SAVED, SINGEL, AND SEXUAL
IN OUR FIRST SESSION SEVERAL MONTHS AGO, WE DISCOVERED THAT IT’S OKAY TO BE SINGLE, AND THAT ALSO, BEING SINGLE IS NOT A DIRTY WORD. WE DISCUSSED THE DATING PROCESS AND THINGS TO CONSIDER AS DATING SINGLES. NOW WE MOVE INTO AN AREA THAT IS OFTEN THOUGHT ABOUT BUT NOT ADDRESSED, AND THAT IS OUR PLIGHT OF INTIMACY AS SINGLES. THIS LECTURE SHALL DEAL WITH A HOST OF SUBJECTS SUCH AS: THE SEXUAL DRIVE, CELIBACY, GIVING IN TO TEMPTATION AND THE CONSEQUENCES OF OUR ACTIONS, AND MASTURBATION.
I. THE SEX DRIVE
LESTER SUMRALL IN HIS BOOK, "60 THINGS GOD SAID ABOUT SEX,¨ INFORM US THAT GOD CREATED US MALE AND FEMALE, WITH THE INTENTION OF US BEING PHYSICALLY ATTRACTED TO EACH OTHER. GOD HAS GIVEN EACH PERSON AN ENDOWMENT OF PHYSICAL FORCES THAT ARE REFERRED TO AS "DRIVES.¨ THE SEX DRIVE WAS GIVEN BY GOD, AND IT HAS ITS PROPER PLACE IN OUR LIVES. MANY CHRISTIANS FEEL THAT THE SEX DRIVE IS NEGATIVE, THEREFORE, THEY ATTEMPT TO SUPPRESS OR IGNORE IT. HOWEVER, EVERYTHING THAT GOD HAS CREATED IS GOOD GEN. 1:31.
ALTHOUGH THE SEX DRIVE IS GOOD, IT MUST BE CONTROLLED, WHICH LIKE ANYTHING ELSE REQUIRES DISCIPLINE. IF WE ALLOW OUR EATING TO GET OUT OF CONTROL, WE WILL FIND OURSELVES OVERWEIGHT AND POSSIBLY ILL. IF WE PERMIT OUR FINANCIAL SPENDING TO GET THE BEST OF US, WE WILL FIND OURSELVES IN A FINANCIAL DISASTER. IF WE DON’T GET THE BEST OF OUR SEX DRIVE, OUR SEX DRIVE WILL GET THE BEST OF US!
THE FIRST THING THAT WE MUST TAKE NOTICE OF IS THAT GOD MADE SEXUAL INTERCOURSE FOR THE PURPOSE OF MARRIAGE. SUMRALL STATES, "ANY OTHER USAGE PERVERTS GOD’S PURPOSE.¨ THE SEX DRIVE CAN BE CONTROLLED BY REMEMBERING THAT TO VIOLATE GOD’S WORD IS TO BRING DISHONOR UPON HIM AND OURSELVES. A REGULAR DEVOTIONAL PERIOD WITH THE LORD IS CRITICAL. WE MUST SPEND TIME WITH HIM. WILL THIS ALLEVIATE THE URGE? NO, BUT IF WE KEEP OUR MINDS FOCUSED ON HIM, IT WILL DETOUR THE DESIRE OF LUST.
THE SEX DRIVE IS NOT A DIRTY WORD, NOR IS IT SINFUL. IT IS A PRECIOUS GIFT FROM GOD THAT MUST BE DEALT WITH IN A SERIOUS MATTER. JUST KNOWING THAT WHAT WE DO IN THE DARK, CAN COME BACK TO HUNT, OUGHT TO GIVE US A SENSE OF RESPONSIBILITY IN CURTAILING THE SEX DRIVE.
CHRIS JACKSON IN HIS BOOK, "THE BLACK CHRISTIAN SINGLES GUIDE TO DATING AND SEXUALITY¨ SAYS, "THE MOST IMPORTANT SEXUAL ORGAN IS THE MIND. THE MIND MUST BE CONDITIONED AND DEVELOPED TO COOPERATE WITH YOUR WILL.¨ IT TAKES DISCIPLINE TO DENY ONES’ FEELINGS. IF FEELINGS ARE SUBMERGED RATHER THAN DEALT WITH, THEY WILL MANIFEST THEMSELVES IN AN UNEXPECTED MANNER.
