FRESH LESSONS FROM FORMER LEADERS
“Jonathan and David - Best Friends”
1 Samuel 20
In yesterday’s West Australian Newspaper Hugh Mackay quotes an Edith Cowan University study which shows the depth of Australian anxiety and insecurity. In the land of the long weekend - - normally know for it’s mateship and easy-going, sports-mad, live for the weekend culture - - - the study showed that although 89% of us trust our own families, only 47% trust our workmates, and a mere 35% trust our neighbours.
I guess it’s not really surprising then, that “Friends” is the one of the most watched sitcoms on Australian TV. If we don’t trust our real friends, then we can trust our virtual friends on TV who we can switch on and off whenever we like! And why wouldn’t you. They’re only in your house when you want them there - - and they’re ALWAYS funny – what a great friendship!
I guess the study shows that true mateship in Australia is in decline. That we have fewer friends and that the friendships we do have are less trusting - more shallow.
Today I want us to look at a biblical model for friendship – and as we do we will see how beneficial true friendships can be for us. In the story of Jonathan and David we are shown how to build, strengthen and continue our friendships.
1. BEST FRIENDS ATTEND TO EACH OTHERS NEEDS (1 Samuel 20:4)
You’ve heard it said that a friend in need is a friend indeed. Or perhaps you’ve heard the bumper sticker version of that saying. A friend in need is a pain in the .......!
So often it seems that this is the philosophy our society stands on! But if we want to build, strengthen and continue our friendships we must learn to lovingly attend to each other’s needs.
In our passage today Jonathan said to David,
"Whatever you want me to do, I’ll do for you"
(1 Samuel 20:4)
What an incredible commitment Jonathan had to his friendship with David. Jonathan understood that serving is what friendship is all about.
He said, “Whatever.” Jonathan was prepared to do anything for his friend. He said “Whatever you want me to do.” Jonathan had taken the time to find out David’s desires. And then he said “Ill do it for you.” This is where the rubber hits the road. Jonathan made a commitment to serve David, and he followed through with action. He didn’t just see a need and let someone else take care of it. He was willing and ready to fill that need himself – Jonathan served his friend David.
It reminds me of the sentiment that Bryan Adams expressed in his song “(Everything I Do) I Do It For You.”
You know it’s true - Everything I do - I do it for you
But someone far more famous than Bryan Adams lived this ideal well before that song was written. See if you can guess who it is .....
And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Son may bring glory to the Father. You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it
(John 14:13-14).
Jesus is the greatest friend any person can have. He once said to his followers,
I no longer call you servants ....... Instead, I have called you friends (John 15:15).
And Jesus, the Believer’s friend, said, “You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it.”
If we are a friend of Jesus we can ask for anything in his name and he will do it. What does it mean to say, “In my name”? Well, a persons name is related to their character, their reputation or nature and even their will or purposes.
So what Jesus is saying here is that you can ask him for anything that is consistent with his nature, his character and his purposes and he will do it. But you must ask, and when you ask you must leave it entirely up to Jesus to decide what your real needs are. And you must leave it entirely up to Jesus to decide where, when and how he will meet your needs. He knows your needs best and he knows how best to meet them. But you must ask. Jesus said, “You may ask me ...”
What an awesome friend.
Well what does this mean for us? Stop and think about your friendships for a moment. Can you say to your friends, “You need it, I’ll do it?” Or what about the opposite? Can you say, “Whatever I need, I know they will do it?” What kind of friends do you have – are they leaches that suck you dry? Or do they genuinely have your best interests at heart? And what kind of friend are you?
More importantly, consider that Jesus said he would do anything we ask for in his name. What is it you need the most? You may not even know, but Jesus does. Ask him to fill that need and he will do it.
Asking Jesus to bless you and meet your needs is not as selfish as it may sound. A person who has their needs met in Jesus is an incredible witness to the might and love of our awesome God. And a person who is not having their needs met by Jesus, is having them met by someone else - - - and that’s idolatry!!
On the flip side of the coin, would you do anything your friend Jesus asked of you? What kind of friend are you to Jesus. He gave his life for you, the very least you can do is offer him the same in return – no strings attached.
2. BEST FRIENDS SHARE A UNIQUE AFFECTION (1 Samuel 20:41)
So there’s this “mutual attention” component to real friendship. But friendship is so much more than that.
I’ve often admired the mate-ship that’s found among soldiers. I imagine that entrusting your life into the hands of your mates while in the heat of battle is an experience that forges incredibly strong friendships. You’ve faced death together, and may even owe your life to one another.
There seems to be a realness and an honesty in these kinds of friendships that’s hard to find anywhere else.
And this is what we see between David and Jonathan. They shared a unique affection that was real and honest.
After the boy had gone, David got up from the south side of the stone and bowed down before Jonathan three times, with his face to the ground. Then they kissed each other and wept together--but David wept the most (1 Samuel 20:41).
