Surviving Hurts from Others
PSALM 23:5 and ROMANS 12:17-19
INTRODUCTION:
The Count of Monte Cristo is one of the great betrayal and revenge stories of all time. Edmond Dantes= best friend betrays him and frames him for murder. Edmond is unjustly sent to prison while his best friend weds Edmond=s fiancé. While in prison Edmond meets an old priest who is said to know the location of a great treasure. This priest gives Edmond lessons on fencing, chivalry (Start fade in) and much more.
(ACount of Monte Cristo@ video clip. 51:00 - 54:19 - fade out.)
Vengeance is mine, says the Lord. That priest was quoting one of the scriptures we have for you. Or as the NLT, that we have printed for you says, AI will punish those who do wrong. I will repay them, says the Lord.@ But in the story Edmond does not heed the Priest=s pleas and he exacts his revenge. And we understand that don’t we? In fact, we like it. Revenge sells. It sells movies, it sells songs. BJ Thomas once sang, "Here’s another somebody done somebody wrong song." And being Adone wrong@ can happen suddenly and from a variety of sources. Your spouse takes advantage of you, a friend turns against you, an intimate companion that you trusted let=s you down; you=re verbally ambushed over something you never said.. a parent fails you, an employer reneges on a promised raise, a member of your church disappoints you and on and on it goes.. Relationships are the greatest source of blessing and joy but they can also be great stress producers. But the Bible would agree with the old priest. Getting even is never even. So this morning as we conclude our series from Psalm 23, we want to see what God says through David, about handling hurts from others. I want us to look at how we tend to handle mistreatment and then see God=s antidote for mistreatment, learning how we can do right even when we=re done wrong.
I. THE PAIN: BEING HURT BY OTHERS:
David, the author of our text certainly knew what it meant to be hurt by others. His life was full of relationships that failed, his mind was filled with memories of mistreatment. He had a wife who berated him for an act of humility, Ahithophel a close adviser double-crossed him, Joab his military captain deserted him. But knowing his life, it would be easy to think that when David wrote this verse he may have been thinking of the two most difficult times of mistreatment that he ever suffered: attack and abuse from King Saul and treason and betrayal from his own son Absalom. You might want to write down 1 Sam. 24 and 2 Sam. 15 where you can read about those times. David in both these situations did nothing to deserve the mistreatment. To King Saul he was a loving servant and best friend to his son Jonathan. But Saul saw David as a threat. In fact, one time when Saul was chasing David to kill him, David and his men hid in a cave. As luck would have it Saul decided to use that cave for a restroom. There David had every opportunity to kill him, but he didn=t because although wrong, Saul was still God=s anointed King and David wouldn=t even speak against God=s leader let alone lay a hand on him. Oh, if only his son Absalom would of had that kind of respect. What he did must have hurt David so deeply. Absalom decided that he, not David, deserved the throne. So everyday as David would make decisions & judgements Absalom would stand outside the palace saying things like: AI like my Dad, but the way he=s running the kingdom isn=t right.. This needs to be changed and this needs to be changed.@ Or he=d tell a disgruntled person.. AMy Dad lacks compassion, if I were King I would of given you what you wanted.@ Absalom ended up leading a revolt & broke David=s heart. So David understands what it means to be mistreated.
And so do you... Because the truth is, mistreatment is inevitable for all of us. Notice the words David uses in vs:5- Ain the presence of my enemies..@ He knew there would be those who would lash out at you, who for one reason or another would hurt you. Paul in the Romans passage we have printed makes it clear that everyone gets mistreated from time to time.. He says Ado not pay him back by doing wrong to him..@ and Ado not try to punish others when they wrong you..@(NCV) Paul assumes that evil will be done to us. And it is a sad but true fact of life.. If you have never suffered mistreatment from others you will.. And if you have, you will again. Now, you may be thinking, ADoes he think I don=t know this? I mean, come on.. AMistreatment is inevitable..= Well, >Duh=@ But one of the best ways to battle potential problems is to anticipate them. Simply understand that unjust mistreatment is part of this fallen nature. People let us down, people abuse us, people betray us. But then, in my most honest moments, I know that I=ve hurt others too. The important point here is not to dwell on Aif@ it=s going to happen but how should I react when it does?