II. CELIBACY
WE HAVE ALREADY DISCUSSED THAT SEXUAL INTERCOURSE IS FOR THE PURPOSE OF MARRIAGE, THEREFORE, UNTIL THEN SINGLES SHOULD DO ALL THEY CAN TO REMAIN CELIBATE, OF WHICH THERE IS NO SHAME. SINCE SINGLES ARE TO LIVE CELIBATE LIVES THEY MUST BE CREATIVE IN THEIR RELATIONSHIPS. I AM FULLY AWARE OF THE PRESSURES THAT SINGLES FACE, AND IT CAN BE DIFFICULT TO LIVE UP TO GOD’S STANDARDS WITH THE GREAT INFLUENCE OF SEX IN OUR CULTURE. BUT JUST BECAUSE EVERYONE IS DOING IT DOES NOT MAKE IT RIGHT, NOR DOES IT MEAN THAT WE HAVE TO DO IT.
IF WE USE THE JUST SAY NO APPROACH, WE MUST GIVE SINGLES SOMETHING TO SAY YES TO. SINGLES SHOULD SEEK TO ENGAGE IN THE POSITIVE ASPECTS OF RELATIONSHIPS AS OPPOSED TO THE NEGATIVES. EARLIER I STATED THAT IT TAKES CREATIVITY. BELOW ARE SEVERAL IDEAS THAT CAN PROVE BENEFICIAL IN MAINTAINING CELIBACY:
BEGIN AND END YOUR TIME TOGETHER WITH PRAYER.
SET STANDARDS BEFORE YOU NEED THEM.
AVOID DARK SETTINGS AND EXTENDED PRIVACY.
KEEP ALL OF YOUR CLOTHES ON AND STAY VERTICAL.
LET THE STRONG ONE HELP THE WEAK ONE.
REGULATE THE AMOUNT AND CONTENT OF MEDIA EXPOSURE.
AS A SINGLE SAINT, YOUR CELIBACY SHOULD BE IMPORTANT TO YOU. THEREFORE, YOU SHOULD ASK YOURSELF THE FOLLOWING QUESTIONS: "HOW MUCH DO I LOVE, HONOR, AND RESPECT MYSELF? HOW MUCH DO I LOVE, HONOR, AND RESPECT MY PARTNER? HOW MUCH DOES MY PARTNER LOVE, HONOR, AND RESPECT ME? HOW MUCH DO I LOVE, HONOR, AND RESPECT GOD? JACKSON SAYS, "SACRIFICING SEX IN ORDER TO HONOR GOD AND OURSELVES IS A WAY TO LOVE AND HONOR OUR FUTURE SPOUSE EVEN BEFORE WE KNOW WHO THAT PERSON WILL BE."
THE MERE PRESSURE OF WANTING TO BE ACCEPTED BY THE PERSON THAT YOU DATE CAN CAUSE YOU TO COMPROMISE YOUR BELIEF IN THE WORD OF GOD. PASTOR, YOU ARE TELLING ME WHAT I SHOULD BE DOING, BUT WHAT ABOUT WHEN I’M CELIBATE AND THE URGE GETS TOO STRONG FOR ME TO BEAR AND I FEEL LIKE GIVING IN TO TEMPTATION? GOOD QUESTION. WE WILL DEAL WITH THAT IN THE NEXT OUTLINE.
III. GIVING IN TO TEMPTATION AND THE CONSEQUENCES OF OUR ACTIONS.
ALL OF US ARE PRONE TO TEMPTATION IN ITS WIDE VARIETY OF FORMS. HOWEVER, JUST BECAUSE WE ARE TEMPTED DOES NOT MEAN THAT WE ARE TO GIVE IN TO THE TEMPTATIONS. TEMPTATION USUALLY INVOLVES A PERSONAL VOLITION. A PERSON EXERCISE FREE WILL TO GIVE INTO WHATEVER FORMS OF TEMPTATION THAT IS PLAGUING THEM. WHAT DO WE DO WHEN THE SEX DRIVE BECOMES SO HOT THAT WE FEEL LIKE WE NEED AN OUTLET? WHAT DO WE DO WE DEVELOP A SPIKE LEE MENTALITY AND WE "JUST HAVE TO HAVE IT?" ARE COLD SHOWERS THE ANSWER? YOU MIGHT SAY THAT PRAYER AND READING THE BIBLE IS NOT ENOUGH. I KNOW THE SPIRIT IS WILLING, BUT THE FLESH IS WEAK. WHAT DO WE DO?
