Project Master Bedroom RENOVATING YOUR MARRIAGE COMMITMENT
EPHESIANS 5:15-33
Opening
Why talk about the marriage commitment?
A few facts:
There are over 18 million single parents in the Us alone who have children under 18 in the home
46% of all marriages involve one spouse who has been divorced
87% of black children will spend some of their childhood in a single parent home.
A friend who performed a wedding in Virginia
Best man had the jitters about the toast at the reception
Tried to losen him up by giving him a joke book to read and have some fun.
It worked
At the reception, he stood up and toasted:
“One thing I know is that marriage is made in heaven, but then again, so is thunder and lightening.”
God has created men & women in such uniquely different ways! A year or so ago, I was sent an email that illustrates how men & women are unique. It was a debate on whether computers are male or female, referred to as him/her.
This list came from computer scientists who are male). Computers are female since:
*No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
*The native language they use to communicate with other computers is
incomprehensible to everyone else.
*The message, "Bad Command or file name" is about as informative as "if
you don’t know why I’m mad at you, then I’m certainly not going to tell you."
*As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half
your paycheck on accessories for it.
That list was countered by a group of all female computer scientists, male because:
*They have a lot of data but are all still clueless.
*They are suppose to help you solve problems, but half the time they are the problem.
*As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you’d waited a little longer,
you could have obtained a better model.
*In order to get their attention you have to turn them on!
The fact is, it doesn’t take us long to learn that if God didn’t give us some help in all of this male-female relationship, especially in the marriage, we would be in some hot water! And a lot of people are, because they haven’t turned to God for help. But we must! It’s the only way! Today, I want us to see the help that God gives us from His Word & move on to...
FIVE LIQUID NAILS TO HOLD YOUR MARRIAGE TOGETHER, Eph 5:15-33
Manage our marriage:
The word "manage" is a good word because to manage takes Work. Having a good marriage is work!
Any relationship that is going to grow takes us making an intentional effort toward it.
Applies to marriages, but to all relationships! God is willing to help us, if we are willing to seek His help.
We are going to look at 5 Practical ways to manage our marriage--our relationships! Here they are...
1) Be Spirit-Controlled Completely, v.18
“Let the holy spirit fill and control you.” Eph 5:18
“Do not make the Holy spirit sad. The spirit is God’s proof that you belong to him…Do not be bitter or angry or mad. Never shout angrily or say things to hurt others... Be kind and loving to each other…” Eph. 4:30-31
The issue isn’t how much of the Holy Spirit do you have, but how much does the Holy Spirit have of you!
The idea here is not just being Spirit-filled.
It’s about being controlled by the Spirit of God.
Paul used the term "filled" with the word, "drunk." To be drunk means more than to drink--more than to "fill-up." To be drunk is to be under the control, to surrender one’s body, mind & spirit to its influence.
To be filled with the Spirit means, letting the Spirit of God lead you, empower you, & control you & influence you, completely, continually!
How does that apply to marriage & relationships? Look over to Gal 5:16, 19-24.
Do you see how much of the fruits of the flesh, the bad stuff can tear apart a marriage?
We need the Holy Spirit!
Something is going to control you! Make sure you let the Holy Spirit of God be the one!
2) Speak to one another with Care, v.19-20
When a person Spirit-controlled, he/she will have a conversation & a communication that is God-honoring to those closest to them.
"one another" especially includes your spouse! If you are filled with the Holy Spirit, you "speak" to each other in song--you will be positive, uplifting, communicating, joyful people!
You will be speaking about God, even singing about God & to Him together. I’m not talking about some "Sound of Music" utopian home.
God is talking about construtively communicating to one another. "Speaking" not yelling!
One of the top causes to a breakdown in a marriage relationship is the lack of communication or negative communication.
With our day of radio, TV, Internet, Movies, etc, communication is one of the first things to go in a relationship!
Don’t let it happen!
It’s hard to put down someone else when you’ve got a grateful heart. When you value God & that other person & appreciate em!
Eph 4:29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
3) Submit to one another Mutually, vv.21-23
Scriptures says when we’re controlled by the Spirit, we will have mutual submission within the home!
But our first submission mutually is to be to Jesus Christ!
For the Christian, the primary relationship in life is to the Lord Jesus!
Submission in marriage, is an act of respect for Jesus Christ, not an issue of rights or privileges or "top dog" status. You are yielding to Christ, first!