So, before we look at God’s antidote to the hurts from others, let=s look at four things NOT to do when people hurt you. As we go through these evaluate yourself on how you handle mistreatment. If you find yourself reacting in one of these ways understand it=s going to complicate things, it=s going to cause more problems in your life:
(1) Don=t ignore it. This is the Asuffer in silence@ approach. Pretend it doesn’t exist. A lot of us guys do that.. ASuck it up,@ Amacho man.@There are several ways to do this: a) Flat out denial. We=re moody and somebody says, AWhat=s wrong.@ ANothing, I don’t have a problem; I’m not hurting.@We deny how we really feel. People hurt us and we repress it and say, AThat didn’t hurt.@ b)Minimizing it. AYes it hurt but it=s no big deal. I=ll be alright.@ But you=re not. People say, "Time heals all wounds"- not all wounds. Sometimes time makes them worse if we keep putting off dealing with them. David wrote in Psa.39:2- "I kept quiet, not saying a word... But my suffering only grew worse, and I was overcome with anxiety. The more I thought, the more troubled I became.@(TEV) c) Or we procrastinate with our hurt.. AOne of these days I=ll take care of it. One of these days I=ll talk about it.@ We always want to postpone the unpleasant so we procrastinate. But, ignoring the hurt can turn minor problems into major ones. The wounds can get infected when we don’t confront them.
(2)Don=t run from them. This is the Asound retreat@ approach. Runaway. Escape. Don’t face up to anything. AChicken little.@David tried this too. Ps. 55:6-, "I wish I had wings like a dove. Then I’d fly away and rest. I would hurry to my place of escape.."(NCV) This is human nature. When we face difficulty we want to get away from it. It’s not by accident that all doors in public buildings open outward. When people panic, they run. That=s good in a building but not in a person. And we have all kinds of different ways to escape: movies, television, alcohol, drugs, divorce, the mountains. The problem is that you will still have the same problems when you return. You can get high or just get up high, but when you come down from the high, get over the hangover, get home from the trip, nothing is solved, nothing is changed.
(3) Don=t hide it. This is the Aput on a mask@ approach. Some people don’t ignore or run from their hurt; they hide it. They don’t tell anybody. Some of you are quite good at camouflaging your pain. You wear nice clothes and have a pleasant smile and play the game that they can=t hurt me, because they are not that important to me. We hate to admit it when we’re hurt, so we disguise it. Hiding a hurt only intensifies it. It only makes it worse. One of our priorities as a Church is to build an atmosphere of openness and honesty and authenticity. You=ve heard different people over the last few weeks share their struggles. That=s what we want Discovery to be - a safe place where real people can share real struggles. Sure, we know we need to hold each other accountable to God but we want to do that while being accepted and loved. There is healing when you’re able to share. James 5:16- "So admit your sins to each other, and pray for each other so that you will be healed."(GW) Write this down: Revealing your feeling is the beginning of healing. As long as you hold onto it and hold it in, you hide it in your heart and you can’t get well. Some of you are holding onto hurts that happened years and years ago. Please understand that you can’t get well while you’re still hiding it.
(4) Don=t resent it. Resentment never helps. Yet, when people hurt us we become bitter, angry, cynical. We close ourselves off and pity self. Job 18:4 "You are only hurting yourself with your anger."(TEV) Bitterness hurts you far more than any hurt you will ever receive. Bitterness is a poison that will kill you. It eats you up on the inside and becomes more deadly then the original hurt..So when you=re hurt, don=t ignore, run, hide, or resent it. But take God=s prescription, His antidote for the hurt. What is it? It=s right here in Psalm 23.
II. THE PRESCRIPTION: GOD’S ANTIDOTE-
In vs:5 David uses a very familiar image to give us three illustrations that describes three steps we need to take in order to let God heal the hurt. They are: (1) "You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. (2) You anoint my head with oil. And (3) My cup overflows."
(1) When David says - AYou prepare a table before me..@ He is saying the first step in overcoming the hurts of others is to let God settle the score. This is such a key attitude to have. David is saying, "When you’ve been hurt, don’t try to get even, don=t seek revenge, don’t try to think of ways to retaliate. Let God handle it."
