I want to talk to you this morning about a topic that is sensitive to me, and is sensitive to a lot of you. As a warning, this sermon is rated PG—we are going to deal with some fairly sensitive issues, and I want to let you know that if you have children upstairs with us, we do have a children’s church program going on downstairs right now that all kids are invited to attend.
There is a Marriage Amendment which is being debated, not only in Congress, but across this country. It is a proposal which, if passed, will define what marriage is limited to be. It states the following: "Marriage in the United States shall consist only of the union of a man and a woman.
Neither this Constitution, nor the Constitution of any State, shall be construed to require that marriage or the legal incidents thereof be conferred upon any union other than the union of a man and a woman."
This amendment is being proposed because of the increasing demands for same-sex couples to get married. In other words, certain women want the ability to marry other women, and certain men want the ability to marry other men. The question that concerns us today is simply this: Is marriage that important?
Is marriage something that is so important that we ought to fight to preserve the traditional understanding of it—one man and one woman? Obviously, depending on who you ask, you will get wildly different answers. Here are some quotes for your consideration this morning.
James Dobson said this in the context of what would happen if same-sex couples were allowed to marry:
"If marriage means everything, it means absolutely nothing. It will mean nothing to same-sex as well as opposite-sex couples. The current decline of the institution of marriage will be accelerated. Increasing numbers of couples will elect to simply ’live together’." Dr. James C. Dobson, of Focus on the Family.
Here’s a quote from someone on the other side of the fence, describing a marriage ceremony:
"Then hugs. And kisses. Love was being expressed. Love that finally had found a tiny crack from which to shine." Rev. Ed Evans is the pastor of First Congregational United Church of Christ in Vancouver, WA, commenting on same-sex marriage ceremonies he was performing in Multnomah County, OR.
When asked the question, "I believe God meant marriage for men and women. How can I support marriage for same-sex couples?", the Human Rights Campagin website, an openly gay and lesbian activist website, replied, Many people who believe in God – and fairness and justice for all – ask this question. They feel a tension between religious beliefs and democratic values that has been experienced in many different ways throughout our nation’s history. That is why the framers of our Constitution established – and we as a people have repeatedly reaffirmed – the principle of separation of church and state. That principle applies no less to the marriage issue than it does to any other.
Indeed, the answer to the apparent dilemma between religious beliefs and support for equal protections for all families lies in recognizing that marriage has a significant religious meaning for many people, but that it is also a legal contract. And it is strictly the legal -- not the religious – dimension of marriage that is being debated now.
Consider, for example, the difference in how the Catholic Church and the U.S. government view couples who have divorced and remarried. Because church tenets do not sanction divorce, the second marriage is not valid in the church’s view. The government, however, recognizes the marriage by extending to the remarried couple the same rights and protections of marriage as those granted to every other married couple in America. In this situation – as would be the case in marriage for same-sex couples – the church remains free to establish its own teachings on the religious dimension of marriage while the government upholds equality under law.
While each faith would remain free to make its own determination about same-sex relationships, it should also be noted that there are a growing number of religious communities that have searched their own consciences and decided to bless same-sex unions. Among them are Reform Judaism, Unitarian Universalists and the Metropolitan Community Church. The Presbyterian Church (USA) also allows ceremonies to be performed, although they are not considered the same as a marriage ceremony. And the Episcopal Church and United Church of Christ allow individual churches to set their own policies on same-sex unions.
Granting marriage rights to same-sex couples would not require Christian, Jewish, Muslim or any other religions to perform these marriages. It would not require churches, synagogues or other religious institutions to permit these ceremonies to be held on their grounds. It would not even require that religious communities discuss the issue. People of faith would remain free to make their own judgments about what makes a marriage made in the eyes of God – just as they are today.
That sounds reasonable, doesn’t it? They just want the right to be married, is that so wrong? Is the idea of marriage that important?
The answer is, it depends. It depends on what marriage is, and who created it. If marriage is simply and issue of the state, than why shouldn’t they get married? You see, if it’s man’s idea, than man can change it. However, if the idea, if the concept, if the institution of marriage came from something higher than man, that it makes all the difference in the world.
Let me put it to you this way. You are at work, and your co-worker sends you a memo that says you have to come to work two hours early tomorrow. He’s not your boss; he’s just another co-worker, with no authority over you. You have the right to disregard him request. But, if your boss sends you a memo that says you must come to work 2 hours early, then you will do it, because it now has direct authority over your life.
In the same way, if God tells us something, we had better listen to him. And God has spoken about marriage. He instituted it.
However, there are those religious scholars who would argue that it is okay for same-sex marriages to take place.
