New Deal: Tim Timmons maintains that there are basically three stages in marriage. Stage #1 is the Ideal. That’s when everyone is excited, when love is grand, and “our marriage is going to be different!” But then along comes stage #2. The Ideal becomes an Ordeal. This is when we realize that our Prince Charming has warts, and that our Sleeping Beauty is not nearly so lovely once she wakes up. Then, far too often, along comes stage #3. And that’s when either one of the spouses begins wishing for a New Deal. Have you noticed that trend in our culture?
Now I know there are many problems in marriage– but I’m not convinced we should ditch the institution of marriage, rather, I believe we ought to return to God’s original blueprint to find how marriage ought to be. You see, you cannot make proper use of anything until you understand what it is made for. That’s true about anything.
Felt Pen: I hold in my hand a felt-tip pen. It is a great ideal for, the purpose for which it was made. But, if I try to use this felt-tip pen as a screwdriver– not only will it not accomplish that objective, but I will essentially ruin the pen for the purpose for which it was made. So also marriage. We’ve practically ruined the institution because we’ve tried to make marriage be what marriage was never intended to be. Which is why I think it’s long overdue that we open God’s glove compartment and read the Owner’s Manual.
Today, from Genesis 2, I want us to focus on one simple verse– verse 24. Genesis 2:24– “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother, be united to his wife and the two will become one flesh.” This verse is spoke by the Holy Spirit of God here in Genesis, it is repeated by Jesus in Matthew, and Paul underscored it in Ephesians. I want to suggest that this verse is the foundational verse for marriage. In fact, from this verse we will learn that marriage is designed by God to operate According to three Fundamental Priorities. A glamourous wedding does not guarantee a great marriage, but a commitment to the principles in this one verse is a sure thing......... Now today’s outline may not be new for our contemplation, but it is time to start the application.
I. Leave:
If your marriage is going to be what it ought to be– THERE HAS TO BE A LEAVING! “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother.”
Now, that is not a reference to abandon or forsake your parents– even though that is exactly what the original Hebrew suggests. We know from other Scriptures that we must always honor them. But it’s an exaggerated statement to remind us that that when you establish your new home, you are to loosen your dependency on mom and dad. What this means is that we need to sever the emotional umbilical cord. Whether it’s an emotional dependency or even a financial dependency, a physical dependency– you are to “leave” them.
Mom and dad, realize that your child was given to you– but only for a time for a very limited period of training. Listen, by the time your child is 12 years old, 2/3 of your time is gone! And by the time your child is making decisions about who she will date and with whom she will mate, your job is, for all practical purposes, essentially complete. If you have done your job right, you’ve been preparing your child for mate selection from infancy. If you’ve waited until she was 16, it’s too late.
And when your child comes to you and says, “Mom, Dad– this is the person that God wants me to marry....,” when that decision has been made, when your counsel has been given and the wedding march begins to play– that’s when you are to give your child back to the safe-keeping of God. And that’s when you let go!
A preacher friend said that one his wedding day, his dad came into his room and said, “Son, you’re on your own, now. I’m here for counsel when you need it. But you won’t hear it unless you ask. And if you don’t make it work with you new wife, don’t come running home to us. We’re moving on with our lives. And it’s time for you to do the same. You’re a man now. I love you– but you are on your own.” That was probably the greatest wedding present he could receive!
The principle of this leaving is this.... NOTHING, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ON EARTH, IS TO TAKE PRECEDENCE OVER YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR MATE. And when it does, you are in clear violation of the first fundamental priority of marriage. That leads us to the second principle.....
II. Cleave: If your marriage is going to be what it ought to be– there also has to be a cleaving!
“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother.... and be united to his wife....” The old KJV put it like this.... “he shall cleave unto his wife.” Now, let’s make it absolutely clear that this has nothing to do with a meat cleaver. The word, “cleave” has nothing to do with slicing and dicing. The word “cleave” means “to cling or glue to something. To keep close to something and remain bonded to it.”
This same word is used in 2 Kings 5:27 to describe leprosy which clings to the body. It’s used in Job 19:20, describing bones that cling to the skin. In Ezekiel it describes scales clinging to a fish. Now, scales cling to a fish and bones to a body and leprosy to skin– because they are joined as one. They are merely different parts of the same thing!
And that’s the point. God, at the very inception of marriage, said: THIS THING IS FOR LIFE! The marital bond is a permanent, lasting, never-to-be-severed bond!
When you stood before the Lord, whether it was in a beautiful house of worship or a justice of the peace, and said, “I take you to be my wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish until death do us part,” you were making a covenant with the future. A vow to your God! A vow of permanence. Malachi 2:13-16 says, “Remember the wife of your youth. Keep your marriage covenant. Cleave to that union.”
The force of meaning in the word “cleave” can be more clearly understood when we consider how the Holy Spirit has used the word “dabaq” in the Book of Deuteronomy. These four beautiful examples all speak of cleaving to the living God. i) “You shall fear the Lord your God; you shall serve Him and cling to Him, and you shall swear by His name. (Deut. 10:20 NASB). ii) “…. To love the Lord your God, to walk in all His ways and hold fast to Him.” (Deut. 11:22 NSB). iii) “You shall follow the Lord your God and fear Him; and you shall keep His commandments, listen to His voice, serve Him, and cling to Him.” (Deut. 13:4 NASB). iv) “….by loving the Lord your God, by obeying His voice, and by holding fast to Him; for this is your life……” (Deut. 30:20 NASB). This indicates that in the eyes of God cleaving means wholehearted commitment, first of all spiritual, but flowing over into every area of our being, so that the cleaving is also intellectual, emotional and physical. (Man is spirit, soul and body).