Philip Keller, an author and Austrailian shepherd says that David is referring to a pasture scene here. You see, when David talks about a Atable@ he=s not talking about an eating table, he’s using the word that means "tableland." A level, flat-topped, grassy plateau. According to Keller, the shepherd early in the spring would go ahead of the flock finding the best high, summer range for his flock. Once he=s found it he looks over it with great care. Keller writes: AHe will check to see if there are poisonous weeds appearing, and if so, he takes drastic steps to eradicate them. ... Plus, while looking over this tableland the shepherd keeps a sharp eye out for predators. He will look for signs and spoor of wolves, coyotes, bears. If he finds evidence of these wild animals he will look for another place or hunt down the killers and kill them or at least drive them from the tableland. All this prepares the Atable@ in the presence of the enemy.@ The point here is that God will take care of our enemies. Remember, sheep are very defenseless animals. They don’t have sharp teeth to bite with or claws to scratch with. They can’t kick. They can’t run fast. They are absolutely defenseless. They need protection.
The spiritual application is clear. God says, "Let me handle those who’ve hurt you." See Rom. 12:19? "..do not try and punish others when they wrong you, but wait for God to punish them with his anger. It is written: "I will punish those who do wrong; I will repay them,= says the Lord."(NCV) God knows the people who’ve hurt you. He saw it and He cares. He can settle the score. In fact it says, He will one day, settle the score. And when you think of it, doesn=t He have far more resources to settle the score than you? But you=ve got to decide. Are you going to get revenge or are you going to get well? You can’t do both. Bitterness, resentment, revenge doesn’t work. It always backfires. It’s like the old Amos & Andy television show. Kingfish, a character on that show was always being slapped on the back by Andy. And Andy slapped hard. Finally, one day, Kingfish had enough and he said, "I know what I=m going to do. I=ll fix him. I=ll tape a stick of dynamite to my back under my shirt and when Andy hits me- boom! He=ll blow his hand clear off!" When you hurt back you only hurt yourself. When you retaliate all you do is escalate the pain. It doesn’t relieve the pain. There’s only one way you’ll ever get the relief and that’s turning it over to God. One of the words the Bible uses for that process is forgiveness. Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you say "It’s OK that you hurt me." Forgiveness is not saying, "What you did is not bad." Forgiveness is not saying, ALet=s be best friends again@ or AI trust you completely.@ Forgiveness means giving my hurt to God and letting Him settle the score. After all, He=s the only one with perfect judgement. Sir Francis Bacon said, AIn talking revenge a man isn=t even with his enemy, he only becomes as low as they. But in passing over it he becomes superior, for it is a prince=s part to pardon.@ Trust God to handle the situation. Let Him prepare a table before you in the presence of your enemies. Let God settle the score.
(2) Let God soothe my wounds. David said, "You anoint my head with oil." Shepherds put oil on the heads of sheep for two reasons: to soothe or provide protection and to heal. One enemy of sheep is flies. They can’t shake off the flies either by their hooves or by swatting them with a long tail. The worst enemy is the Anose fly.@ This insect actually flies up in sheep=s nose and lay eggs. And the larva drives them crazy. Sometimes in the summertime you’ll see a sheep banging its head against a rock because he’s going crazy from the flies. He can’t do anything about it. So, the shepherd takes olive oil and mixes it with sulfur and anoints the head of the sheep and the oil becomes an insect repellant. One other way the shepherd would protect the sheep with oil. Often in these tablelands there would be snakes that live under the ground. When the sheep bends down to eat they would pop us and bite them on the nose or head. The bites were poisonous and could make them very sick. So the shepherd walked through the pasture and whenever he came to a snake hole he would pour oil in it. This made it almost impossible for the smooth snake to get out of his hole. And the shepherd would also place oil on the sheep=s head and nose so that if the viper did get out it would smell the same oil and be repelled by it. So David is saying: ALet God take care of your hurts and irritations, let God soothe you by taking care of the things that hurt you.@
The second way oil was used is as a salve, an ointment. When a sheep had an open wound the oil would help to heal. When David says, "You anoint my head with oil" he is saying God is going to heal my wounds. There are going to be times when we are hurt. God promises that He will heal our hurt if we will let Him. Read with me. Psa. 147:3- "God heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds." He says, "Not only will I settle the score, but if you’ll come to Me and let Me have your hurts, I’ll settle the score and then do a little repair work. I can soothe those hurts. I can bandage them up." Once you’ve forgiven a person who’s hurt you, does that mean all the pain has gone away? No. Even after you’ve forgiven them, you still hurt. Forgiveness is instantaneous but restoration takes time.
