1 Corinthians 7:2-5
Keep The Home Fires Burning
Introduction
“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.”
Last week we examined this one verse of Scripture. It’s found in the book of Genesis and it gives us God’s blueprint for the home. That verse helps us to lay a solid foundation for a lasting marriage.
We said there were 3 key words in that passage.
The first key word is Leave. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother.” A husband and wife are to leave all other relationships so that their commitment may be fully to one another.
[Hold up two ropes—one in each hand.]
The second key word is Cleave. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife.” A husband and wife are to be joined together. They are to be cemented, welded, glued, or tied together in their marriage relationship. You know—tying the knot! [Tie one end of the two ropes together.]
The third key word is Weave. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.” The husband and wife are to knit their hearts and lives together in oneness and partnership. [Intertwine the ropes together.]
This weaving—this uniting of two lives together—involves all aspects of the relationship. A husband and wife are to weave spiritually, intellectually, emotionally, and physically. And this physical weaving includes sexual union. And it is this part of the marriage relationship that we want to consider this morning.
Please turn in your Bibles to 1 Corinthians chapter 7. We have been working our way through the book of 1 Corinthians passage by passage. We have now come to 1 Corinthians chapter 7 where Paul addresses the topic of sex in marriage. I know that this is a challenging subject to deal with in a mixed group. The subject of sex is usually something we talk about in private—not in a church service. And it would be easy to skip over and to ignore this section of the Bible. But God has called us to know the whole counsel of the Word of God. And so it would be wrong to gloss over this portion of Scripture. Sexual intimacy in marriage is an issue that Paul needed to address with the congregation at Corinth. And so it’s an issue that we need to address with our congregation here at Shiloh.
Paul shares with us 4 guidelines for sex in marriage from 1 Corinthians 7:2-5. Guideline #1 is this:
1. EXPERIENCE SEX ONLY WITH YOUR SPOUSE
Paul writes in verse 2: “But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband.”
You know, sex is a wonderful gift from God. It was designed by God to be a pleasurable experience between husband and wife within the boundary of marriage.
Listen to what the writer of Hebrews said in Hebrews 13:4: “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.” Sex in marriage is pure—and it is pleasing to God. Sex before marriage is sin—it’s called fornication—and God will judge those involved in it. Sex after marriage with someone other than your spouse is sin—it’s called adultery—and God will judge those involved in it.
I’ve had people ask me, “Doug, is sex sinful?” And my answer to them is: “Yes and No.” It all depends—it all depends on when and with whom. Outside of marriage, sex is a sin. But inside of marriage, it is a wonderful gift from God to be enjoyed by a husband and wife.
So, experience sex only with your spouse. Guideline #2 is:
2. SATISFY YOUR SPOUSE’S SEXUAL NEEDS
Look at verses 3 and 4: “The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife.”
The husband and wife have a marital duty to each other. And in this context, that “marital duty” is sex. Paul is saying that you are to satisfy your spouse’s sexual needs.
Now, Paul does not prescribe how many times a month couples are to engage in sexual relations. The number of times is irrelevant. You should have relations as much, as frequently, as often, or as seldom as your spouse has need. The principle is that both husband and wife are to provide such adequate satisfaction for each other that they not tempted to look outside the marriage to have their needs met.
The sex drive is strong. And, as we all know, it is generally stronger in men. But that is not to say that a woman doesn’t have a sex drive and that her needs don’t have to be met.
I read an account of a man named James Matlock. (He has nothing to do with the old Matlock TV series starring Andy Griffith!) James Matlock was a Puritan who lived in New England in the 17th century. Apparently he was placed under church discipline. And the reason was because he wasn’t having sex with his wife. His wife complained to the church elders that her husband wasn’t fulfilling his marital duty to her. They investigated the matter and then excommunicated Matlock. And they told him he would remain under church discipline until he began satisfying his wife’s sexual needs. And most people think the Puritans were prudish and anti-sex! Not at all! They were very biblical in their approach to practical areas of the Christian life.
