1 Corinthians 7:10-16
When The Wrecking Ball Hits A Home (part 2)
Introduction
According to the National Center for Health Statistics, last year—in 2003—there were 2,187,000 couples that got married in the United States. And the Center reports that there were 1 million couples that divorced last year in America. That means that for every 2 couples that got married, 1 couple got divorced.
Divorce is an issue that touches all of us. And last week in 1 Corinthians 7, we began to consider what the Bible teaches on the subject.
In 1 Corinthians 7:10-16, Paul is addressing 3 groups. The first group is found in verses 10 and 11. And it is Believers who are married to Unhappy Believers. The next group—in verses 12-14—is Believers who are married to Happy Unbelievers. And the third group in verses 15 and 16 is Believers who are married to Unhappy Unbelievers.
We began last week to look at this first group—Believers who are married to Unhappy Believers. And in 1 Corinthians 7:10 we read: “To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband.”
You’ll remember last week we said that Paul is stating Christ’s teaching found in Matthew 19. So we looked at Matthew 19 and discovered that Christ was responding to a question the Pharisees asked him concerning Deuteronomy 24. So we looked at Deuteronomy 24 and discovered that Moses didn’t command divorce, he simply regulated an already existing widespread practice in Israel. And so we went back to Matthew 19 and saw that Jesus gives one of the grounds for divorce and remarriage—namely, sexual immorality. But God’s ideal has always been 1 man and 1 woman for life. That’s why Paul says in verse 10: “A wife must not separate from her husband.”
So, Paul is telling the Corinthians that Christ’s ideal for marriage is: a husband and wife leaving, cleaving, and weaving together for a lifetime.
Now, Paul doesn’t mention that Christ allowed for divorce and remarriage due to sexual immorality. Because here Paul is emphasizing the ideal. But Paul is a realist. And in verse 11 he states a concession.
Look at verses 10 and 11. Verse 10—the ideal: “To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband.” Now, notice how verse 11 begins: “But—[the concession]—if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.”
So, Paul says that ideally, believers should stay married. But if they divorce, they should remain single.
Based on verses 10 and 11, there are 3 basic questions on divorce and remarriage that I want to address this morning.
1. Why should divorced believers remain single? Why shouldn’t they just be allowed to go out and find someone else to marry?
Paul answers that in verse 11. “But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband.” Remaining unmarried leaves the door open for reconciliation and remarriage to your ex.
Now, does that ever happen? And the answer to that is yes. I attended a wedding reception this year and I was seated next to a couple who had this experience. By the way, you don’t know them—they don’t live in Bloomsburg and they don’t attend Shiloh. So don’t try to figure out who they are. Anyway, the couple told me that they were both Christians when they married. And they began to experience marital difficulties. And it got to the point where they didn’t want to live with each other. So they got a divorce. But after a period of time, they sought counseling again, worked through their problem biblically, reconciled with each other, and remarried.
So, why should divorced believers remain single? Because it leaves the door open for reconciliation.
2. What did Paul have in mind when he granted this concession in verse 11? What situation would permit believers to divorce in the first place?
Well, I don’t think that Paul had trivial issues in mind. I don’t think he envisioned minor disagreements as justification for believers to divorce.
I was an interim pastor at a church in Northern Virginia for 2 years while I was teaching at Washington Bible College. One of the women in the church had been divorced for many years. She told me that she and her husband were both believers. But shortly after they were married they began to disagree about the family budget. She said they didn’t get into shouting matches or scream at each other. And the disagreements were over how to spend their discretionary, disposable income. And it wasn’t as if they were going into debt. But she said at that time in the 1970’s that it was somewhat fashionable to divorce and all her friends were doing it. So she and her husband got a divorce. And then they both went on to remarry others. She told me that she looks back on her divorce with regret. She said she can’t believe how immature and ridiculous it was to divorce over such a minor, trivial matter.
