Keys to Life August 22, 2004
Intentional Relationships
This summer, we have been preaching through a series called “Keys of Life” and we have hit on many different topics. Today I want to talk about the key of relationships – specifically intentional relationships between Christians
Relationships are key to our enjoyment of life, and to our fulfillment in life.
Rick Warren writes in “The Purpose Driven Life,” “I have been at the bedside of many people in their final moments, when they stand on the edge of eternity, and I have never heard anyone say, “Bring me my diplomas! I want to look at them one more time. Show me my awards, my medals, that gold watch I was given.” When life on earth is ending, people don’t surround themselves with objects. What we want around us is people – people we love and have relationships with.
I our final moments we all realize that relationships are what life is all about. Wisdom is learning that truth sooner rather than later. Don’t wait until you’re on you’re deathbed to figure out that nothing matters more.” – p. 126
While you may be known as rich if you have a great deal of money and possessions, you will feel rich because of the number and the depth of your relationships.
Will all the close relationships in our lives are key, and whether we are a Christian our not, we need to treat them as precious.
For Christians, the type of relationship that you have with other Christians where you grow together in your faith is especially important.
THE UN-SOLITARY RELIGION
John Wesley viewed connection to other Christians in community as essential to maintaining faith, growing in spiritual maturity and reaching others with the life-changing good news of Jesus Christ.
Listen to Wesley’s own words on this matter:
“Holy solitaries” is a phrase no more consistent with the gospel than “holy adulterers.” The gospel of Christ knows no religion but social, no holiness but social holiness. Faith working by love is the length and breadth and depth and height of Christian perfection.
In Ecclesiastes 4, Solomon is talking about the things in life that feel meaningless, or vain. He hits on working alone…
8 There was a man all alone;
he had neither son nor brother.
There was no end to his toil,
yet his eyes were not content with his wealth.
"For whom am I toiling," he asked,
"and why am I depriving myself of enjoyment?"
This too is meaningless-
a miserable business!
9 Two are better than one,
because they have a good return for their work:
10 If one falls down,
his friend can help him up.
But pity the man who falls
and has no one to help him up!
11 Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
But how can one keep warm alone?
12 Though one may be overpowered,
two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
I want to talk about Ecclesiastes 4 9-12 related to spiritual growth
9 Two are better than one,
because they have a good return for their work:
If the work of the Christian is to come closer to God, and to serve him through serving others, then that work is best done in the company of others.
“The practical integration of biblical principles and godly practice in most people’s lives is worked out in relationships.” – Ted Haggard
About 9 years ago I was sitting with my two friends Doug at Christmas time and we were all moaning about how out of shape we had become. We decided then and there that we would do a Triathlon that Summer. We started to meet to run together with on Saturday mornings. The Saturday runs were a great motivation to find time to work out during the rest of the week, and we usually talked about our successes and failures in getting workouts in as we ran. We had good weeks and bad weeks together, but that summer, all three of us signed up and swam, biked and ran the Guelph Lake Triathlon, and we all finished it! I never would have got there without Doug and Doug.
Christian relationships can work the same way were we can come together to encourage each other to keep up the habits and lifestyle that we might never be able to do on our own.
When I feel called by God to do something, I usually tell a friend about that call and my plans to accomplish it. I find that if I just keep it between God and myself, I rely a little too heavily on his mercy and forgiveness and nothing gets done. Just by knowing, and possibly asking how it is going, my friends keep me accountable to the calling of God in my life.
Proverbs 27:17
As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.
10 If one falls down,
his friend can help him up.
But pity the man who falls
and has no one to help him up!
Galatians 6 1Dear brothers and sisters, if another Christian[1] is overcome by some sin, you who are godly should gently and humbly help that person back onto the right path. And be careful not to fall into the same temptation yourself. 2Share each other’s troubles and problems, and in this way obey the law of Christ. 3If you think you are too important to help someone in need, you are only fooling yourself. You are really a nobody.
John Perkins tells the story of his sons – one who had received a basketball scholarship to university. In the Perkins family, Sunday lunch is a key family time for checking in and see how everyone is doing. If someone missed Sunday lunch too masny times, you knew that something was up. Lately the son that had the scholarship wasn’t showing up for Sunday lunch. The family was getting word that He not only had the scholarship, but he was also leading the basketball star life with the wild parties and girls. After too many missed lunch’s John’s other Son whrent to see him.
He asked a simple question “Who are you?” His brother responded “What do you mean?”
“Who are you? You look like my brother, but you sure aren’t acting like him!”
The next Sunday the son was back – his brother loved him enough that he reminded him who he is.