WHILE COLD SHOWERS MAY WORK FOR A WHILE, SOONER OR LATER YOU WILL GET TIRED OF IT.
THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR NOT READING AND PRAYING. A GOOD PRACTICE IS TO HAVE SOME CLOSE FRIEND OR FRIENDS THAT YOU CAN DISCUSS THIS MATTER OPENLY AND HONEST WITH. IF THEY ARE TRULY YOUR FRIEND, THEY WILL STRIVE TO ASSIST YOU IN THE MATTER.
ANOTHER GOOD PRACTICE IS TO FEEL COMFORTABLE ENOUGH TO DISCLOSE THIS PROBLEM WITH YOUR PASTOR. NO PASTOR SHOULD LOOK DOWN ON A MEMBER THAT IS STRUGGLING WITH AN ISSUE THAT CAN PROVE TO BE OF DETRIMENT. SECURE A PRAYER PARTNER THAT WILL BE WILLING TO PRAY WITH YOU REGARDLESS OF THE TIME. WHEN A PERSON GOES TO AA, AND THEY FEEL THEMSELVES ABOUT TO GIVE IN TO THE TEMPTATION OF TAKING A DRINK, THEY CALL THEIR SPONSOR. THE SAME PRINCIPLE APPLIES.
DON’T PUT YOURSELF IN A POSITION TO BE TEMPTED. ELIMINATE THE UNNECESSARY CONTRIBUTORS TO YOUR TEMPTATION, INCLUDING PEOPLE, PLACES, AND ACTIVITIES THAT CAN LEAVE YOU SUSCEPTIBLE. IT IS CONVENIENT TO USE THE EXCUSE, "I JUST COULD NOT HELP MYSELF." AFTER WE HAVE GIVEN IN TO TEMPTATION. HOWEVER, THE BIBLE TEACHES IN 1 COR. 10:13, "THERE HATH NO TEMPTATION TAKEN YOU BUT SUCH AS IS COMMON TO MAN: BUT GOD IS FAITHFUL, WHO WILL NOT SUFFER YOU TO BE TEMPTED ABOVE THAT YE ARE ABLE; BUT WILL WITH THE TEMPTATION ALSO MAKE A WAY TO ESCAPE, THAT YE MAY BE ABLE TO BEAR IT."
IT GOES WITHOUT SAYING THAT SOME OF US HAVE GIVEN INTO THE TEMPTATION OF BEING SEXUAL OUTSIDE OF THE GUIDELINES THAT GOD HAS INTENDED FOR US. IF YOU HAVE NOT, GREAT. IF YOU HAVE, THERE IS HOPE AND RESTORATION. FIRST, IF YOU HAVE FALLEN IN THE MUD, THAT DOES NOT MEAN THAT YOU HAVE TO WALLOW IN IT. GOD IS A FORGIVING GOD. 1 JOHN 1:9 TEACHES, "IF WE CONFESS OUR SINS, HE IS FAITHFUL AND JUST TO FORGIVE US OUR SINS, AND TO CLEANSE US FROM ALL UNRIGHTEOUSNESS."
HOWEVER, THAT SCRIPTURE IS NOT A LICENSE TO SIN. ROMANS 6:15 TEACHES, "WHAT THEN? SHALL WE SIN, BECAUSE WE ARE NOT UNDER THE LAW, BUT UNDER GRACE? GOD FORBID."
GIVING IN TO SEXUAL TEMPTATION CAN LEAD TO SEVERE PHYSICAL, SPIRITUAL, AND EMOTIONAL CONSEQUENCES.
PHYSICAL, A PERSON CAN BECOME INFECTED WITH A SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED DISEASE, THAT CAN PROVE FATAL, OR THEY COULD BECOME PREGNANT, WHICH WILL AFFECT THE SPIRITUAL AND THE EMOTIONAL. ONE ACTION OFTEN HAS MULTIPLE CONSEQUENCE.
