Matthew 5:23-26
Have You Offended Someone?
Woodlawn Baptist Church
March 21, 2004
Introduction
I have never made it a practice of mine to preach at the problems in our church. My approach to the pulpit is normally to preach through books of the Bible or in short series in such a way that issues are addressed in an orderly and biblical fashion, with hopes that you will be concerned about your relationships to God, to others, and about your spiritual growth enough to apply the lessons to your life as we come to them. That is my normal practice for at least three reasons. I have made it my practice because the Bible tells me to preach the Word, not some of the Word, not the parts I know and like, but all of it, and I have found that the best way to preach all of it is to work through it one verse and chapter at a time. The second reason is because the easiest way to mishandle God’s Word and take something out of context is to just pick a verse here and there to preach without regard for the larger context, which we get when we study an entire book. The third reason I have made it my approach is so that I am not accused of using the pulpit as a bully pulpit. If I am preaching through a passage and come to something that you find uncomfortable, you cannot accuse me of picking that text to take a shot at you; you will have to accuse God of doing that because it was simply the next thing in the passage that happened to have special application for you.
However, I have felt for the past few weeks that perhaps there is a spirit among us that does not belong here, and so long as it exists then we will not be too concerned about what is good and right and biblical. Just so you do not misunderstand me, I did not say there are people among us who do not belong here – I said there is a spirit among us, a sinful, carnal spirit that has no place in the Lord’s church. So, today I believe that it is time to lay aside our current series and begin addressing the issues at hand. Those of you who write in your Bibles will see that I have preached this message before, so don’t hold that against me.
Even if you’re not aware of the issues I will address, I want you to follow along, for God has a plan that we are to use when problems do arise, and it is important that you follow His plan so that we do not come to the place where our church is today. We are a divided church, and we are divided because we have laid aside God’s plan for working out our problems and have chosen to do what we want to do. When the apostle Paul wrote to the Ephesian church, he told them that they were to “endeavor to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.” In other words, it is critically important that a spirit of unity, or a spirit of oneness exist among us.
If you’ve never thought about why it is so important, turn to John 17 and let me show you why. When you think of our need for unity, I want you to think beyond the personal benefits it may have. Do you remember what David wrote in the Psalms? “How good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity.” When there is unity we enjoy coming to church, and when there is not unity, we dread coming. We find ourselves not wanting to be together, so we strive to keep unity. But there is a more important reason. Look with me at John 17. Jesus was praying to God for the disciples. He was about to leave them alone in the world, and He was praying for their safety and for the work they would do, but after He prayed for them, He prayed for you and me too. Look at verse 20. Jesus said,
“Neither pray I for these alone, but for them also which shall believe on me through their word; that they all may be one; as thou, Father, art in me, and I in thee, that they also may be one in us: that the world may believe that thou hast sent me. And the glory which thou gavest me I have given them; that they may be one, even as we are one: I in them, and thou in me, that they may be made perfect in one: and that the world may know that thou hast sent me, and hast loved them, as thou hast loved me.”
You see, there is more at stake than our personal comfort when we are not in agreement with one another. Jesus prayed that we would be one, that we would be in unity because our church’s witness and the glory of God is at stake when we are not in unity. We must be in unity because we are a hindrance to the lost when we are not. We must be in unity because we are more concerned about ourselves than about God when we are not, and we must be in unity because we reveal that we are not in fellowship with God as individuals or as a church when we are not. God wants you to enjoy relationships of oneness, and He shows us how that is possible in His Word. Never does the Lord say that He wants something for our lives without carefully explaining how to make that thing a reality, and unity is one of those things.
As much as God expresses His desire for unity in our church, we know it will not always be so. It is not so now. There is backbiting among us. There is gossip among us. There are feelings of bitterness and resentment among us. There is a spirit of exasperation among us. Some are upset with others in the church over things that have been said and done, and rather than handling it biblically it is easier to resort to loose tongues, laying out of church, spreading strife, and manifesting negativity. Are you irritated and irked? Are you put out? Have you been offended by something that has been said or done? I am confident that some of you even now are thinking of someone in the church that needs to hear this message, but I tell you that it is for you too. If you are thinking about someone else and not yourself, your thoughts betray your self-righteous spirit. You have become the Pharisee in that you are glad you are not like your poor brother.
Perhaps today you know you have done or said something that has offended someone else. You might just suspect that you have. What do you do when you know or think you have offended someone? One of the greatest difficulties that can exist in any relationship is the problem of loose ends. Loose ends are those interpersonal problems between Christians that remain unresolved. Now I’m not speaking this morning of the petty little annoyances and offenses that come our way from time to time. Solomon said, "Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers a multitude of sins." Not every little thing that rubs you wrong needs to be brought up and hammered out. Some things need to be allowed to die as we learn in love to forgive and move along.
