The Truth About Love
Dr. George Wald is a Harvard biologist who won a Nobel Prize. I would like to share with you what he wrote. “What one really needs is not the Nobel prize, but love. How do you think one gets to be a Nobel prize winner? Wanting love, that’s how. Wanting it so bad one works all the time. He works and works and ends up as a Nobel prize winner. It’s a consolation prize. What matters is love.”
Dr. George Wald has wanted love. He has wanted love all his life. Did he get love? After winning the Nobel prize, did he finally get love. I’m sure he got a lot of praise. And I’m sure his parents were very proud. And I’m sure they gave him a lot of love. But the love that this Harvard biologist received, was it true love? No. It was not true love. Is true love something you receive for doing something praiseworthy. If you receive love after having done something, that is conditional love. Is true love conditional? No, true love is not conditional. True love is unconditional.
Human love is so conditional. And this is the way it is in many homes. In our hearts our love may be unconditional. But the message that is given is usually that of conditional love. In a book called Living God’s Love, author Douglas Cooper says, “the average person is programmed from birth to love only conditionally. Consequently, we grow up feeling that we have to earn any love we get. Earn it by our good behavior, by agreeing to let someone else have their way, by giving someone what they want, or simply by just being ‘nice.’”
Last year, when I was at the P.U.C. campmeeting, I was reminded about how conditional our love is. My wife and I were helping out with the Junior High program. One morning, all the Junior High students were divided into six different groups. Each group was supposed to discuss the kinds of problems we have at home. And then discuss possible solutions so that we can have better relationships with our parents. After the discussion, each group was to come up with a short skit which portrayed some problem that happens in the home. How many groups did I say there were? There were six groups. Four out of the six groups did skits that revolved around a similar problem. I was shocked. I didn’t know how severe this problem was in some homes. What do you think their skits were about? Can you guess? I’ll tell you. A child comes home with a report card. He shows it to his parents. The parents look at the report card. The child has got all A’s and one A minus. The parents are upset. They get mad at the child because of the A minus. And they yell at the child. Four out of the six groups did skits that dealt with this problem.
Is the child who gets yelled at for bringing home an A minus receiving unconditional love? As Koreans, all of us who have gone to grade school can relate to this. In one book I read, it said, that in many homes, before a child is even born, the parents have determined the child’s future. My wife told me it’s very common in Korea. My wife knows of a family that has two daughters. And the parents were very determined to have one daughter marry a doctor. And they were determined to have one marry a pastor. Everything did happen as the parents wished. The girl that was pressured into marrying the pastor is Yeon Hee’s friend. And she is one very unhappy wife. What kind of love is this young lady receiving from her parents.
Author Douglas Cooper is right. “The average person is programmed from birth to love only conditionally.” An impression is built deeply within us that we must “please” our parents or our friends, in order to receive love. And then we naturally start to expect others to “please” us if they want our love. Therefore, with this deep-seated attitude it becomes humanly impossible to love anyone who disagrees with us. It’s impossible to love anyone who believes differently. It’s impossible to love anyone who acts differently from the way we think they should.
As humans, our concept of love is very conditional. So when God says “I love you,” what naturally goes on in our minds? We think, “I need to please God in order to receive His love.” How do we try to please God. We try to keep the ten commandments. We try to pay a lot of offering. We try to be more healthy with our diet. Subconciously, we believe that when we please God, He will love us more. But is that true? No, it is not true. Because God’s love is not conditional like human love.
Friends, do we have a correct understanding about God’s love. God’s love is unconditional. God sent Jesus into the world in order to teach the truth about His unconditional love. During Christ’s earthly ministry, He never attempted to manipulate anyone. He never said, “Change so that my Father can love you.” He never said, “Change so that the Father can save you!” Jesus came to touch peoples lives. He came to heal. He came to bring joy. He came to show His unconditional love for them. It was the love of Christ which led people to repent and forsake sin. It was love that motivated people to change.