Submission is a military term that means to line up under the authority of. This isn’t an abuse of authority, but of a gracious working together. It’s a spirit of reasonable sweetness in both the heart of the wife and the husband.
1st Pet 5:5
Likewise you younger people, submit yourselves to your elders. Yes, all of you be submissive to one another, and be clothed with humility, for "God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble."
The key is humility!
4) Sacrifice Willingly, vv.24-27
VIDEO
Once again we must look to the example of Jesus for His bride--for His own body. Both are illustrated here to be an example of marital relationships.
It’s up to BOTH partners in marriage to give & sacrifice!
The attitude is that of Christ who gave His all for us!
One young man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at McDonald’s. He noted that they had ordered one meal, & an extra cup. He watched, the older man carefully divide the hamburger in half, then counted out the fries, one for him, one for her, until each had half of them. Then the old man poured half of the soft drink into the cup & set that in front of his wife. The man then began to eat, & his wife sat, watching, with her hands folded in her lap. The young man decided to ask if they would allow him to purchase another meal for them so that they didn’t have to split theirs. The old guy said, "Oh, no. We’ve been married 50 years, & everything has always been & will always be shared, 50/50." The young man then asked the wife if she was going to eat, & she replied, "Not yet. It’s his turn with the teeth."
That may work for them, but today, as always, it’s not 50/50, but 110/110!
Phil 2:3-5, 8 Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who...being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death-- even death on a cross!
Is there a greater sacrifice than His? He’s God. True, but as believers, aren’t we to reflect Him? Of course!
5) Serve Unselfishly, vv.28-31
We are to nourish and cherish.
Nourish is to care for, provide sustenance (physical and spiritual) necessary for life.
Cherish is to treat with affection and tenderness; hold dear
The idea here is to be like Jesus & seek to serve, not be served!
That’s what you did when you were courting & dating
A husband was told by the marriage counselor to try and be more considerate of his wife. One day he comes home from work. He’s dressed up in a suit, he has cologne on, and he has a bouquet of flowers and a box of candy in his hands. He rings the doorbell and he’s standing there as she opens the door. He holds out the flowers and the box of candy.
The wife opens the door takes one look at he standing there and starts crying. In between her sobs she says, "Oh, I can’t believe it! Little Johnny has been throwing up; the dishwasher just broke; your parents are coming to visit this weekend and to top it all off, you come home drunk!
According to Stacey we never really courted or dated so I have an excuse.
1st Cor 7:3, Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband.
It goes back to what did you expect when you entered into that marriage relationship?
Did you only care what you’d get out of it? That’s pretty selfish!
Loving means you care more for that other person than you care about yourself!
To love, honor & cherish means you want to make that other person’s life better!
Is there any greater pursuit, than that? To improve another person’s life & eternity!
Closing
A pastor tells of a couple who were celebrating their golden wedding anniversary. The husband was asked the secret to their successful marriage. He recounted that his wife Sarah, was the only girl he ever dated. He had grown up in an orphanage--never witnessing how a husband was to love a wife, or any healthy family relationships. He had to work hard for every-thing he had. He never had time to date until Sarah swept him off his feet. He was hestitant to commit to someone, yet she had managed to get him to ask her to marry him. After they had said their vows & their wedding ceremony was over, Sarah’s father took the new groom aside. He was so grateful that he would finally be a part of a family. Sarah’s father handed him a small gift. He said, "Within this gift is all you really need to know in order to have a happy marriage." The nervous young man fumbled with the paper & ribbon until he got it unwrapped. Within the box lay a large gold watch. With great care he picked it up. Upon closer examination he saw etched across the face of the watch a prudent reminder he would see whenever he checked the time of day...words that, if heeded, held the secret to a successful marriage. They were: "Say Something Nice to Sarah."
We too have a constant reminder that, if heeded, holds the secret to a successful marriage. It’s not inscribed on a watch, but it is inscribed in a great Book, The Bible!
Our instruction manual! We must apply it’s truth to our relationships!
Another important piece that I haven’t mentioned is prayer with your wife. I think it is critical that we begin praying with our spouse on a daily basis.
No area of our life, including our marriage can afford to be untouched by the application of the Bible’s truth!!
For we have constant reminders all around us of marriages that have disintegrated! We have constant reminders of broken relationships!
Whether marriages are made in heaven, I do not know, but I do know God’s Word & Jesus said, For what God has joined together, let no one separate!
