Introduction:
1. Tara Cook spent the first part of her life being shifted from one house to another. When she was ten Tara went to live with her dad & his girl friend Rose. All went well for a short time and then Rose began to abuse her. After she had lived there for about 15 months Rose informed her that she would have to do housework to earn her food. The woman was never satisfied though & Tara was hungry nearly all the time. She sneaked two candy bars from the kitchen one night and was caught. Rose handcuffed her to a stair railing. After that she was often handcuffed in a 3 X 3 linen closet. Two months after the abuse began her stepmother informed her that she could dress only on the days she was allowed to attend school, which by now was almost never. The rest of the time she would have to earn his clothing by cleaning house. The cruel woman sometimes made her stand outside naked in the snow for hours. A guidance counselor visited shortly after this and found the young Tara literally shaking. The counselor reported that she was so thin you could see every bone in her body. Thick makeup partially concealed serious injuries to her face, neck & arms. The marks of stove coils covered the back of one hand. Yet, Tara wasn’t removed from the home, at least not then. Rose moved without leaving a correct forwarding address. The following June Rose took the child to the hospital in a coma. She weighed only 35 pounds & her body temperature was only 80o. One side of her face was nearly collapsed, an ear had nearly been bit off. She had spent so much time in the tiny closet that her legs will never completely straighten. In spite of her tragic condition Tara Cook lived. (From a sermon I preached in ’91, not sure of original source)
2. Let me share one other true story. For 19 days 2-year-old Breanna Lee survived in an apartment all alone, drinking toilet water and living on ketchup, cookies and dried pasta she managed to pull off the bottom-pantry and refrigerator shelves. On Sept. 29 she was found dehydrated and malnourished, lying in a plastic bathtub. Her mother, Dakeysha Lee had been arrested, & claimed she had taken her daughter to a neighbor’s house. 1
3. I could go on and on because the tragic stories of child abuse are anything but rare. In fact, let me share some statistics with you that demonstrate how common child abuse actually is. Consider these statistics,
Cell #1
41% of victims are under 1 year old
44% of victims are between 1 & 5 years old
15% of victims are between 6 & 17 years old.
Cell #2
Child abuse by gender
44% of victims are female
56% of victims are male
Cell #3—
The National Child Abuse and Neglect Data System reported an estimated 1,300 child fatalities in 2001.
(Later) An average of 3.5 children per day die from child abuse.
Cell #4—
In October, 2003 there were 1225 children in St. Louis County system because of child abuse or neglect. (State of Missouri statistics)
Cell #5—
Matthew 18:1-6
1 At that time the disciples came to Jesus and said, "Who then is greatest in the kingdom of heaven?"
2 And He called a child to Himself and set him before them,
3 and said, "Truly I say to you, unless you are converted and become like children, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven.
4 "Whoever then humbles himself as this child, he is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.
5 "And whoever receives one such child in My name receives Me;
6 but whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to stumble, it would be better for him to have a heavy millstone hung around his neck, and to be drowned in the depth of the sea. (NAS updated)
Cell #6—
I. Abuse Ignores a Child’s Worth Matthew 18:1-6
1. Even the most basic reading of this passage demonstrates that Jesus loved children. Notice, when Jesus’ disciples came asking who was the greatest in the kingdom of heaven, Jesus called a child to Him and that child became the illustration of Jesus’ statement that about who was great in the kingdom of heaven.
2. Because of that fact, perhaps we need to consider Jesus statement, about humbling ourselves like children. To put it in a nutshell...
Cell #7—
We’re to... "become like little children."
3. There might be those who would think "I wouldn’t go back and become a child again. There are some tough parts of being a kid. I understand that. Children can at times be very cruel to one another. However, there is another side of childhood.
Cell #8—
Children are by nature trusting...
(Later) How our children can trust us has an incredible impact on how
they are able to trust God.
4. Children are by nature trusting. That is significant enough if you don’t go any farther with it. They believe what they are told. They are willing to admit they don’t understand. But there is a nearly invisible principle that plays itself out in this. (Cell #8, Part #2) How our children can trust us has an incredible impact on how they are able to trust God. When we don’t
5. Jesus reveals the danger of causing one of these little ones to stumble. When people betray the trust of a child, they take a little bit of the natural trust child have in figures of authority and trash it. The result is that the child’s faith suffers.
6. How serious is God about all this? There can be little doubt after reading verse 6 that God is very serious about it. Notice what He says. It can only be termed as a threat. This is no laughing matter. Then penalty for causing a child to stumble is frightening. Jesus said it would be better for that person if a millstone were hung around their neck and they were thrown into the depths of the sea. Let’s look at a little background to better understand what Jesus was saying.