Notice it says, "God heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds."(MSG) When you get a small cut a band-aid will do. But the deeper the wound in your life.. divorce, rejection by parents, molestation, a partner steals your business.. A deep wound must be dressed with a bandage. Many people think that once they’ve forgiven a hurt they are immediately well. That=s not the way it usually works. After you take the first step of forgiveness, then the healing starts. So God uses His Bible to tell us of His love, committed Christians to demonstrate His love and gives us the strength to serve others, bandaging their wounds and in a real way healing ours. God will heal your broken heart & bandage your wounds but it takes time to heal.
(3) Let God satisfy my needs "My cup overflows". In the Bible, an overflowing cup, is a symbol for total fulfillment. In the Middle East, it’s mostly desert so a shepherd would often have to give his flock water from a well. He would draw up water for hours in order to fill large stone jars for the sheep. But sheep do not like to put their heads inside anything closed, like a jar so the shepherd kept the Acups@ or jars overflowing, so the sheep could drink without fear. Don=t you see? God will meet your needs, especially when you=re hurt. The problem is, when we get hurt, instead of drawing closer we withdraw from the shepherd. And yet, one of the major reasons we get hurt is we expect other people to meet needs only God can meet. No person can give you absolute security in life. No person can give you all the love you need. God never designed you to have all your needs met by another human being. You have needs that only God can meet, you have a Acup@ that only God can fill. When you expect other people to meet those needs you’re going to end up resentful because they can’t do it. They can’t love you unconditionally 24 hours a day. They can’t make you secure 24 hours a day. They can’t make you happy 24 hours a day. They can’t meet all your needs..Why? Because they’re not God.
On the other hand, God can and will! He never runs dry. He never fails. He never has a bad mood. If you look to Him your cup will overflow. Overflow with what?
a) With hope- Romans 15:13 "God will help you overflow with hope in him through the Holy Spirit’s power within you."(LB) You never run out of hope because you know He’s never going to let you down. When we came to Christ, eternity started for us.. 1 Peter 1:3 calls it Aa living hope,@ and it will never end. b)Your cup will also overflow with love. I Thess. 3:12- "May the Lord make your love grow and overflow."(NLT) You=ll never know absolute unconditional love except from God! c)Overflow with joy- Jesus said in John 16:24- "Ask, using my name, and you will receive, and your cup of joy will overflow." (LB)
Have you ever wondered when you go to somebody’s house how long you’re supposed to stay? Or have you had someone come to your house and you didn’t know how to tell them to "go". There is a custom in the Middle East that everyone knew that had to do with filling the cup. If you came to somebody’s house, the first thing you do is offer them a cup of water or drink.. They drink that cup and you refill it.. As long as the cup kept being refilled it meant you were welcome to stay. If you came to somebody’s house and after several refills, they left the cup empty, it meant it was time to leave. If the host decided he really liked the person and wanted him to stay a long time, they would take the cup and fill it not only to the rim but they would let it overflow. An overflowing cup was a sign that you can stay as long as you want. And something else.. you are special.
When God says to you, "I’m going to fill your cup to overflowing" it means you matter to God and you’re special to Him. If you’re hurting because somebody has hurt you, God is saying this morning, AI=ll protect you so let me settle the score; I=ll take care of your hurt so let me soothe your wounds and I love you and want to satisfy all of your needs.@ He will settle the score, soothe your wounds and satisfy your needs. In God=s words, He says, "I’ll prepare a table before you in the presence of your enemies. I’ll anoint your head with oil. Your cup will overflow." Now, that=s a deal you can=t refuse.
And you know what happens when you get that deal? All the things we=ve talked about over the last six weeks.. You survive worry, busyness, emotional pain, indecision, dark valleys and hurts from others. How? Because your cup overflows with the truth of the last verse of this Psalm. ASurely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.@ God is overflowing with love for you & saying, AYou can stay with me as long as you want.@
So, we=ve come full circle. For when we have God=s goodness and love, plus the promise of forever with Him we can truly say, AThe Lord is my Shepherd, I shall NEVER want.@
{All Scripture quotes taken from the New International Version unless otherwise noted.}