Bill, a carpenter said, "A friend is someone who tells me the truth about me. I want to know when my work stinks or I’m being hurtful or stupid. I expect my friends to save me from myself."
11 Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
But how can one keep warm alone?
STAYING WARM TOGETHER
A few years ago a mining acedent happened that the news called "The Miracle at Quecreek," nine miners trapped for three days 240 feet underground in a water-filled mine shaft "decided early on they were either going to live or die as a group."
The 55 degree (Fahrenheit) water threatened to kill them slowly by hypothermia, so according to one news report "When one would get cold, the other eight would huddle around the person and warm that person, and when another person got cold, the favor was returned."
"Everybody had strong moments," miner Harry B. Mayhugh told reporters after being released from Somerset Hospital in Somerset. "But any certain time maybe one guy got down, and then the rest pulled together. And then that guy would get back up, and maybe someone else would feel a little weaker, but it was a team effort. That’s the only way it could have been."
They faced incredibly hostile conditions together—and they all came out alive together. It’s a picture of how re should relate as Chistians.
SOURCE: Bill White, Paramount, California; Citation: adapted from "Teamwork Helped Miners Survive Underground," CNN.com (7-28-02) from preachingtoday.com. Quoted in "Living The Call" by Joel Smith on www.sermoncentral.com.
There is a story of a young man who had become fed up with church life and saw no need of it, and so he went to visit an older Christian friend of his to talk about it. As they sat around the fire in this man’s cabin, the young man talked about his discouragement with church and finally asked the common question, “do you really need to go to church to be a Christian?” The old friend didn’t say a word, he merely took the tongs and picked up a coal from the fire and set it alone on the hearth. The young man watched the coal go from red hot to black and cold. Then the old man took the coal and put it back in the fire where it once again began to glow brightly. The young man got up and left with his question answered.
This is what we are to do for each other in our Christian relationships we are to heat each other up spiritually!
Hebrews 10:24
And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds.
12 Though one may be overpowered,
two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
“Communion is strength; solitude is weakness. Alone, the fine old beech yields to the blast and lies prone on the meadow. In the forest, supporting each other, the trees laugh at the hurricane. The sheep of Jesus flock together. The social element is the genius of Christianity.” – C.H. Spurgeon
The third strand – God
In our relationships we need to include God. It is okay to talk about everyday things with our Christian friends – the Blue Jays, the Olympics, Gardening, our jobs, the weather. But we must get around to speak of spiritual things together, to pray for one another, to involve God in our relationship.
In the New Testament we have what some people call the “one-another commands” they are commands about how we are to relate to each other as Christians, the most common one being “Love one another” It is a great study to call up all the one-another commands and see how we are to treat each other. I have a list if you would like it.
One such command is found in Ephesians 5:19
Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord,
Our relationships must be open to, and include the Spirit and spiritual things.
How do we form such tight relationships with other Christians?
Small Groups
- a group of at least three people and usually no larger that ten or twelve that meets to worship, study, pray, and encourage one another together. Usually meeting once a week or every two weeks.
Mentoring
- usually a formal relationship with a more mature Christian where you discuss your spiritual life and the way God is leading you. The relationship is focused on the growth of the mentee, with the mentor giving his time and attention to the other.
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Soul Friends
- This is a much more mutual relationship where the attention goes both ways. It can be formal where two friends meet to talk and pray weekly or every two weeks with the focus on Spiritual growth and encouragement, or it can be more informal where your friendship is one that will always include the focus on God no matter what you are doing together.
It is a key to life in God to have at least one of these types of relationships.
I think we build them the same way that our children make friends. They get thrown into a room with 20-30 other kids, and sooner or later they choose some that they will be closer friends with. Even if your heart is drawn more to the idea of having a soul friend rather than the small group. I would suggest that you start with a small group. I would hope that a soul-friend relationship would grow out of the many relationships that you will form there
Alpha is a great start into Small Groups in our church. We’ll be running Alpha with RUC and other churches starting the week of September 20
Thursday Mornings at Runnymede United
Wednesday Evenings at Runnymede United
Hopefully, Monday evenings at the Yellow Griffin Pub on Bloor St.
We are also hoping to start or continue more Small groups this Fall – watch this space for more info!
But I’d like to begin today with a brief small group experience. Grab three or four other people around you and discuss these questions.
Group Questions
Are intentional relationships that important, or can you be a Christian on your own?
What keeps us from seeing out Deeper Christian Friendships?
What keeps us from going deeper with the friends we have?
What steps are you going to take this fall to foster spiritual friendships?
