The Dangers of Lust and Adultery
Matthew 5:27-30
October 17, 2004
Introduction
Before I get started with this message, I just want to warn you that this message is not rated “G.” I’m going to discuss some things that fuel the fires of lust and adultery.
And while I’m going to be as generic as possible, you may not be comfortable with your children listening.
If that is the case for you, we have opened one of the classrooms down the hall, and we’ve got a VCR ready to show a children’s video. If you would like to take your child down there, this would be a great time to do that.
I’m going to make some very general comments here at the beginning so you won’t miss much.
Why am I doing this? Because these need to be addressed, and if you can’t hear it straight from a pastor, then where will you go?
I have an obligation to you and to God to shoot straight about the things that cause people to sin.
Jesus dealt with it, and He expects us to deal with it as well. I won’t cover everything there is to know about this, but I think you’ll get the picture clearly.
In this passage, like the one we looked at last week regarding murder, Jesus once again addresses the heart, not just the action.
He says that it’s not okay to want another person sexually, as long as it doesn’t actually make it to the bedroom. He says that when it takes place in your heart, it’s just like doing it physically.
What is lust, anyway? Lust is basically looking at someone with a desire to have them in a way only married couples are supposed to enjoy. And since we have little kiddos here today, that’s as explicit I’m going to go with that.
It’s one thing to recognize that someone is good looking or handsome, but it’s another to drool about it!
Today I want to just look at some things Jesus says to us in this passage, then end with some practical things you can do to help nip lust and adultery in the bud.
This is real life, folks, so please don’t tune me out because you think it doesn’t apply to you. It does.
Let’s start by looking at our need to…
Recognize the risks.
Folks, you have to understand something. This is not a game. This is a serious business.
Let me let you in a one of the biggest lies being perpetrated in the world today. Ready? Here it is: “It’s okay to look but not touch.”
But look at what Jesus said:
"You have heard that it was said, `Do not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.“
Last week we looked at how Jesus defined murder, and He said that if you even hate your brother you are guilty of murder.
Where did the murder start? The heart. Where does adultery start? In the heart.
And from there, once it’s been done in the heart, it starts down a pathway that can lead to the physical act of adultery, and the pain it causes to everyone involved.
“What’s the problem with just a look, PB?”
First of all, it’s a sin, according to Jesus, and if you’re ready to call Jesus a liar, that’s your business. But don’t ask me to go along with it and pat you on the back, saying, “Well, Jesus knows the way people are wired, so I’m sure He’s okay with it. Just don’t do it too often, okay?”
Second, the more often you open your heart to lust, the easier it gets, and the harder your heart gets to living purely before God and your spouse.
Then the act dreamt up in your heart comes closer to being a physical reality in the bed of someone who is not your spouse.
Folks, I don’t know the statistics, but I can tell you that the number is huge of marriages that were destroyed by adulterous relationships that started by an “innocent” look.
Did you know that there is no such thing as “innocent” flirting between people who are not married to each other, particularly if one or both of the people flirting are married?
Flirt with your spouse all you want! I hope you do, especially in public!
But you don’t have the right to do this with someone you’re not married to, especially if one of you is already married.
I can tell you with all confidence that adultery is one of the top reasons for divorce in our world today.
One spouse becomes unsatisfied with the other for one reason or another, and starts looking for someone else to fill their needs.
The needs might not always be sexual – they might be financial, emotional, or whatever. But if they find someone who can fulfill these needs, they are more likely to fall into the trap of immorality.
When adultery has happened, trust is destroyed, and getting it back is a task that will take an act of God to restore to any level that will allow the couple to continue as husband and wife.
But it can happen, thank God. I personally know couples who have been through the nightmare of adultery, who have been restored to each other.
It took years of work, immeasurable amounts of forgiveness, unfailing trust in God, and a willingness to put aside the hurts and focus on the bond they once had in Christ.
But you have to understand something. The damage done by adultery never goes away totally.
Because even these couples who have been brought back together will forever have in the back of their minds the question of whether their spouse will do it again.