However, Christ was not speaking of these kinds of things in our text today. Rather he is dealing with the case where a brother or sister knows there is a problem in a relationship that cannot be covered or forgotten, and in those situations, loose ends need to be tied up and taken care of. Unresolved problems sap the strength out of a relationship, out of any relationship. When problems go unresolved in a church, they grow and hinder the church’s effectiveness. They tear families apart and cause even more problems. There is therefore, no place for loose ends. God insists that every personal difficulty that arises be settled. Whatever comes between Christians must be removed. And, as we will see in our text this morning, God has provided a method by which this can be accomplished.
In Matthew 5:23-26, Jesus said,
"Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee; leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift. Agree with thine adversary quickly, whiles thou art in the way with him; lest at any time the adversary deliver thee to the judge, and the judge deliver thee to the officer, and thou be cast into prison. Verily I say unto thee, thou shalt by no means come out thence, till thou hast paid the uttermost farthing."
Now before we consider the issue of reconciliation, think about Jesus’ audience and what He’s been saying so far. Jesus has been addressing the multitudes in general, and the disciples specifically. The message is primarily a message for believers, those who claim to want to follow Christ. In this entire chapter, He makes clear this one thing – that if you’re going to follow Him, then He’s going to hold you to a higher standard. We who are called the children of God ought to have higher standards than lost people. We ought to be more concerned about who we are and what we do and whom we represent. Our righteousness ought to exceed the righteousness of the lost, and God is holding you to a higher standard. Would you say that following Jesus is a priority in your life? If it is, then tying up loose ends will be a priority. How do you reconcile with someone whom you have offended? How do you make right a relationship where you are in the wrong? You do it by following the Lord’s instructions.
Be sensitive to the Holy Spirit’s leading
Verse 23 says,
"Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee…"
Jesus explains that a man has come to worship. He has come to the house of God with his gift, which under the Old Testament Law could have been any number of things. We’ll say today that this man has come to church with his tithe and a desire to worship the Lord. He gets to church and is ready to sing praises to God and to hear the Lord’s message. But right in the middle of this man’s attempt to participate in worship, the Lord does something. The man is reminded of something, some way that he has offended his brother. He remembers that a brother in Christ, a fellow church member perhaps, is upset with him about something, and he realizes that the Holy Spirit isn’t bringing this up just for kicks; He wants the man to do something about it.
Listen, this happens all the time. I believe it is happening right now as I speak. God is telling you that you have a problem with someone here that you need to take care of. God’s Word assures me that the Holy Spirit is going to be busy about His work of teaching the truth and convicting men and women about the application of that truth in their lives. If you’re doing something wrong in your Christian walk, it’s not just some nosey preacher that’s reading your mail – it’s the Holy Spirit trying to get your attention and trying to get you to do something about putting the truth into action.
How often has a husband sat in these pews knowing that he has offended his wife, yet all the while he sits here so piously thinking that he has everybody fooled and he is a fine Christian man? No doubt he probably is a fine Christian man, but the Holy Spirit reminds him over and over that this thing needs to be made right. It happens all the time in other situations. Perhaps a wife has offended her husband. A child has offended his parents. A brother has offended a brother, and so on. The Holy Spirit says in each of these cases, stop right where you are and go make it right. Christ says, if you are offering your gift at the altar and you realize that you have done something against your brother, or you realize that he thinks you have done something, drop your gift and go get the matter straitened out. David said in his psalm of repentance,
"Thou desirest not sacrifice; else would I give it: thou delightest not in burnt offering. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise."
You see, God is not nearly so interested in your worship as He is in your personal holiness. You can’t come to Him in worship so long as you know that something needs to be made right in your life and you aren’t willing to do something about it. The Holy Spirit is going to bring it up; your responsibility is to respond in obedience to what He says. You say, but Brother Kevin, he’s the one with the problem! And I say to you, no, it’s your problem too. The first thing God does is that He lays the responsibility for reconciliation at the feet of the brother or sister who is more mature. If you’re as mature as you think you are, then you’ll lay aside any thoughts of yourself and go to the one who has been offended. In fact, both parties ought to be so concerned over what God desires for their relationships that you ought to meet each other in the back of the church as you try to get to one another first.
Be mindful of what is at stake
Here we have the principle of the Law of the Harvest at work. The Law of the Harvest simply says in Galatians 6:7 that whatever you sow you will reap. "He that sows to the flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that sows to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting." So Paul said, "let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we don’t give up."
Well how does that apply to the principle of reconciliation? It works like this: in every human relationship you are going to sow only one of two things – either things of the flesh or things of the Spirit. If you know that you’ve offended your brother and you respond according to the leading of the Holy Spirit, then you reap the fruit of the Spirit. Jesus said that you are to quit trying to worship and be religious and go to the one whom you’ve offended and be reconciled to him. He said, "agree with your adversary quickly, while you are in the way with him, or while you are still able." If you’ll trust God and lay aside your pride and ego, then you’ll gain your brother and things will work out for good. The relationship will be restored, the love of God will prevail, unity can exist, and God will be glorified.
If you know that you’ve offended your brother and you ignore the leading of the Holy Spirit, then you’ll reap the corruption of the flesh. This simply means that you’ll get out what you put in. What does a man or woman get out of failure to respond to the Holy Spirit when He says to be reconciled to an offended brother or sister?