George Faull: Now, because of it’s permanence and importance, marriage preparation must be taken seriously. This past week, I thouroughly enjoyed my time with George Faull. He spoke this past Wednesday here at LCC during our first, “Summer Session”. It was great. On Thursday, Rich Ockels and I taxied him back to BWI and our two hours in the car with him was so valuable. Let me repeat a story he shared with us....
George Faull is the father of five– three boys and two girls. He told us that from the time his children were six years old, he warned them, “If you ever marry a non-Christian, I will not pay nor attend the wedding.” The kids all knew that expectation all through life. One of his daughters decided to test him and determined to marry a non Christian. The wedding day came and George said that he stayed at home and cried the whole time. After the wedding, the newlyweds stopped by the house to say, “Hi” before going on the honeymoon. George said he greeted the couple with a hug, and said to his new son-in-law, “I fought hard to keep you apart. But I want you to know I’ll fight even harder to keep you together.” (I thought, “That was powerful!)
Later that afternoon one of his sons came over, talked a bit about the wedding and George said, “He looked right at his newly engaged son and said, “I was serious, and I won’t be at your wedding either.” That statement stunned his son who had found his fiancé at church. “What do you mean you’re not coming to my wedding. My girlfriend goes to church. She’s been baptized.” George responded, “Yeah, but she’s not a Christian.” His son defended, “Who died and made you judge?” “I’m not being a judge, I’m being a fruit inspector.” George turned to Galatians 5 and read his son the acts of the flesh and then read the fruit of the Spirit and asked, “Now, which list describes your fiancé?” He admitted that she did not display the spirit of Christ. He trusted his dad, broke off the relationship and George said two weeks later he met his wife who was perfect in every way. His son has thanked him 100’s of times for keeping his convictions. (That is powerful!)
III. Weave: Finally, if your marriage is going to be what it ought to be, There has to be a Weaving! “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife.... and they will become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24).
Note that it says, “they become one flesh. In other words, they weave themselves into each other’s life. And that’s a process– not an instantaneous event. “One flesh” doesn’t happen just because the preacher says, “I now pronounce you husband and wife”; it doesn’t happen when you sign the legal documents; it doesn’t happen in a motel ten miles down the road. It is a life long process! And it is built on the two previous principles.
Men, according to a recent survey 84% of women feel they don’t have intimacy (oneness) in their marriages. A large majority of female divorcees say their married years were the loneliest of their lives. God has called us to love our wives as ourselves and to lay down our lives that we might be one with them. Even this verse seems to place the responsibility on the man.
God’s plan for marriage is that two become one. And this is much more than just sharing the same residence, the same food, and the same bed. It is two people giving themselves to one another until their lives are woven together into one. Husband, wife, let me ask you. Are you developing true companionship in your marriage? Is your marriage more than a joint checking account and the children? God wants much more than that for you. He designed marriage for companionship! Stop using it as a screwdriver and use it for it’s designed purpose!
Let me remind you of the elements necessary for weaving two lives together.....
A Vow: And only when you make a covenant vow to cleave unto your wife will you be willing to so blend your heart with hers that you become, in every sense of the word a TEAM! Living together is against he will of God and allows for zero security.
TIME: Only as you make room in your life for you mate can you weave your life into hers/his.
Hard Work: Marriage is hard work– hardest task you’ll ever attempt!
Forgiveness: You will be hurt, disappointed, and offended by your mate. And the only way you can recover is to commit now to granting forgiveness. There are 12 words that will keep any marriage together: “I was wrong, I am sorry, please forgive me, I love you.” And those words must be spoke often in marriage.
Avoid Criticism: Now, you don’t have to be a football fan to know this very important principle– YOU DON’T TACKLE THE GUY WHO WEAR THE SAME COLOR UNIFORM! Listen, your spouse is your teammate, easy on the criticism.
Prayer: your marriage better be a matter of prayer with and for one another.
Ministry Task: Have a ministry where you are serving together.
Fun: Do things that are fun. Laugh together. Enjoy life.
Rodney Dangerfield said, “We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations– we’re doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.” That’s not weaving! That’s not building a team. Are you on you way to oneness? Let’s close with two powerful suggestions......
1. You must accept the fact that your marriage will never be perfect. The only ideal marriage in history was Adam and Eve’s and even they blew it. Even the best of marriages know times of breakdown, doubt, disillusionment, anger, distress and conflict. But that reality doesn’t mean that the union cannot work. I say that because some have come to me and have said, “Mark, we’ve got problems!” And they act shocked about it. I want to say,”Ok, what’s your point?” After all, you are an imperfect person right? And you married an imperfect person, right? And you expected no problems? What are you going to do? Focus on your assets or liabilities? Will you rivet your attention on the problems or on the potential?
2. You must realize that success in marriage is not so much as finding the right mate, as it is in being the right mate. You may think that you married a dud– have you ever looked in the mirror.
The truth is, you probably married over your head. And even if you did marry the wrong person, you can treat her like the right person and make that union work!
A few years ago, someone wrote Dear Abby: “Dear Abby, I’m single; forty years old; and I’d like to meet a man about the same age with no bad habits.” Abby replied, “So would I!” Give it up. It is far more important for you to be the right person than it is for you to marry the right kind of person.
CONCLUSION: We have pulled out the instructions and looked at them today. God’s instruction sheet for making marriage work reads like this: Step One - The husband and wife are to LEAVE their parents and form a new relationship that will take first priority. Step Two - The husband and wife are to CLEAVE and form a permanent relationship by glueing them together in marriage. Step Three - the Husband and Wife are to WEAVE their lives together as they give themselves to each other in developing oneness. May God help us to follow His instructions for marriage.
My translation of Genesis 2:24– “For this reason a man will LEAVE his father and mother and CLEAVE to his wife, and they will WEAVE their lives into one flesh!”