Now let’s get something straight – these guys were not bent! They weren’t Gay. In fact, this was the last time they saw each other. Some in the Gay movement have tried to use this relationship to suggest that the Bible endorses homosexuality. The trouble is, there’s nothing here to suggest that they were Gay. We have to remember that David and Jonathan are of middle eastern origin and this level of affection between men is a common non-sexual means of showing affection – similar to the way Italians or Greeks might kiss each cheek.
What we have here are two kindred spirits. They were mates who had a lot in common – both were soldiers, both were impulsive, equally brave, both leaders of men and both were convinced that God was behind Israel – so they also shared a common spirituality.
There seems to be a realness and an honesty in their friendship that’s hard to find anywhere these days. But if we want to build, strengthen and continue our own friendships today then we must try to develop this kind of emotional connection.
And this is where the church can come into it’s own in our generation. The church is a group of people where real, honest and loving friendships should be the norm. Sometimes Believers will stop at being just friendly on a Sunday but don’t darken the doorstep of each-other’s lives during the week.
But the Bible doesn’t teach us to behave that way. The Bible teaches us that we need each other – both for our own personal growth and for the growth of the kingdom.
Writing about the church in the NT, Paul put it this way ...
From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, [not casual acquaintances; not polite friendliness – but LOVE]as each part does its work (Ephesians 4:16).
We share a high level of commitment to one another in the church. And it’s this commitment that differentiates between a church attender and a church member.
For instance, a commitment to belong to your local church moves you out of self-centred isolation. The Lord tells us that “we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers” (1 John 3:16). This is the kind of sacrificial love God expects you to show to other Believers.
A commitment to belong to your local church also helps you develop spiritual muscle. Proverbs 17:17 reminds us that, “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” Who is sharpening you?
A church family will also keep you from backsliding. Our church family keep us accountable. None of us are immune from temptation. Given the right situation you and I are capable of any sin. The Lord knows this, that ’s why he urges us to ... “Encourage one another daily .... so that none of you may be hardened by sins deceitfulness” (Hebrews 3:13)
In the end, no commitment to Christ is complete without a commitment to his body as it exists on earth – i.e. the church. This is what we mean when we talk about fellowship. It’s real, honest, loving sharing – not just some “Hi how are ya?” - over a cup of coffee.
So if we want to build, strengthen and continue our own friendships today then we must try to develop the kind of deep emotional connection that we see between Jonathan and David - - with our brothers and sisters in our local church. This is real fellowship.
3. BEST FRIENDS MAKE AN AGREEMENT TO HANG IN THERE (1 Samuel 20:42)
And the test that proved that David and Jonathan’s friendship was of the highest quality, is that it lasted. Despite their separation, their friendship never weakened.
You see, best friends make an agreement to hang in there.
And we see this in David and Jonathan’s friendship. It lasted. It was built to last. It weathered the storms of life, it even outlived them!
Jonathan said to David, "Go in peace, for we have sworn friendship with each other in the name of the LORD, saying, `The LORD is witness between you and me, and between your descendants and my descendants forever.’ " Then David left, and Jonathan went back to the town (1 Samuel 20:42).
David and Jonathan honoured this commitment to each other, even though they were never to see each other again. At least 20 years after Jonathan had died, David had become king of Israel and we’re told in 2 Samuel 9:1ff that....
David asked, "Is there anyone still left of the house of Saul to whom I can show kindness for Jonathan’s sake?" (2 Samuel 9:1)
A son was found. He was a cripple named Mephibosheth. And David brought him into his household and he lived well with David for the rest of his life.
Because David and Jonathan built a strong friendship by paying attention to one another’s needs and by offering a real and honest affection, - - - it lasted.
I guess both David and Jonathan had other friends, but the relationship they shared with each other was unique. They knew the truth of Proverbs which says .....
A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother (Proverbs 18:24).
For David and Jonathan they found this friend in one another.
A newspaper held a competition to find out how people would describe friendship. The winning answer was, “A friend is someone who’s walking in when everyone else is walking out.”
You and I have a friend that will do that, a friend who will stick closer than a brother. Jesus said,
“Surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age" (Matthew 28:20)
And when he said it he was only living up to his name, “Immanuel”--which means, "God with us." (Matthew 1:23)
CONCLUSION
Well, I don’t know about you, but I need more friends like David and Jonathan. And I need to be more like David and Jonathan.
Some of us have lots of friends, but we’ve not taken the time to pay attention to their needs – to be a best friend. We’re not ready to help them because we don’t know what they need. Others don’t have many friends and perhaps we need to be emotionally honest enough to let people know us better. Perhaps we need to show a little more affection. Perhaps we need to try true fellowship (Start in one of our weekly small group bible studies).
Or maybe your friendships are under tension at the moment and you’re tempted to just walk away instead of hanging in there. The challenge for you is to ask what your friend Jesus would do.
We have a model for all of our friendships in Jesus. In fact we have more than a model, we have a friend for ourselves who is closer than a brother.