January 11th, 2004
What is Marriage?
Rev. Amy Russell (Unitarian Universalism)
A survey that was taken by a national polling firm on the topic of gay marriage asked residents in Massachusetts recently these questions:
Which is the most important purpose of marriage?
- To have children? (4%)
- To raise children (6%)
- To share in the commitment and responsibilities of a loving partnership (33%)
- To be united before God (15%)
- To legally establish the formation of a new family (10%)
- More than one of these (11%)
What do you think is the purpose of marriage? Isn’t marriage just between two people? Two people who have decided to live together for the rest of their lives, or at least as long as they both agree create an arrangement with each other.
Based on my experience, while I see marriage as an intimate, loving partnership where two people share in the all the joys and sorrows of the journeys of life, I also see marriage as a legal partnership. Because in this society, we need those benefits and rights that I described to you as being so important in my marriages.
Does Rev. Amy have a point? Is marriage just a legal partnership? Is it just a conference of rights to those two people? OR IS IT SOMETHING MORE????
But it seems to me that the Reverend Amy Russell doesn’t read her Bible. If she did, she would understand that marriage is not just an arrangement to stay together, it is a covenant. But we’ll get back to that in a few minutes.
Here are some sermon titles defending gay marriage:
Loving in Dangerous Times: The Crisis and Opportunity of Same-Sex Marriage, a lecture by Dr. Karen P. Oliveto, Sacramento, California, May 16, 2004
You Are My Beloved Ones, on Whom My Favor Rests!, a sermon by Rev. Ruth Frost
On Saving Marriage, a sermon by Rev. Rich L. Smith
Gay Marriage: An Idea Whose Time Has Come, a sermon by Rev. Chris Schriner
Signs of Love, Prophets of Hope: A Homily for the Celebration of a Same-Sex Union in a Liturgy of Holy Communion, by Rev. Jay Emerson Johnson.
Why Gay Marriage Matters, a sermon by Rev. Fred Small
Jesus Interprets the Scriptures, a sermon by Rev. L. William Countryman, in which he says, "When Scripture seems to confirm your own hardness of heart (like the topic of homosexuality), it’s wrong. Ditch it, just the way Jesus did. Conversely, when Scripture breaks your world open and makes it bigger and more loving, it is achieving its true goal."
Is there a reason why marriage should be only between a man and a woman? There are two Biblical reasons.
One is that Jesus confirmed God’s will in creation when he said in Matthew 19:4-6, "Haven’t you read," he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator ’made them male and female,’[1] 5and said, ’For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’[2] ? 6So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate." That’s the Bible’s teaching and the Bible’s assumption from cover to cover.
The other biblical reason marriage cannot be between two men or two women is that, on the one hand, the Bible defines homosexual behavior as “dishonorable” and “shameless” and “contrary to nature” (Romans 1:26-27), but on the other hand the Bible says that marriage is to be “held in honor” (Hebrews 13:4). Marriage does not produce shame. And marriage is not contrary to nature. There is therefore no such thing as homosexual marriage in the eyes of God. And there should not be in the eyes of his people—no matter what the state says.
Is marriage important in God’s eyes? YOU BET IT IS. But what is marriage? Marriage is one woman and one man becoming one flesh by covenant and sexual union.
We sometimes get confused in our modern way of thinking and operating, but that doesn’t change marriage in God’s eyes. Marriage is a covenant, not a contract. What’s the difference, you ask? Let me explain by way of example. For example, you can’t buy a cell phone without signing a contract. You can’t get cable television without signing a contract. You can’t lease a car without signing a contract. You can’t even work out at a gym without signing a contract, can you? Marriage — you have to sign a contract. Because, after all, marriage is a contract, right?
A contract is an agreement between two parties. “If you keep your end of the deal, I’ll keep my end of the deal and everything is cool. As long as my needs are met, as long as I’m happy, everything is fine. But the moment you don’t, I’m out of here.”
The question, then, “How good is this marital contract?” Again, that’s if marriage is a contract. “How good is the contract?”
Over the last 24 hours, 3,000 couples have divorced. Studies show that 65 percent of all new marriages end in divorce. Of the remaining 35 percent, 10 percent say they are miserable. So, if you put all the stats together, 75 percent of all brand new marriages end up in the ditch.
How would you like to sign a contract to lease a car knowing in your mind that the car will not run 75 percent of time? How would you like to sign up for a cell phone contract knowing that 75 percent of your calls would not go through? How many of you would like to fly in an airplane knowing that it has a 75 percent chance of crashing and burning? I don’t think we would sign those contracts.