TERRY MUCK IN HIS BOOK, "SINS OF THE BODY" TEACHES THAT A PERSON MUST GUARD THEIR MINDS AGAINST THE TEMPTATION TO GIVE INTO TEMPTATION. HE USES A MARVELOUS ILLUSTRATION DEALING WITH A BATTERING RAM. "A BATTERING RAM MAY HIT A FORTRESS GATE A THOUSAND TIMES, AND NO ONE TIME SEEMS TO HAVE AN EFFECT, YET FINALLY THE GATE CAVES IN. LIKEWISE, IMMORALITY IS THE CULMINATIVE PRODUCT OF SMALL MENTAL INDULGENCES AND MINUSCULE COMPROMISES, THE IMMEDIATE CONSEQUENCES OF WHICH WERE, AT THE TIME, INDISCERNIBLE."
IV. MASTURBATION
WHAT DOES THE BIBLE SAY ABOUT THE ISSUE AND THE PRACTICE OF MASTURBATION? THE BIBLE DOES NOT ADDRESS THIS ISSUE OR THE PRACTICE BY NAME. JUST BECAUSE THE BIBLE DOES NOT ADDRESS IT SPECIFICALLY BY NAME DOES NOT MEAN THAT IT IS ACCEPTABLE. MASTURBATION IS THE STIMULI OF THE MIND THAT SEEKS PHYSICAL GRATIFICATION. SINCE IT DEALS WITH THE MIND, WHEN ONE MASTURBATES, THEY CONCEIVE AN IMAGE OF A PERSON IN THEIR MIND, WHICH IN ITSELF IS SINFUL. JESUS SAYS IN MATTHEW 5:28, "BUT I SAY UNTO YOU, THAT WHOSOEVER LOOKETH ON A WOMAN TO LUST AFTER HER HATH COMMITTED ADULTERY WITH HER ALREADY IN HIS HEART." THIS PRINCIPLE DEALS WITH THE MENTAL ASPECT.
MASTURBATION WOULD BE CONSIDERED THE LESSER OF TWO EVILS (IF THERE IS SUCH A THING). NO ONE IS PHYSICALLY HURT BY IT. NO ONE CATCHES ANY DISEASES. NO HOMES ARE TORN APART. NO LIFE IS BORN. HOWEVER, THAT DOES NOT MAKE IT RIGHT!
LAMBERT DOLPHIN COMMENTS: MASTURBATION IS USUALLY NOT THE CRUCIAL ISSUE OF ANYONE’S CHRISTIAN WALK, THOUGH SELF-CONSCIOUSNESS PROBABLY MAKES IT SEEM SO TO SOME. GOD’S LOYAL-LOVE (HESED) IS PATIENTLY COMMITTED TO SEEING TO IT THAT WE BECOME WHOLE AND FULFILLED NO MATTER HOW MUCH EXTRA GRACE WE MAY THINK WE NEED. ASSUMING THAT MASTURBATION IS INDEED A SIN FOR CHRISTIANS, ONE WOULD EXPECT TO FIND CONSEQUENCES, FOR "WHATEVER A MAN SOWS THAT HE SHALL ALSO REAP" (GALATIANS 6:7).
SOME SUGGESTED CONSEQUENCES INCLUDE (A) INCREASED SELF-CONSCIOUSNESS, (B) LOWERED SELF-ESTEEM, (C) DEPRESSION, (D) REDUCED PSYCHOLOGICAL AND CREATIVE ENERGY, (E) LESSENED INTEREST IN INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS, AND OF COURSE (F) GUILT, SHAME, WITH FEAR OF BEING FOUND OUT. PREOCCUPATION WITH SEXUAL FANTASIES TENDS TO SUBSTITUTE IMAGINED RELATIONSHIPS WITH REAL-LIFE EXPERIENCES WITH REAL PERSONS. THE PROGRESSIVELY ADDICTIVE POWER OF PORNOGRAPHY IS WELL KNOWN.
AS A SINGLE SAINT, STRIVE TO BE ALL THAT GOD WOULD HAVE YOU TO BE! REMEMBER TO SEEK YE FIRST THE KINGDOM OF GOD AND HIS RIGHTEOUSNESS. PLEASING GOD IS THE FIRST PRIORITY! 1 JOHN 2:1, "MY LITTLE CHILDREN, THESE THINGS WRITE I UNTO YOU, THAT YE SIN NOT. AND IF ANY MAN SIN, WE HAVE AN ADVOCATE WITH THE FATHER, JESUS CHRIST THE RIGHTEOUS."
