A. Bad date when... Hey guys, you know you are on a bad date when....
1. She whispers to the waiter, “Please kill me!”
2. You catch her giving her phone number to the guy cleaning your windshield.
3. She keeps calling you, “Bachelor number two”.
4. She says, “Whoa! It is 8:45 already?”
5. She transitions the conversation by saying, “I’ve said enough about me. What do you think about me?”
B. Cory & Girls Dorm: On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules: “The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory is out-of-bounds to all female students. Anyone caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. He continued, “Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of $180. Are there any questions. At this point, I understand Cory inquired, “How much for a season pass!”
C. Problems with Dating System: For the past ten years, I’ve taught a seminar on the Dangers of Dating. It hasn’t always been the most popular doctrine, but it has been received with some interesting reactions. In my opinion based upon experience and observation, our American system of Dating is extremely poisonous. 1) It promotes increased sexual desire. 2) It promotes the Isolation from others; 3) It causes Jealousy. 4) It often results in shallow relationships– it often skips the friendship development and heads immediately to the “physical” aspect; 5) Dating often stunts spiritual, mental and emotional growth; 6) It often results in Unnecessary hurt and disappointment. 7) Dating actually creates an artificial environment that makes it impossible for evaluating a person’s character– anyone can look good for a night or two when putting their best foot forward. 8) Dating often promotes Unhealthy patters for marriage– rarely does it promote marriage, but often established patters that easily lead to divorce. 9) Our dating system often distorts the meaning of real love and 10) Dating often distracts young people from their primary responsibility of preparing for the future. Because of these problems, I have concluded that our American “Dating” is often unhealthy and ungodly. Oh it’s fun, but I think you will agree that it is mostly driven by the lust of the flesh.
D. How do you reckon that I find a mate then? Great question. I’d like to encourage God’s people to find the answer from the Bible rather than our culture. I think Genesis 2:15-23 will give us a great start.
15 The Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it. 16 And the Lord God commanded the man, “You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; 17 but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat of it you will surely die.” 18 The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” 19 Now the Lord God had formed out of the ground all the beasts of the field and all the birds of the air. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. 20 So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds of the air and all the beasts of the field. But for Adam no suitable helper was found. 21 So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and closed up the place with flesh. 22 Then the Lord God made a woman from the ribi he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. 23 The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’’ for she was taken out of man.”
I. How Do You Find a Mate? We’ll, how did Adam find a mate? He didn’t. God made him one and brought her to Him. And that’s the whole point of this sermon. Personally, I believe in “arranged marriages”– so long as God– our Heavenly Father is doing the arranging. Let me underscore that with two major principles from this text...
A. Marriage better be a matter of God’s CONCLUSION. In our text, it was God’s conclusion that, ‘it is not good for Adam to be alone– he needed a helper!” That wasn’t Adam’s answer, that was God’s conclusion.
B. Marriage better be a matter of God’s PROVISION. After all, who is best qualified for choosing your mate for life? God or you? If I love Matthew 6:33–“Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness and all these things will be provided for you as well.” The text suggests that we are not to worry about what we’ll eat, what we’ll wear and I believe we can include– “who we will marry.” And so if you are getting married, you must ask yourself, “Are you convinced that it is God’s conclusion that you should get married?” And, “Are you convinced that this is God’s choice as your mate.”
II. Help with Confirmation: Usually, “dating” in our society is used in order to search for a mate. And everything is based upon how she makes me feel. But I want to suggest that you use “dating” to confirm this is the one! I believe there are some clues presented in this passage that will help you whether or not this person is the “conclusion” and “provision” of God.....
1. Check their RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD.
*. Priority number one is his/her relationship with God. In the context of Genesis 2, we learn that Adam walked and talked with God. He listened and knew the Word of God.
*. Christians are to marry Christians. And not only that, maturing Christians are to marry maturing Christians. 2 Corinthians 6:14– “Do not be bound together with unbelievers..... what fellowship does light have with darkness?” Listen, if you are a child of God and you marry a child of the devil, you are going to have problems with your In-laws. Faith and commitment to Christ are to be the first priority.
2. Check their ATTITUDE TOWARD WORK (15, 19-20). Before Adam had any thoughts at all about marriage, he got a job. And he did what God gave him to do. Stay away from the “sluggard”! Marriage is work– and if their lazy, apathetic and disrespectful at work; I guarantee it will be the same at Home! Is He/She responsible? How’s their attitude at work?
3. Check their ABILITY IN COMMUNICATION (v. 23). As soon as Adam sees Eve, he gives a speech. I think that is important because it shows his ability to communicate. Does he/she honestly have the ability to communicate their feelings? You better know that answer before you say, “I do!” Communication is the key to any relationship. *** 100 Divorce Lawyers were asked what they considered to be the biggest problem leading to divorce, all of them agreed that faulty communication was the biggest problem.