Christ accepted everybody just as they were. Jesus could have confined His ministry to the “nice” people in society. He could of spent His time with those who were respected in society. He could have spent His time with those who had good reputations. He could easily have made excuses for not associating with people like Mary Magdalene. But He did not. The Saviour put no limit on His love. His love toward the prostitute is the same love for the thief. The love He gives to the drunkard is the same love He gives to you and me. It was the love of God that knows no barriers. It is a love that does not condemn, but accepts. A love that does not reject and rebuke, but lifts and heals. And the ultimate demonstration of God’s unconditional love was revealed at the end of Christ’s three and a half year ministry. He gave His life for you and me on the cross. In Romans 5:8 it says, “God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” When did God demonstrate His love toward us? Was it when we were good, and started living righteously? No! It was while we were still sinners. It was while we were partying in sin, that God decided to send His Son to us. And He continues to give us unconditional love. That is why in Matthew 5:45 it says that God “…makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust.” What a merciful, gracious, loving God! Through Jesus we learn that true love is unconditional.
Have you experienced the power of unconditional love? Have you experienced the security that comes from being loved just as you are?
During this past year I have learned about the power of unconditional love. I’m going to share from my own personal experience. When I was preparing this sermon, I thought, “Maybe I shouldn’t share from my own experience. It might sound like I’m boasting.” But I have decided to share. The reason is because my personal experience has been so powerful, and I think it will serve as a powerful illustration. By the way, when you are preparing sermons, you are always looking for the best illustrations. Are you ready to hear about my personal experience? God has blessed me with a very wonderful wife. Let me tell you just one of the many wonderful things I love about her. From time to time, my wife says something to me that I appreciate so much. She says, “Martin, what can I do to make you happier? Is there something you want me to change about myself? Is there anything that I do that you don’t like? Tell me if there is because I want to make you happier!” Am I blessed? I have a wife who wants to please me. How many of you men have wives that ask you these same questions? Young men, wouldn’t you like to marry a woman that would want to please you. Would you like to know how you can meet a woman like this? I will share my secret with you this morning. But before I tell you, let me give you some history. I got married last year in March. And after my wife and I came to the U.S. everything was wonderful. Everything was wonderful for 3 weeks. And then everything started to go wrong. I thought everything would be perfect for at least 3 months. But after 3 weeks, I started to see all these problems. I started to see how imperfect my wife was. And I’m sure that she started to see how imperfect I was. So what did I do? I had two options. I can plan on being miserable for the rest of my life. Or I could go to God for help. I got on my knees and prayed. And prayed. And prayed. Do you want to know how God answered my prayers? Overnight, God changed my wife into a perfect angel. I’m just kidding. This is how He answered my prayer. He led me to a book in Christian bookstore. The book is called Staying In Love For A Lifetime. This book talked about all the biblical principles for having a happy marriage. The basic message of the book is this: God is the One who created marriage. God alone can bring happiness to the marriage. If we want God to bless our marriage, we must follow His commands. And when we follow His commands, God does two things. God changes the spouse. And God brings happiness into the marriage. In the book it says that if either the man or the wife begins to follow God’s commands, God will work in the marriage and change the other partner. God has given men certain commands. And God has given woman certain commands. Do you know what God commands us men to do? We find this command in Ephesians 5:25. It says, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church…” I learned that I needed to love my wife as Christ loved the church. How did Christ love the church? Christ loved the church unconditionally.
After reading the book, I decided to follow God’s command. I decided to love my wife unconditionally. No more criticizing. I soon realized how difficult it was to give unconditional love. It was very easy to give conditional love. If my wife acted perfectly, it was easy to love her. If my wife made no mistakes, it was very easy to love her. It is easy to smile and give hugs to someone who is perfect. But it was much harder to give unconditional love. Do you know what it meant to give unconditional love? I would smile at her and say “I love you,” even when she did things that I didn’t like. It wasn’t easy. I had to spend time on my knees asking God for strength. I spent a lot of time on my knees. “Oh God, give me strength to love her just as she is.” By God’s grace, I started giving my wife unconditional love. Now there were times when I failed to give perfect unconditional love. And I still continue to fail sometimes. But I try my best. And God rewards my efforts. And as I began giving her unconditional love, I saw God do amazing things in my marriage. God was blessing my marriage. He was working in my life. And changing me. And He was working in Yeon Hee’s life. And changing her.