Well, I don’t think that is what Paul had in mind when he penned verse 11. In verse 11, I believe Paul was making a compassionate provision for an abused spouse.
We know that Jesus allowed for divorce and remarriage in cases of sexual immorality. But what about the wife whose husband turns to drugs and begins to physically abuse her and threaten their children? What about the husband whose wife turns to alcohol and begins to physically abuse him and neglect their children?
In cases of genuine abuse among believers, Paul permits divorce. But the ultimate goal is reconciliation. And I realize that reconciliation doesn’t happen overnight. The couple needs counseling. And the abused spouse shouldn’t return to the abuser until the abuser has repented of his sin, dealt thoroughly with the problem, and demonstrates a changed life.
So, what situation did Paul have in mind when he granted this concession in verse 11? I believe Paul had serious abuse in mind.
3. What should be done if the abuser refuses counseling and is not interested in reconciliation? Does that mean that the abused spouse has to remain single for the rest of his or her life?
Here is an issue in divorce and remarriage that not everyone would agree with me. And as I said last week, that is okay. There is room for disagreement.
But this is how I see it: If the abuser steadfastly refuses counseling or disregards all efforts toward reconciliation, then he or she is in sin. And the steps of confrontation outlined by Jesus in Matthew 18 should be followed.
You’ll remember that we studied this in detail back in 1 Corinthians 5 when we addressed the topic of church discipline. But let me refresh your memory. You begin first with private confrontation. Matthew 18:15 says, “If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over.” If this effort fails, you move on to plural confrontation. Verse 16 says, “But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’” If this effort fails, you move on to public confrontation. Verse 17 says, “If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector.”
How should you treat an excommunicated believer? You treat him as a pagan or tax collector. In other words, you treat him as an unbeliever.
Now, I don’t want to get ahead of myself here because we’re going to study verses 12-16 next week. But look at verse 15 with me. 1 Corinthians 7:15 says, “But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances.”
If believers divorce, and one of them refuses counseling and reconciliation, then he should be confronted using the steps Christ gave in Matthew 18. If he refuses to repent, he should be excommunicated by the church and treated as an unbeliever. And Paul says in verse 15 that if an unbeliever wants out, let him go. You are then free to remarry someone else.
Now, this process doesn’t take place overnight. The process of refusing counseling and reconciliation and the process of church discipline and excommunication doesn’t happen in a few days or weeks. We’re talking months or maybe even years. Every effort must be made toward reconciliation—that is the goal.
I know of a pastor in Texas. His daughter married a believer. But shortly after they married, the husband became physically abusive. The abuse continued to escalate until two years into their marriage, when he stabbed her in the stomach with a pair of scissors. She was pregnant at the time. She left him out of concern for her welfare and the safety of their unborn child. But she still wanted to save her marriage. The church confronted the husband, following the steps in Matthew 18. But the man refused to repent. He claimed he did nothing wrong. So, the church disciplined him. And in doing so they treated him as an unbeliever. But he still refused to repent. He abandoned the marriage, and moved back to his family home in California.
Paul says in verse 15, “If the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances.”
The believing spouse is then free to divorce and remarry.
Conclusion
· I want to remind you that God’s ideal is 1 man and 1 woman—leaving, cleaving, and weaving for a lifetime.
· But divorce and remarriage is permitted because of marital unfaithfulness—sexual immorality.
· And in the case of abuse, believers may divorce. But they are to remain single. So that every effort may be made for reconciliation.
Let’s pray.
Let me give you a moment to meditate silently and to respond to the Lord based on the teaching of His Word this morning.
Father, we pray that you would help us to strengthen our homes so that they would be a reflection of who you are and what you’ve done in our lives. I pray that husbands and wives would love each other and sacrificially give of themselves to each other—all for the glory of Christ. I pray for marriages that are struggling today. Give these spouses hope. Supply them with your grace and wisdom in dealing with difficult situations in the home. May they rest in you and do what is right in your eyes. All of this we pray in Jesus name. Amen.