· His worship is not received. Do you think God is serious about you making your relationships right with other people? He’s serious enough to say that you need to stop right now, right where you are and make it right. You can continue playing church all you want, but God isn’t going to have it.
· He destroys the relationship. It doesn’t matter what relationship it is, if you know that you’ve wronged the other or they even think you have and you choose not to seek reconciliation, then eventually you’ll loose any hopes of being close to that person. Any hopes of unity and oneness will be lost. We see it all the time. This is why marriages fail. This is why parents and children quit talking to one another. This is why churches loose members, and it’s why you loose friends.
· He places himself in bondage. There is no bondage like that of broken relationships. Loose ends make for tight knots. When you are at odds with a family member or a brother in Christ, it gets everyone involved all tied up in knots, and the only way to untie those knots is through reconciliation and forgiveness. It’s only then that peace can be made. It’s only then that people feel the freedom to open up and be one again.
Let me tell you about someone I know who has deeply offended another. This person can’t stand the thought of going through the process of reconciliation. He can’t bring himself to admit that he’s done anything wrong. He can’t humble himself enough to go to the other party and say, "I’m wrong." There is too much pride in the way. Yet every week, he goes to church, he performs acts of service; he participates in the worship of the church, yet every week he is convicted of his sin. Now to those who don’t really know him everything looks fine, but those who are closer can see the results of years of offenses. That someone may be you.
There is a hardness that comes with refusing to obey the Lord, and the longer we refuse the harder we get. Bitterness and anger results. Short tempers flare up at the slightest of difficulties. Some turn to sinful behaviors to cope with or deal with their first sin. They begin to alienate people and push away those with whom there are no problems and they distance themselves from those they need. Some people just get cool about the whole thing. I heard a brother say one time, "Well if he thinks I’ve offended him then he ought to come tell me. If he’s not man enough to come tell me then it’s his problem and not mine." Well that sounds pretty manly all right, but it’s not biblical. Jesus said to go first and make it right.
There’s just not time to name all the ways a person deals with disobedience. Suffice it to say though that Jesus said the result of disobedience is bondage, and it is a bondage that is completely unnecessary, for all the person has to do is make right a wrong – to reconcile with whoever it is that he’s offended.
Be mature enough to act on what you know
Let’s sum this up and bring it home. God desires for you to enjoy the blessings of relationships that are characterized by unity and oneness. You can have that if you want it, and if the Spirit of God is in you, then He wants you to want what God wants. Unity will not always exist though. You will offend people, and next week we’ll deal with what to do when someone offends you. But today we’re dealing with what you are to do when you offend someone else or when you know that someone else thinks you’ve offended him or her, even if they completely misunderstand what you’ve done or said.
Just plain and simple here it is – we need to grow up and be mature about this. The other day somebody said that pastors are glorified baby sitters. Certainly there are some church members, some husbands, some wives, and some kids who act like babies, crying and fussing about things that they could take care of themselves. When this is going on it doesn’t do anything but hinder the work and witness of the Lord. So here’s what you need to know:
1. God will not receive your worship if you are in the wrong and you refuse to make it right.
2. You need to go to the brother right away. God says, Go first. Reconciliation takes precedence over worship. Unreconciled relationships constitute emergency priorities that may not be handled casually or at your leisure. So go! I want you to picture two brethren who have had a quarrel and go off in a huff. When they both cool down, ideally they ought to meet one another on the way to each other’s house seeking reconciliation. Christ says that both of them are obliged to seek reconciliation; regardless of who was at fault.
3. You need to do whatever it takes within the realm of biblical principles to make right the relationship.
4. Then, and only then, is it time to return to your act of worship.
Conclusion
Let me ask you something this morning, has the Holy Spirit been impressing on your mind some relationship that you need to make right today? James said, “Behold, how great a matter a little fire kindleth!” He was right. I do not think that the problems we are facing right now are going to split our church, but if you won’t be responsive to God’s leading today and go to your brother or sister, then the fire is only going to spread. I’m not going to ask you today if there are relationships that you need to make right. I already know that there are. What I’m asking you to do is to make them right today. If that means going to that person during our invitation, then go. If it means meeting with them after church, then meet. If you can go to lunch together and talk it out, then go.
For some of you here today, there is a relationship I haven’t mentioned, and that is your relationship with God. If you’ve never accepted Christ as your Savior, you need to know that you’ve deeply offended God because of your sin. Christ has done His part in seeking reconciliation – He died on the cross and shed His blood in order that you might have a relationship with Him, but you’ve got to do something with what He’s done. You’ve got to recognize that God is offended and that you are a sinner. You’ve got to admit this to Him and ask Him to forgive you, asking Him to save you, to be your Savior, and He will.
Others of you have offended the Lord by your lifestyle and you need to make that right today. Will you respond to His invitation to do so this morning? Surrender your pride, your anger, your fears – drop your gift at the altar, and seek reconciliation right now.