Now listen real close. While it’s true that a good number of marriages are saved in spite of the adultery involved, the truth is that most don’t make it.
And then you face the hassle of divorce, which we’ll look at next week.
And let me tell you, you have absolutely no right to destroy your family by having an affair.
Remember, it starts in the heart. It can die there, if you’ll do something about it.
We’re going to talk about that the rest of our time this morning.
But let me warn you again to not play with this. It’s not a game. It’s deadly serious. Recognize the dangers. Next, you need to…
Safeguard your sight.
In verse 29, Jesus says…
“If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.”
Is Jesus saying we should physically pluck our eyes out? I’m not sure, but I doubt it. Because even blind people can lust.
I think Jesus is saying that you need to cut out the sources of the lustful thoughts.
One of these sources is pornography.
I grew up with it in my home, and I can tell you just what a grip it can have on a person.
Some say it’s no big deal. That it’s merely a celebration of the human body. Well, I hate to burst your bubble here, but nothing could be further from the truth.
Pornography is an industry that purposely uses your hormonal urges to make the people involved richer.
The lie of pornography is that you can view it and not be affected, and that since it’s only pictures, it’s not really adultery.
But what did Jesus say? If you even look at a women with the desire to have her, you’ve committed adultery.
And you tell me that you can look at that stuff without lusting, and I’ll call you a liar to your face. Tough words, Brian.
Yeah – but I can tell you about lives marriages that have been destroyed by men looking at images of other women, then bringing those images home in their heads.
It’s not just magazines, either, folks. It comes over the television, in the movies, and in other types of books, not to mention the computer.
That’s why I have a very strong filter on each of my computers. I don’t want to be tempted by it, even accidentally. I don’t have HBO or anything like that on my TV, and I’ve locked out other channels so my kiddos can’t accidentally find inappropriate stuff if they happen to be flipping through the channels.
Jesus said this in Matthew 6:
22 "The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are good, your whole body will be full of light. 23 But if your eyes are bad, your whole body will be full of darkness.
If you are letting in the darkness of pornography, then you are full of darkness, and need the light of Christ to come in and chase out the darkness.
Folks, keep your eyes from things that turn your heart from God and your spouse. It’s that simple.
“Be careful, little eyes, what you see, ‘cause the Father up above is looking down in love, so be careful, little eyes, what you see.”
Safeguard your sight. Next, Jesus says we are also to…
Avoid the actions.
In verse 30, Jesus says…
“And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.”
Again, I’m not sure Jesus is saying that an amputation of a body part is what is important, because cutting off your hand doesn’t affect your heart, does it?
What I think is at the bottom of this is that we need to not only cut off our sight to things that lead to immorality and darkness, but we need to take some serious action to avoid it as well.
When the thoughts come to your mind, you can choose to dwell on them, which is lust, or you can shove them out, not allowing them to gain a foothold in your mind and heart.
When you recognize what’s going on, you can move to avoid acting on those thoughts.
This is intentional, and will not happen by default. But if you can intentionally act to avoid what can lead to a destroyed marriage and a fractured family, then obviously, it’s to your benefit, right?
But the key is catch it early by safeguarding your sight, and acting quickly to keep from acting on the thoughts.
For the rest of our time this morning, I want to give you 6 things you can do to help you avoid the lies of lust and adultery.
Before I do that, let me say a couple things:
First, this is a struggle against not just flesh and blood, but against an enemy who want to hurt you down to your very soul. This isn’t a game.
Second, while men are the main targets of such things as pornography, women are hardly exempt from temptation in these areas, as well as the temptation to commit adultery.
So please don’t take what we’re talking about and think it’s just for the other person, okay? It’s for all of us.
The first thing we can do to avoid lust and adultery is to…
1. Recognize it for what it is: sin.
We’ve already discussed that, but I want to re-emphasize the fact that Jesus doesn’t just play around with this. He calls it sin, and He expects us to call it sin. To do otherwise is to call Jesus a liar.