Well, Paul tells us here in verses 3 and 4 that husbands and wives are to satisfy each other’s sexual needs. And that includes being sensitive and understanding of one another in this area. Men are generally stimulated by sight. So wives, make yourselves attractive for your husbands. Women are generally stimulated by affection. So husbands, demonstrate care for your wife by loving words and tender touch. Show common courtesy to your wife.
Find out what stimulates your spouse and what is a turn-off to them. Talk to them about these matters and pray about it. There is nothing wrong with bringing this area of your relationship to the Lord in prayer. God desires that you have an enjoyable and fulfilling sexual experience in your marriage.
You may also want to do some reading in this area. Let me suggest 3 books to you—all written from a Christian perspective.
The first book is Sexual Happiness In Marriage by Dr. Herbert Miles. It is a positive approach to the details and techniques you should know to achieve a healthy and satisfying sexual relationship in marriage. Another book in entitled The Act of Marriage by Dr. & Mrs. Tim LaHaye. You’ll remember the name Tim LaHaye from the recent Left Behind series. The subtitle for The Act of Marriage is The Beauty of Sexual Love. I have often required couples to read this book for premarital counseling. The last book is Intended for Pleasure by Dr. & Mrs. Ed Wheat. Dr. Wheat is a medical doctor and the book deals with sex technique and sexual fulfillment in Christian marriage.
Paul writes in verses 3 and 4: “The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife.”
Now, we have to be careful here. Paul is not saying that we should make unreasonable demands on our spouses. There are extenuating circumstances. So, you need to be sensitive to your spouse who has just had surgery, or who is sick with the flu, or who honestly does have a migraine headache. We need to remember that Paul said that one of the fruit of the Spirit is self-control! And in 1 Corinthians 13 Paul reminds us that “love is patient, love is kind. … It is not rude, it is not self-seeking.” Sex has its proper place and role in marriage. And your spouse does have genuine and legitimate needs. So, all things being equal, the normal practice in a marriage relationship is that you satisfy your spouse’s sexual needs.
Guideline #1—Experience sex only with your spouse
Guideline #2—Satisfy your spouse’s sexual needs
The 3rd guideline is this:
3. ABSTAIN FROM SEX ONLY IF YOU AND YOUR SPOUSE AGREE TO DO SO
The first part of verse 5 reads: “Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer.”
Paul recognizes that there are certain occasions in life when husbands and wives may refrain from normal relations. But Paul puts some very strict stipulations on this.
Paul says that couples may abstain only by a special plan: “Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent.” The term “mutual consent” is the Greek word from which we get our English word “symphony.” Couples have to be in symphony—in complete harmony and agreement about refraining from sexual relations with each other.
Paul also says that it must only be for a specific period: “Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time.” Stopping sexual activity with your spouse can only be for a brief, temporary period of time.
And then Paul says it is only for a spiritual purpose: “Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer.”
And this should only happen because of a serious problem: A couple should stop making love only when the reason is serious enough to drive them to their knees in prayer.
You say, “Like what, for instance?” Pastor John MacArthur suggests that “God may give us a strong burden about a person or a ministry, a burden that requires our undivided attention and concentrated prayer. Grief or serious illness, for example, may lead us to this. Or we may fall into a particularly harmful sin and need to withdraw for awhile to get straightened out with the Lord.”
It is only under these conditions that God permits couples to abstain from sex. And the 4th guideline follows quickly on its heels. Guideline #4:
4. RESUME NORMAL SEXUAL RELATIONS
Look at verse 5 again with me. “Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”
The sex drive is strong. And so couples need to resume normal sexual relations after their planned abstinence.