Cell #9—
A millstone was a heavy, flat stone used to grind grain.
(Pause) There were two common millstones in use at this time.
(Pause) One was relatively small and was operated by a person.
(Pause) One was large and had to be moved by a donkey or ox.
(Pause) The Greek is for... the large millstone
7. It’s hard to imagine a stronger statement than the one Jesus made here, especially when you understand the firmness of it. Although child abuse is never mentioned here precisely, I think it’s safe to say that
TS— Now, let’s take a few minutes to look at another passage that relates to this subject of children and discipline. I want us to read Proverbs 22:15 together.
Cell #10—
Proverbs 22:15—
15 Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; The rod of discipline will remove it far from him. (NAS updated)
Cell #11—
II. Discipline Is Not Abuse Proverbs 22:15
1. Although I think the last passage demonstrates pretty clearly that God hates what happens when a child is abused, that doesn’t mean He wants us to ignore discipline. Some people go too far and come to that conclusion. When they do they are sadly mistaken.
2. Anyone who is around me very much knows how much I love children. Children bring a certain life to everything they are involved in. That doesn’t mean children always do the right thing because they most certainly do not.
Cell #12—
Children sometimes do things that are inappropriate or foolish
3. When they do, we are not to ignore their improper behavior. It must be dealt with. There are numerous forms of discipline, but the one that is dealt with in this passage is corporal punishment. There certainly is a time when we should overlook childish behavior because a child is a child, but there are also other times when we should not be willing to ignore bad behavior. When you read this verse I think scripture makes it pretty clear that.
Cell #13—
Corporal punishment is sometimes appropriate
4. I know when some people hear this they can’t believe that someone who loves children could make such a statement. After all isn’t spanking the same thing as child abuse? The answer to that question is no on nearly all accounts.
1) According to my best friend Donny Emmons, who works with the CASA program in South East Missouri, a spanking doesn’t constitute child abuse. The state says that child abuse occurs when a spanking leaves marks.
2) One of the Christian leaders I respect most is Dr. Charles Swindol. He is a well known writer, pastor and seminary president. Let me share what he wrote on difference between discipline and abuse. I think his insight is very much on the mark.
Cell #14—
Charles Swindol book, Growing Wise in Family Life, lists 5 distinctions between child abuse & proper discipline. Let me pass along
the 5 distinctions he makes. They are worth hearing:
1) Abuse is unfair & unexpected— Discipline is fair & expected
2) Abuse is degrading & demoralizing— Discipline upholds a child’s
dignity
3) Abuse is harsh & brutal— Discipline is balanced & within limits
4) Abuse results from hatred, resentment or frustration— Discipline is
prompted by love and concern for the child
5) Abuse destroys self-esteem leading to an inability to maintain future
responsibilities— Discipline strengthens self-esteem & aids future
Self-discipline
Cell #15—
Colossians 3:20-21
20 Children, be obedient to your parents in all things, for this is well-pleasing to the Lord.
21 Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so that they will not lose heart. (NAS updated)
Cell #16—
III. Abuse Ignores God’s Instructions Colossians 3:21
1. The command for children to obey their parents doesn’t give parents the right to be rigid & harsh with their children. Children should be treated with love. They are not yet adults & shouldn’t be expected to have that level of maturity. They should however, be expected to obey. All of us at one time or another have observed a child who wasn’t made to mind & watched as the parents obeyed the child rather than the other way around. That is out of balance & reminds me of the statement about the "tail wagging the dog." Children need discipline, but it should be given with love.
2. The Greek word used for Fathers here refers to both parents, although Paul’s words seem to stress the discipline administered by fathers. Parents are not to make their children bitter by treating them as a nuisance.
Cell #17—
The command for children to obey does not give parents license for harsh treatment. Children must be handled with care.
3. When children are treated as a "problem," it destroys their self-esteem and ultimately does great damage to their hearts. Belittling children has no place in the parenting of the Christian mom & dad.
Cell #18—
The purpose of parental discipline is to help children grow, not to exasperate and provoke them to anger or discouragement.
4. I like the point the Life Application Bible Commentary makes about this passage. It says, "Parenting isn’t easy— it takes lots of patience to raise children in a loving, Christ-honoring manner. But frustration & anger shouldn’t be causes for discipline... Parents should act in love, treating their children as Jesus treats the people he loves. This is vital to children’s development & to their understanding of what Christ is like." 12
Cell #18—
The purpose of parental discipline is to help children grow, not to exasperate and provoke them to anger or discouragement. 12
5. Parents can take the heart out of their children by failing to discipline them lovingly and instruct them in the ways of the Lord. However, they can take the heart out of their children even more quickly by being harsh & inflexible. When parents are too harsh their children lose heart. This isn’t what God intends for us as parents. Our children need to know that although we don’t approve of everything they do, we do approve of who they are and what they are. We love them just because they are our children. Nothing more is required for us to love them.
