The Bite of Bitterness
Selected Passages
September 26, 2004
Introduction
A rattlesnake, if cornered, will sometimes become so angry it will bite itself. That is exactly what the harboring of hate and resentment against others is--a biting of oneself. We think that we are harming others in holding these spites and hates, but the deeper harm is to ourselves.
There is an old saying bitterness will always bite you back. So many people live out their lives focused on the things that annoy or irritate them. They dwell on the bad, the hurtful, and unfair aspects of life. They look at life through the lens of a miserable attitude, making themselves more miserable and everyone around them miserable. Even sadder is that I know many Christians that live their lives the exact same way, unable to see the good in anything or anyone. How absolutely sad!
Bitter people are easy to spot and difficult to understand. They constantly walk through life with a gigantic chip on their shoulder. Here are the kinds of things a typical bitter person will dwell on
· The boss doesn’t like me and treats me bad
· Our neighbor is the most difficult person in the world to deal
· My wife is always nagging at me to do this and do that
· My husband doesn’t understand my needs because he is never around
· Some idiot cut me off in traffic
· The young hot shot beat me out for the raise I deserved
· I just got the raw end of the deal
If you find yourself in any of these statements, let me tell you a little secret about being alive. You ready for it. Life is not fair. It never has been fair and never will be. Get used to it and get over it. We live in a fallen world, in a sinful society, with fallen people who act out their sinful state. Is it any wonder that life is so unfair?
The simple truth is this: the more you dwell on the unfairness of life, the more overwhelmed you will become and the more overwhelmed you get, the more miserable you become. Each day that you choose to dwell on the trivial irritations of this life is a day you waste.
How do we get a handle on this thing we call bitterness? What can we do about it? How can we overcome it?
I. Tracking the Source (James 3:13-14)
Before you can solve a problem you have to first discover the source, you have to find where the problem comes from. James gives us a good place to start looking for the problem with bitterness. Open your bibles to James 3:13-14
13 Who is wise and understanding among you? Let him show it by his good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom. 14 But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth
James seems to point out two of the key sources of bitterness. The first is envy. I think that we have a hard time understanding envy because at times it is extremely subtle. Envy is not being content with what you have or who you are and desiring to have or be something else.
Lack of contentment with what you have
The truth is that everything that you have is a blessing from God and everything that you have really just belongs to Him. Everything in your possession, has been entrusted to you by God. When you understand this principle it is a lot easier to be content.
Our trouble begins when we start seeing the “stuff” that other people have and we start to want more for ourselves. We buy into the American mindset and want to bigger house, the fancier car and the more powerful position. In the end, none of it satisfies us and just leaves us empty inside.
Lack of contentment with who you are
For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. Ephesians 2:10
Let me say a few things about this. First, there is a difference in settling for who you are now and striving to be who you can become in Christ. Just because you are a Christian doesn’t mean that you’ve reached the summit in your walk with God.
Second, God made you special. The word used here for workmanship is poiema, which is the same word where we get the English word poem. God created you so special that He says that you are His poetry.
Third, you were created with a purpose in mind. God put you on this earth, at this time and brought you to this church to help fulfill His purpose for your life.
When you become discontent with the gifts that you have been given and the place where you are in life, it’s like slapping God in the face. You are saying that His best work in you just isn’t good enough.
Selfish ambition is just what it sounds like. It is living your life with only yourself in mind. People who get wrapped up in themselves; make very small packages. The fact is that we are all selfish with certain areas of our lives and we sometimes hold back from giving God our all. We have a need to move from being selfish to becoming selfless.
The source of bitterness is essentially selfishness. We want what we want and we want it right now. I have seen a lot of adults act more like babies than some toddlers. People get upset when they don’t get what they want, when they want it. There are times when we have to realize that what we want is not always what is best for us. Sometimes we have to get out of our own way before we can achieve greater things for God.
II. Understanding the Problem (Hebrews 12:15)
See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.
Bitterness is a spirit of irritability that keeps a person in perpetual animosity, making their sour and venomous.
One time I can remember cutting down some trees at my Grandma’s house and her only request was that we remove the stumps. My brothers and I thought that it would be no big deal but we were wrong. The problem wasn’t cutting down the tree but removing the stump. Why was getting the stump our so hard? The roots were deep and embedded in the ground.
The writer of Hebrews describes bitterness as a root. Why does he do this? First of all bitterness is hard to remove. The problem with bitterness is that runs deep in our lives and causes us a great deal of trouble when we try to remove it. Second, we cannot remove the roots of bitterness from our lives on our own; we need some divine assistance. Jesus has the ability to remove those roots and set you free from them but you have to give Him permission to step and take them out of your life.
Once bitterness roots in your life it taints all that you are and inhibits what you can become. When bitterness comes into your life it changes you and not for the better.
One time Elizabeth was away visiting family and had asked me to do a load of towels in the laundry. I thought this would be a cakewalk and even I couldn’t mess up doing towels. I loaded the towels in the wash, poured in the detergent and the bleach and then I set the washer to hot water. I started the washer and went about the other things that I needed to do. I did forget one thing though, I forgot to separate the white towels from the colored towels. The colors came out a little less brilliant than they had been when I started.
Bitterness does the same thing to you, it makes you a lot less brilliant in your life for Christ. The longer you hold on to that bitterness the more dull you become for Christ.
III. Making the Choice (Ephesians 4:31)
Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice
When Paul writes this segment of his letter he is telling them to rid themselves and the church of various “problem areas” that were causing havoc. In verse 31, Paul puts the focus on a series of unkind behaviors. It is not by accident that Paul begins this list not with an action but rather with the attitude that causes the action.
What is the first thing that Paul tells the Ephesians to get rid of here? He starts with bitterness because it is the root of all these other actions. After all when you put garbage into you heart you will get garbage out of your heart. These actions could easily be classified as garbage from the heart.
What is it that flows from a bitter heart?
Rage – Being prone to bursts of anger and having an explosive temper that results in quick, explosive reactions in daily life. We all know someone who can fly off the handle at a moments notice.
Anger – Acting in such a way that is a reaction to negative circumstances. Usually it is a lashing out that inflicts hurt on other people.
Brawling – Arguing, fussing and fighting that results in insulting behavior and obnoxious speech.
Slander – Hurtful, envious speech. Anything that is said to cause a negative impact on another person even if it is true.
Conclusion
One day, two monks were walking through the countryside. They were on their way to another village to help bring in the crops. As they walked, they spied an old woman sitting at the edge of a river. She was upset because there was no bridge, and she could not get across on her own. The first monk kindly offered, "We will carry you across if you would like." "Thank you," she said gratefully, accepting their help. So the two men joined hands, lifted her between them and carried her across the river. When they got to the other side, they set her down, and she went on her way.
After they had walked another mile or so, the second monk began to complain. "Look at my clothes," he said. "They are filthy from carrying that woman across the river. And my back still hurts from lifting her. I can feel it getting stiff." The first monk just smiled and nodded his head.
A few more miles up the road, the second monk griped again, "My back is hurting me so badly, and it is all because we had to carry that silly woman across the river! I cannot go any farther because of the pain." The first monk looked down at his partner, now lying on the ground, moaning. "Have you wondered why I am not complaining?" he asked. "Your back hurts because you are still carrying the woman. But I set her down five miles ago."
All of these things flow out of a bitter life and a bitter heart. However, you make the choice to either become bitter or to become better. You make the choice by dwelling on the negative things that irritate and frustrate you or you can focus on the blessings that God has given to you. You can either allow that bitterness to remain rooted in your life or you can allow Christ to remove it.