Now, why is Paul so insistent about all of this? Why is he so restrictive and rigid about these conditions? Because he knows that Satan will tempt us to commit sexual sin if needs aren’t met in marriage. That’s why Paul says, “Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”
And we are all aware of the many ways Satan can tempt us to commit sexual sin. And it’s not even necessary to go to the Adult World Bookstore or Mustang Sally’s Gentlemen’s Club to find temptation. All you have to do is go on the Internet. There are countless pornographic sites to access. And cable TV allows you to view pornographic movies in the comfort and convenience of your own home.
We must all be on guard against sexual temptation. And I’m not just speaking to the husbands in our congregation. Wives, you need to be careful as well.
In a recent issue of Newsweek magazine [7/12/04], the cover reads: “The New Infidelity—From Office Affairs to Internet Hookups, More Wives Are Cheating Too.” The article goes on to ask, “Just how many married women have had sex with people who are not their husbands? … Couples therapists estimate that among their clientele, the number is close to 30 to 40 percent, compared with 50 percent of men, and the gap is almost certainly closing. In 1991, the National Opinion Research Center at the University of Chicago asked married women if they’d ever had sex outside their marriage, and 10 percent said yes. When the same pollsters asked the same question in 2002, the “yes” responses rose to 15 percent, while the number of men stayed flat at about 22 percent. The best interpretation of the data: the cheating rate for women is approaching that of men, says Tom Smith, author of the NORC’s reports on sexual behavior. When Michele Weiner-Davis, a marriage counselor … in Woodstock, Ill., started practicing 20 years ago, just 10 percent of the infidelity she knew of was committed by women. Now, she believes, it’s closer to 50 percent. ‘Women have suddenly begun to give themselves the same permission to step over the boundary the way that men have.’”
Satan seeks to tempt both husbands and wives to commit adultery. That’s why Paul counsels you to …
· Experience sex only with your spouse
· Satisfy your spouse’s sexual needs
· Abstain from sex only if you and your spouse agree to do so
· Resume normal sexual relations
Conclusion
Christian author Joyce Landorf wrote a book entitled, Tough and Tender: What Every Woman Wants In A Man. In one chapter she mentions a man she calls George, who worked at her husband’s bank. George was recently divorced. And he was leading a lifestyle of sexual liberation. If anybody looked like the most enviable California bachelor in banking, it was George. He had a beach apartment; beautiful women coming and going; no-hassle sex night after night. Most men would think that George had it made. But what did George think?
Landorf writes this: “ … one afternoon George came up to my husband’s desk and haltingly said, ‘Uh, Dick, could I talk to you about something?’ Then, as nearly as Dick can remember, this is what George related. ‘You know, Dick, I’ve really got it made. I’m free from the attachments of marriage. I’ve got this great place at the beach and I go to bed with one sexy gal after another. I come and go as I please and I do my own thing. But something is really bothering me and I can’t figure it out. Every morning as I get dressed for work I look into the mirror and I think, “What was last night’s sexy little game all about? Sure the girl was good-looking. She was good in bed and she left this morning without bugging me, but is that all there is in life?” I ask myself, “If this lifestyle is what every guy thinks he wants, why am I so depressed? Why do I feel a cold nothingness all the time?”’
George stopped, leaned closer to Dick and quietly continued, ‘I know the guys here think it would be fantastic to have this kind of liberated freedom. But honestly, Dick, I hate this life.’ George sat back and paused a few seconds and then wistfully added, ‘You know what I’d really like? I’d like to go home tonight, smell dinner cooking, hug my wife hello, and spend the evening telling her and showing her how much I love her. I’d like to go to bed with her and not have to prove my virility, not have to sexually perform above the call of duty, but just give her love, and go to sleep knowing she’d be there in the morning.’”
Another Christian author wrote, “Sexual expression within marriage is not an option or an extra. It is certainly not, as it has sometimes been considered, a necessary evil in which spiritual Christians engage only to procreate children. It is far more than a physical act. God created it to be the expression and experience of love on the deepest human level and to be a beautiful and powerful bond between husband and wife.”
Exactly!!
Let’s pray.