Conclusion:
1. I want to conclude with some reflections that I think are healthy for us as a church. In recent years the Catholic Church has received an incredible amount of bad publicity because some of their leaders have been more concerned about protecting the image of the church, than in protecting the children of the church. When they have done that they were wrong.
2. More recently the way the Jehovah’s Witnesses have covered up repeated examples of abuse has come to light in the media.
3. How should a church handle an allegation of child abuse leveled against one of her members? That’s a legitimate question & one that must be considered. Earlier I mentioned Charles Swindol as a leader that I respect. When he pastored the First Evangelical Free Church of Fullerton, California a leader in the church was accused of abuse. When it became clear that the leader was guilty the church didn’t try to cover things up, they cooperated fully with authorities.
4. Perhaps that seems like common sense, but a 1995 survey of 1,700 congregations by Church Law and Tax Report found that only 2% of congregations reported allegations of molestation. Their research indicated that many church volunteers have been guilty of sexual abuse. 7
5. I have a little experience in the church I served before becoming your pastor. One of the men in my in my congregation was accused of sexual abuse. I stood with him & his family, even going to court with them. I honestly didn’t think Jim was guilty. The charges against him were eventually dropped because there wasn’t enough evidence. However, Jim later admitted that he was guilty. I loved Jim, in fact I still do, but that fact didn’t make me blind to the fact that what he had done was wrong.
Cell #19—
We must be willing to love even the person who abuses a child, but we must not be tolerant of abuse. As Jeni Key, who was on staff at First Evangelical Free Church in Fullerton CA said, "I believe in a God of both justice & mercy." There are times for justice.
6. To provide some balance I know that not everything called abuse is. In preparing for this sermon I read about a case in Minnesota where a woman was charged with child abuse for leaving her children in her van while she ran into a fast food restaurant to get some food for them. Thankfully, the case was eventually thrown out. 7
7. A pastor in our own area was accused of child abuse a number of years ago & his ministry was practically ruined. The ministry of the church was seriously affected. I believe the pastor was probably innocent of the charges, but that didn’t prevent the damage.
8. Finally, a couple of other things need to be said. In a group of this size, I know some of you have been abused. Statistics are that between 25% & 33% of women have been sexually abused. When you consider all the other types of abuse as well, the numbers are much higher. I encourage you to be honest about how you’ve been hurt & be willing to come to terms with it. Should you want to talk, I am willing to listen & help you find a qualified counselor. Ignoring past hurt isn’t the healthy approach.
9. I’m confident that some here this morning have been guilty of some form of child abuse. Scripturally, you are responsible to go to the person you have mistreated and ask for their forgiveness. Your forgiveness cannot be complete until you do. It isn’t easy, but it is right. Let’s pray.
1 People Weekly, Oct 20, 2003 v60 i16 p79
2 Newsweek, Oct 13, 2003 p38
3 Newsweek, Jan 20, 2003 p32
4 Minnesota Lawyer, Jan 13, 2003 pNA
5 Christianity Today, March 11, 2002 v46 i3 p21(1)
6 Cosmopolitan, August 2002 v233 i2 p154(2)
7 Christianity Today, May 21, 2002 v46 i6 p19(2)
8 Christianity Today, March 5, 2001 v45 i4 p23
9 Web site US Department of Health & Human Services, Administration for Children & Families
10 Interview with Stephanie Whitaker, (Casa worker, St. Louis chapter)
11 Craig Keener, IVP Bible Background Commentary: New Testament, (Downers Grove, IL: Intervarsity Press) 1993.
12 Bruce Barton, Mark Fackler, Linda Taylor, David Veerman, Life Application Bible Commentary: Matthew, electronic edition, (Wheaton, IL: Tyndale House Publishers) 1996.
13 Frank Gaebelein, Ed. The Expositor’s Bible Commentary: New Testament, electronic edition, (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan Corporation) 1976-1992.
14 C F Keil, F Delitzsch, Keil and Delitzsch Commentary on the Old Testament, (Findex.com) 2000.
15 Frank Gaebelein, Ed. The Expositor’s Bible Commentary: Old Testament, electronic edition, (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan Corporation) 1976-1992.
16 Ibid #11
17 Ibid #12
18 John MacArthur, MacArthur’s New Testament Commentary: Colossians and Philemon, (Chicago, IL: Moody Press) 1992.