If you find yourself toying with lust and headed for adultery, you need to call it sin. Then you can move on to the second thing you need to do, and that is to…
2. Repent.
Surprise! God expects you do change your thinking about these things. You can’t think of lust and adultery the way the world does – that if it feels good, do it.
When you start thinking about these things the way God does, you won’t be so likely to continue. And this leads up to the third thing you should do, and that is to…
3. Amputate the sources.
This goes back to that gouging and cutting thing.
Let me tell you what I mean:
If you are reading and looking at things that cause you to lust, stop reading them. Cancel subscriptions or whatever.
If you subscribe to cable channels that show things that are not appropriate for followers of Christ to be looking at, then lock them out or cancel them.
“But Brian, my cable package includes those – I can’t take them off.” THEN CHANGE PACKAGES. If they won’t let you change packages, THEN CHANGE COMPANIES.
“But Brian, there’s a penalty for doing that!” Would you rather pay with your marriage? Think about that penalty!
Maybe your drive to work takes you past a suggestive billboard or the house of someone you have a tendency to lust after. Change your driving route.
“But that would add miles and time to my drive.” I think that adding years of wonderful fulfillment to your marriage is worth it, don’t you?
Put a filter on your computers. I have one on my computer at home, at the church, and even at my other job at New Trends. I pay for it out of my own pocket, because it’s worth it to me to protect my sight, protect my marriage, and protect my children from what’s out there.
The filter available through the American Family Association is awesome, and you can put it on up to three computers with no extra charge.
If you go to certain drinking establishments that feature people in various states of undress, you need to stop going there. It’s that simple.
“But Brian, that’s where my friends go after work, and besides, I don’t look!”
Find some other friends. Besides, I’ll bet you every penny I’ve ever made and ever will make that you have looked, and that you would continue if you still went.
Lastly, if you are already in an adulterous relationship, end it. Today. I’m dead serious about this. Don’t let it continue one more day. It’s not worth the pain and suffering you’re putting your family through, not to mention the guilt of the other person.
Boy, Brian, you’re being pretty legalistic, aren’t you? No. Legalism is trying to earn God’s salvation. This is just plain, common sense stuff to help you protect your marriage and live a life that a follower of Christ is supposed to live.
Amputate the sources of stuff that are taking your heart and mind to places you shouldn’t go.
4. Regularly seek God’s face.
Time with God and His word gives you sight to recognize the problems, and strength to walk away from the temptations and into the arms of God.
Don’t skimp on this. Oftentimes we are fooled into thinking that because we have spent a considerable time with God, that we can go back into those old areas of temptation and be okay.
That’s called complacency, and the devil loves that, too. Don’t let him fool you into thinking that you’re strong enough to handle it without God.
5. Seek accountability.
This is a toughie, but it’s necessary. Find someone you can be totally honest and truthful with. Someone who, when you confess your struggles and failures, won’t beat you up about them, but will encourage you and pray with you. But also, they won’t let you off the hook. They will tell you it’s sin, and do what they can to help you beat it.
Conclusion
Why am I hammering this so much?
Because first of all, it’s important to Jesus. Therefore, it should be important to us.
Second, because if you don’t think through this stuff, you are in danger of permanently damaging your marriage.
If you’re not married yet, you are in danger of damaging it before it even starts.
Folks, I’ve said it already this morning. This isn’t a game.
Look to 1 Peter 5:8 –
Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.
The devil knows how to hurt people. He hates you and wants to hurt you.
He hates you because you are made in the image of God. And he hates you because God loves you.
And he will do whatever it takes to derail you in your relationship with God and your spouse.
Satan hates marriage, because it’s a model of Christ’s love for His church.
Jesus describes the church as His body, and His bride.
And anything the devil can do to disrupt the family is a victory for Him.
Determine that your family won’t fall victim to His lies that it’s okay to look and not touch, and that adultery is okay, as long as no one finds out.
God already knows, and the Bible says that your sins will find you out.
Folks, I hate talking about this. But to ignore it is to ignore the word of God. And to do you harm.
Please don’t take this lightly. Take it to heart.
Let’s pray.
