened her womb.
Not once, but at least seven times.
Each time, as Leah holds that tiny new life in her arms and names that child, we get a glimpse into her mind, into her heart, and into her needs.
In Genesis 29:32 she cradled her first born son. She named him Reuben, for she said, “It is because the Lord has seen my misery.” Reuben means “behold, a son”. It sounds like the Hebrew for “He has seen my misery.”
“Surely my husband will love me now.”
But he doesn’t! Soon after, in verse 33, she conceived again, and when she gave birth to a son. She said, “Because the Lord heard that I was not loved he gave me this one too.”
She name him Simeon, which means “one who hears.”
As if two sons were not enough, we read in verse 34, “Again she conceived, and she gave birth to a son she said, now at least my husband will become attached to me, because I have born him three sons, so he was named Levi,” which means “attached.”
Three sons!
Is that enough?
Apparently not, for we read in verse 35 that she had a fourth son.
This time, she said, “I will praise the Lord.” And she name him Judah, which means “praise.”
Four little boys all in a row. Finally, with the fourth son we see Leah take a change to looking for Jacob’s love to appreciating the one who always had loved her.
Can you see Leah, outside her tent on a hot Mesopotamian afternoon calling Reuben, Simeon, Levi, and Judah. Listen to the progression in Leah’s understanding and her faith as you hear those names.
Reuben - “Behold a son.”
Leah recognized that God had seen her misery and had opened her womb and given her a son.
In a culture that placed a high value on sons, this was a true gift.
She interpreted it as God’s way of enabling her to gain her husband’s love.
But it didn’t work that way.
Simeon - Hearing.
Leah said the Lord heard that I am unloved.
She was still unloved.
Reuben’s birth had not caused Jacob to love her.
He still had eyes only for Rachel.
Now God heard Leah’s sighs, he had seen her tears.
He understood her deep desire for the love of her husband and had give her a second son.
Surely this time Jacob would love her. But did he?
Levi - “Joined”.
She explained his name this way, “Now at least my husband will become attached to me.”
Hope springs eternal in the human spirit.
Leah had hoped, first with Reuben, then with Simeon, and now with Levi that each new son would make a difference in her marriage.
That somehow Jacob would begin to love her as he loved Rachel.
But all her efforts with God’s help proved fruitless.
He still loved Rachel and Leah was still unloved.
Many people go to great lengths to win or keep the love of a spouse who does not respond to them.
Just as often we relate to Leah.
Hope springs eternal, becomes deferred, and then is dashed.
It is tough to live in a relationship without mutual commitment and love.
Everything cries out for it.
After all, that was God’s original intent for marriage when he created man and woman and brought them together in the garden of Eden.
Marriage in Eden was more than sex.
It was a marriage of minds, of goals, of interests and of spirits.
It was a total unity that was possibly only in Eden.
You see sin has done its work.
As a flawed man I cannot have the total unblemished union with my wife.
At least not like it existed in the garden of Eden.
My needs get in the way of my wife’s needs.
Her wishes collide with mine.
It is easy to become disillusioned about a relationship that cannot be perfect.
So we plot and scheme and wish for something better.
And in today’s society if you can’t achieve something with Mr. or Mrs. Wonderful #1, then you try it with Mr. or Mrs. Wonderful #2 or #3.
We live in the day when the world is telling us that romantic love is the basis for a strong marriage.
How do you live in a relationship where you are unloved?
We have a clue right here in our text.
It comes to us as Leah bears her fourth child.
She names him Judah which means praising.
She explained that name by saying, “This time I will praise the Lord.”
For the first time in naming her son, she turned from expressing her yearning for Jacob’s love to accepting Gods’ love.
This change in heart is very significant.
Leah’s focus had changed from what she lacked to what she possessed.
True, nothing had changed with Jacob.
He was still starry eyed over Rachel.
Leah could not change him.
But she could change herself.
She could change her focus.
She could recognize the hand of God in her life, giving her significance.
The most important step toward joy in a loveless marriage is to change our focus from what we don’t have to what we do have.
Leah had four sons in a day when a son was everything.
She finally woke up to the richness of her situation
“This time I will praise the Lord.” (Verse 35)
CONCLUSION:
If we want to have joy in marriage, we must all start with the person we can truly change, and this is ourselves.
We are so prone to reason, if I could just change my spouse then everything will be okay.
That is really what a divorce is all about.
We think we can change our spouse and then we will be truly happy.
But rarely does that change bring about happiness.
Most of the time it only brings about more sorrow and heartache.
The change that needs to occur needs to occur within.
Contentment in a loveless marriage will never come so long as we cling to the ideal of romantic love and lose track of the good gifts we already have received form God.
It is interesting to note that Leah had two more sons and a daughter.
Her sixth son she name Zebulun which means honor.
Her explanation of that name was, “God has presented me with a precious gift. This time my husband will treat me with honor, because I have born him six sons.”
Leah the unloved one was the one who helped build the house of Israel.
She gave birth to Judah from who came Israel’s greatest king, David.
And from whom came the Lion of Judah, our Lord, Jesus Christ.
Leah, the plain older sister of beautiful Rachel lived in a very difficult situation and she survived.
Like her, we live in a fallen world.
We are a people scared by alienation from each other and from ourselves.
Life seldom comes to us in a way that is fully satisfying.
Most of the time it comes with an edge of dissatisfaction.
Not quite enough love, not quite enough care, not quite enough honor, not quite enough esteem.
Never as much as we would really like.
Like Leah, we can focus on what we lack and be miserable.
Or we can decide to focus on what we already possess and praise the Lord.
How do you live with a spouse who doesn’t love you?
You change your focus.
And you will end up like Leah, praising the Lord and filled with joy.