So, if we believe this research, those of us who are married should plan on divorce. I mean, let’s go ahead and put the cards on the table. 75 percent of all new marriages end up in the ditch. So, if we’re married, we had better plan on a divorce. That is, if we view marriage as a contract. But, if we view marriage the way God views it, we shouldn’t plan for an immediate divorce. You see, God does not view marriage as a contract. God views it as something else.
God says throughout His word that marriage is a covenant. It’s a covenant. Most marriage experts, most books, and most shows don’t talk about the fact that marriage is a covenant.
Now, what’s a covenant? A covenant is a blood bond of life and death. It’s an “all or nothing” commitment. If you described a covenant in our modern day vernacular, you might say that a covenant is a contract on steroids. That’s a covenant.
So marriage is a covenant relationship, but it is between a man and a woman.
Remember, Jesus himself said in Matthew 19:4-6—“ "Haven’t you read," he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator ’made them male and female,’[1] 5and said, ’For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’[2] ? 6So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."
Do you see the picture here? God the creator made them (that’s verse 4), then said (that’s verse 5) that they should cling together and become one, and then joined in verse 6.
God instituted marriage. Jesus paints a pretty clear picture that in God’s eyes, this is the way it is supposed to be. Unfortunately, we think that we can do a better job than God. Hence, same-sex marriages. Hence couples living together before marriage. (WHICH, BY THE WAY, YOU DON’T WANT TO KNOW THE STATISTICS FOR SUCCESSES IN MARRIAGES THAT START THAT WAY)
Marriage is important. It is important to God. He created us. He said, “For this reason a man will leave his father and his mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” He joins together.
In fact, marriage is so important to God it is used to paint a picture of Christ and the church. Turn with me to Ephesians 5. 22Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26to make her holy, cleansing[2] her by the washing with water through the word, 27and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.
Now, sometimes we let our 21st century way of thinking cloud what we hear. Sometimes we hear words like “Wives submit to your husbands,” and we miss the picture. We miss the picture that is painted here. Wives, in this relationship, you are to act as the church would act to Christ, submitting to his authority. Husbands, you are to act as Christ acted toward the church and gave his life for the church. God says that marriage is to be a picture of Christ and the church. WOW! What an amazing standard to live up to! If God does consider marriage to be a picture of Christ and the church, do you think that he cares if we distort marriage today? I think he does.
Listen to this in Romans 1:18The wrath of God is being revealed from heaven against all the godlessness and wickedness of men who suppress the truth by their wickedness, 19since what may be known about God is plain to them, because God has made it plain to them.
26Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones. 27In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed indecent acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their perversion.
I told those of you here on Wednesday night that I no longer vote according to political ideology, or fiscal ideology, or anything like that. I now vote along the lines of, which president is least likely to bring down the wrath of God on us as a nation?
As your pastor, I encourage you to get involved. This country is involved in the mass slaughter of unborn children each day, children that the Bible tells us in Psalm 139:13-16 that God knows and formed in the womb. To add to that the perversion of marriage, instituted by God, would just further condemn us as a country.
So, how can we get involved? You can vote. John Piper, pastor of Bethlehem Baptist Church, says, “We should be involved with the processes of law-making. We should pray and work to shape our culture, its customs and laws, so that it reflects the revealed will of God, even if that reflection is only external and dim and embraced by unbelievers with wrong motives. Thus we should pray and work that marriage would be understood and treated in our land and by our government as a lifelong union of one man and one woman.”
But above all else, we ought to pray. 2 Chronicles 7:14 says that if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land. 1 Timothy 2: 1I urge, then, first of all, that requests, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for everyone-- 2for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness.
John Piper would also say, “Being Christian pilgrims in American culture does not end our influence, it takes the swagger out of it. We don’t get cranky when evil triumphs for a season. We don’t whine when things don’t go our way. We are not hardened with anger. We understand. What’s happening is not new. The early Christians were profoundly out of step with their culture. The Imperial words of Christ were ringing in their ears: “You will be hated by all for my name’s sake. But the one who endures to the end will be saved” (Mark 13:13). Love your enemies. Pray for those who persecute you (Matthew 5:44).
That was a time, and this is a time, for indomitable and tearful joy and unwavering ministries of mercy. The greatness of Christian pilgrims is not success but service. Whether we win or lose, we witness to the way of truth and beauty and joy. We don’t own culture, and we don’t rule it. We serve it with brokenhearted joy and longsuffering mercy, for the good of man and the glory of Jesus Christ.”
Marriage. It is important. Important enough to get involved, and to pray. Will you do your part to preserve what ought to be sacred before God? Join with me together as we pray this morning.