As I gave her unconditional love, what was her response? Her response was, “Martin, what can I do to make you happier. Is there anything you want me to change about myself? Tell me, because I want to make you happier.
I have thought, “Could this be exactly what God wants to hear from us?” What can I do to please you, Lord? I think of Psalms 116:12. David says, “What shall I render to the Lord for all His benefits toward me? God, you have blessed me so much. You have poured out your unconditional love upon me. What can I do to please you? What can I render back to you? I believe that this is the natural response of a person who receives unconditional love.
Have you experienced God’s unconditional love? Has His unconditional love inspired you to live a holier life? Unfortunately, for many of us, it is hard to grasp or experience the unconditional depth of God’s love. It is because we have heard the wrong message ever since we were little. What kind of messages have we heard as we were growing up? What did we hear when we made mistakes? “You naughty child. Don’t you know that Jesus can’t love you when you behave this way?” Isn’t that the kind of messages we heard? You have to keep the commandments. You have to do this. You have to do that. Your life has to be perfect if you want to receive God’s love. For people who have heard such messages, it is hard to grasp or experience the unconditional depth of God’s love.
Take a look into your own hearts this morning. Do you personally know about God’s unconditional love? Many of us know about it intellectually. How about our hearts? Are our hearts experiencing God’s unconditional love? Many of us have grown up in the Adventist church. Many of us have grown up as legalists. We have been keeping the 10 commandments in order to secure God’s love. How many of us keep the commandments in response to His love?
How can we begin to experience God’s unconditional love? Let’s open our Bibles to Romans 12:2. It says, “do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.” We don’t have to be conformed to this world’s way of thinking. We don’t have to believe the world’s concept of love. We can be transformed by the renewing of our minds. We can be transformed by what we feed our minds. What do we mostly feed our minds? Worldly music and worldly t.v. programs will not help us to learn the truth about love. How can it? The world doesn’t know about love. You cannot know love unless you know God. God is love. The world can teach you about lust. The world can teach you about selfishness. And it can teach you about adultery. But it can teach you nothing about true love. If you want to understand love, you need to study the life of Jesus.
In Desire of Ages p. 83 Ellen White says, “It would be well for us to spend a thoughtful hour each day in contemplation of the life of Christ. We should take it point by point, and let the imagination grasp each scene, especially the closing ones. As we thus dwell upon His great sacrifice for us, our confidence in Him will be more constant, our love will be quickened, and we shall be more deeply imbued with His spirit.”
Let me repeat that first line. “It would be well for us to spend a thoughtful hour each day in contemplation of the life of Christ.” Take your Bible and the Desire of Ages. Read about Jesus life. Contemplate Jesus love. On Desire of Ages p. 48 it says, “…marvel at the Saviour’s sacrifice in exchanging the throne of heaven for the manger, and the companionship of adoring angels for the beasts of the stall. This was but the beginning of His wonderful condescension.” On p. 58 it says, “From the manger to the cross, the life of Jesus was a call to self-surrender, and to fellowship in suffering.” Contemplate Jesus self-sacrificing love. What did Jesus go through for you? Ask God to help you understand the depth and height of His love.
Friends, I have to do this everyday. If I don’t do this, it is natural for me to be a legalist. I find myself trying to do things during the day to earn my salvation. There is no joy in being a legalist. But there is joy in responding to love.
Friends, from birth you and I have been conditioned to accept and give conditional love. We have been programmed to relate to a God who gives us conditional love. We need to be reprogrammed? Is a sermon about God’s unconditional love going to do the job? I wish that were true. Unfortunately it is not. I believe that God wants each one of us to come to Him individually. God invites you into His presence to behold His love. In His presence, experience the security and love Jesus offers. You can go to Jesus just as you are. You don’t need to change in order to go. My prayer is that you would choose to spend quality time in the presence of Jesus everyday.