** Three things that will help you with confirmation..... 1) Commitment to God 2) Character and 3) Communication. If they excel in these three areas, you’ve got a good one!
III. Call ahead and make your Reservations: On one occasion, Angel and I were headed for a date night, we were headed for the 1776 Steak House. This was a few years ago on a Monday night. We got all fancied up. I had been longing for that Dry Aged New York Strip steak (au pauv) all weekend. We pulled into the parking lot, made our way to the door, pulled on the handle and it was locked! NO! And then I read the sign, “Closed Mondays”. I was so disappointed. I was distraught! The evening was almost ruined-- All because I didn’t call ahead and make “reservations”. If you are not presently married, there are some “Reservations” that I want to plead that you make today!
1. Reserve the Throne of your Life for Jesus Christ!
*. The call of being a Christian is a call to “follow Jesus!” That means He leads!
*. Even Marriage and dating are discipleship issues! Who is governor of my life? Me or Jesus? Do I do what I want or what He wants?
2. Reserve the choice of your mate for your Heavenly Father. I believe in “arranged marriages”– with God the Father doing the arranging!
3. Reserve “Dating” for the marriage season of Life. Dating to be used for “confirmation” not exploration.
4. Reserve “Physical Passion” for marriage.
*. Elizabeth Elliot said it quite well, “Keep your hands off and your clothes on!”
*. Sex is a good thing! (I love sex!) It was created by God, but it was designed to happen only in the bounds of marriage. And it was designed to be a celebration of intimacy! Sex is a party for two who celebrate their commitment and intimacy of marriage. Our world sees sex as a recreational sport– but what they don’t realize is that when treated as a game, it destroys all participants. God designed sex to be a marital celebration of intimacy.
*. Teens and single young adults..... The kissing, touching and caressing that often takes place in today’s dating scene is based purely on lust, selfishness and it awakens desires that can only be righteously satisfied in marriage. Song of Solomon 8:4– “Do not waken love before the proper time!”
*. All sexual activity is to be reserved for your spouse!
*. Joke: “I never kissed my wife until we were married!” (She wasn’t my wife until we were married!).
*. Ephesians 5:3– “But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of purity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.”
IV. Advice to Teens and Singles:
1. Pray, pray, pray, pray, pray: begin now leaving this issue in the hands of God via prayer.
2. Know your personal priorities: As a Christian, I am first to Love Jesus with all of my heart, mind and soul. Second, I am to “seek first His Kingdom” and trust Him for all that I need (even a spouse).
3. Allow God to choose your mate. (Pressure is off!)
4. Remember, character is so much more important than physique.
5. Call ahead and make the right “Reservations”
A. Reserve the throne of your life for Jesus Christ.
B. Reserve the choice of your mate for your Heavenly Father.
C. Reserve “dating” for the marriage season of life (confirmation not exploration).
D. Reserve “physical passion” for marriage. Refuse to be distracted by your hormones. In fact, I would encourage you to stay away from all sexual activity as you possibly can. 6. Have an accountability partner. Have someone in your life who will ask you the hard questions.
7. Commit to honoring your parents at all times!
8. Make Purity a Priority! Your purity and the purity of your peers (necessity of Christian fellowship).
A. Word to Guys: Guys, realize that girls don’t have the same struggle with sex drives like you do, their struggles are more emotional. 1 Timothy 5:2– encourages us to treat younger women as sisters with absolute purity.
B. Word to Girls: Realize that every guy struggles with his eyes. That doesn’t mean we’re all perverts, it’s reality. Please help us and refuse to wear clothing that draws attention to your body. The world says, “Have a nice bod? Flaunt it!” God says, “Save it for your husband!”
9. Be honest about physical attraction– it’s real, it’s powerful, it’s fun– but it is not all important for those who are governed by the Spirit. The physical is a big part of life, but it is to be with the right person at the right time.
10.... My Best advice: My best advice for finding a mate is this..... Don’t look for one. Let God do all the work. If fact, I would suggest that you just Run as fast as you can toward loving Jesus. And as you run, if you ever notice someone running the same direction, you may want to consider running together.
V. Advice to Parents:
1. Pray, Pray, Pray...
2. Rethink this “dating” game. Just because you did it doesn’t make it the best thing for your children.
3. Start early with building the right expectations.
A. I started with my new daughter in the car from Florida to Delaware.
B. My first marriage counseling was at the age of 5 from my Momma Counselor. (Julie Fender).
4. Encourage your children by having, modeling and teaching the right priorities.
5. Stop teasing our first graders, “Got a boyfriend yet?”
6. Did I mention.... Pray, Pray, Pray!
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